Chapter 2 – Compassion
"This town sucks."
Chase's whining complaint floated through the air as Olivia strolled along the sidewalk, enjoying the caress of the summer sun on her skin. Sighing deeply, she drew to a halt and turned around, pushing her sunglasses up on her head to better observe her son, currently trailing five feet behind her and scuffing his shoes loudly along the cement, a dog-eared book in one hand and an inhaler in the other.
"Come on, it's not THAT bad." Even as she mildly defended her hometown, Olivia could somewhat sympathize with Chase's disgruntlement. She had felt the same way at his age, bored with the same scenery, the same perpetual lack of things to do. Still, she had lived there for seventeen years. Chase had only arrived two days ago. If anyone should be complaining, it was her.
The town of Portside, established circa 1885, was no Manhattan. Not even close. A fiction writer would probably kindly describe it as a "quaint seaside town that time forgot".
In other words, it was small and ancient.
The population of Portside was approximately 500 people on a good day, many of whom had ancestors who had founded the town. The houses were stately but weathered, modeled immodestly in the two-story Victorian style, with large shuttered windows and wraparound porches. The exteriors were battered, chewed away by salt and other ravages from the nearby ocean, but the lawns were green and well-maintained. The downtown core, a strip of buildings five blocks long, was nothing to brag about. There were no fast food establishments and no chain stores. The small general store was the youth hangout and the closest hospital, school, and mall were several miles away. There was no hotel or motel, which was likely for the best given Portside was too small for any significant tourist trade. Portside's only claim to fame was its beautiful beach where occasionally, when the weather was at its hottest, a few folks from neighboring towns would stop by to take a dip in the ocean.
Today wasn't one of those super hot days. The storm from the previous night had successfully broken the worst of the heat and humidity, and although it was still warm enough for shorts and a t-shirt, it was not uncomfortable to be outside. The sun shone brightly overhead and the air was fresh and light. As she waited for her grumbling son to catch up with her, Olivia inhaled the familiar salty sea breeze, an extremely refreshing scent after twelve years of breathing smog.
Despite the sunscreen she had slathered on his face, Olivia could already see a tan starting to encroach on Chase's skin, the brown freckles sprinkled over his nose growing more distinct. It was an unfamiliar sight on Chase, who usually strove to spend as little time outside as possible.
When Chase finally drew closer, Olivia slid an arm around his slender, squared shoulders. "Cheer up buddy! Smell the fresh air! Enjoy the sun!"
"I hate being outside," Chase grumbled in response, pushing his glasses up higher on his nose but allowing his mother to steer him down the street. "I don't understand why I couldn't just stay at the house with Mrs. Leland."
"She's the housekeeper Chase, not your babysitter."
"She said it was fine if I stayed."
Olivia choked back a weary sigh, nodding politely at an elderly passerby. The emotions that played across the townsperson's face were predictable. They were the same emotions she had seen on the face of every single person she had encountered thus far in Portside. First, the townsperson would look at her with the genuine curiosity afforded to strangers in small towns. That curiosity would quickly acquiesce to surprise when the townsperson realized that she was not a stranger after all, but a long-absent native of the town. Olivia Benson, the girl who was there one day and gone the next.
When the elderly woman had passed, Olivia resumed her conversation with Chase. "Well, I said it wasn't fine and I'm your mother, so I win. Ha ha!" Her joking mock power trip earned a small, reluctant smile from her son. "Besides, I want to spend lots of time with you this summer. I want to hang out, sit on the beach by the ocean, fly kites, build sandcastles. Maybe make some trips into the city for shopping, catching a movie, visiting the zoo. What do you think? Sound like fun?"
Chase shrugged unenthusiastically. "I guess so. I'd rather just stay home and read though."
"Honey, I'm glad you like reading, I really am. But it's good for you to get outside too. We all need fresh air and sunshine. Don't you get sick of being cooped up in New York City?"
Again, Chase shrugged. "Not really. I like being inside. I don't understand why I couldn't bring my video game systems."
Olivia sighed, quickly wiping the look of irritation off her face and replacing it with a fake smile to greet another passerby. "Look, I know you aren't really excited about being here, but could you at least give it a shot? For me? It's only for the summer. We'll be back in Manhattan before you know it."
"I thought I was going to spend a couple weeks with Dad this summer." Chase's tone, although carefully moderated, exuded vulnerability and Olivia winced as a small rush of anger hit her veins.
That had been the plan, until Phil had cancelled. Again. As always.
"Dad's really busy at work this summer buddy. He wanted to take you, but he was worried he wouldn't be able to give you the time and attention you deserve." The lie came out smoothly, but Chase wasn't fooled.
"He's going away with his other family again, isn't he?" The genuine sadness on Chase's face broke Olivia's heart. Stopping abruptly, she crouched down in front of him, gripping his forearms lightly as she stared up into his melancholic eyes.
"Chase, your dad loves you very much. He just . . . doesn't always know how to show it."
Chase looked down at her blankly for a moment before nodding and turning his head to stare down a side street. Tears had formed in the corners of his eyes and Olivia had to swallow the urge to throttle Phil. All he had done since the divorce was disappoint Chase. Slowly, Olivia straightened back up and slipped her arm back around Chase's shoulders, hugging him against her lightly as they continued walking.
After a moment, he spoke again.
"I guess Shaun's busy too." The remark was offhand but immediately set Olivia's teeth on edge, as the mention of her most recent ex-husband tended to do. "He said he would take me to a Yankees game this summer."
Olivia sighed for the millionth time that morning, feeling so horrible for her son it was almost unbearable. "I know buddy. I'm sure when he gets my messages he will give us a call and schedule a day." Olivia felt momentarily guilty for voicing what she knew was a near impossibility, but she had already crushed Chase enough for one day. Shaun hadn't been returning her messages for months and she didn't anticipate him starting any time soon.
Sighing, Chase dropped the subject. "Where are we going anyway?"
Forcing herself to be cheery, Olivia pointed down the street. "We're heading to that lawyer's office to pick up some of Grandma's papers. Then we are going to stop at the real estate office and talk about putting the house up for sale. And then, because you are being such a good sport and tagging along with me while I do boring grown-up things, we are going to head to that cool little park we passed on the way into town and play on the swings!"
Glancing down at her son as they walked side-by-side into the downtown core of Portside, Olivia hoped to see at least a flicker of excitement on Chase's face at that prospect.
There was none.
In the tiny "heart" of Portside's downtown core, the small law office of Collins & Collins was squished unceremoniously between a bakery from which delicious aromas emanated and a tiny drycleaners from which delicious odors did not. The small silver bell hanging over the whitewashed door tinkled as Olivia entered, moving her sunglasses up to the top of her head and squinting into the relative darkness.
The small building was composed of three rooms - one main waiting area where a moderately-sized reception desk sat and two smaller rooms that served as offices, currently hidden behind closed frosted glass doors. At the oak reception desk, a well-dressed twenty-something woman was typing away at her computer, glancing up only briefly at the sound of the bell. To the right of the desk, a black leather couch sat pressed against the wall, bordered on both sides by potted ferns; to the left, a row of plastic chairs formed a stiff line in front of a coffee table loaded with trashy celebrity magazines. Chase made a beeline for the couch, throwing himself down on it with a noisy, exaggerated sigh and cracking open his book.
Pausing for only a moment to toss her son a warning glance, Olivia turned and approached the desk with a smile. The young receptionist greeted her pleasantly albeit belatedly, the white document on her computer screen reflected in her glasses.
"Yes, Olivia Benson. I'm here to see Mrs. Collins."
"Of course. If you would like to have a seat, she'll be right with you." The receptionist smiled politely and returned her attention to the computer screen as Olivia returned to the waiting chairs, lowering herself down slowly onto the one closest to the desk. Rolling her shoulders back, Olivia tried in vain to relieve some of the tension that had crept into the muscles there. She hadn't slept well last night, her mind still reeling from her brief interaction with Elliot at the funeral. Worried her restlessness would disturb Chase, she had eventually gotten up to go lay on the couch, but even the change in scenery had not helped her rest. The storm had long passed by the time she was finally able to doze off.
"Olivia?"
The sound of a familiar voice jolted Olivia back into the present and away from thoughts of her ex-husband. Head snapping up, she was surprised to see the smiling, friendly face of Alexandra Cabot standing before her.
"Alex!" Olivia could not have hidden the note of pleasantly surprised happiness in her voice even if she had wanted to. She stood up quickly and the two old friends embraced. "What are you doing here?"
"I work here," Alex explained with a smile, her eyes bright behind her dark glasses. "My husband Jim and I started up this law partnership together. You remember Jim right? Jim Collins?"
Olivia did, and was more than a bit astonished to hear that he and Alex were now married. Her mother, in their infrequent and brief phone conversations, had failed to mention that. Alex had been homecoming queen in high school, extremely pretty and extremely popular. Jim Collins had been an outcast, constantly teased and tormented by the jocks that Alex usually hung around with.
Opposites certainly did attract.
"Yes, of course I remember Jim. That's great! Good for you!" Remembering suddenly they weren't alone in the waiting area, Olivia half-turned, motioning to the couch and Chase's sprawled body. "This is my son, Chase. Chase, this is my friend Alex."
"Hi," Chase mumbled, glancing up only briefly from his book. When Alex flashed a full wattage smile in his direction, color flooded his entire face and darkened the tips of his ears.
"It's nice to meet you Chase." Still smiling warmly, Alex turned her gaze back to Olivia. "I have your mother's legal papers in my office. Come on back."
Alex's office was small and cluttered but not unwelcoming, with a large window that caught the late morning sun and provided an excellent view of the eclectic exteriors of the downtown businesses. The wood-paneled walls were decorated with diplomas and on her desk sat a framed photo of Alex and Jim with a young boy and girl.
"I heard you were back in Portside. Thought I would have bumped into you at Julie's funeral yesterday." Alex slid into the padded desk chair behind her desk and opened a drawer, rifling through to find the desired papers.
Pulling back the comfortable client chair across from Alex, Olivia sat down and folded her hands in her lap. "Yeah, I was there. I didn't see you either. We must have just missed each other."
Alex nodded absently, frowning down at her drawer in concentration. "Not surprising. I think the entire town was there!"
"Julie was well-liked," Olivia agreed, reflecting mentally back to the funeral. There had definitely been a huge crowd, not that she had really noticed at the time.
She hadn't noticed much of anything, except for him.
Finally locating and drawing a manila envelope of papers out of the drawer with a satisfied murmur, Alex turned her intelligent eyes to Olivia's face. "Did you, uh, see Elliot?"
Olivia sighed quietly. Alex always did have a knack for broaching the topics she personally would rather avoid. "Yeah. I saw him."
"Did you get a chance to talk to him?"
"Sort of. I guess. I passed on my condolences anyway. " The interaction quickly replayed in Olivia's mind and she had to stifle a cringe.
Sensing Olivia's discomfort, Alex's face emanated compassion, her blue eyes far softer than Elliot's had been the day before, but she refused to drop the subject. "How'd it go?"
Olivia laughed humorlessly, tucking an errant strand of dark hair behind her ear with a slender finger. "Not good. Not good at all. But about what I expected."
Except worse.
Alex watched her thoughtfully for a moment, millions of questions swirling in her eyes. Questions she had wanted to ask on that early morning twelve years ago when she had driven a distraught Olivia to the train station. Olivia had fought tears the entire way, lapsing into an uncontrollable bout of sobs on more than one occasion. Alex had assumed something had happened between her and Elliot, because her wedding ring was nowhere in sight and her fingers kept flying reflexively to where it should have been. But when she had returned to town and Elliot had seemed generally dumbfounded and in denial about Olivia's decision to leave, she had wondered what had really happened the previous night.
Olivia had been in no condition to answer hard questions then, and she didn't feel up to answering them now either. She fixed Alex with what she hoped was a convincingly pleading look, trying to convey her vulnerability without having to directly come out and say it. Everything was too raw, too close to the surface after yesterday.
Even after twelve years of no contact, of only secondhand information, Alex got the message. Sliding the envelope across the desk toward Olivia, she quickly changed the subject. "Well, here's all of your mother's legal paperwork. Copies of her will, copies of the deed to the house and land. The contents of her safety deposit box. Her account is still open at the bank. You'll need to close that out. She left you everything, so you can do with it what you please."
Swallowing hard, Olivia took the envelope of documents and managed a nod.
Clearing her throat and taking a deep breath, Alex reached under her desk. "There's also this." Carefully, she lifted up an ornate urn and placed it on her desk. "Your mother's ashes. She was cremated as per her wishes, without a ceremony. I'm not sure what you want to do with these."
Olivia stared blankly at the urn, a weird mix of emotions twisting together in her stomach. There was still anger there, a lot of anger. But anger was not the only emotion. There was also some disappointment - disappointment that her relationship with her mother had not been different. And some sadness – sadness that she had not returned earlier. That she had not come to see her mother when she got the call that Serena was in the hospital and that time was running out.
"You okay?" Alex's voice was soft and she reached out to lay a comforting hand on Olivia's. The gesture, though exceedingly simple, hit Olivia hard, and she felt her throat close up and tears well in her eyes. Here was someone, a good friend, a best friend, who she had walked away from twelve years ago and never contacted since, still treating her with a kindness and compassion that she didn't deserve.
"I'm okay," Olivia choked out, quickly wiping her watering eyes on her forearm. "Thanks for all this Alex."
"It's no problem." Leaning back in her chair, Alex strove to break the somber mood. "Now enough of all this formal stuff. What's your schedule like for the next few days? We need to get together for drinks! We have a lot of catching up to do!"