ch3

"May I ask, Master Wayne?" Alfred began tentatively, as he bandaged the younger man's hand. "If everything is all right? You seem a little..distracted, as of late."

"Not really," Bruce hedged.

"Not really," He repeated skeptically. "I know what that means with you. What's wrong?"

"It's nothing Alfred, really. I just..I don't know. I haven't been sleeping well." He said truthfully. "But other than that I'm fine."

"Hmm," said Alfred, in obvious disbelief, but Bruce could tell he was going to let it go. His old friend finished securing the bandage. "Well, that's you fixed. Whatever's bugging you, I hope you get over it soon. You can't expect to go back to being Batman if you can't even adjust the fire without burning yourself." He mocked cheerfully.

Bruce was about to retort when the phone rang. He picked it up with his good hand. "Hello?"

"We've caught the Joker."

Bruce sat up straight. "Gordon?"

"Who else? We have the Joker and one of his men, and apparently there's a bomb set up in one of the hospitals again."

"Have they all been evacuated?"

"There isn't enough time. He didn't say when it was going off, but he made it clear it won't be long. I think it'll be half an hour, tops."

"Who said this, the Joker or the other one?"

"The other one. He seems to know what he's talking about, though. Will you come? I know what I said, but there isn't much time."

Bruce was already on his feet. "I'll come."

Batman arrived to find the "other one" attempting to strangle one of the guards, with another three holding him down. The Joker was sat in the corner watching, looking amused.

"Hi," he said to Batman.

Seeing them pin down the other madman and take control of the situation, Batman pulled the Joker to his feet and yanked him out of the room.

"OW. What're you doing? We'll miss all the fun. Don't you wanna help them?"

Batman ignored him and continued to drag him along the corridor.

"Where're we going?"

"In here." He answered, upon reaching a door.

"What's in here?" He asked, nearly falling over as Batman shoved him in.

Batman bolted the door. "No cameras." He turned back to face the Joker, who had recovered his balance and backed away a few steps, his hands behind his back.

"Ah. Time to get nasty, is it?" He looked delighted. Batman had no idea if it was genuine or not.

"Not unless I have to." He eyed the Joker suspiciously. "What have you got behind you?"

"No-thing.."

"Show me your hands."

He stood there unsteadily, and for a moment Batman thought he was going to faint. He looked terrible, and his voice sounded dry and strained. The Joker hesitated, then grinned in a way Batman would never forget and held out what was left of his hands. He burst out laughing at Batman's expression, and didn't stop when he approached him and seized his bloodied forearms.

"What happened?" He demanded roughly.

"Evergreen Street."

"What?"

"The hospital…bomb. It's in the basement of St. James Hospital in Evergreen Street."

Batman skipped a beat before he clicked on. "You're not lying?"

"You better hope I'm not. You have about nineteen minutes."

He shoved the Joker into a chair. "Stay here."

The doorslam and click of the lock echoed in the Joker's ears. He was alone again.

Batman's jaw steeled. "They still don't trust me?"

"They just feel they should go deactivate it themselves."

"I'd be quicker, though."

Gordon regarded him sympathetically. "Give it a little more time."

The Batman nodded slowly. "I'll go back to the Joker."

Gordon blinked at him, surprised. "Why?"

Batman didn't answer.

The Joker raised his head when he heard the door open.

"What, do you want directions? It's practically round the corner from here."

"I know. They've gone to deactivate it." He shut the door behind him.

"They?" He figured it out. "Aw. They still don't trust you. They're using you worse than ever; you know that, don't you? Oh well, don't take it too hard. I'm planning to take care of that." He was disappointed when that didn't get a reaction. He watched the Batman hunt through the cupboards and take out a first aid kit, and his voice changed to one leaden with contempt. "What are you doing?"

"Helping you." He said, without turning round. He filled a bowl of water. "You'll need more than what I can do for you, though. Probably skin grafts."

"You're too kind." He drawled. He watched the Batman, a little irritated. He didn't want to be helped again. Still, there wasn't a lot he could do about it. His hands hurt like hell and he ached all over, but more than anything he was still thirsty.

Batman sat across from the Joker and pulled his wrists into the water. "What happened?"

The Joker stared at the water, almost trance-like, until it turned red. "Handcuffs are tight." He commented randomly.

Batman skipped a beat before he understood. "You pulled off a pair of handcuffs?" He studied the torn skin doubtfully. "That's..." Impossible. Moronic.

The Joker understood him. "No, it isn't, not if they're not tight. Not too tight." He raised his hands and waggled them, laughing.

Batman shoved them back in the water and tentatively felt his wrists. "That was a fucking stupid thing to do. You could have broken your wrists. You're damn lucky you didn't."

"What are you so angry about? Why so serious?" He laughed some more. "Anyway, I had to do something, Batman. I couldn't stay."

"Couldn't stay where?"

"Handcuffed to some pipes in a building by the bank. Where your stupid friends found me."

"What happened?"

"Nothing," He sang again, and wouldn't look at him. He caught sight of a water machine near the Batman. God, how he'd kill for a drink!

Batman, on the other hand, could feel himself losing his temper. He took a deep breath and made an effort to control it. "Who did this to you?"

The Joker laughed at that. It almost made him sound like a victim. How ironic. Irony was a wonderful thing; it never failed to cheer him up.

"Was it the mob?"

The Joker took no notice.

"Other criminals, friends of Dent, who?"

"Sorry, you're three guesses are up. All gone. Never mind. It was only one." He was getting light-headed again.

"Only one what?"

The Joker didn't seem to hear him. He was still staring at his hands in a kind of apathy. Talking hurt. He wished the Batman would just leave him the hell alone.

Batman gave up and removed several items from the first aid kit. "Can you move your fingers?"

"Yeah." He said, doing so. "It's not as bad as it looks." He held up his hands to show him, which weren't shaking so badly now. He watched indifferently as the Batman applied things to his hands, wincing a little but didn't complain.

"What happened?" He demanded again, when he'd finished.

"What do you care? Are you that desperate to reclaim your hero status that you'll even help me? What's wrong with you?"

"Just tell me what happened."

His eyes drifted back to the water machine. "I want..I want some water." He said in a strange voice, nodding at it. "Just a little. Or I won't talk."

Batman looked at him, more than a little exasperated. Even when the Joker had suffered agonies he was no less difficult to deal with. Being thirsty was the classic reaction to shock, though, and God knew how long he'd been left in the cuffs for. Batman relented, filled a cup and slid it across to the Joker, who struggled to pick it up. A shudder went through him as the water hit his tongue, almost vomiting in shock. He shut his eyes and waited for it to pass, gripping the cup like a lifeline, terrified of dropping it.

Upon recovering, he drained the cup quickly, feeling almost high off the pleasure of hydrating himself. He slid the cup back to Batman. "One more."

Batman didn't argue. He slid the this time brimming cup back to the Joker, who gulped it greedily and forced himself to stop before it was all gone.

"Thanks." He licked his lips, feeling slightly stronger and much, much better. "You can be so charitable sometimes. Help's a dying art. Tell me, how much do you pity me?"

"I don't." He snarled.

The Joker didn't contradict him. The Batman was furious, and it made him look as though he'd never pitied anyone in his life. "Lighten up, will you, you should be happy. You got to come out and be a hero and nobody even got hurt. How's that for a deal?"

"You're hurt."

"No, I mean like..Gotham's civilians and that. The people you actually want to save."

Batman didn't answer him. They lapsed into silence for a moment, until the Joker laughed and started to say something.

"Don't. Don't wind me up."

"Okay." He said in a neutral tone, surprising Batman a little. "I don't mean it. I'm just bored. We've been here before. Everything's repeating itself, have you noticed?"

"How long have you been here for?"

"I don't know, fifteen minutes? You got here fast."

"When did you hurt yourself then?"

"About an hour ago, I guess. It feels like longer but..no, it was probably around then."

"Didn't the people here help you?"

"What, with my hands? I don't think they even noticed. They've been a little preoccupied." He laughed.

"They must have noticed. Didn't they check you weren't hiding anything?"

"Nope. Not very good, are they? They've had you running round after them for too long. They can't do anything for themselves. They couldn't even intimidate me properly, they had to get you here to do it for them, which was clearly a waste of time."

"Why did you put another bomb in a hospital?"

"Me? It's nothing to do with me. I don't repeat myself."

"Then how did you know where the bomb was?"

"They told me." He said nonchalantly. "You're not the only one with copycats. Anyway, forget about that. It must have been deactivated or it would have gone off by now. We'd have heard it. I've been meaning to ask, what were you planning to do before you saw my hands?"

"I don't know."

"Don't lie to me, you're better than that."

"I'm not lying."

"Then why did you deliberately drag me into a room with no cameras?"

"I didn't, I just dragged you into the nearest room available."

The Joker looked at him.

"I didn't want to be watched."

"Why? It's never bothered you before."

"Does it matter? I just didn't."

The Joker drank the last of his water, trying to ignore the cramp in his stomach. In his desperation for water he'd forgotten about food. "Interesting. I think you've taken everything too hard. You've developed a bit of an inferiority complex vis-a-vis the Gotham-hates-me scenario. I was in therapy so long I picked up on how to psychoanalyze people."

"I'm very happy for you."

"Yeah. I'm really good at it. Better than most anyway. I actually get it right 40 per cent of the time." He laughed. "Anyway, maybe you need a vacation. Arkham's top floor rooms have a nice view."

Batman ignored that. He tried again. "What happened?"

"This again? Too hard, ask another."

"Okay, who did it?"

The Joker shook his head. "Trust you. Any but those two, okay? I'm not answering them."

"You are, even if we have to sit here all night."

"Hope you know some good ghost stories, then. I've got loads. Can I have some more water?"

"No."

"What do you mean, no? I'm thirsty! Just give me one more!"

"I've helped you, so help me."

"How will this help you exactly?"

"Humor me then."

The Joker groaned inwardly. He still felt weak. He wasn't up to spinning some story, especially not with the Batman in interrogation mode. "It's not important. Please can I have some more water? I haven't drank all day."

"That's too bad."

The Joker rolled his eyes. What a bastard. "In that case we are going to get nowhere slowly. How do you plan to make me talk if you've nothing to bribe me with?"

Batman didn't answer him. They sat in silence for a while, the Joker clearly bored, Batman trying to mask his frustration. "How long were you locked up for?" He asked eventually.

"Mm? Oh, umm, it started at about ten, and those guys found me at say, eight, so yeah, about ten hours."

"And you'd already got out when they found you?"

"Obviously. I didn't get far, though."

Batman studied the bruises on his wrists. If the cuffs had been loose enough to pull out of, then they couldn't be the cause of them.

"Losing patience yet?" asked the Joker, and laughed. "Sit yourself in the corner and have a time out."

"For once in your life, will you just cut the crap? You can't play games forever."

Unperturbed by his anger, the Joker replied smoothly, "Yeah, just like you can't save everybody, yet we both try. Impossibilities have a hold over everybody. Make fools of us all." He glanced at the Batman. "I don't hate you," He said, in quite a different voice. "I really missed you when you stopped coming out. I don't want you to be unhappy. Shall I tell you something you'd like to hear? How about this was all a self-harm trick for your attention?"

"You're sick." He snapped. "Why would I want to hear that?"

He shrugged. "You wouldn't have to do anything."

"I doubt you'd go through that," he gestured at his hands, "when you could just show up at my door."

"I've already done that. The novelty's worn off."

Batman sighed inwardly. This son of a bitch drained him so much. Why was he even trying?

"You look fed up." The Joker told him. "Maybe because we've been in each other's company for over half an hour and you haven't smacked me around. That must be some kind of record, don't you think? I'm surprised you haven't at least kicked me under the table."

Batman bit back a remark about feeling like kicking him in the head. It would only encourage him. He got to his feet and walked out.

"Where're you going?"

Batman took no notice and locked him in once more.

The Joker sighed. At least now he could finally have a drink. He stood up and suddenly froze. That window wasn't unlocked, was it? No. An unlocked window on the ground floor, surely it couldn't be that easy? He stepped up to the window. Yes! Freedom! He just had to get it open with his mangled hands. Oh well. It would be nothing compared to the excruciating pain from before.

He took a deep breath, and struggled with the window, managed to thrust it up. As he thought, it hurt, but not overbearingly so. The Batman had done a pretty good job on patching him up. Again. He couldn't leave a thank you note this time, though, unless he planned to write it in blood. He laughed wildly, and looked out the window, saw nobody. And so, shaking his head at how ludicrously easy it was, the Joker escaped.