Like one of Coran's victory dinners, emotions are jumbled and hot to the touch as we all gather in the Black Lion's hangar. The beast hasn't moved from when Lance picked it up at the end of the last battle and laid it on the ground in a half-lying-half-sitting position. Its jaw is open and its eyes are cold and lifeless. It looks…dead.

I feel a tightening in my gut that has nothing to do with the food goo I ate for breakfast earlier, and I wonder morbidly if Shiro's disappearance was simply too much for the Black Lion. If having not one, but two paladins wrenched away from it was more than it could bear. Could giant, mechanical (and slightly magical) lions die?

Everyone's reactions are different. Lance, for once, looks quietly thoughtful, his expression mirroring Allura's melancholy serenity. Hunk seems frustrated. I can tell he still wants to form the head, but he's still attached to the Yellow Lion. Pidge appears indifferent, but she casts sidelong glances as Keith every now and then. Keith himself is on a hair trigger – like a single wrong move will cause a blowup. The tension is roiling off him like steam off a boiling kettle. I can tell everyone's a bit concerned for him, especially after he revealed Shiro's wish that Keith succeed him as leader. The knowledge had affected everyone differently. Lance had been skeptical, Hunk and Pidge sorrowful and empathetic. I realized a lot of his reaction had been tied to his feelings about the whole matter. It seemed like he thought that if he accepted Shiro's wish for him to be leader, it would be like accepting that Shiro was really and truly gone.

Coran seems the most relaxed, but that's probably because he's the only one out of all of us who's not presenting himself to the Lion. His role in the group is simple and uncomplicated, and he already knows that it likely won't change.

I'd been surprised when Allura asked me to try and bond with the Black Lion, just like everyone else. It hadn't occurred to me to count myself as a possibility. I'm not even a paladin! I'd pretty much accepted my place as the healer and helper of the group, not one of the major fighters. I'm the invisible piece, existing quietly in the background.

But now, as I look up at the Lion, I feel a sense of potential and opportunity, but also trepidation. What if I'm the one the Lion bonds with? I feel completely at ease with my role in the team, but that would all be upset and I'd have to come to terms with a new purpose all over again. In some ways, I felt anxious, in others, excited. Even though I'd been content with my role as a not-paladin, I'd always wondered what it would be like to be one. To have a mystical Lion-partner and to fight as part of a larger whole. Is it wrong to wish for that, even though I'm already content?

We take turns with the Lion, starting with Allura. She emerges a few moments later, looking saddened, but still hopeful. Pidge and Hunk are quickly convinced they aren't meant for the position of leader. Lance takes longer than the other three put together, emerging at last with a grumpy and exhausted sigh.

"It's no use!" He snaps, pouting like a young child. "The Black Lion hates all of us!"

"Hope, Keith, you're our only hope now." Says Coran. With everyone's eyes on me, I look uncomfortably over at Keith, who shrugs.

"Ladies first." He says, and I'm left with no choice but to approach the Lion. The cockpit has a melancholy atmosphere, like a hole has been left in the wake of Shiro's absence, and in a way, I suppose it has. The seat feels strange and big, and my arms barely reach the controls. I close my eyes, unsure of what to do.

"Um, hi?" I say tentatively, my voice sounding small and hollow in the closed-in space.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I think to myself. But after a few minutes, I get up and exit, feeling an odd sort of peace as I leave the sad cockpit behind. It just wouldn't feel right to be the leader of this team. The great and noble Black Lion deserves a born leader, someone who isn't so concerned with helping and propping everyone else up.

I wonder, though, as I leave the Lion, what its quiet rejection of everyone else means for Keith, who still hasn't presented itself. And if he isn't chosen, what this will mean for the rest of the group. A small flame of curiosity wakens in my mind, and I entertain the thought, however fleeting, of perhaps piloting the Red Lion if Keith is, in fact, chosen. I blink and it's gone.

And just as well, too. I think. Fancy me, a paladin!

Keith is silent and ashen-faced as he approaches the Lion, looking like he's headed towards certain doom. He chances a glance towards me as he walks forward, and I catch his eye, hoping to convey a sense of support. And it seems to work. He squares his shoulders and a bit of confidence returns to his previously empty eyes.

I'm not sure whether it's a relief or a surprise when the Lion's eyes suddenly blaze to life and it straightens up, letting out a deafening roar of triumph. But at the same time, I feel a sense of dread as the Lion bends its head to reveal Keith, who walks slowly down the ramp looking like he's just swallowed a doo-flax whole.

"I'm proud of you, Keith." Says Allura, all smiles. "I wish you were getting the job under better circumstances, but congratulations."

Pidge and Hunk both express their own compliments. I murmur something in agreement, but I'm not really paying attention. My eyes are flicking back and forth between Lance and Keith. I didn't miss the look on Lance's face when the Lion lit up at Keith's presence. He's quieter than usual, and the look on his face is one of jealousy and disappointment. Keith's face is still stony, but then his eyes narrow in denial.

"No." He says quietly. "I don't accept."

There's a collective gasp. Now instead of looking disappointed, Lance looks concerned. So does everyone else. I take a deep breath, silently affirming in my head that this is exactly what I was afraid would happen. Keith is in too much turmoil right now to fully accept the role of leader, and the fact that Shiro is gone.

"Keith, you must!" Says Allura earnestly. "The Black Lion has chosen you."

"I can't replace Shiro!" Keith retorts. His voice cracks a little, signaling he's reached his emotional limit. "You guys were right, I'm the loner. I'm not the leader Shiro thought I was."

A spear of pity stabs into my heart at this statement. I don't have time to dwell on it for long, though. Before I can move or open my mouth, Lance has stepped forward and placed his hand on Keith's shoulder.

"Keith, no one can replace Shiro." He says, dead serious. "But the Black Lion wouldn't choose anyone it didn't think was worthy." His eyes narrow in that odd look of jealousy and disappointment again, though it's masked by concern. "I respect its choice. And you should, too."

Keith nods, his expression unreadable. Then he turns and half-glances behind him at the Black Lion.

"But who's going to fly the Red Lion?" He wonders aloud.

"I thought I wasn't a paladin. Why am I even considering the option?"

Allura sighs. "Because we need a new paladin."

"But I just found my role in this team, and I like it. Why get my hopes up?"

"The same reason I'm trying."

I tear my gaze away from the face of the Red Lion looming over me to Allura, whose lovely face is now creased in concern. She sees my raised eyebrows and smiles sadly.

"We're both a part of this war. We both have different roles. But given the chance, wouldn't you want to do more to help?"

"That's just it." I say, hugging my arms around my middle. "I just got done convincing myself that my role is important, that I'm not just extra weight. Why should I be wasting my time trying to be something else I'm not?"

Allura bows her head, seemingly collecting her thoughts before speaking. "On Altea, many of our alchemists adopted the idea of not defining themselves by any one perception. The idea was, if they defined themselves by something, they would have no room to grow or change." She shrugs. "The concept has a few flaws, but the point is, don't be too quick to find a definition to dictate your life."

I bite the inside of my lip, trying to process what Allura's just said. On the one hand, it makes sense. But on the other hand, my whole life is full of definitions. It's how I make sense of the world.

"But that's just it!" My voice takes on a slightly shrill tone as emotion begins to overwhelm me. "I've spent all this time trying to find a definition, something to hold onto! I have nothing else! How am I supposed to grow and change if I don't have any place to start?"

"I cannot argue with that logic." Says Allura. "But all I'm saying is, be careful of setting too many limits on yourself. Use your definitions as a stepping stone."

I shake my head. "I still can't see myself as a paladin." I say firmly, putting my hand on her shoulder. "Maybe my role in the group has grown, but I don't think flying a lion is the right thing for me."

A small, sad smile blooms on Allura's face. "I see."

"But don't let that spoil it for you." I say. "Who knows? Maybe this is your stepping stone."

Allura's smile brightens. She straightens her shoulders and takes a deep breath before striding forward. Soon she's swallowed up by the great beast, who sits patiently in the middle of its hangar.

I turn and exit, allowing the two some privacy. Something tells me I should leave them in peace, at least for a little while. As I head up the hallway toward the elevator, I feel a self-assured spring in my step. I'm confident that I've made the right choice. But there's still a burning curiosity in the back of my mind, wondering what would have happened if I'd tried to bond with the Lion, if I'd opened myself up to the possibility, like Allura had said.

Shaking the thought away, I instead focus on getting up to the lounge, where I know everyone else will be. Now isn't the time to be worrying about my own problems. I've got enough of them already.

But apparently, I cannot escape the whisper of curiosity, the gentle, burning flame that asks, "what if?"

Once Allura appears in the lounge a few minutes later, looking like a flower that's been sat on, I realize I'm unable to ignore that whisper any longer. Once we all break and go our separate ways, I quietly steal down to the Red Lion's hangar again. It's with some apprehension that I approach the mighty beast.

The cockpit is the same as Black's, in essentials. But there's an overwhelming essence of Keith that lingers in the way the seat is adjusted and the grips on the handlebars are worn, like they've been grasped too tightly too many times. I close my eyes and try to imagine a bond, or at least a presence. For a moment, there's nothing. But then, just as I'm beginning to feel frustrated, I feel a whispering consciousness at the back of my mind, like someone waking from slumber.

Hello? I think tentatively, unsure of how to proceed.

What are you doing here? The voice startles me, and nearly breaks my connection. It's not unkind, merely curious, and sounds so alien and powerful. I'd never imagined the Red Lion, which is known for its impulsivity and energy, to have such a quietly contemplative voice. He sounds as though he's been woken from a long nap, and is wondering, in a vague, offhand way, why his rest has been disturbed.

I'm sorry. I reply. I didn't mean to disturb you.

I can almost imagine the Lion yawning. There's a swelling sort of feeling in my mind that vanishes after a few ticks. You are Hope. Says the Lion without preamble. Keith talks about you a lot.

Does he? I ask, faintly surprised. There's a rumbling murmur that's almost like a chuckle.

Indeed. You are an important friend to all of the paladins. How nice to finally meet you.

I am honored you would speak with me, Red Lion. I say. Frankly, I just came to satisfy a curiosity.

I can understand, says the Lion simply. You wonder what would happen if you did become a paladin.

Shocked by the Lion's clarity on the situation, I manage to make out some reply, before wondering what else I ought to say - what else I'm still trying to figure out. Perhaps he can put it to words better than I can.

There's a warm feeling that's almost like a purr. Little one. He says in a surprisingly gentle tone. What exactly are you trying to prove?

That's just it. I don't know. I thought I was content with my role. But am I?

Just because you have a curiosity doesn't mean you aren't content. Says the Lion affectionately.

But how come I'm feeling so confused? Is it wrong to wonder what could have happened?

Not at all. But I suggest you not dwell on it too long. Focus on the present and the opportunities you have before you. Your fellow paladins are also going through much turmoil.

Does that mean I should bottle up all my own emotions and focus on everyone else? You saw how well that worked with Keith the other day!

Little one. Purrs the Lion. You cannot pour from an empty glass. But when all else fails, trust your instincts. You have very good intuition – it comes from your mighty heart. Keep doing what it tells you, and you won't have to wonder what would have happened.

"Thank you." I reply out loud, feeling more peaceful than I have in ages. The Lion purrs in response, then yawns again. As I get up to leave, a sudden thought crosses my mind. If Allura obviously wasn't chosen, and it isn't my path to be a paladin, I can't help but wonder who will pilot Red.

The Lion snorts playfully. You'll see. He says mysteriously.

See what? I persist, but the Lion is already settling back down to sleep. Or whatever sort of sleep giant, magical, mechanical Lions have.

The presence withdraws from my mind, leaving it full of a renewed sense of drive, of purpose.