One Piece: Inside the 4kids Universe!
I love the idea for this fic. I just can't stop writing for it. That's why I'm going to updating this like crazy for the next few days. Ok, last chapter was a rather clichéd and dorky one. Old man comes and explains everything. Well now this chapter will be nice and long and contains some 4kids bashing goodness. Enjoy!
As usual, the disclaimer: I don't own any people here. It's a figment of imagination. It's a bunch of letters on a screen with no significant meaning. It's purely for entertainment. That being said let's go! Btw, thanks for all those who reviewed. I will try to take your advice and your ideas.
All words likein Italics can either be inner monologues or it can stress the word for example You thought you can beat him with a stick?
Also, if you're going to read this, it's recommended you watch the subbed version or the unraped One Piece, which is my favorite anime. Trust me, it's so much better than the dubbed One Piece. All the weird stuff here is what the dub messed up on. One Piece has one of the most fucked-up English dubs in the whole world! I have never seen one worse, which is why there are so many 4kid(those dudes who dubbed it) haters. And that's why I'm writing a fic about it.
Chapter 3 – The return of Zoro…Uhh Zolo….
Luffy was stuck in a barrel. "What the? Why am I inside a barrel? And what's going on?" That's when he hear the humming sound of a 4kids bot.
"Hey! It's one of those mystery bots the ossan told me about!"
The bot proceeded to hit Luffy with a laser beam and reported "Order confirmed: Began raping of voices. Remove all Japanese sounds from him. Make target Luffy sound like a girl with a soar throat."
"What the… Hey what happened to my voice? What language am I speaking in? Why do I sound like a girl with a soar throat?"
Meanwhile, in another Universe…
Chapter 3 – Part 1- Chaos at 4kids
"All things are going according to plan?"
"Yes Sir!"
It was a dark room filled with people sitting around a round table with suits. It was unreasonably dark, only lit by lots of cigarettes. There was a poster glued to the wall that said "Since we cannot make a good anime by ourselves, then let's mess up every anime in the world! RAPE ALL ANIME!"
Yes, this was without a doubt, the headquarters of 4kids…
The mysterious evil head of 4kids,Al Khan, was sat at the end of a round table, surrounded by the rest of the 4kids executive, making a Baroque Works-ish scene.
"Now that the licensing is finished, let us begin the raping…uhh I mean editing of One Piece!"
Another person wearing a suit enters the room. He's covered in tomatoes.
"Al Khan! There are lots of One Piece fans outside wondering about the changes your going to do to them."
"Very well… I shall tell them what I'm going to do!"
"Are you sure sir? They might attempt to kill you after they hear it."
"Don't worry… I have my secret weapon! They can never hate me after I use it! Rowley! Prepare the secret weapon!"
"Aye Aye sir!"
Outside, there's a huge bunch of otakus dressed up as reporters waiting for the head of 4kids to come.
Al Kahn enters the room and dodges a bunch of tomatoes thrown at him.
"Fellow anime-fans!" he begins his speech "You all of course heard about the licensing of the extremely popular show One Piece, which is one of the most popular and top-rated shows in Japan! Of course, anything about pirates will become popular. So this is our company's chance to poison the minds of little kids… Uhh… I meant entertain the minds of little kids of course…"
"Most of you are worried about editing. Don't worry; we shall stick to the original One Piece as much as possible, while still making it appropriate for American T.V. We want to keep the spirit of the show, so don't worry. We wish to respect the anime-otakus, and create an anime for all of us to watch!"
"However, this is what will be edited. We will remove all the funny dialogue, character development, the development between the crew that shows how close they are, and replace the dialogue with corny jokes, toilet bowl humor, and crappy dialogue. After that, we will remove half of the episodes, somehow combine two important episodes into one, remove entire arcs from the anime, even ones that were in the original manga, then after that we will give only about 5 seconds for each scene so we could rush through the anime really fast for no specific reason. Then we will take out all the emotional scenes and fill them up with jokes about turds and then remove any sad scenes or make them shorter."
"Then after completing an arc, we will immediately rush through and just simply start the next arc without even explaining what happens in between, this will effectively cut out all touching good-bye scenes because little kids these days cannot cope with this. They might get depressed, so we will not allow it. After all, little kids are stupid and cannot cope with anything, so we must always have happy endings."
After this comment, all the otakus start throwing swords and knives. Al Khan continued.
"Also, all flashbacks that define the character will be cut from one entire episode to merely 3 minutes. Any flashbacks that develop closeness will be deleted. We do not wish for any bad influences, so all the cigarettes, alcohol, cussing, guns and blood will be edited out. Pirates don't need to do any of this. We will change lots of names for no reason even though the originals made perfect sense while ours do not. All L's in a name will be replaced by R's and vice versa. Zoro becomes Zolo and Loguetown becomes Roguetown. The marines will become the Navy, even though they're the same thing. No reason, we just wanted to look cooler."
All the Zoro fans started shooting at Al Khan. Al Khan pulled out a bulletproof shield and he continued.
"No one will die in the anime. The death of important people will be turned to things that will be simple. Kids will be too scared about deaths, so we cannot allow this. Kids already get scared from movies that brutally gore thousands of people, but we cannot let one cartoon character die. Even though Disney has movies in which people die, we can't allow that."
At this point, a riot broke out but Al Khan ignored this and continued.
"All the orchestral music will be replaced by crap. The wonderfully done opening songs that really match with the whole Pirate theme will be replaced with rap and hip-hop. Pirates match with them, don't you think? We don't want little kids to smoke or drink, but we want them to grow up to be rappers!"
"Finally, we will piss all over the good Japanese voices and replace them with the most cheapest voice actors we can find to save money. For example, Luffy will be voiced by a homeless 16-year-old girl that has a sore throat. Sanji will be voiced by a thug we picked up from the streets. Then after messing up the voices, we will then remove all bits of Japanese culture because we are scared of them. This is what will be edited. It's very logical right? So as you can see the whole thing still keeps the spirit of One Piece."
After finishing his huge monologue, One Piece fans from all over are starting to beat the crap out of all the 4kids employees.
"Rowley! Use the weapon! Now!"
"Ok sir! Hey guys! Do you want a bunch of cardboard that's been written on, drawn on, and colored on! We also added some glitter glue to make it shinier! That's right kids! Its Pokemon cards! And now that it is decorated with more glitter glue and shiny stickers, it will now cost $220!"
Everyone ignores him and starts trashing the 4kids building.
"Dammit! Bring out the guns and start blowing the crap out of them."
Meanwhile in the One Piece world…Oh wait! It's been destroyed by 4kids… I meant in the 4kids world…
Chapter 3 – Part 2 – The return of Zoro/Zolo
Luffy had just beaten the crap out of the fat lady known as Alvida. Due to that long monologue up there, the author of this story refuses to rewrite the whole Alvida thing. So let's start off at the whole thing at the navy base. Luffy has just re-met Coby.
"Luffy, Now that this evil 4kids company has taken over, what should we do?"
"Don't worry! Just pretend it's like our own world. I'm going to go get my crew back and then defeat this 4kids!"
"Where are your crewmates by the way?"
"Oh! The man said they should be where I first found them… So let's just float around aimlessly until we get some meat!"
"…Ok…."
After a few hours of floating around, they arrived at that Marine Base where they first met Zoro.
"Hey! I haven't been here for a while. By the way Coby, in the original world, what happened to you so far?"
"Umm… first after Captain Morgan was…"
The whole town suddenly hushed and ran away. One guy stuck his head in a barrel. Another guy hid behind a pole that was 3 inches wide.
"Right…Let's go get Zoro and beat the crazy axe guy again!"
Meanwhile, at the execution grounds…
The marines were doing their daily mockery of Zoro.
"HaHaHa… So this is the legendary pirate hunter, Roronoa Zolo…"
"GODDAMNIT! MY NAME FOR THE 5000TH TIME IS ZORO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IT'S ZORO!"
"Oh yeah? Then why does your wanted poster say Zolo?"
"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW? IT'S MY NAME, I THINK I KNOW IT BETTER THAN THE FREAKIN WANTED POSTER YOU IDIOT!"
"Calm down Zolo…"
"NOT CALMING DOWN YOU BASTARDS! ITS ZORO! ZORO! ZORO!
The blonde onion head guy named Helmeppo came in and started talking to him.
"Okay 'Zoro' whatever you want. But if you can live out the next month, then I'll let you free."
Dammit? Why am I back here again? Where are Luffy and the others? AND WHY THE HELL DO THEY CALL ME ZOLO? Thought the pissed off Zoro (A/N I'm a 'subby' not a 'dubby' So I'm calling him Zoro)
All the marines left somewhere. That's when the little girl came up and said to Zoro:
"Hey Zolo! Do you want some cookies?"
"It's not Zolo! And what the hell is a cookie?"
"It's a very popular snack…"
"Whatever happened to onigiri (Rice ball)?
"Well, after the whole whirlpool thing, no one eats onigiri for some reason even though all the cookies look like onigiri."
"Fine…Let me try some…"
He pops it in his mouth and starts choking.
"What the hell is this? Why do you need to add so much sugar?"
"Sorry Zolo… But 4kids wants to advertise cookies so kids can become fatter!"
"Whatever… Now where's Lu"-
"Hey Zoro!"
"Luffy, what took you so long? Hurry up and untie me!"
"Sorry Zoro, but I'm hungry. I'm going for some meat!"
"BAKA! (moron/stupid/idiot) Untie me first, then go get some food!"
"Coby, Untie him! I'm looking for some meat. Don't worry! I'll get your swords!"
"Get back here!"
Luffy runs off in search of food.
"I'm going to kill him… what the? What language am I speaking? And why is my voice different? And why does Luffy sound like a girl with a sore throat?"
"I'll explain later… Stay still so I can untie you. By the way, your voice isn't bad so don't complain about it…"
Meanwhile in the base…
"Sir! Someone's freeing the prisoner Roronoa Zolo!"
The former Marine captain now turned to Navy captain; Axe-Hand Morgan suddenly started to get angry.
"WHAT! Go and start shooting them! Get your water guns! That should be able to kill them!"
"Uhhh… Sir… Why do we have water guns?"
"Don't worry it's not full of normal water."
"Then is it full of acid?"
"Hell no! It's full of slightly salty water, so if it hits them in the face, it'll sting!"
"Wow! So strong!"
At another part in the Navy Base…
"Meat… There's no meat… Hey cool! Zoro's swords!"
He looks at the swords and then sees the sign that said "Zolo's Swords"
"Zolo's swords? Who is Zolo? Guess he also uses three swords…But why does his swords look exactly like Zoro's? Oh well, I'll find Zoro's swords soon enough."
The stupid captain again showed his signs of stupidness and started looking for meat and Zoro's swords.
Down at the execution grounds…
"Freeze! Don't untie him! Don't move! Or else I will squirt you!"
"Ahhhhhhh! I'm sorry! Don't squirt me!" Coby was frightened to the point of pissing his pants.
"Jeez, calm down Coby… It's only a super soaker…"
"But… But… it has water inside… So scary…."
"Hurry up and untie me or I'm going to kill you!"
"Ahhh! Okay!" Coby starts to untie Zoro…
"He's not afraid of our water guns! That sneaky bastard!"
"Ok, we'll give him something to be afraid of! FIRE!"
The sound of one hundred super soakers could be heard and the scream of Coby as a bunch of water, no, actually slightly salty water came at him.
Luffy saw the scene through the window and screamed "COBY! NO!" He grabbed the swords belonging to "Zolo" thinking Whoever this Zolo is, he won't mind if I borrow them right? He strapped the swords and jumped from the window, trying to save Coby from the attack of the vicious water guns.
He was too late. The water had already hit Coby and Zoro.
"Coby! Zoro! NOOOOOOOO!"
"Ahhh! My eyes! It's in my eyes! The salt burns! IT BURNS WITH THE BURNS OF A THOUSAND BURNS!" Coby started panicking.
"Damn! My clothes! They're wet! Why the hell are you trying to wet my clothes, you bastards! It takes forever to dry them, and I don't have any extra!" Zoro was getting pissed off as usual.
"Sir! Our guns are useless!"
"Keep firing! We can drown them to death!"
"Sir! My water tank is empty!"
"Get to the hose and reload, then put some salt in and start shooting!"
"Aye Aye sir!"
Luffy finally arrived and started his attack on the Navy with the water guns. However he had one problem…
When he started to say "Gomu Gomu no Whip" it came out as "GUM GUM WHIP"
He took out the entire marine force that replied with emotionless "Oh No!" and "ahhh" and also "My super soaker's water is in my hair! AHHHHHH!"
"Luffy! You saved us! The water was making it hard for me to breathe."
"Great, now hurry up and untie me."
"Ok!" and soon the ropes fell to the ground and Zoro took his swords.
"By the way, those swords belong to Zolo, be sure to return it to him when you're down"
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! MY NAME IS ZORO! ZORO!"
"Calm down Zoro… I never met this Zolo, so you go and find him"
"Luffy…the captain! Axe hand Morgan is here!" Coby said before he freaked out.
"Who dares try to disobey me, a navy captain, will be executed! Starting with you Straw Hat!"
"I'll beat you in no time!"
And Luffy did. Doing a bunch of "Gum Gum" moves he first started with his trademark "Gomu Gomu no Pistol… now turned to "Gum Gum Blast" and pounded the Navy captain. He proceeded with a kick to the balls and then started punching the crap out of the Navy Captain. He fell to the ground and Luffy continued pounding his face over and over. But then "it" happened.
"Straw Hat! Don't move or else I'll press the trigger!"
It was Helmeppo, the Onion head guy. And he had a…
Hammer gun thing
Helmeppo was holding up Coby with a hammer-looking gun thing… With the press of the trigger, it will drop something that looks like a hammer onto Coby's head! How dangerous!
"Omg! Luffy! He's going to flatten my head!"
"That's right Strawhat! Don't move or else I'll hammer him flatter than the shape of the earth!"
Luffy looked emotionless before smiling. Coby looked on and somehow had to courage to stand up to the "hammer gun" that couldn't kill a cat.
"Luffy! Don't worry about me! I will die for my dreams so I can stand a bump on my head!"
"Roger that Coby! Now get ready for… GUM GUM BLAST!"
Right before he was about to "blast" Helmeppo, the Axe hand of Morgan came down and Morgan screamed
"Straw Hat! Prepare to die!"
The axe was about to crash on Luffy's head when… Zoro got a bit of action and slashed the marine captain with all three swords.
"Gahhhhh!"
Helmeppo screamed and pressed the trigger, bringing the hammer on Coby's head!
"Ow! Jeez, the top of my head! It hurts! But it hurts for my dreams!" and a bump came out.
"No way..." said Helmeppo
"Yo Helmeppo! Why the hell did you bring that out you idiot! You're facing Roronoa Zolo, the Pirate Hunter, and you use a hammer gun? Also, why did your father, the ruthless marine captain give us water guns to try and bring down these guys? What are we supposed to do? Wash them?" The marines started rebelling against the rule of the dumbest Navy captain of all time who gave his soldiers water guns.
Luffy looked on and that's when…
"MY NAME FOR THE LAST FREAKIN TIME! IS ZORO! NOT ZOLO, ZORO!"
Zoro freaked out and ran out them slashing them with his Santourryu (three swords style) and got revenge for his name-calling. He weaved through the folds of the marines and cut them with a turn of his neck and a flick of both wrists.
"Oh! So Zoro's name is Zolo!" Luffy said. The captain had finally realized. "Oh well! Time to finish up! GUM GUM BLAST!" and blew Helmeppo out of the world.
Luffy, Zoro, and Coby had won the battle against the Super Soakers!
Then that old man who talked to Luffy the last time, came out of nowhere at started saying "Wow! You sure beat those super soakers! Well anyway time to move on. You need to get the rest of your crew."
"What? No party? No meat?"
"No, 4kids doesn't allow you to have fun in between arcs. You just have to beat the crap out of a guy and then move on to the next guy without anything in between."
"Awww man… No meat?"
"Who are these 4kids…?" Zoro had not yet been told.
"Before that, Zoro, If you can cut through steel in our world, how come you can't even make a person bleed in this world?"
Zoro looked around and noticed that not a single person had a wound from his cut.
"WTF? I put enough strength to cut them in half!"
"Well, I guess you're weaker here…"
"Yeah, once your name turns to Zolo, you can't even cut a single person!"
"DAMN YOU ALL! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! IT'S ZORO!"
111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
"So these 4kids guys are the ones who gave me this name? I'M GOING TO KILL THOSE BASTARDS!"
Luffy and Zoro were now sailing in a tiny boat. Coby could not come due to the fact that the 4kids bots had arrived and started shooting at Coby with lasers whenever he got close. So now it was the Captain and the first mate. They were now discussing where the rest of their crew was. Before they could take on 4kids, they first needed to reunite with each other and then they could go take on 4kids.
"So Luffy, who are we supposed to get next?"
"Ehh… Sanji!"
"Sanji? Are you sure?"
"Nope, but I want some meat!" then came a thud as Zoro punched his head.
"I think we have to go pick up Nami again…and fight the clown pirate."
"Oh! Nami! Let's get her later and first get Sanji!"
"IDIOT! Stop thinking about your stomach for once!"
"… I'm not…"
He's never going to understand… The man told us to get all of our crewmembers in the order we found them…all this guy wants is his meat…The only way to convince him then is to…
"Luffy, if we first get Nami to come, then it will be easier to get Sanji to come… Since, you know, he loves anything that has tits."
"Right… Let's go get our navigator again!"
And the first two crewmembers of the Straw Hat pirates reunited and went off to retrieve their Navigator…
What will happen next? What is 4kids planning to do? To be continued
A/N Re-Loaded. I got rid of all the AN and cleaned up some minor junk. Nothing serious.
Longer chapter eh? Well since the first two were amazingly short, I had to make the third one longer. All the weird stuff here is what happens in Dubbed One Piece. Since I don't like watching the dub, if anyone watches the dub and sub both, please tell me the differences. Not the major stuff, but the minor stuff that was changed that you think is weird or something. If anyone can help me on the Buggy and Kuro Arc (I haven't seen a single episode on those yet) please help! As for all you 4kids lovers out there, I suggest you stop reading this. This fic focuses on the mistakes that 4kids made. Yeah, I know nothings going to change in the dub no matter how much I write, but its fun to write about! Anyway hoped you enjoyed this and please review!