Unbreakable Chapter 3: Afraid, a grey's anatomy fanfic

Sypnopsis

"If I don't say this now, I will surely break…and I'll look after you." With Izzie, Meredith, Cristina and Alex about to enter their second-year residency and George repeating his internship, it seems like things are finally settling down at Seattle Grace Hospital, right? WRONG! With troublesome interns, flaring tempers, new doctors and explosive confrontations, our favorite characters discover that this is only the calm before the storm. Because someone in the group is hiding a devastating secret from them all…

A.N.: Wow, this was one of the hardest chapters to write! Writing about multiple couples really takes a lot of time, but here it is, the loooong and overdue Chapter 3 of Look After You. Thanks for the reviews, it's been really encouraging!

Previously on Grey's Anatomy:

-Nurse Olivia: Dr. Burke left on extended leave 17 days ago, but he's still in Seattle if we need him. But he gave specific instructions to page the new cardio head, Dr. Theo Wright.

-Dr. Theo Wright: So, you must be the infamous Dr. Cristina Yang! Burke's playmate and ex-fiancée. How do you do?!

-Dr. Izzie Stevens: Life sucks, huh? You're pregnant, and you're excited, about to give birth. Then you get shot, and suddenly, you and the baby are in danger.

-Dr. Alex Karev: …The hot new doctor felt like paging me to be on this case. Not that I'm complaining…I was back to doing crap for Sloan, and it wasn't making me look good in front of my interns.

-Dr. Preston Burke: I missed you, Cristina. Aren't I at least entitled to that?

-Dr. Cristina Yang: I was always giving 100 into this relationship. I loved you in the best way that I knew how to…I can't talk to you right now because I'm so angry that I can't even look at you.

Pain is a universal feeling. Sometimes, it's good. It helps us grow stronger; it can give us insight into our seemingly overwhelming problems. But most of the time, pain stays with us. It's a slow-moving poison that courses through our veins, reminding us of unhealed hearts or forgotten promises. There is also the physical kind of pain; the kind that we as doctors are supposed to fix. The key word is supposed to; because sometimes, the damage is just too extensive. And when that happens, doctors are left standing in the aftermath, grateful to survive yet another day of loss…

Alex whipped open the curtain concealing his next patient, exhausted from this seemingly endless day. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to keep his voice friendly. Turning to the group of interns clustered around him, he asked tiredly, "Nancy, patient's name…"

Before the woman could answer, his eyes raked in the patient's delicate features. All of a sudden, he froze when his slow brain finally registered who was sitting in front of him. His heart stopped when she shot him a sad but radiant smile.

"Hey, Alex."

As Alex continued to stare at the patient, she looked at him with an unreadable expression on her face. "What, cat got your tounge? Aren't you even going to say hi to me?"

Clearing his suddenly dry throat, Alex looked away for a second. His hands were trembling uncontrollably, but he wouldn't let his interns know how shaky he was feeling. "Um, guys? Go home…it's been a long day. I'll finish up here." Aware of their curious stares, he pulled his trump card. Injecting authority into his voice, he yelled, "Go…NOW!" As they shuffled away, he turned his attention back to the woman before him. "Hey…you came back to Seattle. That's great." Forcing a weak grin, he shifted uncomfortably. "So…long time no see!" He groaned inwardly. Great going, Karev. How pathetic could you be?! 'Long time no see?' Psh…of all things you could have said to her, you had to pick the most boring conversation starter. Dumbass!

Ava's face now bore a dumbfounded look, and she looked ready to explode. "ALEX KAREV! I haven't seen you in three weeks. I just risked my marriage with another man to come and see you. Considering how you ripped my soul to pieces the last time I saw you, I don't even know why I'm here. But the only thing you can think of is, 'Long time no see…' You are unbelievable. Did you even miss me during this time? I love you, Alex! I told you last time; I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know and love you. Three words…that's all you have to say for me to go back and end my marriage to Jeff. I'm ready, Alex, but maybe I was wrong in thinking that you felt the same way about me. So tell me, am I going to leave Seattle with a broken heart again?"

Alex's heart raced. Here was the chance he had desperately wanted to be with the only woman who had turned his life upside down. The short time that he had spent with her had convinced him that Ava was his soulmate. But how could he have a relationship with her? After all, he had never been able to recover from the trauma of his childhood. But he'd be damned if he let this chance slip away, knowing that he would regret it if he didn't tell her how he really felt. With sweat pouring down his face, he gently pulled Ava down onto the bed until he was eye level with her. He had never felt so nervous in his life. "Look, to be honest, I never thought I was going to see you again after you left the hospital with Jeff. I drove up there to see you before I started my residency, but I lost the courage and came back to Seattle. That whole time, all I wanted to do was think of a way to tell you how much you mean to me, but I can't. Dr. Montgomery was right; I regret not telling you how I feel, because that's killed me every waking moment since you walked out my life. So I'm so sorry for blowing the one chance that I had to be with the love of my life…you."

He jumped when she let out a frustrated sigh. "Alex, this is your second chance! Okay?! I came back to you because I've missed you so much. I'm may be stupid for doing this, but I'm willing to take the risk of getting hurt by you again! So I'm going to ask you one more time…can you give me a reason to stay in Seattle? You saved me from a marriage that was bound to destroy me sooner or later. And I'm repaying that debt by giving you another chance because I feel that you are the one for me. I was destined to meet and fall in love with you at a time when my future was a blank slate. Alex, you named me Ava; you're the reason that I'm still alive. So, please?! Give me any reason to leave my old life behind."

Carefully wiping away the tears that had begun to fall, Alex caressed her rosy cheeks. "You were wrong when you said that I'm the reason that you're still standing here…it's the other way around. You've given me a reason to believe in love. I…I grew up with a mother who lived in a broken marriage. My dad was an abusing, drugged up son of a bitch, and that's screwed me over…I am so terrified that if I get married and have kids, I'm going to turn into him. That's why I've never been able to commit to a long-term relationship. I'm not the arrogant playboy that people see me as; I just don't want to subject the woman I love to stay by my side if I follow down my father's path. I certainly can't expect you to do that for me. You deserve so much more than I can give you."

Ava enveloped his suddenly trembling body in her arms, holding Alex close while he sobbed. She whispered softly in his ear, "I love you, Karev. And I know you won't become your father. Do you know why? Because you became a doctor…somebody who spent years to learn the art of healing has something good inside of him. Your interest in obstetrics and gynecology show that you believe hope and love still exists in the world. I know you come off as an asshole to a lot of people; but I saw the real you, Alex. You showed me more compassion than I've ever felt in my life. And you'll always be the man who changed my life for the better, not Jeff. You opened my eyes to the world that I'd been missing out since I got married. So I don't care about what happened in the past! We can't undo our mistakes; the only thing we can do is look forward to the future."

Alex sniffed and wiped away the tears still trickling down his face. Kissing Ava softly on the lips, he murmured the words she wanted to hear, feeling the painful misery of the last few weeks lift. "I love you…and I'm never going to leave you again. Stay with me; don't ever leave me. I need you with me."

With a huge smile gracing her beautiful face, Ava sighed contentedly. "Come what may, Alex. I love you…" She buried her face into his shoulder, both of them reveling in their newfound love.

Preston Burke sat in his old apartment, completely uneasy. The tension hung in the air, thick enough to be cut with a butter knife. Meanwhile, Cristina sat across him, her face unpassive but eyes brimming with concealed emotion. After arriving home, neither of them had spoken a word.

Here we are,

Seven days and seven nights of empty tries.

We're to the point of no return,

And along the way, the only thing we've learned,

Is how to hurt each other…

I don't want to wait another minute, put me out of my misery,

I can read your mind, baby you're not in it,

And we're not where we used to be.

No, you wouldn't have to lie to me,

If you would only let me go,

I don't want to wait another minute,

To hear something that I already know.

-Backstreet Boys, Something That I Already Know

Preston finally sighed and met Cristina's gaze. "Let's not beat around the bush anymore."

She stared at him with impassive eyes, but when she spoke, she sounded weary and confused. "Burke, we're not beating around the bush. Hell, we're not even talking." She paused for a second, desperately trying to tamp down the hurt and act like a mature adult. "Why did you leave me. Did all that crap about wanting to spend the rest of your life with me mean nothing? I mean, tell me something, Preston. Since the day of our wedding, I've been wondering if I was a bad girlfriend. How could happily ever after turn into something that's hurting me so much?"

Preston couldn't help it; reaching out, he carressed Cristina's cheek, gently wiping away the tears that were slowly making their way down her smooth cheeks. He took her hand and cradled it lovingly. "Cristina, I love you. But saying that to myself 10,000 times didn't stop the feelings of regret. Our relationship has changed you; sure, in some ways, you've changed for the better. But for the most part, you've sacrificed too much; you were becoming the Cristina that I wanted. And it never occurred to me that maybe you hadn't noticed your change. But as much as a relationship is about loving each other, it's also about not having to conform to your partner's expectations. I started realizing this when you were in that bridal shop, trying on that ridiculous wedding dress. You were trying so hard to make me happy that you finally ended up agreeing to our parents' dream wedding. But the Cristina Yang that I fell in love with wouldn't have been so agreeable; she would have fought to the end to get married at City Hall and have a small ceremony, with only Derek and Meredith as witnesses. I changed you, and I can't stand by and watch the woman I love become a shadow of her former self. If loving you is going to require me to walk away from you, then I'll do that."

Cristina stared at Burke, trying in vain to stop the tears, but they seemed to have a life of their own. "So this is it? The end of a relationship that has seen more than a fair share of setbacks? We're just going to pretend that we never met? You're walking away?!"

Burke looked up and caught her defiant glare. A sad smile flitted across his pained features before he continued to stare at her. He saw the realization flood across her face before the tears began cascading down her cheeks at a furious pace. "This relationship is really over," she whispered brokenly.

Yearning for a few more minutes with the woman who had stolen his heart, he took a deep breath and stood up. Sighing, he extended a hand to her. "Cristina, can you give me the honor of one dance? Give me a chance to cherish one happy moment in our relationship?"

She looked up at him, pain turning her eyes an unatural shade of black. Nodding slowly, she stood up and buried her face into his chest, cherishing their last moments as a couple.

Ninety miles outside Chicago,
Can't stop driving, I don't know why,
So many questions...that need an answer,
Two years later, you're still on my mind.

Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?

Did the captain of Titanic cry?

Oh, someday we'll know:
If love can move a mountain,
Someday we'll know,
Why the sky is blue.

Someday we'll know,
Why I wasn't meant for you...

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
What the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you,
For the ninety-seventh time...

Tonight…
Someday we'll know,
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know,
Why the sky is blue.

Someday we'll know,
Why I wasn't meant for you...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Someday we'll know,
Why Sampson loved Delilah,
One day I'll go,
Dancing on the moon.

Someday you'll know,
That I was the one for you...I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow…

Watched the stars crash in the sea,
If I can ask God just one question,
Why aren't you here with me?

Tonight…
Oh, someday we'll know,
If love can move a mountain,
Someday we'll know,
Why the sky is blue.

Someday we'll know,
Why I wasn't meant for you...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Someday we'll know,
Why Sampson loved Delilah?
One day I'll go,
Dancing on the moon.

Someday you'll know,
That I was the one for you...

-Mandy Moore/Jonathan Foreman, Someday We'll Know

Derek walked into the hospital room the next morning with George, and a smile immediately sprang to his face when he saw his patient. "Helen, it's so nice to see you! Are you here for your 3-month checkup?"

Helen smiled at George and pulled Derek close for a friendly hug. "I'm hoping that you're going to give me a clean bill of health so I can go on vacation with my new boyfriend, Joe." She grinned and pulled away slightly to study Derek closely. "What's wrong?"

Derek was startled by her question, and looked away for a brief second. "What makes you think that anything's wrong? I have a great job, supportive friends, and a won…wonderful girlfriend." He cursed inwardly as his throat closed up unexpectedly. His heart began to twinge again as he thought about Meredith. He hadn't seen the love of his life for 17 days, and it felt like each day without her had broken his spirit just a little more.

"Look at me!" When Derek refused to acknowledge her, Helen sighed. "Derek, stop staring at the ground. That's not going to win back your girlfriend." She smiled slightly when Derek's head finally snapped up to look at her in surprise. "Excuse me?" Helen smirked, "Honey, I've known you for a long time; your unhappiness is everywhere on your face. You're so expressive that I can read you like an open book."

Derek sank down onto the edge of the bed, studdenly feeling ashamed of showing his emotion and painfully aware of George's presence. "O'Malley, can you please wait outside? I have something to say to Dr. Crawford." After he left quietly, Derek turned to Helen. "Am I that obvious?" Sighing, he looked pleadingly at his friend. "What am I going to do?! I love her, but she keeps pushing me away. And I keep telling myself, give her time. Easier said than done. She turns to her friends during crises that I should be helping her through. I mean, I understand. Her mother was a world-class surgeon who abandoned her, and her father never made an effort to include her in his life after he remarried. She nearly drowned, her surrogate mother died, and her best friend got dumped at the altar. What am I doing wrong? Maybe I'm too protective; maybe that's why Meredith turns away from me."

Helen looked at him in quiet contemplation. "Derek, from what you said, I can tell how much you love this Meredith. But I know from experience; loving someone isn't always easy. And I know that if you love this woman so much, you'll be willing to do anything for her. Tell her how much she means to you; but give her a push in the right direction. If you love her as much as I think you do, then you're just going to have to be the mature one in the relatonhip. Let her grow, but stay by her side. I may not know much about love, but I know that you two will grow happy and old together." Smiling gently, she wiped away the tears that had started to fall down Derek's cheeks. "There, there, sweetie…let it all out now, because you have to be Meredith's knight-in-shining-armor."

Looking at Helen for a long moment, Derek finally shook his head. "You're an amazing friend, Helen. Don't you ever forget that…I'lll have O'Malley do the tests, so I'll be back later to give you a clean bill of health, okay?" At her nod, he laughed and walked out of the room, feeling a tad more purposeful than when he had first walked into the hospital that morning.

Meredith walked out of her bathroom, groaning as she rubbed her tired eyes. Being a resident had taken more than a fair share of energy out of her; added with the fact that most of her interns were complete idiots, she was glad when her shift was over.

"Hey, Meredith."

The quiet but familiar greeting made her jump a mile before she turned around. Derek was standing in the hall, leaning comfortably against her door frame. She swallowed as she took in his appearance. Wearing a navy blue sweatshirt that accentuated his gorgeous blue eyes, he watched her intently with a smirk playing at the corner of his lips.

His smile faded when she stammered, "What are you doing here, Derek? I thought you told me that you a woman…at Joe's. Why are you in my room when you said that I'm 'constantly leaving you?' I'm tired, Derek…it's been a real long day, and I kno-"

Derek sighed as he cut her off. "You saved my life. Before I met you, I was drowning in a world of misery and denial; I didn't know which way was up. I didn't want to admit to myself that my marriage with Addison was over; I hated the fact that I had witnessed my best friend screwing my wife! But you were like a breath of fresh air that blew into my tumultuous life. And I told you, I'm in this the whole way. I love you so much that it hurts. So please…just give me one sign that you love me just as much. Tell me that you feel the same way. Because I'm willing to step up to the plate and wait as long as it takes for you to let go of the past. But I need a sign; this relationship is never going to work if only one of us is committed."

Meredith sighed, shifting her position on the bed every few seconds as Derek watched her with longing and passion bruning in his eyes. Biting her lip, she thought about how devastated Cristina had been when Burke left her at the altar. Most of all, Meredith thought about her dark and twisty life. True, she had been exposed to nothing but messed up relationships throughout her life; however, her off-and-on relationship with Derek had allowed her to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The time she spent with him had given her a glimpse of the bright and shiny Meredith; the person she wanted to become. But she was just so scared of yet another roadblock in her life, something that would prevent her from opening up to Derek again.

"Derek, I am giving my all into this relationship. It's just that…you know I've never seen a relationship work in my life. Cristina getting engaged to Burke was the only example I had to see if happily ever after even exists in real life. Since that's gone to hell, I feel like dark and twisty people really can't have a loving relationship that's bright and shiny." When he opened his mouth to protest, she hurriedly went on. "WAIT, let me finish!" Taking a deep breath, she found herself stroking his cheek. "I also know this…you have been there for me, through thick and thin. So I promise you that I'm going to do my absolute best to let you in. I want to open up to you, I really do. But the thing that you have to understand about the dark and twisty Meredith is that she's going clam up and want to deal with things in her own little way. I'm always going to fight the urge to run and hide, but with your patience, I think it might be a good enough reason to let you stay. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to make this relationship work." She stood up and gazed into Derek's eyes. "Please don't ever leave me. I can't let go of the past without you by my side. Okay?"

Smiling widely with tears glimmering in his eyes, Derek shrugged playfully. "I've always been there…and I'm never going to leave. You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not."

Meredith gazed lovingly at him before sitting back down on the bed. Crossing the room in a few strides, Derek showered her with a passionate kiss. Hugging her close, he kissed the top of her head. Meredith melted into his protective embrace, reveling in the sheer bliss of being in his arms again. She had missed him so much during the last 17 days. "You truly are my knight in shining whatever, McDreamy…but I'm sure you already know that."

When morning came, Meredith and Derek were still wrapped in each other's arms, thankful that they had a second chance to get their happily ever after.

Just when it's getting good,
I slowly start to freeze.
Just when it's feeling real,

I put my heart to sleep.

It's the memory I can see,
Then this fear comes over me,
Understand that I don't mean,
To push you away from me…

Why am I so afraid to crash down and lose my heart again?
I don't know, I can't see, what's come over me?
Why am I so afraid to break down and lose my mind again?
I don't know, I can't see, what's come over me?

You got a way of easing me out of myself,
I can't stay but I can't leave, I am my worst enemy,
Please understand that its not you, it's what I do,
Just when I'm about to run I realize what I've become.

Now I wonder what you think of me,
Don't kow why I break so easily,
All my fears are armed surrounding me,
I can't get no sleep.

I keep runnin in circles around you,
Are you the trap I wanna fall into?

-Vanessa Hudgens, Afraid