Part 3: What a Coincidence!
[After a long pause, Windblade sighs and lowers her head as Springer takes the rifle over to the cliff's edge.]
Springer: Oh yes! I've been looking so forward to this…
Windblade: So… Optimus Prime: too obsolete to lead the Autobots, too self-righteous to leave Cybertron to fend for herself. [Glances back at Springer] Who's the green-guy?
Optimus: Springer's a little cynical at times, but he's has a good head on his shoulders, unlike most Autobots nowadays.
Springer: Like Rodimus… Holy toasters, this scope is so crooked!
Windblade: So what? You're here to kill Rodimus?
Springer: Nah we're just passing through. But hey, can't pass up an opportunity like this now can we?
Optimus: And you, Camian, you had your fill of murdering on your planet, you had to bring your insatiable bloodlust to Cybertron?
Springer: Did you say Caiman? Like the crocodiles? Scope's fixed… Okay Rodimus, where did you go?
Windblade: 'Cam-e-an': from Caminus! And I'm NOT a murderer! I was protecting my people from invaders.
Springer: Yeah, the combines…
Windblade: Combine-ers!
Optimus: Any Decepticon could have threatened Caminus. You're overreacting.
Windblade: Am I? A whole team of Decepticons can't equal the damage that a Menasor alone could have caused. They see us as bugs, stepping on us, putting us in jars, taking our honey…
Optimus: And you thought killing Starscream would solve anything?
Windblade: I was sending a warning to the Mistress of abandoning-her-people…
Springer: [looking through the scope.] There you are… perfect… [CLICK] Hey! [CLICK-CLICK] Where's the safety on this thing?
Windblade: But I couldn't hit Broadside if he were standing on top of a barn. Even if it works it's hard to get a clear shot because she keeps turning toward that weird, glowing sphere.
Optimus: Glowing sphere… the council has the Enigma of Combination?
Windblade: What's that?
Springer: By the Allspark, that's the worst place for the safety switch! Oh-kay, now where did you go, Rodimus?
Optimus: Many years ago, the Autobot sages theorized that several artifacts believed to be myth might turn up. Hundreds of explorers searched thousands of star systems until one day…
Windblade: Are your speeches always this long?
Springer: [COUGHS] -yes-AHEM!
Optimus: "Those who fail to learn from the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat them." There is an important lesson here, Windblade.
Springer: Wait, you're Windblade?
Windblade: Yeah…
Springer: I thought a wind turbine broke apart and cut up a combine. Now it makes a bit more sense. You really do have the look of a killer in your eyes.
Windblade: Combine-ER! Ugh… this is all because of that one blabbermouth on Caminus… I swear he's going to need more than a new muffler by the time I'm done with him.
Optimus: You need to check your aggression at the door.
Windblade: I'm sorry, it's just being called a "killer" by everyone I meet is really starting to grind my gears. And I don't want to hear a single person bring it up again!
Optimus: If they have the Enigma of Combination we might have a serious problem on the horizon.
Springer: Goodbye Rodimus… [CLICK] of course it's jammed! AHH!
Windblade: But what IS the Enigma of Combination? And please don't answer with another drawn-out soliloquy!
Optimus: Millions of years ago, in the golden age of legend: the ancient ancestors of all Transformers lived a peaceful existence. They studied philosophy and nature, explored planets and built the first space bridge out of primitive rope…
Windblade: I said no speeches! No more tangents, no more history lessons, and no more 'grand things from a super long time ago!' Just tell me in one short sentence WHAT… IT… IS.
Optimus: [Pauses. Staring off into the distance as he carefully composes his words.] In the beginning, there was this cube, right?
Windblade: FORGET IT! I don't have time for a history lesson! I gather it's something really bad, and we just need to destroy it before they can use it. Do I got that about right?
Springer: There… NOW nothing should be… [CLICK] no. No, I'm not messing around with this thing anymore! [Springer throws the rifle down the cliff and walks over beside Windblade.] Can't we come up with a plan now that we know we're only fighting combines?
Windblade: COMBINE-ERS!
Springer: What's a combiner?
Windblade: What the 'H' is a combine!?
Springer: It's that tractor with the big spinning, cutting thing on the front of it to cut down corn and wheat and stuff.
Windblade: Why would we have a war against farm equipment?
Springer: Well iunno… y'got the Autobots changing into cars and planes and stuff; then you got the Decepticons changing into other cars, tanks, jets and stuff… all off a sudden a bunch of combines just show up and everyone's all "Woah, I didn't see that coming! I was not prepared!" They'd have the drop on us, y'know? What if they didn't just cut through crops, what if they could cut through robots, or buildings or force-fields? Now that we know what the danger is, we… we can… y'know, get ready.
[Windblade and Optimus stare blankly at Springer for several awkward seconds.]
Springer: Alright then… so what is a combiner anyway?
Windblade: You know Devastator, right?
Springer: Yeah, he's made out of six or something regular-sized robots. Takes an army to take him down.
Windblade: Well there's a whole bunch of them now... Like twelve.
Springer: Hey, Optimus, it's been a real honor to serve with you but…
Optimus: You're not going anywhere!
Springer: Optimus, we can't win! Even with Windblade here we're just three. We aren't enough to take on any giant robots or storm the council citadel...
Optimus: Then we'll need to seek out an old acquaintance to level the playing field. You're welcome to join us, Windblade.
Windblade: Sure. You guys probably attract trouble like a magnet. This'll be a blast and a half.
[Meanwhile, the rifle tumbles down until it strikes the ground. It fires a single shot that flies through the city, into the citadel, and hits Starscream in the groin.]
Starscream: AAAAAAHHHHH!