This is my feeble attempt at being creative. I do not own Squaresoft (now Square Enix). I certainly do not own the character and frankly if you want to sue me than I think you need to get a life. HAVE FUN READING:D
Roses!
Camellias!
Frangipanis!
Lilies!
The whole Garden was surrounded by a floral halo, a typical Selphie marking. It would seem that Valentine's Day would haunt Zell even in death. Was this heaven? Where all the innocent went to spend their eternity frolicking in fields? Or was this a sick demented version of hell. Zell's personal hell!
The volatile fumes were much too suffocating for little Zell, so he groggily woke up cursing the man who thought of affiliating the little weeds with love.
ACHOOO!
Hmmmmm that's funny...I don't normally have hayfever.
WAIT!! Since when do dead people sneeze?
The day was getting even stranger for the little martial artist. His eyes were practically crying a river from the olfactory assault and his stomach churned from the sick thoughts of drinking perfume and bathing in flower petals.
He shifted a foot off the bed frantically feeling his way for the floor.
"DAMN THESE EYES!" he cursed loudly. He rubbed his eyes furiously while whimpering when the stinging sensation started to kick in. He made it worse.
Seifer would probably die from laughing if he ever saw the blonde wander aimlessly around the room like a headless chicken. In his attempt to find the bathroom he managed to break glass, split his lip and render himself partially unconscious.
Obviously if you were to experience a temporary loss of eyesight and meander around the room like a drunkard you would be pretty pissed. For Zell the anger at his inability to walk properly soon turned into an all consuming fear.
Who would leave this much crap lying around?
Maybe he didn't die...
Zell always had spare time! After having his little cry session he would often calm himself by reading the Occult fan magazine. After fighting Ultimecia he soon realized that ANYTHING was possible and he could have sworn that he saw PuPu zooming around near Esthar.
OH SHIT!! I WAS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!! he thought.
That could possibly explain the hayfever Zell was experiencing. Perhaps PuPu had probed him and somehow fucked with his genes? Zell was not a gullible character but at this time where he searched for a plausible explanation...this unfortunately made sense.
"Cmon...where's the bathroom...I'm BUSTING" Zell whimpered.
He grabbed his crotch squeezing while madly hopping, hoping to Hyne he could hold it. Ofcourse the apprehension coupled with the obscene amount of tripping didn't really help his ballooning bladder.
"OKAY so they must have fucked with my dick as well!"
It must have felt strange touching a crotch you never thought you have. Zell was male so he had a ... (we hope) but this one was different. There was something strange about it... He was wearing boxers for goodness sake and Zell detested the undergarments. Zell strongly believed in support, so he went with jocks all the way.
Zell did not like it one damn bit and it was showing on his sweaty face. He was faced with so many dilemmas in such a short amount of time.
Perhaps death wasn't what it was cracked up to be!
MEANWHILE
Seifer was having a ball. He woke up this morning with a zest for life. Walking through the Garden corridors was refreshing. Warm greetings and a lack of daggers made Seifer wish he was more of a morning person.
His body was just rippling with energy and he had a bounce in his step. He was the vision of health!
Perhaps Valentine's Day was a great holiday after all. People were too obsessed coaxing their victims into the shaggin wagon to notice that there was a raving lunatic enrolled in the Garden who tried to kill them. Life was very strange indeed but Seifer didn't give a rat's ass. He would go fishing and actually enjoy it without having pesky mothers throw their food scraps at him.
BACK TO ZELL
After much deliberation, Zell's hands finally found the cool tiles which hopefully were part of the bathroom. He found it much easier to crawl and it did give him some minor bladder relief.
"Okay...so where is the toilet bowl?" concentrating with all his might
His hands patted the floor building a mental map of the bathroom.
"T..That's a..?" He felt a box of some sort. Upon some more fondling he finally concluded it was the bathroom vanity.
"Which means!"
"The toilet is right NEXT TO IT"
"BOOYA!" he shouted with satifaction.
OMG does my voice sound like that...ughhh...wait a minute!
Before he could fantasize about his new found voice he found the toilet bowl! Relief painting his face. He unzipped his pants and the rest was history.
The flush was music to his ears. At least there was a toilet in heaven or hell or wherever he was. Everybody takes toilets for granted. But not Zell. Ultimecia's castle did not have a toilet whatsoever despite the immensity of the place. The fountain always came in handy, but then again you always had Ultimecia looming over you so it was scary trying to do your business when she could teleport right in front of you.
Zell wasn't really a religious person, but he thanked Hyne for the wonderful invention beautifully named, the toilet.
After spending a few good seconds entranced by the presence of the toilet he aimed for the vanity fumbling for the taps. He found it...but burnt himself with the scalding water.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh FUUUUUUUUCK!" Quickly turning it off he opened the other trying to cool his burn.
He washed his hands and face thoroughly trying to relieve some of the itching in his eyes. He also dumbly concluded that repeatedly splashing his face with cold water would wake him up from this nightmare. It was in vain.
Zell always despised Valentine's Day. It was more his overwhelming jealousy at all the couples enjoying themselves that caused much anger. Who was Saint Valentine? Everybody knew Santa Claus was fake! Right?
What Zell didn't know was that the canonized saint was very much real and sat with Hyne bringing order to the world.
An angry saint should not be trifled with!
Frankly, he would not take shit from a boy barely out of puberty.
Maybe that could explain why Zell was having such a bad day.
After wiping his face with a stray towel he stared at the mirror utterly horrified at the sight before him. His heart was viciously pounding.
It wasn't even his heart!
There before him stood a pale and somewhat fragile looking tall blonde man with a scar brandished between his emerald orbs.
Zell was Seifer...it was worse than hell!
The screams of agony and torture reverberated through the corridors of Garden.
Did anybody care? No!
Everybody was makin love as Irvine would put it.