Chapter 3

An hour or so later I opened my eyes and realized that I was crying. I didn't want him to see me so I stayed on my side and stared at the wall. He was holding me while he slept. I felt him stir again and decided that it was now or never. If I didn't say it now I would chicken out and let him leave again without hearing the words.

"Ranger?"

"Babe."

"Um..I"

"Having guilt issues?"

"No, no guilt. I need to tell you something." I felt his arm stiffen as my heart rate shot through the roof. I knew he could feel it and I was slightly curious what he thought was coming. He waited patiently as I lie there trying to make my mouth move again. Finally, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"I love you."

"Babe."

"Don't get killed, ok?"

"We've talked about this, Babe. It wouldn't be good for this to be a recurring event."

"I know. I don't think it matters. I love you and that's not going to change. I don't want you getting hurt. You don't have to repeat anything. I know how you feel, you've made it very clear. I just had to say it."

"Babe…"

"No really, don't." I said. It was the last thing I got out before my throat closed up and I started to feel the sobs building in my chest. I held them back, just like I had when he was shot. I swallowed the cries and waited for the tears to stop. They fell silently against my pillow while I slowed my heart rate back down and tried to relax again.

Ranger's body had gone stiff and he still wasn't relaxing. I'm pretty sure he knew I was crying, but I was lying to myself and believing that I'd kept that hidden. I waited for what seemed like hours while the tension slowly left his body. His arms stayed tightly around me all night and eventually the tears stopped and I fell asleep. I woke up to find myself alone in bed. I was about to begin the sobbing that was due to explode but I heard my shower and realized I needed to wait a little while longer.

Ranger came back into the bedroom, dropped his towel and started getting dressed. I let myself inspect every inch of his body while he stood there in all his Cuban sex god glory. Every muscle and every line was perfect. I was thinking about batman and wondering if they used Ranger's body to mold that black body suit thing when his voice brought me back.

"See something you like, Babe?"

"Yes. I'm trying to memorize. Just in case."

"I'm coming back Babe."

"I know, but I don't know if we'll get to do this again."

"I can't figure that out now. You know how I feel about you but I need time to think."

"Ok" I said with hope sneaking in where it shouldn't. He said now, not never. He said he couldn't figure it out now which implied he would do that later. I'm still not sure I'll like the decision he comes to, but it's something.

He sat down on the end of my bed to lace up his boots. "Drive the Mercedes. I bought it for you. Use my apartment and whatever else you need while I'm gone. Call Tank if you have problems."

"Ok" was all I could say. I was still choked up waiting for him to leave so I could cry and touched that he cared. This was the Ranger version of an I Love You confession. On top of that, my mind was still spinning about the figure it out later part.

He looked over his shoulder at me and said, "When I get back, ok?"

"Damn ESP." That got an almost smile as he stood up and walked over to me on the bed. He kissed my forehead and turned away.

"Please, be careful and don't get hurt or killed." I said looking him directly in the eye.

"Babe." And he was gone.

I got up from bed and walked to my door to re-lock it without bothering to put on clothes. I wasn't really thinking yet. I walked back to bed after grabbing the tissues I knew I would need. I curled up in bed and grabbed the pillow he'd slept on. One whiff of Bvlgari/Ranger smell and I was gone. The crying started and was so intense that I hurt. Or maybe the hurt was from something else. There were no thoughts, no words, no anything. Just tears and sobs and some snot.

It took me hours to calm down enough to get in the shower. I thought I was done, at least for a while. But as soon as I got under the hot water, the crying started again. I couldn't feel the tears on my face mixed in with the hot water but I could feel the knots in my chest as my breath kept catching. I decided I'd wait until the tears stopped before I got out of the shower, but the hot water ran out before I did. I washed quickly with the water slowly growing cooler. I got out before it was completely freezing and wrapped up in my robe to warm back up. The tears kept flowing, but I had managed to even out the breathing again. If I was going to talk to anyone, it should probably be now while I have the tiniest bit of control. So I called Connie.

"Vincent Plum Bail Bonds," she said when she answered.

"Hey, its Steph."

"Hi hun, whatsup?"

"Not coming in today. Maybe not tomorrow. I need some time."

"You ok? What happened?"

My chest started to ache again and I wasn't sure I could answer.

"Did he leave?" she asked.

"Yea. But I told him before he left. I just need some time alone for a while."

"Ok. Let me know when you're coming back. I won't assume till I hear from you."

"Thanks Connie. Tell Lula I'll call her when I can."

"Bye Steph." She said with pity laced through her voice.

"Bye."

I went to my closet and grabbed my Rangeman t-shirt. I slipped it on with the matching black panties and crawled back into bed. It seemed stupid, but having something of him, even just something of his business on me made me feel a little more connected to him.

I was almost to the point of passing out from exhaustion when I heard my phone ring. I looked at the ID and almost dropped it. Ranger.

"Yo." I said with a horse voice.

"Babe." I thought the sobs would start again after just that one word but I held them back straining to hear more. I was usually the first one to break the silence on our phone calls but this time I out lasted him. He probably heard me sniffle but I didn't speak. Finally he continued.

"I want this, in some way or another. I don't want you waiting around to be rejected, cuz that won't happen. Ok?"

I froze. Was he really telling me that we could be together? No not really. Not in those words, but he was telling me that he wouldn't come home and send me away.

"I'm not sure I know what that means." I said with a shaky voice.

"I don't either. I still need time to think. But we will figure this out when I get back. I'm not sending you away and I'm not saying no. That's what I'm sure of."

"Really?"

"Be careful Babe." And he was gone again.

For a while, the thought of being with Ranger, in whatever capacity he wanted me, was enough to sustain me. Then all the fear that I had been feeling before overflowed and I was in pieces on the bed again. What if he never came back? What if this was as close as we ever got? What if I just found out he wanted to try only to lose him? I couldn't believe I had water left in my body, but I did.