My Demons Are The Wind

By Breech Loader

Me: Dammit, no reviews? Is it my story that's unpopular, or is Big Hero 6 really that bad?

Chapter Three: Drowning Your Sorrows

It's been almost a month since Tadashi's death in the fire, and Fred has found the perfect way to handle it.

The only problem is the morning after, when he's waking up on a couch with his head pounding because of the sun having the gall to come through the curtains. Not even his own couch, but right now this morning it's Honey's couch.

He stands up and- "ARGH DAMMIT!" – his head is spinning. Drops onto his hands and knees and realises that he's kneeling in partly dried vomit. Okay, so he doesn't really remember last night. He stands up, more carefully this time. There's the smell of something cooking, and even though his mouth tastes like vomit and he's not really hungry but anyway…

"Morning, Honey!" he tries to sound cheerful. For her. It's been hard for them all this last month. Honey acts happy, but he knows her well enough to see through it to the hurting.

"It's not morning, Fred," Honey's dressed and has her hair up neatly and her flat shoes on. He's well aware that he must look like a hobo in comparison, "It's after noon."

"Huh… Well… I guess you picked me up last night, right?" he checks, and grins, embarrassed, "Thanks, Honey. Sorry about the mess…"

"It's… it's okay…"

She sounds tired. It's obviously not okay, "No, really, I'm sorry," he sighs, "It won't happen again, okay?"

"Stop saying that, Fred!" she bursts out, and turns quickly, before taking a deep breath, "Stop saying sorry. You obviously don't mean it."

"What?"

"Well, this is the third time in seven days that you've been sick on my carpet, and I'm tired of it!" she looks away for a moment, but when she turns back he can see the shadows under her eyes, "I'm tired of you going out by yourself and swilling alcohol and smoking cannabis! And then you call me and-"

"Heh, I don't even remember calling you…"

"Exactly! You were passed out by the time I got to you! I had to drag you into the car!"

Fred feels his mouth opening and closing a couple of times, before he clenches his fists, "Well if you've got a problem, I won't call you any more! I'll call Wasabi or Go-go!"

"Oh, so you think they haven't noticed?" Honey sucks in a deep breath, "This is not a healthy way of dealing with loss, Fred."

"Dealing with- Oh right," he scowls, "This is about Tadashi. I went out for drinks with Tadashi before he died, you know. And you never noticed any of my hangovers then."

"I know, but not like this! Not on your own! You're making yourself sick again, Fred!" Honey pulls what she's cooking off the grill before it can burn, and then turns back to him, "You know you've had these kinds of problems in the past!"

"So what? I beat it! You're acting like I'm some kind of addict!"

"You are an addict, Fred!" Honey told him, "Part of me was always scared that you might go back to drink and drugs, and now you are! Alcoholism is an addiction!"

"I'm not an-"

"Then explain this!" She slams a calendar down on the table and pulls it back a month. There's a big black mark on the date of the fire. A couple of days later there's a red mark, and a pink 'H'. Two days after, there's another red mark, this time accompanied by a green 'W'. The next time, it is a yellow 'G'. The Ws and Gs rapidly decrease, but the number of red crosses do not.

"You've been… keeping track of me since day one?" he asks, a spark of anger, fuelled by indignation flares up. He knows instinctively that every cross represents a day he's been drunk. And if he's absolutely honest, he's been drinking more than that…

"Since Go-Go told me you threw up on her shoes, actually."

"That doesn't make me an addict," he insists stubbornly, "I'm just… trying to deal with it! You just smile all the time and act like nothing's wrong!" Okay, that wasn't fair. He's seen Honey trying to hide her crying; she just wipes her eyes and pretends she's got something in her eye…

"You're drinking alone! AND you stink of cannabis! Again!"

"So what?!" they're almost screaming at each other now, "It's just pot! It's not like I'm doing crack! Pot doesn't kill you!"

"Oh, right, so there's a positive side to setting dead leaves on fire and inhaling their ashes into your lungs?! There's a positive side to calling me for a pick-up and passing out drunk before I can even get there?! What would Tadashi say, if he saw you falling apart like this?!"

"Who cares?! Tadashi's DEAD, you stupid cow-" Fred doesn't need to see Honey's eyes fill with tears; he regrets the words the moment they leave his mouth, and covers his mouth with his hands in horror, "Oh god… Oh, god I'm so sorry, Honey, I'm so sorry…"

"Freddy…" Honey looks away, taking a few deep breaths, "It's okay. I miss Tadashi too…" she turns back to him, "I… I miss him too…" she begins to sob, because she's penned it up so tight with prison bars made from smiles, and hugs Fred. He stinks of pot and booze but he's warm, and gentle, "And I don't want to lose you as well…"

"Honey…" he wraps his arms around her, feeling like a total scumbag for talking to her like that, "It… it's just pot, Honey. It's not gonna kill me…"

"No, it's not like that," Honey sobs, her makeup starting to run, "Don't you remember what you were like before? How we met? You were so drunk and stoned that you were collapsing in the street, and… and you nearly died, remember? Doing pot, joining in with your crackhead friends, drinking all the time… I don't want to lose you to that guy…"

There's silence now. Honey continues to sob, and Fred's just standing there, with a headache in his chest and a sick feeling in his stomach that last night's binge doesn't fully explain. Finally he sits on the kitchen chair, still holding onto her, "I… I'm sorry, Honey."

"Stop saying sorry!" she sobs again, "I can't keep smiling and pretending nothing's wrong… not when you keep behaving this way…"

Fred strokes her back, trying to think straight in the light of day, "Honey… Mariana… I… I… I can beat this," she looks up, her face streaked with tears, "I promise."

"Please, Fred," she pleads, "Don't make promises you don't plan to keep…"

"Mariana," he tilts her chin up gently, "I promise. I promise I'll try. I'll try, and then I'll beat it. I promise."

"You really will?"

"It'll be easy," he smiles back, "Especially with you guys as my friends."

"You have to mean it, Fred," her eyes search his, "Because we're all in it together, Fred. Nobody's giving up on anybody, so please, please, mean it."

Fred concentrates. He hates seeing Honey like this. He didn't even go straight back to the pot, it's just that the bars he was boozing out his memories in were those kinds of bars and… "I swear it," he holds up a hand, looking quite serious, "On my honour as Fredzilla, I… I can work this out. I can. I will."

She buries her face in his grubby sweater and starts crying again, this time with relief, "Oh, Freddy…"

"Yeah…" he embraces her, "And you don't have to keep smiling either," he can feel a few tears running down his face too, and lays a kiss very gently on the top of her head, "You make me happy just knowing people like you exist…"

Breech: Aw… Everybody falls off the wagon a few times. The important thing is to get back on the horse.

Chrissake, can I just have some reviews already?