A/N: If you or someone you know is being abused by a partner, parent, or family member you can call these numbers: The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453, National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673. There is also a Text Line that you can text if you have anxiety or are unable to call, called Crisis Text Line. You text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis support in the US. Please stay safe and healthy, and I hope you all have a long and happy life.
WARNING: GRAPHIC MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND SEXUAL ABUSE, MANIPULATION, BULLYING, TEEN PREGNANCY, CRUDE LANGUAGE, AND TRIGGERING IMAGERY. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THIS OR DO NOT ENJOY IT, DO NOT READ.
Chapter Three.
The trees whipped past the raindrop covered car window, and I lay my head against it sleepily as the gray day turned into a black night. Dad and I had been driving for what seemed like forever, and finally, we would be home. I paused in thought for a second, soaking in my words. Home. I had never truly had a home until this point, just places to rest and bide my time, but now I would finally be, in all sense of the word, home.
The rain pitter-pattered against the car, drumming a tune that threatened to put me to sleep. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I've felt more prone to sleeping all hours of the day and eating my weight in burritos, but that might just be my stomach finally settling from the emotional turmoil that William had put me through. I rubbed my hand against my sweater covered stomach, which was still flat, but it held my bundle of joy. I knew it was going to be tiring to raise my baby, but it would all be worth it.
I was pulled out of my thoughts when we pulled into a McDonald's drive-through and quickly told him what I wanted. Six-piece nugget with a medium fry. I didn't order a drink since I had a water bottle in the car, and once we had our food we parked in the parking lot and ate quietly. After he finished with his burger and was eating his fries, he started speaking again.
"When we get there, the house is going to be filled with people, mostly family but some friends. They usually have this family game night since its Jean's only night not on the clock, and it's a good chance for everyone to have a break from the usual stress of our daily lives."
"Who's all going to be there?"
"Jean, of course, and her two kids, Sandy and Kenny. Then there's our nieces and nephew, Leah, Claire, and Seth, and family friends Paul, Quil, Jared, and Kim. Sam, Emily, and Jacob won't be able to make it, since Sam and Emmy's son is sick, and Jacob and his dad are visiting his aunt this weekend."
I felt my stomach tense as I thought of all those people I'd have to meet tonight, all those judging stares. He put a hand on my shoulder and patted it gently, looking at me with the sincere eyes. "I'm telling you now because I don't want to be too overwhelmed when we get there. I know it will be stressful and hard, but we'll get through it, okay?" I breathed in deeply before nodding and giving him a grateful smile.
"Okay." A few moments passed before he removed his hand and we started back on our trip. I must have nodded off on our journey because when I opened my eyes next I was being tapped and we were parked in front of a cream-colored house. I looked through the window at the dark scenery, taking in the wet grass and dripping sky. Half of me wanted to flow out and away from here like the rain, but the other half of me was excited to see where this next step in life would take me. My stomach did flip-flops as my dad gave me a reassuring smile before opening the door and going to get my bags from the trunks.
The air in my chest felt tight and I felt almost dizzy as I stepped out of the vehicle, taking in the chilly air and green surroundings.
Home, my brain told me. You are finally home.
Quickly, I followed dad up the steps and into the brightly lit doorway, and my heart jumped into my throat as we stepped through the thresh hold. It was almost freeing to meeting all these new faces and starting this new life. Well, it would be if I could shake the terrifying anxiety I had. Numerous faceless bodies welcome my father with open arms, helping him with my bags before asking him how his trip went. I, on the other hand, was left standing awkwardly in the doorway with fingers tangling together tightly. This foreign place smelt of vanilla and apple pie, but I couldn't shake the growing nausea welling in my belly.
"You must be Breanna. You must be so tired from your trip." A woman in a floral blouse and tan capris smiled at me warmly, her pearly whites gleaming. Her hair hung loosely on her shoulder in waves of brown and black, and her eyes were like two pools of melted chocolate. It had to be Jean, my father's wife, and my new stepmother. I tried to relax as she pulled me in for a warm hug, her perfume tickling my nose.
"Yeah, I fell asleep on the way here." I rambled, not knowing what else to say.
"Do you want me to show you to your room? You can go back to sleep and no one will disturb you." I shook my head, suddenly feeling very awake but also very nervous.
"No thank you, I'm fine." Thankfully, dad made a reappearance and pulled me away from the debilitating social interaction and pulled me into the living room where a bunch of eyes shifted towards me. A woman with short, slick black hair stood up and held her hand out to me, and slowly I took it, shaking quickly before returning my shaking hand to my side.
"Hi, I'm Leah. You must be my new cousin." I nodded, biting my lip roughly as my heartbeat skyrocketed. She pointed towards a lanky boy on the floor in front of the coffee table, his hair shaggy and a wide grin set on his face. "That's my brother, Seth," He gave me a wave and I waved back. "And that's Claire, she's sitting on Quil's lap." She pointed to a little girl with dark brown pigtails who sat in the lap of a boy with big muscles and a buzz cut. He gave me a grin and a wink, and I tensed under his stare.
My eyes flashed as I remembered William's face, and a similar expression on his face as his fist collided with my skull. I coughed quickly and averted my eyes, shoving my shaky hands into my jacket pockets.
"Canoodling by the fire is Jared and Kim, and over there shoving his face with chips is Paul." I gave the three a wave and turned my eyes to the floor again.
"Where are Sandy and Kenny?" Dad questioned from behind me.
"I sent them out to pick up the pizzas. They should be back in a few minutes, at the latest." He nodded back at Jean before ushering me out of the living room and up the stairs.
"I'll show you your room, it's right down the hall here." He held my shoulder as we walked up the stairs and turned to the right. There were three doors, one of which had a bright red fake stop sign on it and a poster of Motley Crue. That was the door my father opened and ushered me inside of. I gave him a peculiar look as I kicked a maroon colored bra out of my path. "You'll be sharing with Sandy." I nodded, staring at the twin bed on the right side of the room, freshly made with an extra quilt and body pillow on it. I felt myself growing tired just staring at it, my need for a real bad paling in comparison to my nervousness of sharing a room with somebody I hadn't met yet.
I had no problem sharing the room with her; I was just scared of her having a problem sharing with me.
"Sandy's a freshman in college, and Kenny's a sophomore on the rez. You'll be going to school in Forks, but they'll both look out for you. They're both really good kids." I nodded, biting my lip again. They'll be looking out for me? Geesh, I must look as fragile to them as I felt.
"Is she okay with sharing her room with me?"
"Yeah, of course. She used to share it with Leah whenever she needed a place to stay, so she's used to it." Leah was her cousin, of course, she would be staying over with her. I, on the other hand, was a step-sibling she had never met. I bit my tongue, though. My father had worked hard to get me here and I wasn't going to complain about something that won't even happen Well, hopefully. "Come on, let's go downstairs and make some friends."
I had been sitting downstairs in a large wheat colored recliner, my hands fumbling over themselves as I rushed to answer the group's questions.
"Where did you used to live?"
"Indiana."
"Did you have any close friends?"
"Kind of."
"Are you okay? You're kind of sweating." As if, I thought glumly to myself, my brain starting to feel foggy.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I need to use the bathroom, though, if you'll excuse me." My legs felt jiggly as I walked down the hall past the stairs and into the little downstairs bathroom. With the door locked I let out a breath and sat down on the toilet seat, before trying to focus on the color of the walls and instead of the impending doom I felt coming over me. They were the color of raspberry ice cream, the kind I used to get with mom during the summers when she was feeling generous. It was my favorite flavor.
I flinched when somebody knocked on the door.
"You okay in there?" It was a male voice, I'm not sure who. Maybe Jared?
"Yeah, I'm alright. Just freshening up."
"Okay." When his footsteps were too far away to hear I let out another breath and covered my face with my hands. Why was I so nervous? These people were my dad's family, and they were welcoming me into their home and family even though I was some slutty teenage mother. I let out a cry and felt the tears start to roll, and all the stress and anxiety I felt came rushing out. How was I supposed to be a good mom when every little thing knocks me down? I was like a bobble head with a really small body; I let my thoughts consume my whole being until I broke down like I was doing now. How embarrassing, they could probably hear me.
This was all so crazy, I felt so torn inside. Even though I was free, I really wasn't. My brain still had me chained up, and I had no way how to get out. Tears rolled in waves and my whole body shook in trembles. I was falling apart at the seams.
Then the door was unlocked.
My head shot up and I was face to face with the guy again, his dark eyes staring right through me.
"Wha- what are you doing? How did you get in?" He ignored my question and leaned down in front of me, not breaking eye contact.
"Just keep looking at me, follow my breathing."
"Who are you?"
"Paul, I'm Paul." I flinched as he put his hands on either side of my head, bring my face clothes to his. "Focus on me, focus on my breathing. Try to match mine." His hold was tight and warm, but gentle as he breathed in deeply and held it, before blowing it out between his lips. With nothing else helping, I decided to do what he said. To breathe.
Paul's POV:
Breanna was a bomb waiting to go off. I could tell all the signs; flushed face, the twitching. She would keep stumbling over her words and look past us, not in our eyes. It was a miracle that Quil didn't move too fast and scare her, or she would have been running to the bathroom sooner. He was a jumpy little shit. She wouldn't be able to handle him alone, I knew that. I had trouble dealing with him when I first phased, and it had been years since I had been hit. It had only been a few weeks for her, and you could tell she was struggling. I guess that's why I followed her to make sure she was okay.
"You sure Rachel's going to like that?" Quil giggled out as I started out of the living room, but I ignored him. Rachel didn't matter right now; Breanna's fucked up head did. When I got to the door I waited a few minutes before I knocked, and then a few more till I heard her start to cry. It was quiet enough that the guys wouldn't be able to hear it in the living room, but loud enough that I could hear her behind the closed door. One of the only things I couldn't deal with was a girl crying, it fucking broke my heart. I wouldn't call myself a sensitive guy, but when a woman is crying you must make her feel better. So that's what I did.
After breaking into the bathroom, I spoke to her and attempted to get her to match my breathing patterns. I knew how hard it was to try and placate a panic attack, so I did the best I could to relieve the agony she was going through. Somehow my hands held her face and I leaned my forehead against hers, looking into her eyes. It seemed to be the only way to get her to really listen, so that's what I did.
Her eyes were rimmed with red and wide, she was so scared. I could remember the same pain in my own chest, the fear, and the agony. My thoughts had tricked me into believing a fuck ton of shit, still do sometimes. And she was such a small girl too, it had to be hell on earth.
Minutes or hours could have passed, I wouldn't have known. Finally, she started to calm down and I released my hold on her head and let her lean back against the back of the toilet, watching her with a close eye. She wiped her face with her shaking hands and whispered, "Thank you."
"No problem." With my job done, I left. My seat was still warm when I slouched back into it, throwing an arm over Leah's shoulder. She raised an eyebrow at me, pursing her pretty pink lips at me.
"What was that about?"
"What was what about?"
"That whole situation. Why did you go in there?" I gave her a sneer before continuing.
"Why didn't you?" My worse silenced her, which I was glad for. I didn't know why I had gone in there; maybe our similar situations pulled a string at my black heart, or I was just trying to be a nice person? I guess the world may never know. I was pulled out of my thoughts as she reentered, her face free of its redness and tears and now wearing a more relaxed face.
She gave me a small smile and I returned it.
Yeah, I still had no idea why I did that.
Breanna's POV:
The game night had ended, and all the pizza had been eating. Everyone had retired to their rooms, and I got to know Sandy on a personal level before she disappeared.
Now I lay awake, sleep evading me. The bed felt foreign and the covers smelled of Axe spray and raspberries. Sandy loved the stuff, she had a stockpile of Axe spray in her closet. She had shown me in a hushed sort of way, a guilty smile on her face.
"It smells like my ex-boyfriend." Her eyes were bloodshot and hazy, and her blonde dyed hair was put into a messy ponytail.
"Oh, do you still like him?"
"Yeah, but he's dead." My eyes had grown wide and I quickly pushed out an apology before she burst into laughter. My face was pulled into a wide-eyed expression. Why was she laughing? I didn't think it was very funny. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just couldn't handle your innocent facial expression. Priceless. Also, I'm high as shit." She gave out another chuckle, pushing back some of her blonde hair. "I guess you wanna know how it happened."
"Well, um-"
"Don't worry, it's a human trait to be nosy. Okay, so it happened on a rainy night like this. He crashed his car, I was in the passenger seat. He was dead on impact." Her face suddenly grew sad, almost like a light switch. "We had just gotten back together, he was driving me home from his house. We'd had sex a couple times and downed a couple beers. I didn't think it was a problem that he was driving. I regret that now." She gave a pause before grabbing my face with both of her hands and staring deep into my eyes. They were wild and crazed, and her pupils were almost dilated enough to hide her light brown irises.
"If I could give you any advice as your new big sister, it's this. Don't make stupid ass decisions that cost you your soulmate. You will never be whole again, no matter how hard you try. You will always be broken in some way. Never forget what I just told you." And with that, she burst into tears, slumping into my chest and sobbing. A couple minutes later Kenny came in, his facial expression grim. He ran a hand through his curly black hair angrily.
"Again? Mom and dad are going to kill you if they see you high again." Wrapping his arms around her torso, he tugged her into a standing position before pulling her out of the room. I sat for a while waiting for someone to come back, but when no one did I just put on my pajamas and crawled into bed.
The clock read two-o-three am, and I gave a groan of annoyance. Sandy's words rang through my head like a fire alarm, and no amount of covering my head with the pillow would help that.
You will never be whole again, no matter how hard you try.
Well, what would happen if I wasn't whole to begin with? I had thought William was my soulmate once upon a time and look where that got me. Fighting for my life day in and day out, just struggling to survive. Everyone was different; Sandy had lost her soulmate tragically, while I had never had the pleasure of meeting mine. Honestly, I probably didn't have one. Who would love a broken girl? The saying goes, no one is going to love you unless you love yourself. At this rate, I'd be single forever.
Feeling defeated and unable to sleep, I got out of bed and picked up some clothes and my brush and toothbrush before stalking towards the upstairs bathroom. Dad and Jean's room was downstairs, so I wouldn't be in her way when she was getting ready for work this morning. Once I made my way out of the room and down the hall, I quietly slipped into the dark bathroom, locked the door, and switched the light on. It was similar to the bottom floor bathroom, just more spacious and had candles in it. In record time I had the water on the perfect temperature, plug in the drain, and my clothes were thrown into the hamper.
I sighed as the warm water soothed my tense muscles, my eyes closing on their own accord. Baths were always my favorite way to relax. If I had come home from school from a bad day or was having trouble dealing with my mother's snarky attitude, I'd hop into the tub and just soak my troubles away. I hadn't taken a bath since I had moved in with William; mostly because I had to get clean fast, due to the fact that I waited on him hand and foot. Half of me wondered what he was doing, rotting away in jail or was he back at home working from the computer, his bail paid and his life free until the court date? A shiver ran down my spine, memories flashing of the pain he inflicted on me before he was arrested. I could distinctly remember the punch to my eye, and how his knuckle had sliced my eyebrow open wide. Thank god, I didn't need stitches. The only evidence that I had was a small scar that was hidden under my fringe, never to be seen again.
After soaking a bit, I washed my hair and body got out of the tub, drying off and slipping on some new clothes. A navy-blue crew neck, some black leggings, a pair of socks, and a maroon bra and pantie set. My hair reached to the middle of my back, so it took some time brushing through the knots. Curse my thick hair. When that was done I brushed my teeth and picked up my towels and hung them up on a hook by the shower. Hopefully, that was where they went. With all that done I exited the bathroom, making my way to the kitchen.
Who I didn't expect to run into was a large man shuffling through the fridge like life depended on it. Quietly, I tiptoed over to the kitchen island, slipping onto one of the black stools. A large scar ran the length of his back, and his left shoulder was marred by burn marks. It looked like he had been through a war zone. Instinctively, I clasped my fingers together and swallowed hard. It looked a lot like mine. My gaze moved to the counter and I gulped in some air, suddenly feeling claustrophobic.
"What are you doing up so early?" My whole body jumped, and I squeaked, sending the man looking through the fridge into a fit of giggles. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you."
"No, no. It's fine." I looked back up and my heart pounded at who I saw. It was Paul, from the bathroom. Vaguely, I could remember his words.
Focus on me, focus on my breathing. Try to match mine.
He had said the words over and over until I had calmed down last night; it was the only thing that calmed me down at all. Paul seemed to almost be a miracle worker. "I couldn't sleep."
"First night in a new house? I understand. When I moved back here with my dad, I didn't sleep for almost a week."
"When did you move back?"
"I was six, and my parents had just gotten divorced."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"I'm not." An awkward silence filled the air for a while as he shuffled along through the fridge, pulling out a few more items before dumping them onto the counter. A tub of chocolate ice cream, a bottle of chocolate syrup, a box of Eggo waffles, a can of whipped cream, and some strawberry syrup. The fridge and freezer door closed, and the light was switched on. I blinked hard until my eyes adjusted, and then looked at Paul peculiarly when he sat a bowl in front of me. He furrowed his brow back at me. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"What's with the bowl?" A small smile graced his lips and for a second, I was entranced. Paul was very good looking, there was no denying that. Probably more attractive than William, if I was being honest.
"What do you mean?"
"Why are you giving this to me?"
"Aren't we going to eat ice cream together?"
Ice cream? At two in the morning? "What?"
"Well, I can't eat all this by myself."
Paul's POV:
I could have eaten all of it, I wanted to for Christ's sake, but she didn't need to know that. She just looked so pitiful sitting there, all nervous and fidgety like that. I had to make her feel better for my sanity alone. We sat in front of the TV now, some comedy starring Adam Sandler involving a remote, stuffing our faces with chocolate fudge swirl flavored ice cream. Thank god Jean always got the good stuff. I could see her peering at me from the corner of her eye, maybe taking in my godly looks or most likely judging if I was safe or not. To be honest, I had no idea if I was safe or not. Charming? Of course. Sexy beyond belief? You betcha. But safe? That was something to consider at a later date.
"What are you doing up so early?"
For a second, I was caught off by her question, surprised she was speaking to me at all, and then I brushed it off and answered smoothly, "I'm a sort of neighborhood patrol person. It's my second job." She gave a nod before turning back to the screen, sticking a small spoonful of ice cream covered in whip cream into her mouth. I took this time to ask her the same thing, my eyes still trained on the screen but not really paying attention.
"What about you? Don't you have a big welcome home party planned for tomorrow?" Her cheeks flushed a bright red, similar to the red delicious apple I'd had before I'd gone on patrol, before stuttering words out.
"A-a party? N-no I-" As the confused and scared expression took on her face, I suddenly had the realization that I'd stuck my foot in my mouth. Shit, shit. I was in for it now.
"Oh shit, did I spill the beans? Jean's gonna rip me a new one." I slapped myself in annoyance without thinking and Breanna jumped, clutching her bowl of ice cream tightly. "Shit, I'm sorry."
"It-its fine." I set my bowl down on the coffee table, turning towards her now.
"You seriously didn't know about it?" She shook her head, biting her bottom lip nervously. "Well, can you try and act surprised tonight?" After a few seconds, she nodded before reverting her eyes away from mine. Another silence ensued until I asked, "So, what are your hobbies?"
"What?"
"You know, things you like to do in your spare time?" I picked up my bowl again and shoved a spoonful of ice cream before swallowing it. "I, for instance, enjoy dancing and cliff diving."
"You dance?" I rolled my eyes at her before setting my bowl down again.
"Well yeah, did you think that a man with these dashing good looks had two left feet?" She shrugged before setting her empty bowl down, fidgeting with her fingers. "No sir, Paul Lahote here is as graceful as a gazelle when the right song comes on." She snorted.
"More like graceful as a blind elephant." Her comment caught me off guard, and I couldn't help but a laugh out loud. Breanna's hands clamped on her mouth, also surprised at her outburst.
"Damn, Ulrey. I didn't know you had it in you. What's next, a rude comment on how I had three bowls of ice cream to your measly half a bowl?"
"Paul, I didn't mean-"
"Come on, it's okay. I know I'm a fat pig sometimes. Part of the charm." I gave her a grin and she let out a laugh, looking at her lap again.
"I mean, you did have a lot of ice cream." She quietly exclaimed, and I snorted, clutching my chest in mock pain.
"Ouch! You got me. I've been wounded by just words alone." Breanna smacked me teasingly on the chest, rolling her eyes.
"You're hopeless, thinking you can dance and shoving yourself with ice cream all the time. What would Jean be thinking if she saw you eating her out of house and home?"
"Psst, I can dance as well as those guys on that high school musical crap all you girls like."
"Hey, Zac Efron is iconic, and nobody can deny that." Her hand whipped into her pocket and she pulled out her iPod, turning on a low Mariah Carey song, which I vaguely remembered to be, 'Always Be My Baby'. I raised an eyebrow at her, obviously wondering where the hell that came from. This girl, who dressed like she was into that Fall Out Boy crap had this song downloaded onto her MP3? Who was this chick?
"Mariah Carey?"
"What can I say? I love a good R&B song." She lay the iPod on the table and then motioned for me to get up. "Now go on, if you can dance than do so." With a sigh and a roll of my eyes, I stood up from my spot on the couch, pushing the coffee table over to the side. I took great care in making sure my bowl of melting ice cream didn't stray to the edge; Jean would skin me if I ruined her new rug.
Without any thought, I started rolling my hips and twisting my body like how I saw on Step Up. I was Channing Tatum in the final dance scene, and I was getting pumped as hell. Breanna's mouth dropped as she took in my moves, which boosted my ego even more. I stopped in the middle of the dance and held my hand out to her, motioning for her to grab it. She gave me a confused look.
"Come on, dance with me. What do you have to lose?"
"Uhm, I can't really dance…"
"So? Who cares, it's all in good fun." After another minute she finally gave in and timidly put her freezing hand in mine, and I led to the center of the living room. I pulled her into a tango, similar to Gomez and Morticia from The Addams Family, twirling her and dripping her until she got dizzy. As the song switched to a slow ballad we started to waltz. I gave her a smile and she grinned back, her face flush and full of life. I had never seen her let go like that. Ever since she had gotten here it had been all anxiety and nerves, but it seemed I was already breaking down some of her walls. Honestly, it must have been the ice cream because what person would let some six-foot beefcake near them after they've gotten the shit beat out of them?
"I'm sorry." Her words left me confused as they pulled me out of my thoughts.
"About what?"
"Saying you couldn't dance, I was thoroughly proven wrong." I gave her another grin and twirled her again. When she faced me again, her face started to look nervous again.
"Nah, it's no biggie. I wouldn't have thought my ass could be this good either until I started practicing on my days off." I dipped her again before waltzing again. "And this just means you'll have to prove me wrong next." Her hazel eyes cast downward, and she breathed out.
"Sorry to burst your bubble, but that probably won't happen."
"And why is that?"
"I don't have any talents. I'm just not very special." Without thinking, I tilted her face back up to face me, my hand touching her chin.
"Now, I know that's not that true." When she didn't answer I continued. "Oh, come on! You went through hell to get to where you are now. I'd say your talent is being a mom to your child. Not many women would fight tooth and nail like that." Our faces started to move closer to each other on their own accord, and I could almost taste her toothpaste.
"Thank you, Paul." Breanna's voice cracked out.
"No problem." As our lips brushed for the first time her body suddenly went rigid and she fought against my hold.
"No, please stop." Her eyes were glazed over, and a look of pure terror appeared on her face. In an instant I let her go and backed up, putting my hands up to show her I meant no harm.
Shit, nice one, Paul. Trying to put the moves on an abuse survivor? Good going!
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." As her vision cleared a sob wracked her body and she ran from the room and back up the stairs, leaving me awestruck as her MP3 player lowly played a song I recalled Embry listening to once or twice.
The deeper you get, the farther you fall down. The closer I get, the more you dissolve.
If that ain't the truth, I thought to myself, turning the song off before sitting back down on the couch.
Breanna's POV:
My body felt exhausted as the last of my tears fell, my cries and gasps for air finally dissipating. And what leads me to this awful panic attack was none other than the one who calmed me down during my previous one; Paul Lahote. My fingers clenched into the comforter and I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. How could I have almost kissed him? I mean, he isn't a horrible guy. Nice even, and definitely cute. But I had finally gotten free from William's clutches and now I'm just jumping into some other guy's bed? Do I have no shame?
Rubbing my stomach affectionately, I closed my eyes and rolled over onto my side. What I should be thinking about right now is my baby, the reason I'm here in the first place. Boys could wait for a long, long time. Even if Paul is a terrific dance machine.