Here's the next Independent story... I Hope you like it. Thank you for all the positive reviews and encouragement. You all are the reason I keep writing.
Anyway, the characters in the Plum universe belong to Janet Evanovich, I just like to play with them. All mistakes are mine.
Tank's Independence Day
The morning sun is just coming over the horizon, painting the sky purple pink and gold, but I just can't appreciate it. In fact, I'm considering just gnawing my own arm off to escape. I can't believe I let it get this far again.
My friends call me Tank. My enemies call me Tank. My coworkers call me Tank. Only my mother calls me Pierre, and that's one person too many in my opinion.
When she broke up our 'engagement' because of my cats, I asked her for the ring back. That's when it got ugly. I found out that she had bought the ring for herself. It wasn't even a real diamond. It was a genuine simulated cubic zirconium. What is a simulation of a fake diamond, anyway? I went out of my way to avoid seeing her after that. Then I got the booty call. I can remember every word of that conversation.
"Tank, I think my apartment is haunted."
"No, it's not."
"But it could be."
"What do you want me to do about it?"
"Could you come over and check for ghosts?"
"No."
"Please?" She knows that I'm a sucker for the damsel in distress. I didn't find any ghosts, but I did find Lula in a tiny nighty. The rest as they say, is history.
A few weeks later I got another call. "Tank, my drain is clogged."
"So?"
"Can't you come and help me?"
"Do I look like a plumber?"
"Please?" On and on it went. She kept making up reasons to call me, and I kept going over. I should have had my phone number changed.
Last night we had the usual phone conversation. "Tank, I think my downstairs neighbor is a zombie."
"No, she's not."
"She could be. She was looking at me funny. I think she wants to eat my brains."
"She's gonna starve."
"Please?" So, of course I went over. I'm a guy, what did you expect? When she went into her bathroom to get ready, I looked in her nightstand to see if she'd been shopping at Pleasure Treasures lately. My stomach dropped about a foot when I saw the small white box. I opened it, and wanted to be sick. I barely had enough time to close the box and put it back in the dresser before she came back out.
So I stayed the whole night anyway. Who wouldn't? Unfortunately, now I'm in my current predicament. A plan was starting to form in my mind, but I was going to need Hector's help to pull it off.
I wasn't surprised when she called on the Fourth of July. "Tank, there's a spider in my bedroom."
"So?"
"Come kill it."
"It's probably more afraid of you than you are of it." I couldn't help but think, 'I would be.'
"Tank, it's huge. It's probably one of those Tarantellas"
"It's a folk dancing spider?"
"Tank, please?" I think I did a good job not laughing over the phone. I was going to miss the Karaoke contest and the fireworks, but this should be worth it.
When Lula was in the bathroom, I started the App that Hector installed on my phone. A few seconds later, my phone rang. "Yo." I watched as the video we took of my cats came up on screen. "Suzy? What do you need?" I had to remember my part. I know Lula is probably listening from the bathroom. She'll probably be out any second. "No, I'm with Lula. I'll be home in the morning." Yep, that did it. Lula came storming out of her bathroom.
I held up my hand as if to ask for a minute. "I told you I was coming over here. Put Applepuff on the phone, please." She looked at my phone screen as the view switched from one cat to another. "Puff, sweetie, tell Suzy that I'm not abandoning you. I'll be home in the morning." Another pause. "Puff, you would like her." I handed Lula the phone and whispered, "Talk to her."
Lula took my phone by two fingers and said, "Nice Kitty." Applepuff got closer to the camera and it looked like she was checking Lula out. The cat sat back and growled. Lula screamed and dropped my phone on the bed.
Holding back my laughter, I picked the phone up and said, "Let me talk to Miss Kitty, Puff." I held up my half of the imaginary conversation. "No. No. Miss Kitty, you know you shouldn't do that. Miss Kitty, stay away from my laptop." Just then, all of Lula's lights went out. She screamed. "Miss Kitty, you turn those lights back on!" Lula's lights came back on. "I'll tell you what. I'll bring her over to our house next weekend so that you can meet her."
Just then, Lula's phone rang. She answered with a shaky, "Hello?" I could hear the answering meow all the way from here. Lula screamed and dropped her phone.
I turned back to my phone and said, "Miss Kitty, tell Suzy to stop making phone calls. Yes. I'll see you in the morning." I closed the app and turned off my phone. I rolled onto my side and said, "Where were we, baby?"
"Umm, I think I need to go do something."
"Are you sure, baby?"
"Yeah, um, I forgot I promised Jackie something."
I stood and got dressed. As I walked to the door for the final time, I kissed her. "Rain check?"
She just said, "I'll call you."
As I walked to my SUV, I was humming to myself. I got inside and called Hector. He asked, "So it worked?"
"Like a charm. I don't know how you got her lights wired to the app. You are a freaking electronic genius."
"You sound good, bossman"
"Man, it's Independence Day."