*Well, I stayed home from school today. Feeling pretty sick, threw up this morning and the only thing I'm capable of keeping down is green tea, which is more filling than you'd think, actually O.o Haha but anyways, since I'm not really able to go on a run or do anything else that I'd usually do on a day off from school, I figured I'll just write since I haven't updated in a while(: Enjoy chapter 3, You Guys!*
Rin actually disobeying me? Claiming she was unable to go through with it. The idea made me angry. How dare she? It was not her place. At the same time that the idea outraged me, it also made me feel slight sympathy for her. I had never been human, but from the way she described the turmoil that her mind was in, and knowing very well that Rin would never deny a request from me if it was at all possible, I had to feel bad for her; knowing that it must be a terrible feeling to not being able to control the fact that you love someone who does not share your feelings.
Still, I had to persist. If even for her sake. "Try."
Rin's eyes closed for a moment, seeming very troubled and in great thought. Something I'd never seen from such a care-free girl. "...I can't. Lord Sesshomaru, it tears me apart inside to not be able to comply with any sort of command from you. But I am so far off of the deep end. It is impossible for me to stop loving you, especially with me being by your side all of the time and you being the only one I talk to regularly. Even knowing that I don't deserve any part of you, my heart can not help dreaming pointless dreams. I am very sorry for troubling you, Lord Sesshomaru."
I took in a deep, exhausted breath before responding. "Well, I trust that you're being honest in saying that you're incapable of fulfilling what I ask of you. I've heard that being in love is quite a complex thing, I'm sure that if it's a legitimate emotion, it would be difficult to stop loving someone. However, I, myself have never known what it's like to be in love. Care to explain?"
Rin paused for a moment, then her head tilted back in a way that had her chin facing the clouds, I could only guess that this was her thinking face. "Well, it's a lot like being sick. I get butterflies in my belly everytime you're around. And when you speak to me, I get a lump in my throat that can't be subsided by swallowing no matter how many times I try. When you speak to me as though you're disappointed in me or in my abilities, I feel like I'm no good and useless in all the ways I can think of, and the feeling doesn't go away until you praise me on a latter occassion. When you tell me that I've done something well, my heart feels like it could leap out of my chest, and I feel as though I wouldn't really mind dying at that moment. In the same way, it feels as though my heart is dropping into my stomach when I become afraid that you may be put in danger or be away from me for any extended period of time. My mind and my heart both wish that I could be at your side at all times of the day and night, even when you're in battle, but my mind is the only one that is able to consider that delusions like that are better being kept inside my own head. And the last way in which I can attempt to describe my emotions, would be that whenever My Lord Sesshomaru is happy, I feel as though I am even more-so... This is the only way I know how to describe the way I feel about you. I'm sorry if it is difficult to understand or makes you unhappy."
My head was boggled. And here, all this time, I'd assumed that the only thing going on in Rin's head were happy thoughts. Yet it seemed as though loving me had only made life all the more troublesome for her.
"...Interesting. I've never heard it described in such a manner."
"What do you mean, Lord Sesshomaru?" She inquired, seeming to finally be drawn out of her trance in which she deciphered what it meant to love.
"I've never actually asked that question before, but out of the few demons that have chosen to describe what love meant to me nonetheless, their explanations were always left with something to be desired. Their idea of love never seemed all too appealing. I can't help but to think that your idea of being in love is more mature than anyone I've heard or read about's idea of it. To them, it seems as though it comes one moment and passed the next. Yours is definitely admirable, to say the least." I told her, giving a small smile at the end, which anyone rarely ever saw. But I felt as though she deserved it, especially considering she sounded as though she hung on my each and every word, and her entire existence was based on me and my current state and mood.
Rin face lit up with one of those cheeky grins that could make even the most cold-hearted demon in the world (even if that did so happen to be me), feel as though they were in the presence of an angel.
"I could never stop loving the person I've grown to love the most, nor could I ever fall in love with anyone else. Whether you see it as a blessing, or more likely – a curse, I will still wish to be by your side and no one else's for the rest of my human life."
Had I been someone to show my thoughts through expressions, my mouth would have been wide open and eyes bugging out of my head at her words. She was profound! She was the only person who I'd ever met to have such an intricate idea of what it meant to love.
It got to the point where I almost had to remind myself that she was, in fact, human. Lest I allow myself to fall into a mutual love with a mere mortal girl. It did not matter that she was more beautiful, patient, kind, and compassionate than any other human I'd met, when you looked at her in plain reality, as much as I would occasionally prefer to tell myself, she was just a human girl.
I made a mistake in thinking this, do to the fact that her being a human was frustrating beyond my own comprehension. I wished I could be mad at her, or her human parents, or anyone. But in reality, who's fault was it really: My own. I was the one who did not see the most perfect person I was ever going to meet, demon or not, as good enough. I was the one who had decided long ago that I did not want to be like my father, to bear a half-breed like my brother, simply out of bitterness. This was one of the few times I was reminded of how often I got in the way of my own happiness. All because I wanted to continue in the way of life that I had been for the past 600 years. There was no point in that anymore though; Rin was here. Maybe before, when I had been more prideful, I would have found a strong demoness to take as a mate, had I taken a mate at all. But here I was, missing a perfect opportunity to be with a girl that anyone, even demons, would be jealous of me for having...simply because she was human?
Most of these thoughts did not occur to me at the moment, however. The only thing I did think of was the fact that I was angry at the fact that she was human. If I could change it, I would. But instead of accepting her the way she was, or even accepting the fact that I could not have her no matter how badly I wanted her, I simply took out my anger on the girl who I cared for more than anyone in the world, and until that moment, had never confessed to myself that I wanted her as anything more than a faithful companion.
"What are you so happy about?" I demanded, wiping the remnants of the smile she'd had on her face for the past several seconds.
"...I...I'm sorry, My Lord." She responded. I'm sure that in her mind, she was incredibly confused as to why I would be upset about her simply smiling, something that usually pleased me. But even so, she apologized to me, without actually understanding what she'd ever done wrong. Who else could I find with so much obedience and allegiance as was possessed by Rin? Being the insanely proud Lord of the Western Lands that I was, she was the only woman that would ever be patient enough to handle me in all of my demanding glory. I would never be able to handle a woman who was by my side all the time if she was not willing to submit to my every word, as was done by Rin.
The more I realized how perfect Rin would be for me if I would allow my selfish pride to become less of an issue, the more angry I got at the fact that she was not mine.
Wait, that was wrong. She was mine. Both her and I knew it. In one way or another, we both knew that she would allow me to take her in whatever way I wanted her, she'd said so herself.
"We're going back to the Market Place." I told her, calling over my shoulder as I turned away from her.
I heard her hesitant footsteps begin to follow behind me, as though she wasn't sure if I even wanted her to follow me. What a strange thought. I would always want her to follow me.
She was too nervous to say anything the entire walk there, which frustrated me all the more. She always had something to say! Did what I say upset her that much?
I took a deep breath that I was sure she must have heard. My mind was in turmoil. I'd never thought about Rin in such a spiteful manner. Was I really so much of an ass that I acted as though I hated anything that I wanted and I couldn't have?
As we came to the entrance of the Market Place, I saw something that I hadn't noticed in our first trip through. I suppose they had just put it up and were going to take it down relatively soon considering it had to be hidden from the authorities.
That's right. The Auction. They were supposedly illegal in these parts, but that didn't stop the underground chain from rising up. Woman after woman made their way onto the middle of the stage, each of them looking tattered and torn, only there for the purpose of being bought by some uncivilized, so-called "men",
I turned back and saw Rin staring in the direction of the auction, seeming confused. I knew it was a bad idea, but I decided to introduce her to the idea.
"You're curious about The Auctions, Rin?" I asked.
She paused. "...Yes...What is 'The Auction'?"
I stopped for a moment, right in front of the stage so that Rin would have a good look at the inhumanity that was going on right in front of her unknowing eyes.
"This is an average girl of Japanese descent. Who knows though, perhaps with the care of servants and a nice bath, she could be of some good use. She hasn't been deflowered, however! Let's make the starting bid 500 yen!" The man standing beside the young girl on stage yelled to the crowd.
Rin, still not understanding the meaning of being deflowered, seemed a little confused at the salesman's statement. However, she saw the large crowd of men begin shouting out larger and larger numbers, getting louder and louder each time. Rin's blank expression grew to one of disgust, seeming to get the gist of the whole affair.
"You see, Rin, all they're doing is selling women. Women with no pride, no reason to live anymore. So they get put up in The Auction, either on their own accord, or they're found by a salesman who puts them up instead. But either ways, they're all just useless whores." I told her, sounding as heartless as any of the men involved in the heinous act.
Rin didn't react to my words in the way that I expected her to. She didn't seem to think that any of this was wrong, she was merely more curious about it. "So they're alone in the world? The person that used to care about them is gone, or perhaps they never had anyone to care about them in the first place...That'd be even more of a shame." Rin had a dazed expression for a moment as she stared at the ground in thought. "I think I may have ended up like those girls had you not come into my life, My Lord."
I paused, almost shocked that she would dare compare herself to a woman being sold in the Market Place. Even more so, that she would show gratitude to me after all of the spite-filled words I'd been throwing in her direction for a reason that she wasn't even sure of. "I suppose, if that's the value at which you hold yourself. Now that I think about it, you would do well without me to be a part of the Market Place. You would go for a pretty high bid..." I told her harshly. I wished my lips would stop moving. I wished I could stop talking before it was too late. I knew what was coming; where this conversation would lead.
Rin started up at me, no hint of hurt in her eyes. "...Why?"
I made eye contact with her. The relentless look of no emotion in her eyes was starting to irritate me. "...Two reasons, Rin. One is because you're fairly pretty for a human girl." That was an extreme understatement. "The other, is because you haven't been deflowed yet. You don't know what that means, do you, Rin?"
She shook her head, looking back at me with no read-able expression on her face. So unlike Rin.
"...All it means..." I said, taking in a sharp breath in, not knowing what terrible malice held in my own heart was allowing me to say my next words. "...Is that more guys are gonna wanna fuck you." I said, grabbing her chin so that she was forced to look me dead in the eyes. My face was contoured in a fashion that made me look almost disgusted with her. I grabbed her lips roughly with my own and proceeded to kiss her, with only lust and possessiveness lacing my actions.
She kissed back, probably unsure of what else she could do. When I pulled away from her, I wiped my mouth roughly and turned away from her in the direction we'd previously been walking. "...That is all."
I got way more into the kiss than I should have. For a split second, I realized that the only thing keeping me from fucking her at that moment was the swarm of people around us. I'd taken this whole "riding the fence" thing way too far. Rin was bound to get hurt if I didn't take note of my own boundaries for exactly what sort of a possession Rin was to me. She was so much more than a girl someone could buy off the Black Market. If she hadn't been, I would have never saved her from wolves, or several other demons she'd encountered while with me. I chose to save her because I could see the pure heart she held amongst all the filth the world had thrown her way. But then, why was I attempting to contaminate such a pure soul? I couldn't lie and say I'd never thought impure thoughts of Rin. Anyone would. But Rin didn't deserve to be treated like a puppet who was never treasured, merely toyed with.
As I took a few steps, I couldn't help but notice that I did not hear the pitter patter of her small feet following behind me. I turned around to see a crying Rin, attempting to wipe away the multiple tears that had already fallen far past her chin.
I turned around to her, taking deliberately slow steps, placing my index finger and thumb gently under her chin, and staring down at her with caring eyes. She looked at me with pink and puffy eyes that made her resemble a bunny. I wiped her tears away with my thumb, and continued looking down at her until I could find the words to say.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me, Rin. You know that I would never want to hurt you. You're important to me, I just wasn't thinking clearly. Will you forgive me?" I apologized. Me! Sesshomaru, fucking Lord of the Western Lands apologized to a young girl.
Rin smiled through tears. "I never needed an apology from you, My Lord. All I need is to know that I still mean something to you. As long as that's true, you can treat me however you want."
I felt my heart beats begin to quicken. This couldn't be the love that Rin had been talking about, could it? I gave her another small smile, the second today, before asking, "Then could I possibly have another kiss?"
Rin nodded with a wide smile, and before she had a chance to do anything else, I picked her up by the waist and continued from where we'd left off. After all, as long as she meant something to me, I could have my way with her. That's what she said, right? And she meant the world.
I think I'm gonna finish this up next chapter. I'm pretty excited about it(: Granted, I have no idea how that's gonna go o.O Lol I'm sure it won't be a complete train wreck tho... Unless you consider every other chapter of every one of my other stories train wrecks as well, 'cuz I had just as much knowledge as to where I was going to go with those as I do with this one! Haha but anyways, please review, favorite my story, and me! :D Love you guys, thanks so much for reading!