Day 3

by 2violetflower15

(find more of violet's writing under our favorite authors or check out her tumblr page)

Michonne locked the front door and made sure that the porch light was on before she started the process of shutting the blinds on the windows. The meeting at the church had gone on later than they'd anticipated and Judith was already asleep when she and Rick had arrived at home. Michonne thanked Olivia for sitting with the fussy little one, whom she suspected was teething, and after filling Olivia in on the meeting details, she sent her home with a promise to stop by and see her before Negan and his people arrived in the ASZ tomorrow.

In the short amount of time that they'd been living in Alexandria, Michonne had gotten used to their home being filled with the incessant chatter of her newly formed family, but tonight the house was eerily quiet. With all the changes and tragedies they'd experienced in the last few weeks, their once boisterous home had been whittled down to just the four of them. Carl disappeared after he stormed out of the church, and Judith was upstairs, which left just Rick and Michonne; and he wasn't exactly in the mood for idle chit chat.

Michonne walked into the kitchen and wasn't surprised to find Rick slumped over at the table with his head in his hands. A small tumbler of some dark liquid, probably whiskey, filled his glass about half way and he rubbed the wet glass along the crease in his forehead. Michonne walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a small bottle of ibuprofen and shook out four little orange pills. "Here," she said quietly handing him the pills, "take these."

Rick looked up at her long enough to take the pills then turned his gaze back down to the table top. "Thanks," he mumbled, placing the pills in his mouth and washing them down with a large gulp of his drink.

She stood behind his chair and rubbed his shoulders with strong fingers. A low groan passed through his lips and she smiled at his delight. His neck was full of knots, a clear indication that Negan's upcoming visit was weighing on him heavily. But Negan was only part of his burden, she knew. He was upset about Carl. After the prison, he and Carl had been in an unstable place, but eventually things had gotten better between them. Now it looked like their relationship was even worse than before. Michonne hated seeing her boys so broken. It was something she'd hoped that she would never have to see again.

"You know," she started quietly, "I remember that day that we walked up to the fence at Terminus. I saw how you looked at Carl when he walked away from you, and I saw how he looked at you too. You were both so scared."

"Scared?" Rick scoffed and took another long swig of his drink. "What was there to be scared of?" His voice was quiet and calm, and if it wasn't for the way his jaw clenched, she wouldn't have known how upset he was.

"Oh, I don't know… maybe of not measuring up to expectations," she answered. "Of going too far. Of letting this world turn you into something you're not. Or worse," she stopped rubbing his shoulders and pulled out a chair to sit next to him, "maybe you were a little scared that this… thing you've become is really who you've been all along. That no matter who you thought you were before, you're really just some kind of monster, and that you always have been."

Rick exhaled and nodded his head in agreement, "Yeah, well…" His rough voice trailed off and he took another gulp from his glass. All this alcohol wasn't typical for him and Michonne worried that he would regret it tomorrow if he didn't slow down. She waited for him to continue his thought, but he just stared off into space, so she continued, quietly.

"I talked to him that day… when we went off together?" The words came out as a question but she didn't wait for him to answer. She knew that he was with her. "Carl sees himself as some kind of a monster. Or, at least he did. That's what he told me, that he's just another monster. He broke my heart that day. He'd just lost Lori, and then the prison fell. We thought Judith was gone… Herschel." Michonne's voice broke with emotion and she shook her head and cleared her throat to stop the tears that threatened to fall. "He was so angry, and hurt. And then, after what you did to those men…"

"I did what I did because -" Rick started, but Michonne cut him off.

"I know why you did it," she said with a firm look. "There's no judgement here Rick, not from me. You know that."

He nodded his head, and the two of them sat in silence. For a long while, the only sound was the clink of the ice cubes in the glass that Rick was holding. She watched as he tilted the glass from side to side, the brown liquid sloshing against the edges and each time coming precariously close to spilling, but never quite doing so. He raised the glass to his lips and downed the remaining bit of liquid in one sip. Michonne took the glass from his hand and placed it on the table between them.

"I'm worried about him," she admitted with a deep sigh. "I'm afraid that he's going to try to do something stupid and that he's going to get himself killed. He's smart and strong, I know… but he's young. And so angry."

"He should be angry. I let him down… again. I let everyone down," he said.

"You didn't let us down, Rick."

"Yes, I did. We lost one of our own. And I just stood in that church and told everyone we know, our family, that we're gonna have to bend our knees. To that fuckin' lunatic." Rick grabbed his glass and stood up from the table to pour himself another drink. He silently asked Michonne if she wanted one but she shook her head, declining his offer. A heavy silence sat between them and she watched as he leaned against the counter and took a long pull from his glass. "Carl called me a coward, right there, in front of the whole town. Maybe he's right, maybe I am a coward."

"Richard Grimes," Michonne pushed out of her chair and crossed to him, "you are the bravest man I know." Rick scoffed and took another sip and she remove the glass from his hand, setting it on the counter. "This isn't easy, Rick; living in this world. It's messy and dangerous. And everyone looks to you to get them through. Do you know why that is?"

"'Cause they're scared of me," he offered.

Michonne looked up into his eyes and was pleased to see the small glint that danced in the blue depths. "Yeah, I suppose some of them are. I'm starting to lose count of how many times I've seen you covered in someone else's blood." She stood on her toes and gave him a chaste kiss. "But no, that's not it."

He wrapped his hands around her waist in a loose embrace. "Why is it then?"

"Because," she said with a smile, "they're your family. And just like me, they know what family means to you. They know that family is why you almost turned me over to Philip. Why you did what you did by the train tracks that night. Why you killed Pete, why we killed those people at Negan's compound, all of it. They know that you'll stop at nothing to protect them because they are your family. They trust you and they are still with you. And you already know where I stand."

Rick tightened his hold on her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you," he said.

Michonne felt her heart skip a beat and she looked up at him with wide eyes.

"What," he asked with the barest hint of a smile, "does that surprise you?"

"No, you've just never said it before." Her cheeks were warm and flushed and she found herself suddenly fighting the urge to grin like a teenage girl who'd just been asked to her first dance.

"Well, I do," he said.

"I love you too, Rick." Their lips met in a soft kiss that almost made Michonne forget about the events of the last few days.

The sound of the front door opening broke up their tender embrace. Carl entered the house in a huff and headed straight for the stairs.

"Carl," Rick called out, "you know not to stay out this late. Where were you?" Carl ignored the question and continued his ascent up the stairs. "Carl!" He shouted again, but the boy disappeared into his room without a word, slamming the door behind him. Rick sighed deeply; his defeat was a tangible presence in the room.

Rick's upper lip twitched as he fought back the grimace that wanted to break out on his face. Michonne frowned and cupped his cheek in her hand. "You're going to have to talk to him."

"Yeah," he sighed, "I know."

A single tear fell from the corner of his eye and she used the pad of her thumb to wipe it away. "But not tonight. We have a lot to do tomorrow. The guards are at their posts, we should try to get some sleep." Michonne took his hand in hers and together they headed towards the stairs, but she knew that sleep wouldn't find either of them any time soon.