AN: So, so, so much thanks goes to the diary crowd for all your help,
support, and love. You girls are amazing.your unconditional support means
so much to me, and has forced me to sit at the keyboard and get through
this ridiculous writer's block!! And, of course, all the love goes to
those of you who are reading this.I know it's been slow-going, but I think
I've conquered the block. ::grins:: Everyone, thanks for all the
support!!
Chapter Three
"Voices, footsteps, shadows, they follow you home, You'll hear the sound, of men underground, standing around, Holding a shovel to bury you."
Moscow
The van edged slowly through the dark night, and I glanced up at Vaughn, sitting across from me. The look on his face was one of such concentration, such intensity-I could tell that this mission was just as important to him as it was to me. On the surface, I'm sure I seemed calm and collected, ready to go. But inside, I was a mess-my stomach was churning, as countless scenarios ran through my head; images of a setup, of a mission gone wrong. I shook my head, and tried to convince myself that this was an ordinary mission, that everything would go fine.
I wasn't very good at it.
As I sat with my eyes closed, trying to reassure myself, I heard a voice, gently saying my name. I opened my eyes. The van was filled with people- seven, maybe eight, all other agents. Vaughn peered at me, a curious look on his face.
"Are you alright?" he asked softly.
I shook my head, as if trying to rid myself of any negative thoughts, and forced myself to smile at him. "Yeah, I'm fine," I answered. I could tell he wasn't buying it, though. What could I do, though? It wasn't my job to convince Vaughn that I wasn't emotionally invested in this mission. That it didn't scare the hell out of me. The possible end of SD-6.God, the end of my life's torture could be at the end of this van ride. Did he really expect me to be alright?
We both looked down at our laps, avoiding each other's glance, as the van bumped through the darkness.
After the twenty longest minutes of my life, the van pulled up behind a row of office buildings, in a dark alley. I took in a deep breath, trying to calm myself, trying to prevent my trembling hands from becoming obvious.
The van was completely silent-nobody spoke, nobody moved. Nobody took too loud a breath. The air was thick, stifling; filled with the tension and excitement and fear of all of us. Everyone knew how huge this was. Everyone knew this could be the end.
But no one knew what the end would mean more than I did.
We all knew the mission plan front and back; no review was necessary. Two of the agents would gain access to the building, then the rest of the team would secure it, make sure no one was inside. Then we would begin looking for this document, this disk; the enigma hidden within the building.
Was I really expecting the end of SD-6 to be stored in a Russian office building?
The first two agents exited the van, and if it was at all possible, we all became even quieter. I was afraid to blink, to breathe; I was afraid to look up at Vaughn and see what he was feeling.
After a couple of torturously long minutes, the building was broken into, and now it was time to move. No more wondering; it was finally happening. We stormed into the building, somehow remaining completely silent. Clutching my pistol with white knuckles, I delved further into the building, through a maze of dark hallways and eerily quiet rooms. I felt Vaughn's constant presence behind me; even though I dared not take my eyes off the obstacles ahead and look back at him, I knew he was behind me, with me.
My heart raced as we combed the first level of the building, until we were certain no one was waiting in the shadows. Our intel indicated the information was in an office on the second floor. That was all we had.
I reached a staircase, the only one we had come upon. This was it. We were really getting ready to find the information. For the first time, I glanced back at Vaughn, not sure what to expect. Our eyes met, and I knew instantly he was as afraid as I was. His eyes flashed, and he nodded. "Let's go," he whispered, so quietly I never actually heard the words. I only read them as they left his lips, and I nodded.
I put my foot up on the first step, and began to climb. Vaughn put his hand against my back, so softly I could barely feel his touch. But I felt it race up my spine, and it gave me the encouragement I needed. Adrenaline began to pump through me, and I began to actually get excited. I allowed it to finally hit me; it was almost over. SD-6 was crumbling with each step we took.
We stepped up to the second floor, our eyes searching frantically through the darkness, looking for something, anything. My breath caught in my throat, disbelieving what I was seeing.
Nothing. The floor was one huge, open space, completely empty. No desks, no rooms, no hallways, nothing. My mind reeling, I stepped further into the room, becoming desperate. There had to be something.a computer, a filing cabinet, a scrap of paper on the floor, anything.
At some point, the rest of the agents joined us on the second floor, although I didn't really notice their presence. My mind was numb; I was so desperate for the information I had been so incredibly sure would be there.
I must have stood, unmoving, in the same spot for minutes, because Vaughn was suddenly by my side.
"Sydney.I'm so sorry," he said softly, and I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes. This couldn't be possible. It couldn't.
"We've searched everywhere.looked under the floorboards, behind the walls, everything. We've looked everywhere."
"There's nothing here."
I don't remember a whole lot after that-I'm not sure why. I was just so stunned, so upset-something wasn't right. Had we misinterpreted the information? There wasn't any other explanation-we saw what we saw. There was simply supposed to be something there.
Someone-probably Vaughn-must have put me on a flight home, because I certainly had no recollection of going to an airport, of getting on a plane. Shock was the best explanation I could come up with. I must have been in shock.
I stared out the window, at the dark, inky waters of the Atlantic, ignoring the flight attendant asking me in broken English if I wanted something to drink. My mind numbed, my senses dulled, I stared blankly at the vast ocean, trying to figure out what was going wrong. Attempting to come up with an explanation for the last few days of my life.
Someone had pictures of me and Vaughn, meeting. Someone knew that I worked for the CIA, that I was a double agent. These people left copies of the pictures for my father to find. Someone wanted him to know that they knew. Did they know that he was also a double agent? Did they choose to reveal what they knew because they also knew about him? Or was it simply because he was my father?
I had been able to push aside this situation, wait to deal with it, because I thought the end of SD-6 was in sight. The intel I recovered in Paris, it clearly pointed to the office building in Moscow. There was no other way to interpret it.
So why wasn't anything there? Why was the office empty? It certainly wasn't a setup.if it was, the entire team would have been caught then and there. That wasn't it..but, what was it? I sighed angrily, frustrated at my inability to comprehend the situation. There was something going on. I just couldn't figure out what the missing pieces were.
I returned to LA physically and emotionally exhausted-unfortunately, it was time to return to the charade of my life. Sydney Bristow, the amazing, unbreakable woman. I surprised Francie by being home so early.she was thrilled that I actually had time to sit down and eat a meal with her. We ordered take-out Chinese and giggled about-God, I don't even remember what. I'm not sure how I was able to carry on a normal conversation, but I did it.for an evening, I acted like a normal friend.
And it broke my heart that eating with Francie was actually the last place on Earth I wanted to be. After all the times I had pined for a normal life, even just a normal evening.I got it, and I would have much rather been in a desolate warehouse, plotting another mission. I think I forced myself to simply become numb to it all. Actually, I think I had been forcing myself to get to that state for a long, long time. After a few hours with Francie, I simply stopped caring. About it all. Face it, I told myself.this charade will never end. You will always lie to Sloane, lie to your friends, get dressed in ridiculous costumes and lie to strangers.this is your life. No sense in getting yourself excited about an end. It will never come.
After hours on the couch with Francie, eating ice cream and giggling over old sitcoms, I went to bed a new woman. I would simply stop caring. The truth was, my life would always be a ridiculous tightrope act, no matter how hard I fought for a change. Someone had pictures on me? What could I do? SD-6 wasn't ending, there was no way I was getting out of it. If they wanted to kill me, there was really nothing I could do. I might be killed on a mission next week, anyway. SD-6 might find me to be the mole and decide to off me the next time I walked into the office. The end was closing in from all directions.I might as well sit back and attempt to enjoy what scraps of a normal life I had left.
And enjoy the little bit of vacation I had left. I wasn't due back at SD-6 for two days.the time I had expected it to take to finish them off. I had simply told Sloane I needed a few days off, to just stay at home and "decompress." I believe those were the exact words I used, too. I might as well try.hell, maybe I could go shopping or something. Normal people shop, right?
I settled underneath my blankets, and closed my eyes. Surprisingly, I quickly began to drift off to sleep. Until I heard the crash.
My eyes flew open, and I sat up, trying to figure out what was going on. Another crash came from the living room.this one sounding like shattering glass.
"Fran?" I called out, scrambling out of bed and rushing for my door. "Francie? Are you okay? What's going on?"
No reply. I began to get scared. What the hell was going on? My heart was racing.this was not right. This was not good. Those were the only thoughts I could come up with. My hands shook violently, as I tried to figure out what to do. After a moment of hesitation, I cracked open my door and peered out into the hall.
AN: Ooh! A cliffhanger!! This was a little shorter than I'd like, and a little lacking.but, hey. It's done, finally! I saw this chapter as almost a necessary evil.all about the plot development. I can't wait until chapter four.that's when I get to start having fun. ::evil grin:: This is going to get turned upside-down, so don't worry.I'm going to have fun really screwing with Sydney's little world. (And, don't worry.I haven't forgotten about Francie's bank account, or the blackmailing agency.it'll all come together. Really.)
Chapter Three
"Voices, footsteps, shadows, they follow you home, You'll hear the sound, of men underground, standing around, Holding a shovel to bury you."
Moscow
The van edged slowly through the dark night, and I glanced up at Vaughn, sitting across from me. The look on his face was one of such concentration, such intensity-I could tell that this mission was just as important to him as it was to me. On the surface, I'm sure I seemed calm and collected, ready to go. But inside, I was a mess-my stomach was churning, as countless scenarios ran through my head; images of a setup, of a mission gone wrong. I shook my head, and tried to convince myself that this was an ordinary mission, that everything would go fine.
I wasn't very good at it.
As I sat with my eyes closed, trying to reassure myself, I heard a voice, gently saying my name. I opened my eyes. The van was filled with people- seven, maybe eight, all other agents. Vaughn peered at me, a curious look on his face.
"Are you alright?" he asked softly.
I shook my head, as if trying to rid myself of any negative thoughts, and forced myself to smile at him. "Yeah, I'm fine," I answered. I could tell he wasn't buying it, though. What could I do, though? It wasn't my job to convince Vaughn that I wasn't emotionally invested in this mission. That it didn't scare the hell out of me. The possible end of SD-6.God, the end of my life's torture could be at the end of this van ride. Did he really expect me to be alright?
We both looked down at our laps, avoiding each other's glance, as the van bumped through the darkness.
After the twenty longest minutes of my life, the van pulled up behind a row of office buildings, in a dark alley. I took in a deep breath, trying to calm myself, trying to prevent my trembling hands from becoming obvious.
The van was completely silent-nobody spoke, nobody moved. Nobody took too loud a breath. The air was thick, stifling; filled with the tension and excitement and fear of all of us. Everyone knew how huge this was. Everyone knew this could be the end.
But no one knew what the end would mean more than I did.
We all knew the mission plan front and back; no review was necessary. Two of the agents would gain access to the building, then the rest of the team would secure it, make sure no one was inside. Then we would begin looking for this document, this disk; the enigma hidden within the building.
Was I really expecting the end of SD-6 to be stored in a Russian office building?
The first two agents exited the van, and if it was at all possible, we all became even quieter. I was afraid to blink, to breathe; I was afraid to look up at Vaughn and see what he was feeling.
After a couple of torturously long minutes, the building was broken into, and now it was time to move. No more wondering; it was finally happening. We stormed into the building, somehow remaining completely silent. Clutching my pistol with white knuckles, I delved further into the building, through a maze of dark hallways and eerily quiet rooms. I felt Vaughn's constant presence behind me; even though I dared not take my eyes off the obstacles ahead and look back at him, I knew he was behind me, with me.
My heart raced as we combed the first level of the building, until we were certain no one was waiting in the shadows. Our intel indicated the information was in an office on the second floor. That was all we had.
I reached a staircase, the only one we had come upon. This was it. We were really getting ready to find the information. For the first time, I glanced back at Vaughn, not sure what to expect. Our eyes met, and I knew instantly he was as afraid as I was. His eyes flashed, and he nodded. "Let's go," he whispered, so quietly I never actually heard the words. I only read them as they left his lips, and I nodded.
I put my foot up on the first step, and began to climb. Vaughn put his hand against my back, so softly I could barely feel his touch. But I felt it race up my spine, and it gave me the encouragement I needed. Adrenaline began to pump through me, and I began to actually get excited. I allowed it to finally hit me; it was almost over. SD-6 was crumbling with each step we took.
We stepped up to the second floor, our eyes searching frantically through the darkness, looking for something, anything. My breath caught in my throat, disbelieving what I was seeing.
Nothing. The floor was one huge, open space, completely empty. No desks, no rooms, no hallways, nothing. My mind reeling, I stepped further into the room, becoming desperate. There had to be something.a computer, a filing cabinet, a scrap of paper on the floor, anything.
At some point, the rest of the agents joined us on the second floor, although I didn't really notice their presence. My mind was numb; I was so desperate for the information I had been so incredibly sure would be there.
I must have stood, unmoving, in the same spot for minutes, because Vaughn was suddenly by my side.
"Sydney.I'm so sorry," he said softly, and I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes. This couldn't be possible. It couldn't.
"We've searched everywhere.looked under the floorboards, behind the walls, everything. We've looked everywhere."
"There's nothing here."
I don't remember a whole lot after that-I'm not sure why. I was just so stunned, so upset-something wasn't right. Had we misinterpreted the information? There wasn't any other explanation-we saw what we saw. There was simply supposed to be something there.
Someone-probably Vaughn-must have put me on a flight home, because I certainly had no recollection of going to an airport, of getting on a plane. Shock was the best explanation I could come up with. I must have been in shock.
I stared out the window, at the dark, inky waters of the Atlantic, ignoring the flight attendant asking me in broken English if I wanted something to drink. My mind numbed, my senses dulled, I stared blankly at the vast ocean, trying to figure out what was going wrong. Attempting to come up with an explanation for the last few days of my life.
Someone had pictures of me and Vaughn, meeting. Someone knew that I worked for the CIA, that I was a double agent. These people left copies of the pictures for my father to find. Someone wanted him to know that they knew. Did they know that he was also a double agent? Did they choose to reveal what they knew because they also knew about him? Or was it simply because he was my father?
I had been able to push aside this situation, wait to deal with it, because I thought the end of SD-6 was in sight. The intel I recovered in Paris, it clearly pointed to the office building in Moscow. There was no other way to interpret it.
So why wasn't anything there? Why was the office empty? It certainly wasn't a setup.if it was, the entire team would have been caught then and there. That wasn't it..but, what was it? I sighed angrily, frustrated at my inability to comprehend the situation. There was something going on. I just couldn't figure out what the missing pieces were.
I returned to LA physically and emotionally exhausted-unfortunately, it was time to return to the charade of my life. Sydney Bristow, the amazing, unbreakable woman. I surprised Francie by being home so early.she was thrilled that I actually had time to sit down and eat a meal with her. We ordered take-out Chinese and giggled about-God, I don't even remember what. I'm not sure how I was able to carry on a normal conversation, but I did it.for an evening, I acted like a normal friend.
And it broke my heart that eating with Francie was actually the last place on Earth I wanted to be. After all the times I had pined for a normal life, even just a normal evening.I got it, and I would have much rather been in a desolate warehouse, plotting another mission. I think I forced myself to simply become numb to it all. Actually, I think I had been forcing myself to get to that state for a long, long time. After a few hours with Francie, I simply stopped caring. About it all. Face it, I told myself.this charade will never end. You will always lie to Sloane, lie to your friends, get dressed in ridiculous costumes and lie to strangers.this is your life. No sense in getting yourself excited about an end. It will never come.
After hours on the couch with Francie, eating ice cream and giggling over old sitcoms, I went to bed a new woman. I would simply stop caring. The truth was, my life would always be a ridiculous tightrope act, no matter how hard I fought for a change. Someone had pictures on me? What could I do? SD-6 wasn't ending, there was no way I was getting out of it. If they wanted to kill me, there was really nothing I could do. I might be killed on a mission next week, anyway. SD-6 might find me to be the mole and decide to off me the next time I walked into the office. The end was closing in from all directions.I might as well sit back and attempt to enjoy what scraps of a normal life I had left.
And enjoy the little bit of vacation I had left. I wasn't due back at SD-6 for two days.the time I had expected it to take to finish them off. I had simply told Sloane I needed a few days off, to just stay at home and "decompress." I believe those were the exact words I used, too. I might as well try.hell, maybe I could go shopping or something. Normal people shop, right?
I settled underneath my blankets, and closed my eyes. Surprisingly, I quickly began to drift off to sleep. Until I heard the crash.
My eyes flew open, and I sat up, trying to figure out what was going on. Another crash came from the living room.this one sounding like shattering glass.
"Fran?" I called out, scrambling out of bed and rushing for my door. "Francie? Are you okay? What's going on?"
No reply. I began to get scared. What the hell was going on? My heart was racing.this was not right. This was not good. Those were the only thoughts I could come up with. My hands shook violently, as I tried to figure out what to do. After a moment of hesitation, I cracked open my door and peered out into the hall.
AN: Ooh! A cliffhanger!! This was a little shorter than I'd like, and a little lacking.but, hey. It's done, finally! I saw this chapter as almost a necessary evil.all about the plot development. I can't wait until chapter four.that's when I get to start having fun. ::evil grin:: This is going to get turned upside-down, so don't worry.I'm going to have fun really screwing with Sydney's little world. (And, don't worry.I haven't forgotten about Francie's bank account, or the blackmailing agency.it'll all come together. Really.)