The Star Trek Original Series Uchronia
Chapter 3 - Back at the Party
Author's note - I just want to make it clear that the Wil Wheaton in this story is the fictional Wil Wheaton character that the Wil Wheaton the actor portrays in The Big Bang Theory, therefore he is not the real Wil Wheaton.
"So is it twue that you and Spock are more than just good fwiends?" asked Kripke meaningfully. It took Kirk a few seconds to get his meaning and then he flushed and automatically clenched his fists. The rest of his crew all had their mouths hanging open apart from Spock but before Kirk could say anything, Spock replied,
"Yes, James Kirk and I are more than just good friends. He is my captain and a natural born leader whom I admire and respect." His sincere answer embarrassed Kripke into silence.
"Dude, I can't believe you just asked that question! How rude!" Raj exploded.
"Why don't we all get some more drinks?" suggested Stewart tactfully.
"Good idea," said Wil Wheaton and everyone apart from the Enterprise crew moved off.
Kirk moved closer to Spock and asked him quietly, "What's your view of the situation?"
'I do not have sufficient data to be able to formulate a hypothesis, Captain. Unfortunately we have lost our tricorders. Initial observations would suggest that either we are on Earth in the twentieth or twenty first century."
At that moment Zack took a chirping mobile phone out of his pocket and answered it.
'Late twentieth or early twenty first century I'd say," Kirk told him.
'Or we have been captured by aliens who for some reason wish us to believe that we are on earth in that time frame," Spock finished.
"In either case we need more information." Kirk motioned to the rest of the crew to come closer. "Ladies and gentlemen, we need to go on a fact finding mission to find out what we can about where we are and who they really are. Time to do some mingling with our hosts.'
"Captain," said Nurse Chapel, "might I suggest that it might be easier to obtain this information if we concentrate asking our questions to members of the opposite gender? Studies have shown that often men will answer questions asked by women that they would not when asked by a member of the same sex and vice versa."
Spock quirked an eyebrow.
"Human men and human women," Nurse Chapel emphasised.
"Good to know, Nurse Chapel. Ok, the women talk to the men from that group. We need to establish where we are and what they are."
'But Captain, there was only one woman in that group," pointed out Sulu.
"Good point, Sulu. Ok, I'll speak to the woman and Spock and Sulu, you circulate and see what you can pick up from the conversations. Oh and one more thing, no alcohol, is that clear? We need to keep sharp."
"Yes, Captain," they all chorused and moved off to seek their prey.
"At least we don't have Chekhov or Scotty with us," Kirk commented to Spock.
"Indeed Captain," agreed Spock.
Nurse Chapel approached Zack.
"Hallo," she said to him.
"Hallo yourself. Hey, you look pretty hot in that outfit!'
Nurse Chapel looked down at her uniform puzzled, why did she look hot? Then she dismissed it and concentrated on her mission.
"I don't feel hot but thanks for your concern."
Zack looked puzzled. "Hey, didn't I meet you before?" he asked.
"I don't remember," said Christine Chapel with perfect truth.
"Yeah, one time at a bar but you didn't look so hot then. Wait, didn't you ask me something about my glutimus whatimus?"
"Gluteus maximus," said Christine Chapel automatically.
Zack beamed. "Yeah, that was it. Anyway, Penny told me afterwards that you had had the hots for me. And in that outfit, I sure do have the hots for you. How about us getting it on?"
Christine Chapel stared at him in complete confusion.
"Oh wait," continued Zack. "No, you've got a boyfriend now right? Sheldon Smart Guy. Sorry about that. But if you ever break up with him, give me a call."
"Do you know Sheldon well?' asked Christine.
"I've hung out a couple of times with the scientist dudes but not that well. Still, you don't poach another man's honey, you know what I mean?'
"I do, nice talking to you," said Christine Chapel and walked away quickly. She had just worked out what Zack had been talking about. She had also quickly realised that Zack was not going to be a good source of information. Zack looked admiringly after her. She too also looked back admiringly, Zack was a good looking fellow she admitted to herself and then automatically, her eyes cut to the young man that contained Spock's personality and she sighed.
Yeoman Janice Rand chose Wil Wheaton to speak to. Wil was dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow.
"How are you doing?' she asked him.
"Fine, fine," he replied.
"Are you a good friend of Leonard and the others?"
"No, I wouldn't say that. They've been to one of my parties and I've played against them at bowling and our team won. Stewart is the one who invited me to this party."
"So who knows Leonard and Sheldon best?' asked Janice Rand.
"That would be Raj," answered Wil.
"Right. Thanks for your help," Janice told him and turned to leave.
"Wait," said Wil. "There's something I'd like to say to you."
"Oh yes?"
"I feel bad about that time we went bowling and I told you how hard I had taken it when a girl broke up with me and I realised that she had just been stringing me along for a while. I heard that you broke up with Leonard after that. I hope that wasn't because of me." Wil looked deep into her eyes. "I want to make it up to you. I hear you're an actress. `I know some people. Could we discuss it over dinner maybe?"
Janice Rand stared at him. "You are joking," she told him and walked away.
"Wait!" called out Wil. "Do you know that I used to be in a big TV show? Star Trek, the Next Generation. I'm famous!"
Janice Rand ignored him and walked over to Raj.
Kirk approached Leslie Winkle.
"Oh hi Leonard," she said. "Oh wait, no, you're James T Kirk now, right?" She did not say it as if she believed it.
"That's right," he told her.
"How's that working out for you?" she enquired.
Kirk blinked. "Fine so far, I hope you don't mind but I wanted to ask you about Leonard and the others."
She shrugged her shoulders. "This is bizarre, talking to Leonard Hofstadter who thinks that he is Captain Kirk. What do you want to know?'
"What do they do?'
"Well, Sheldon annoys the hell out of me on a daily basis but I presume that isn't what you mean. They all work at the university and they're all scientists. They all have PhDs except for Howard and doesn't Doctor Sheldon Cooper take the mickey out of him for that."
"I'm getting the feeling that you don't much like this Sheldon character," Kirk commented.
"Whatever gave you that idea? Leonard is a sweetie. Howard is quite sweet under all the pretend playboy stuff. Raj probably is a sweetie but since he's never managed to talk to me, I couldn't say for sure. I will tell you one thing, I bet Leonard would really enjoy the fact that he is Kirk and Sheldon is Spock so he gets to order him around."
Kirk began to feel uncomfortable.
"I am the superior officer," he protested. Then a thought struck him; Leslie was talking very familiarly about himself and Spock.
"You sound as if you know something about us?"
"Oh I've watched a few episodes of Star Trek The Original Series but my favourite has always been Star Trek, Voyager. Because of Captain Janeway, obviously."
'Captain Janeway?' echoed Kirk.
"Because Captain Janeway is a woman." Leslie looked at him. "You really do think that you're Kirk, don't you? Leonard would have known that instantly, and argued with me about Voyager being my favourite."
"What is Star Trek?' asked Kirk.
"Star Trek is a science fiction TV series.' These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise, its mission to seek out new life and new civilisations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.'." Leslie paused. "That's always annoyed me, 'Why where no man has gone before'? Why not no human or no man or woman? Of course it was created in the sexist sixties but still."
Kirk's head was reeling. How could she know about their mission statement?
Before he could say anything, there was a loud yelp and a thump. He looked up to see Uhura toss Kripke over her shoulder onto the floor.
"Well, what do you know?' asked Leslie. "I always thought that Wolowitz would be the one to get busted by a girl. I suppose Bernadette has had a civilising influence. Guess I lose my $5 in the pool."
Raj rushed across to Uhura and Kripke, demanding "What have you done now, Kripke? Uhura, are you ok?"
Kirk strolled across to Uhura with Leslie following, and asked, "Everything ok, Lieutenant?"
"Yes, Captain," she replied. "Mr Kripke and I had a little misunderstanding but I believe we've got it sorted out now, right, Mr Kripke?" She looked coldly down at him.
"Yeah, all sowted out now," confirmed Kripke. "Can I get up?"
Kirk extended a hand and helped Kripke up.
"I really think you want to stay on the right side of Lieutenant Uhura," he murmured to Kripke, "She's got a black belt in Judo."
Raj was beside himself with rage. "How dare you!" he spluttered. "You are not a gentleman, you are an animal!"
"Relax, Raj is it?' advised Uhura. "I've got it under control."
"His behaviour was inexcusable!"
Janice Rand had followed Raj. Christine Chapel now approached him as well.
"It's ok Raj, may I call you Raj? Lieutenant Uhura really can take care of herself," said Christine Chapel.
Raj looked long and hard at them. "You really aren't my friends, are you?' he asked. "Where are they?"
"I'm guessing that they are where we should be. On the Enterprise," replied Kirk.
"On the Enterprise,' echoed Raj. His face lit up. "Oh what a wonderful adventure to be on the Starship Enterprise! To meet Vulcans, and Klingons, and Andorians with those cute little antennae!"
The crew looked at him and then at each other.
"Captain?" asked Janice Rand. "Is there something you want to tell us?"
"We are definitely a long way from home," answered Kirk. He turned to Raj. "Could we go somewhere quieter to discuss this?"
"Well, Leonard and Sheldon's apartment is definitely empty. Lets go there."
Leslie Winkle had overheard.
"I'm coming too," she said. "This is too good to miss."
Wil Wheaton had come over. "Miss what?' he asked.
"You'd better come too," said Leslie, "You're our Star Trek expert."