Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

-----------------------------------------------------

It had been exactly 7 weeks since Derek's death and Hotch headed down to Penelope's office, he knocked, and received no reply, so he tried the handle, finding it locked he headed back to his office. He knew she was ill but she hadn't rung in to tell them she wouldn't be in. He checked his phone, cell and office, and found that there were no missed calls; he rang her cell and the home number, both times receiving no reply.

'JJ, I'm heading out, I'll be back in about 30 minutes.'

'Okay Hotch.' She told him and got back to work, she heard Hotch tell Rossi, Reid, Emily and the new guy Sam before leaving completely.

When Hotch arrived at Penelope's he found the caddy in the drive still and frowned, he unlocked the door with the key she'd told him to keep and headed in, he found it eerily quiet but heard running water. He headed upstairs and tapped on the door to the bathroom in the master bedroom, he was stunned to find it swing open and he heard the shower on.

'Penelope?' He asked out, he saw no form in the bathroom so walked in, his intention to turn the water off, he stopped when he saw all the positive pregnancy tests in the sink, he then saw on the mirror in lipstick the words 'Not On My Own' and the panic grew, he ran to the shower and threw the curtain back. Penelope lay motionless in the tub, still in jogging bottoms and an oversized top he had seen he wear to bed endless times before. 'Penelope!' He screamed and lunged into action as he saw the blood sipping from her wrists, the cuts too deep, the blood flow heavy. He turned the water off and on his way down grabbed towels and tied around her wrists. 'Wake up for me Garcia!' He ordered but she remained unresponsive. 'NOW!' He shouted at her but to no avail. 'No... No... you can't die.' He made sure the towels were tied tightly before fumbling to grab his phone from his pocket. He rang 911 and then Rossi, getting the response he wanted. Rossi would tell the team and head to Penelope and him.

Hotch panicked as he saw the blood soak into the towels and took matters into his own hands again with Penelope's life, and picked her up in his arms and began to carry her just as the EMT's ran in.

'How longs she been like this?' One of them asked.

'About 20 minutes give or take from when I was here.' Hotch said scared. 'I don't know how long she's been like it before that though.'

'Its okay Sir, you've done a good job.'

'She's pregnant.' He said just as Rossi rushed in. 'I think she's just found out... she's got to be over 7 weeks.' He then watched as the world seemed to speed up and the EMT's set to work faster and faster, and then rushing Penelope to the ambulance and off to the hospital.

'Come on we need to follow.' Rossi said and the two men rushed off out after the ambulance, following it with the sirens blaring, keeping up pace. 'She'll be okay.' Rossi told him for what felt like the hundredth time in one journey.

'I think she lied to us.'

'About what?'

'She said she was coping.'

'Hotch the pregnancy, that had to just tip her over the edge.' Rossi commented as they made an entrance into the hospital. 'It had to be a set back.'

'No. I don't think she's been coping at all. Everything's been too quick, her bereaving, its been and gone too fast.' Hotch said and near enough ran to the desk. 'Penelope Morgan, she was just brought in.'

'Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to take a seat until we know more.' The nurse told him and Rossi, Hotch went to speak up before Rossi dragged him to a chair. They watched people come and go before the nurse approached them again. 'If you'd like to follow me, I can give you more details.' The two men silently stood and followed the nurse to a side room. 'Mrs Morgan has been red lined to surgery.' She said once the door was shut. 'She severed the artery in her left wrist, and caught the one on her right.'

'Is she going to be okay?'

'She lost a lot of blood at the moment, she its still touch and go but the surgeons here are of the best so they'll try their hardest.' She said and smiled sweetly, an art that had been perfected with time obviously. 'I can take you to the waiting room if you like?'

'Hotch you go get cleaned up, I'll tell the others.' Hotch nodded and Rossi overheard the nurse saying she could get him some scrubs to wear due to the dampness and blood soaked patches on him. He then made his way outside and ran Emily, telling her what was happening and where they were. No more than 5 minutes later he resumed the wait with Hotch, not long the twosome grew as Reid, JJ and Emily poured in worriedly.

'Where's Sam?'

'He didn't feel comfortable... said it was a family matter, he wasn't needed.'

'Well he isn't Derek is he?' Reid said bitterly and heard everyone gasp. 'Sorry I'm just having some trouble accepting him.'

'We get that Spence.' JJ said placing her hand on his shoulder; she then turned her attention to Hotch. 'What happened?'

'She slit her wrist.' He told them and they all gasped again, this time with the tone of horror in their voice. 'There were loads of used pregnancy tests in the sink as well.'

'She's pregnant?' Hotch nodded and put his fingers to his lips, they took that as time to wait it out, questions could be asked later.

They'd taken turns to get news and each time they hadn't received any until Emily walked back with a certain ease to her. 'The doctor's just coming out to us.' She said and the doctor walked to them.

'Penelope Morgan?'

'That's us.'

'Can we speak in private please?'

'All of us?'

'You are family right?' They nodded and he motioned for them to follow him. 'Well I'd say she's lucky to be alive, she's still critical for the moment. Are there any strenuous factors that could lead to her doing this?'

'Her husband died nearly 2 months ago.'

'It seems that and the pregnancy didn't agree.'

'She is pregnant then?' Hotch asked needing a doctor to verify it rather than those white sticks that still sat in the bathroom.

'Yes we worked out about 11 weeks.' The doctor replied. 'She's weak, and we'll need to keep an eye on her.'

'What just monitoring?'

'I'm afraid she'll need a psych evaluation, due to the attempted suicide. We need to ensure she won't do this again.' He told them and saw the angst rise. 'The assessment will be conducted when she is doing better but for now she needs to focus on a recovery.'

'Is she awake?'

'Not at the moment no, we're going to keep her sedated until such time as we feel her health is at a higher standard.'

'Can we see her?'

'I'd say because of the predicament, one permanent visitor for a few days.'

'Hotch you be it.' Reid said immediately and everyone began to nod.

'Me?'

'You've helped her to most.' JJ said to back Reid's choice.

'But I haven't... I let her down.'

'Go to her.' Rossi said and pushed Hotch down the corridor with the doctor, they watched the team leader walk down the corridor. His posture scarily unlike his norm, it looked downtrodden, despondent and lacked its whole aura of confidence. That in itself told the team just how bad things were for all of them.