Playing for Keeps
Chapter 2
by: neo
When I woke up the next day and remembered Yamato's strange inquiry, I only allowed myself to dwell on it for a few minutes before brushing it out of my mind. There was no use in analyzing it; I already knew Yamato had no actual interest in me, so there was no point in stirring any hope up.
Our mid-terms were coming up and on the Friday before our mid-terms began, most of our professors gave us progress reports, telling us the grade we would be going into the midterm with. I was pretty pleased with the marks I was getting, but Yamato was a different story.
"I think I'm failing my politics class," Yamato said with a pout as he collapsed onto the living room couch.
I frowned, because Yamato had always done well in school. "Which politics class?" I asked.
He wrinkled his nose. "I don't know. International Relations, I think. I'm only taking it because I need to take something in that category."
"If you don't even know which class it is for sure, then yeah, you're probably failing," I said dryly.
"Seriously," Yamato complained. "My prof told me that if I don't get at least 80% on the midterm, then I'm pretty much fucked for the rest of the semester. It's worth forty percent of our grade and it's going to consist of two essay questions, and we're going to have one hour for each essay. That's how much detail he wants us to go into. I'm entirely screwed."
"Did he actually say 'you're fucked for the rest of the semester'?"
Yamato glared at me. "Tai."
I held up my hands in defense. "I was just wondering. Anyway, why are you failing? Did you not go to any of the classes?"
"It's an evening class," Yamato said, which explained a lot. There was rarely an evening that Yamato wasn't out having sex or having band practice or playing a show or partying. Then again, there were other classes that Yamato regularly skipped—usually the morning classes that came after his nights out—, and he was doing just fine in those classes.
"Okay, well, do you at least keep up with the readings?"
Yamato's guilty-but-not-apologetic look told me all I needed to know.
"Well, for fuck's sake, of course you're failing," I said, rolling my eyes. "What do you want me to do about it?"
"I don't know," Yamato sighed, sprawling out on the couch despite the fact that I was also sitting there, and thus draping his legs over my lap. He looked toward the TV and we were both silent for a few moments, watching the screen. Then he asked, "Didn't you take some politics courses in our first year?"
"Yeah, but those are mainly introductory; they don't go into much depth. And besides, the closest they came to 'international affairs' was talking about the global economy. But, hey, if you want my notes, I'll gladly give them to you."
"Can't you just, like… teach me what you know?" Yamato asked hopefully.
I gave him a look of disbelief. "Are you kidding? I have my own midterms to study for. I'm not going to sit down and tell you everything I learned in my first-year politics courses just because you're too lazy to go through my notes. And if you're going to bother going through my notes, you might as well just do the readings for your course because they'll be more relevant, so it doesn't even make sense!"
Yamato pouted and didn't reply, and something dawned on me.
"Wait—why don't you just ask someone in your class for notes?" I asked, shaking my head.
"I don't know anyone in that class because I never go," was his response.
"So? Send out a mass e-mail. I know everyone hates them, but you're bound to get a reply. I'm sure you'll find at least one person who likes your band and will give you notes based on that alone."
"I guess," Yamato sighed.
He looked at the TV and we were both silent for a few minutes, watching. Something wasn't right about the situation, though, and I found myself frowning. Sure, Yamato was failing a class and was entitled to be bummed out, but it seemed like there was something else contributing to his ordeal. Usually he would suck it up and spend all weekend catching up on readings and studying, but instead there was a defeated air surrounding him. I studied him for a moment and then asked, "What's wrong?"
"Failing a class, remember?" he muttered sarcastically, not looking away from the screen.
"You know what I mean," I said, giving him a look that he would feel even if he didn't see it.
Yamato didn't respond at first, but then after a moment he pulled himself up to a sitting position and took his legs off of my lap, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs. He rested his chin on top of his knees but didn't meet my eyes.
"It's embarrassing," he mumbled.
"It's just me," I reminded him.
"Believe me, I would never tell anyone but you about this." Yamato hugged his legs tighter and then asked, "You know the guy I just broke up with because he snores?"
"Yeah…?"
"Well, apparently snoring wasn't his only problem."
I blinked at Yamato. "…so… what was the other problem?"
Yamato gave me a miserable look and said, slowly and almost painfully; "I was having… symptoms… so I went to the clinic…" He gave me a meaningful look.
I stared at him blankly for a moment, and then it clicked. "Oh, shit," I said in sympathetic surprise.
"Yeah." Yamato frowned down at the couch.
"Well, is it…" I cleared my throat. "You know… curable?"
"If it wasn't, I don't know what I'd do. But still. I feel… gross." Yamato shivered slightly. "I mean… I know I kind of have sex with a lot of people, but… well, I don't want to be that kind of person. The one that people look at and think 'He's hot but I don't want to touch him because I might get a disease'."
"Oh my God, Yama. People aren't going to think you're a dirty hooker because you got one STI. People aren't even going to know."
"I know, but I feel like they'll just be able to tell. What if people already assume I'm STI-ridden and just take their chances because they want to get laid? I don't want people to think that about me."
My heart was melting, because as unfortunate as the situation was, and as bad I felt that Yamato felt this way, his self-consciousness and vulnerability in that moment were making me fall for him impossibly more. Yamato rarely showed that he cared what other people thought and while I knew he secretly did, hearing his self-doubt out loud was making it hit home.
I moved over and grabbed him into a hug. "Well, if it helps, I don't think you're a dirty whore," I said. "And I really don't think there would be a line of people waiting to fuck you if they really thought you were STI-ridden."
Yamato shook his head, but the corners of his mouth were turned slightly upwards. "Tai, I think you're the only person in the world who would hug me right after I just told you I have an STI."
I rolled my eyes. "It's not like your infected dick is going to pop through both your clothing and mine and somehow attack me."
Yamato burst out laughing, and I did too upon reviewing my words, and once we both calmed down Yamato was grinning.
"Tai, I love you," he said, wrapping his arms around me tightly and squeezing.
My heart fluttered, but I reminded myself that he only meant it in a platonic way. Still, it meant a lot. "I love you too," I said, squeezing him back. "So… are we going to study for your midterm or what, you slacker?"
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I helped Yamato study and he wound up getting seventy-three percent on his mid-term, which wasn't bad considering he had learned the course material in only three days; and now that he was caught up, he declared that he would stay on track. Seeing as he planned to do well on the last few assignments in the course, it didn't matter that he had gotten a seventy-three instead of an eighty, so he wasn't "entirely screwed" anymore.
Yamato did exceedingly well on his other mid-terms, mostly because he had nothing else to do but sit at home and study. Everyone else was also studying for mid-terms and while Shin probably would have ditched studying to party, Yamato didn't really feel like partying because he would want to hook up with someone and he couldn't until his infection cleared up. Luckily it wasn't long until he was cleared by his doctor; by the time the week of midterms ended, he had been on antibiotics for the full seven days they had been prescribed for, so he went back to the clinic and they told him that the infection was gone. I expected Yamato to immediately grab me and drag me off to some crazy party, but he didn't; instead, he and I just chilled at home and watched movies with one of our housemates, Miles. Yamato had band practice the next day and, again, I anticipated him going straight from band practice to some party and calling me from the party to tell me to come—but, again, he surprised me; he came home afterward and the only 'going out' we did was going to get food. I was so thrown off by his behaviour that, later that evening, I couldn't help but call him out on it.
"So… did the guys not feel like going out?" I asked him as we lounged in my room. Miles was downstairs using the living room with some friends, so we couldn't watch TV and thus were doing a whole lot of nothing in my room. Not that I minded; Yamato and I were good at passing time together and enjoying it regardless of what we were doing.
"They're out right now," Yamato revealed. "They tried to convince me to come, but I told them I wasn't feeling well."
"Why?"
"Because I don't feel like it," Yamato said simply.
"Yeah, but why?" I asked. "I mean, you always feel like partying. Not to mention you haven't had sex in over a week now, which I thought would be the end of the world for you."
Yamato shoved me half-heartedly. "Shut up. If you must know, I decided to take a break."
"A break?" I echoed. "From what?"
"From sex," Yamato said, shrugging.
My eyebrows shot up. "You? Take a break from sex? Impossible."
Yamato laughed and shoved me harder this time. "Seriously! I mean," he said, voice growing more serious, "I know that an STI can happen to anyone, but having a lot of bedroom partners definitely doesn't help. And I really don't want that to happen again. So… yeah."
"Well, you could still go out and party without hooking up with someone," I pointed out.
"Yeah, except that I get insanely horny when I'm drunk." Yamato heaved out a sigh. "So I'm just going to avoid going out with the band for now."
"Yama, that's ridiculous," I said with a snort. "I'm sure you can suck it up and manage to have fun without hooking up with someone. If you're really that worried that your willpower will slip once you're drunk, then just stick by me and I'll stop you," I suggested.
"Then I'll probably just end up hitting on you, and that'll be a disaster."
The only place I could picture Yamato hitting on me was in my dreams, and I gave him a skeptical look. "You really think you would hit on me?"
"If I was drunk and horny? Yeah. You say that like the idea is completely preposterous," Yamato said, giving me a confused look.
"Well, I thought it was. I mean, we always talk about how I'm the one person you'll never fuck. And you've been drunk and horny lots of times and never hit on me," I added.
"Because I always found someone else to hit on," was Yamato's nonchalant response. "But if I'm trying not to hook up with random people, then I guarantee you'll be my main target."
My body temperature was rising as we spoke, because I couldn't believe Yamato was basically saying that he would have already hooked up with me if there weren't other people to distract him. He made it sound like I was his first choice… but that couldn't be right, could it?
"I thought you said you'd never fuck me," I pointed out again, seeing as he hadn't addressed that little problem.
He snorted. "I never said that. You said you'd never fuck me. You say it almost every fucking day, actually," he added dryly.
"So the only reason you talk about us never fucking is because—?"
"Because you're not interested. Yeah."
I used every ounce of willpower in my body to stop myself from telling him that I was so interested in him that I could barely think of anything else.
"So, yeah, that's not going to work," Yamato continued, going back to talking about the initial plan. "Because I'll just end up trying to drunkenly seduce you, and it'll be embarrassing for me and super awkward for you, and neither one of us will benefit from it. So… what's plan B?"
I was still stuck on his previous words, though. Yamato was ready and willing to fuck me, and the only reason we hadn't fucked by then was because he thought I wasn't attracted to him. Holy fuck.
Yamato poked me. "Plan B," he prompted me. "Unless you agree that I should just stay at home indefinitely. Which I don't actually want to do."
"Um…" I still couldn't believe what I had just learned, but I tried to tell myself that it wasn't as earth-shattering as it seemed; after all, so what if Yamato would fuck me? He would fuck basically any attractive guy. It didn't mean anything. "You could not drink?" I suggested, my brain finally functioning again.
He gave me a look. "Something possible, please."
"Well…" I regretted my next words the moment they came out of my mouth. "Why don't you get a real boyfriend?"
Yamato blinked at me, then looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Hm. That actually isn't a bad idea. Then I can still have as much sex as I want; it'll just be with one person."
What the hell did you just do? My brain screamed at me. Did you seriously just suggest that Yamato find someone permanent? How the hell are you ever going to make him fall in love with you if you're pushing him into someone else's arms? You've been waiting for him to settle down for years so you could have a chance, and now you blew it! Idiot!
"Yeah, as long as you can get used to having sex with just one person," I said.
He shrugged. "Well, if it's the right person, I guess I could. But how the hell do I find a guy who doesn't just want me for my body?"
I resisted the urge to point to myself and instead said, "Well, you'd have to get to know him first, and let him fall for your personality before you hop into bed."
Yamato wrinkled his nose. "What if I do all that and he ends up being terrible in bed? I'll have wasted all that time."
"Welcome to the real world," I half-joked.
Yamato made a face at me. "As if you would know," he said after a moment. "You haven't dated in God-knows-how-long."
Yeah, because it was impossible for me to have feelings for anyone but him.
"I'm just not interested in dating right now," I lied.
"You're not interested in dating in college? What are you, asexual? At least that would explain you not being attracted to me," Yamato joked.
I laughed. "Shut up. I told you; if I showed your fifth-grade picture to someone you were fucking, they would kick you out of bed."
Yamato whacked me with a pillow, and I grabbed another pillow and whacked him back, and when our roommate Dylan came to the door we were in the middle of a full-fledged pillow fight.
He sighed. "Honestly, you guys are so fucking weird. Anyway, Lyle wants to have a party tomorrow night and he wanted to make sure everyone's okay with it before he starts telling people. You guys down?"
"Sure," I said with a shrug, and Yamato echoed me. Dylan nodded and walked away, and Yamato whacked me one more time with the pillow before flopping down next to me.
"Dammit," he complained. "If we're going to have a party, any hope of me not fucking some random guy is out the window."
"You're giving up that easily?" I half-laughed.
"I have to build up a tolerance," was Yamato's rationalization. "I thought that maybe if I went a few weeks without sex, I would be able to make it through a party without hooking up. But this is too soon."
"You're ridiculous," I sighed.
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