Chapter Three
Sarek's memory of his body and its needs seemed to spring back to him from his adolescent years. He relaxed and sought a comfortable rhythm as he imagined thrusting into the cooler body beneath him. He yanked down at the crotch of his pants and reached to fondle his testicles, and groaned softly. His body was so in need, the temptation to touch too much.
His testicles felt heavy and soft in his hand, but he could feel them tightening and lifting already. He imagined the hand was the moist orifice he desired, the body beneath him moaning and writhing as he thrust himself into it. He ran his thumb over the head and then along each of the double ridges, then finally between. His back arched and his legs jerked as he cut off another cry just as the sound reached his throat.
He pumped harder, desperate now for release, desperate for that feeling he had desired for so long. He felt his balls tighten, began to shiver as a long, slow groan emerged from him unnoticed in his building excitement. He gasped, cried out and felt his penis pulse. Opened his eyes to see his semen spurt out onto the snow, melting it in steaming streaks, watched the steam erupt as he panted and awaited his breath to return.
Jane had watched in fascination and excitment. And now that the show was over, a teaser to future encounters she presumed, she let her eyes inspect the beautiful organ still in his hands. It was still mostly erect, but had reduced in stiffness and size somewhat. His balls had relaxed and lay upon his zipper. They still appeared quite swollen.
She had read on the com boards that Vulcans could have sex many, many times in a row. Perhaps he might continue but for the cold; he was just getting some minimal relief. She had to think that he should be the last person who couldn't find someone to give him relief. He deserved someone who would give him all the relief he might need. She smiled at that. Perhaps he might be interested in an all-nighter. She could sneak into his room after everyone was asleep, peel off her robe showing off her naked body and watch the lust take hold of his expression as she offered herself.
She had seen anatomy pictures of male Vulcans. They were only cadavers however with limp penises. She stared at the double ridges, her first sight of them live. She had read that they flared at climax to seal the cavity and keep the semen where it would more likely impregnate the female. But to see them flare prior to his orgasm was wonderful. They should put a holovid of it on the ComBoards for educational experience. She shouldn't have to pay someone to hack into the UFP medical school for the dead and the limp, and usually old and not so fresh.
This had been the most informative, interesting and inspiring walk she had ever taken. Her biggest obstacle was Uncle Jim. The Vulcans were on her side already. McCoy seemed happy on the sidelines. If she could get James to back off of Sarek, she'd be home-free. She decided that now she had just the necessary information and evidence. She adjusted her clothing a little and slipped quietly back down the rock. There was enough rustling from the bit of breeze, cartwheeling leaves and falling patches of snow from the branches due to the warming that she slipped away unnoticed.
-ooOoo-
Thirty minutes had passed and Kirk had created quite a pile of kindling and was starting to get nervous. Jane could be gone much longer, but a Vulcan would turn into a Popsicle before too much more time passed. Unless they had both found the springs, but he hadn't mentioned them to Sarek as yet, and he purposely avoided telling Jane so that she wouldn't harass them to take her to what could be a very relaxing and beautiful adventure for the four of them, without the rambunctious teenager in tow.
McCoy sauntered up, having returned from his and Spock's circle of the lake. He looked like he was ready for some trouble, so Kirk hid the scotch and continued chopping.
"I'm sure the neighbors in the next county would like some firewood, too." The doctor said with too much cheer.
"Uh huh," Kirk mumbled.
"You're taking all of this a might bit seriously, Jim. You want to tell me what's really going on?" McCoy looked as if he knew. If so, Kirk wished McCoy would let him in on it!
"Just chopping."
"And chopping, and chopping…" McCoy chuckled. "Maybe we should've had some logs for you to take out your frustrations on the Enterprise. Oh, that's right! You had all those pretty women visiting."
Kirk stopped. "Just what are you getting at."
McCoy shook his head at that. "She'll be gone tomorrow morning. You and Sarek will have several days after. And the weather looks to be great for most of our holiday!"
"That seems presumptuous." Kirk was gruff with irritation. He ignored what sounded like innuendo, likely unintended.
"About Jane, Sarek or the weather?"
"All roads seem to be souring," Kirk said and threw the ax at the woodpile that now covered much of the concrete. It only bounced back and hit his foot. He kicked it, hard.
McCoy raised his eyebrows. "You're acting like your niece."
Kirk sat down on the porch steps which he realized needed salting; they were getting slippery with ice.
McCoy sat down next to him, looking confused. "Jane seems to be having a positive effect on Sarek. Her exuberance and vitality seem to be the spark he needed. He's sort of been reintroduced into life by the gregariousness and shock value of a teenager."
Kirk considered this. Could it really be so innocent? Was the uncle really such an ogre to be trying to judge what might be a simple friendship of very different beings offering a new perspective to both. He had always thought that Sarek would be a good influence on Jane. Had even considered suggesting that she stay on Vulcan with him for awhile to give her a less superficial perspective, reevaluate her priorities and offer her a dose of reality.
He smiled at the reality of Sarek's and most Vulcan's intense and rigorous lives hitting her like a giant, unnoticed rogue wave. See her tumbling then running home, or becoming the adult he could be proud of if she stuck it out with her intelligence and perseverance her family had yet to fully mine in her.
"Have I really been such an ass?" Kirk asked.
McCoy smiled. "I don't think Sarek noticed. But I think he too was hoping to get to know you better."
Kirk stared off into the distance and saw Jane heading his way. "See ya inside," McCoy said and stepped up into the cabin. Kirk could see the smoke billowing out of their chimney; Spock must be stoking it into an inferno after his long walk in the cold. He smiled as he realized how much firewood they'd have now. Always a silver lining appeared somewhere it seemed.
He looked back toward Jane and frowned. Something was certainly up. He tensed, ready for… he had no idea what. She looked to be practically swaggering, with an expression of a cat that had found the cream, the whole stock of it. Her coat was pulled tight about her, strange since she should have warmed from her walk to still be that cold.
"Hey, Unc," she shouted, her tone quite disrespectful.
"Hey," he replied, ignoring her disrespect rather than start another argument.
"I think we need to talk," she said quietly. He knew that tone; he had heard it from his own father too many times. Even Sarek used it, but to egg on others into distracting anger. In a word-patronizing. He paused before he swatted down her impetuous arrogance, too curious where it was leading. Her eyes were bright and she looked at him as if he were the spoiled brat, not she.
Kirk couldn't resist a quirk of his eyebrow and held fast to his temper.
"You need to give Sarek some space," she said quietly, as if talking to someone irrational who needed to be reasoned with, an irony in itself.
Kirk's eyebrows shot up at that as he began truly to appreciate the necessity of corporal punishment. "Excuse me?" He had underestimated immensely his niece's grand view of herself. But where her sudden ultra-confidence came from made him nervous. What could have happened to change her circumstances on one short hike?
He felt the old anger and paranoia rearing and batted them down to listen. She had only sat with the ambassador for three short hours. Granted, she had been unusually articulate and sophisticated as if thoroughly practiced at it in front of a mirror (very likely) and had over the years studied just what she needed to make the right impression on exactly him. But still, three hours and one short hike…
"I didn't realize I was crowding him." Kirk wiped the smug smile off his face as he saw Jane's eyes tighten in anger. "And I've never known Sarek not to speak for himself. He's actually quite good at it." The smug smile again.
He saw the anger flash in her eyes again. "I'm 17, not 5, Uncle. I would appreciate some respect!"
"Then treat others with it, Jane," he calmed his anger. "Proceed." He was starting to feel Vulcan with his constant controlling and reining in of what he really wanted to say and do with the little trollop! He felt immediate guilt at that characterization. Why was he being so harsh? She was only 17, though acting far younger. Perhaps he had inflated expectations because she was a Kirk. Even Sarek would understand that after his expectations of Spock while raising him.
"Amanda was only 18 when Sarek met her," Jane said.
Kirk smiled at is niece. Was she trying to compare herself to Amanda? He knew Amanda had multiple ivy-league degrees and was accomplished in a prestigious career already by 18-a prodigy. He would have hazarded her maturity at mid-thirties then, at least, not to mention she was quite sophisticated, comfortable with herself and very cosmopolitan even at that young age. It had not exactly been the Cinderella story the media had painted.
And for what Sarek had in experience professionally by then was averaged out by his inexperience personally. He had been a babe-in-the-woods in many ways from what Amanda had let them in on secretly, still considered a child by most Vulcans at the human equivalent of 22, far from the mature, eminent and experienced middle-aged man he was now. They had taught each other much through the years.
"Chronological age can mean little in regard to some people," he finally said. He subdued his smile as he realized how apropos that had been for both Amanda and his niece, but in exactly the opposite regard.
She smiled, completely misconstruing what Kirk had said, which didn't surprise him. She would hear and see only what fit her view and desires. "He was concerned you would be angry, or hurt. He wants to spend more time with me."
Less with me, Kirk filled in. He felt the equivalent of a punch to the gut. "I'm sorry?" His anger was past simmering. How dare she! Could Sarek really have said that? He couldn't imagine why, by any stretch of the imagination, he would want to spend more time with Jane instead of him. Sarek was far from superficial. But he was now unbonded, and frustrated, and Jane had been flouncing about him flirting so obviously. It felt like a sick joke.
"I told him you'd understand. I mean, look at you and look at me!" She giggled at the same time she let go of her coat, which fell away, almost off her shoulders. Her sweater was mis-buttoned, her breasts almost spilling out, the top button on her pants was missing completely as if yanked off and the flaps hung loose almost to her crotch.
He stared at her clothing, aghast. She seemed to look at him, confused, then looked down at her clothes. She blushed furiously and tried to reorder her clothes as she turned away. She seemed scared now. "We didn't do anything, not really! But he's been so…and I want to marry him. I couldn't just push him away." She put her hand to her mouth and ran for the cabin.
Kirk stood rocked by the possibility. His mind swirled with images from the dream transposed with Sarek's constant erections, when he saw the ambassador coming toward the cabin from the same direction that Jane had come. He looked more relaxed than he had since he arrived. Even with the wind blowing Sarek's coat away and against his sweater, flattening it against him, there was no sign of his erection anymore.
Kirk walked up to the top of the stairs, his vision blurring in disillusion and fury. Jane couldn't have been that good of an actress, could she? She couldn't have known Sarek was out there unless they saw each other. He couldn't believe she'd go so far to deceive him. Alternatives fired at him, but he knew what he had to do. This was personal; he would make that very clear in his remedy. Jane didn't need further humiliation through the courts and media. And Sarek was in too vulnerable a position not to allow Kirk whatever he wished of him in reprisal.
His eyes blazed, but Sarek seemed only to notice each step he took in the snow, not meeting Kirk's eyes-further evidence he had used his niece in a vile way. He would make it right in his own way-old-fashioned but very effective. He was so ready for Step 1. He stood at the top of the stairs, fists clenched, vibrating with adrenaline. Sarek looked up at him finally with an odd, almost blank, expression as he crossed the patio almost sluggishly, then started up the steps as if on auto-pilot. Kirk stood ready and stepped forward just as Sarek reached the top.
Sarek glanced up just as Kirk swung, catching the Vulcan by surprise as intended. His right hook caught Sarek in the jaw. Sarek bounced off the handrail then fell backwards. His feet slipped from under him on the icy steps. He grappled with the handrail and had just got his feet beneath him as Kirk caught him with a left in the eye and Sarek flew off the stairs and tumbled into the firewood with a dull 'thunk' as his head hit.
Sarek appeared dazed as he struggled to right himself. Kirk approached his prey, thrilled with his luck and timing. Surprise, then a lack of balance had been against the Vulcan. Now he appeared too dazed by the bad landing to know up from down. Kirk waited as he decided on his coup-de-grace, eyeing different angles and aspects of the downed, struggling Vulcan. And he had it as Sarek spread his legs to push himself up.
Kirk slammed what he decided was a well-deserved and direct kick to the Vulcan's groin. Sarek collapsed on his side with a groan, curling around what must have been excruciating pain. What sounded like a herd came piling down the steps. He heard Jane and McCoy screaming as he lined up another kick for the stomach. His arms were pinioned and he was roughly dragged away by Spock and McCoy as Jane ran to Sarek and tried to comfort him.
"What the hell have you done?" McCoy screamed in his ear.
"Why don't you ask Sarek?" Kirk screamed back, realizing he sounded almost hysterical. Spock and McCoy both stared at him as if Janice Lester was back in his body. Why the hell couldn't he keep a lid on his emotions!
All three looked back at Sarek when Jane started screaming. "You've killed him! Oh, my God! He didn't do anything! I just wanted Uncle Jim away from him. I made it all up!" She started howling in misery as Kirk realized what he and Jane had done to Sarek.
Kirk held his head in his hands and felt faint with misery and grief. He couldn't be dead! Then he remembered how Sarek seemed slow to react, likely from the cold, and never defended himself. He remembered Sarek hitting his head in the wood pile. Oh God!
He ran to him but Jane attacked him with fury and fists. "I hate you! I hate you!"
He shoved her at Spock who held her as he ran to McCoy, fear and misery plain on his face. Sarek lay flat on the snowy concrete pale and now unmoving. McCoy was shaking his head after only a quick check.
"No!" Kirk screamed. His world felt as if it had collapsed. Surely, it was just another nightmare! Sarek was Vulcan, and in good health as far as he knew, just a little weak and tired…
"Doctor?" Spock said loudly, obviously anxious now.
"He's alive, Spock, but he's got some serious injuries." McCoy didn't direct this, or even look, at Kirk, who was only intent on breathing again and understanding what had happened.
Kirk felt his knees weaken and drop him in relief. Why had he been such an utter fool?
After being brought his medikit and giving a few shots, McCoy continued, "I've got him stabilized. Let's get him inside where it's warm. He's already in shock." Spock carried him into the living room where they laid him on the couch. After what seemed a multitude of scans and shots, McCoy leaned back on his haunches and shook his head again.
"You deserve exactly what Sarek got," McCoy said, anger shaking his voice.
Kirk nodded, still looking miserable. "Will he be okay?"
"He was lucky, to say the least. The cold seemed to slow his system down, as well as pull his testicles out of the most danger from that kick. I seem to have been able to counteract much of the damage before it actualized. You could have ended his chances at further progeny."
Kirk felt nauseous at the thought of living with that.
McCoy continued, "His concussion is rather mild, thankfully. That alone could have killed him had he landed on the concrete instead of the pile of wood. So your chopping did have a point. Perhaps God intervened."
Kirk swallowed at the bizarre turn of a pile of wood perhaps saving a life. A huge silver lining he could have never predicted.
"His face is another matter," McCoy smiled. "He won't be so pretty for awhile-slight fracture to the jaw, fracture to the cheekbone. I'd be more worried about your face though when he wakes up."
Kirk smiled at McCoy's warming up to him, though he didn't deserve it. "He didn't defend himself…" He was still so confused-Sarek was still in his prime though somewhat prematurely gray, and had been in good condition from what he'd seen, at least when last on Vulcan.
"I think he'd been out in the cold too long, perhaps he stopped and sat down, which would have made matters worse. I glanced out at him from the window as he approached. He seemed a little confused as to where he was headed, and none-too-steady on his feet. If he'd gotten too cold, his reflexes would have been shot. He would be weak, almost in a fog. I doubt he would have understood what was happening when you…attacked him."
"I attacked a half-conscious man." He shook his head at his stupidity. "He won't even want to talk to me. He'll probably want to leave immediately." Kirk sounded beaten.
"Not with a concussion. In fact, I want him watched through the night. When he awakens I want him to stay awake to make sure his concussion isn't serious." McCoy smiled. "That can be your job."
Kirk nodded.
"He'll be plenty sore all over for a few days. I'd prescribe the springs and lots of walking, for which he'll need someone as escort at all times. Perhaps some massage. Plenty of time to make things right between you, if you can."
Kirk nodded again. Between him and his teenage niece, he had been the one to destroy what could have been a beautiful holiday, and a friendship he had hoped for. She had certainly acted badly and gotten her due by the trauma. She'd crumpled then and he realized how little confidence she really had. Hours later, she could still be heard crying in the bathroom she had locked herself into. He felt pity and love for her; he'd spend far more time with now.
He didn't know what would come of his own foolishness. He wasn't some teenager, but an adult that had almost cost a good man far too much. Why he went off half-cocked?
Kirk decided by firelight as he watched Sarek lay unconscious that he didn't appear any less attractive. This surprised him; he had always been somewhat superficial and Sarek's face was quite a sight. On the left side, his lip had split (though it had been re-knitted) and the swelling spread over most of his jaw and cheek. On the right side, Sarek's eye was blackened and most of the cheek and eye were swollen. He never stared into anyone's face so long as they slept, or rather lay unconscious, he realized guiltily. But he had to watch him, and perhaps McCoy thought it good penance to stare at the face he had bashed for no good reason, just stupidity.
Kirk opened the salves McCoy had left him and began to smooth the first over Sarek's facial bruises, cautious over the just knitted jaw and cheekbone. McCoy and Spock had stripped Sarek once again to check and address his injuries earlier. They had wrapped him in a robe before laying a blanket over him. Kirk eyed both with apprehension. McCoy had said to smooth the salve regularly onto all of the bruises.
To do so in the middle of the living room seemed far from what he or Sarek would be comfortable with, especially with Jane still in the house, but he likely had some pretty nasty bruises underneath, and if Kirk could help with any of Sarek's pain, he should and would, no matter how uncomfortable it made him.
He pulled the robe away and the blanket down to his waist. Felt guilty and far more uncomfortable than he should have. It seemed so intimate for such a dignified and reserved man, especially since before he came to the cabin, Kirk had never seen anything uncovered on the ambassador but his head, neck and hands. Kirk found his eyes drawn to Sarek's broad chest. The light trail of dark hair leading to his belly button. Then beneath the robe and blanket. Kirk found his eyes following to what lay hidden further and swallowed at the implication of such.
He was drawn to the ambassador, which was understandable; he was an enigmatic, brilliant man he'd had so little chance to get to know. He was father to his closest friend-another enigma in his own right. Kirk blushed; he was becoming a damn Vulcanphile! He was being a fool, caught up in the hype and mystique of what was truly unavailable in the way his mind tried to sway him. Acting as bad as a collector, who wanted one of every type out just for the experience and to boast. A Vulcan male was on every collector's wish list. Sarek lay completely vulnerable and he was uncovering and staring at him unabashedly.
He stopped his self-deprecation and focused back on his goal. A streak of mottled grayish green crossed Sarek's right nipple and traced down diagonally across his side, disappearing underneath. Kirk winced as he remembered Sarek bouncing off the handrail from Kirk's first blow. He began to spread the salve on, spreading on the darkest patches first, then the lighter as McCoy had described. He noticed the dark gray lighten immediately and the dark green going paler as the salve began to go to work. He had spread down as far as the arm and lifted Sarek's arm and laid it across his chest. He continued until he had to lift Sarek's shoulder, slightly rotate his body, to spread it on underneath.
As he laid Sarek back down he noticed that he had studiously avoided the bruised nipple altogether, everything around it had lightened. He shook his head at himself. Was it so important to deny any possible attraction that avoided anything that might seem sexual? He strengthened his resolve and began to softly paint the nipple area. As soon as he did, Sarek moaned as if in response. Kirk jerked away, froze, blushed and swallowed. It had been a coincidence.
He remembered the second blow and cringed at the memory. Sarek fell off the stairs, bounced on his buttocks, rolled and slid on his left arm and thigh then slammed into the woodpile. Kirk swallowed. The left arm was an easy fix, but for the rest, he would have to remove the rest of the robe and blanket, and turn him over. He didn't even want to imagine the bruising from his kick to the groin.
McCoy had directed him so matter-of-factly, as if Kirk would have no issue with spreading salve all over every part of another man's body, especially one he held in so high esteem. Perhaps it was the doctor's desensitization that caused him not to think that Kirk might have a problem with it. Or perhaps it was more punishment, as in watching for Sarek to come to and staring at his damaged face was simply not enough. Though it wasn't, he realized.
But would he have had the same problem with Spock? Also, a very private and dignified Vulcan. He had done all manner of embarrassing first aid on his first officer. Perhaps it was Sarek's almost regal bearing, or perhaps that Kirk himself had caused the injuries, but he felt he would rather run around the lake in the nude than cover all of the bruised parts of Sarek with salve.
What bothered him more was that part of him wanted to rationalize doing it just out of curiosity and titillation. He remembered the curiosity certainly when he had similar things to do to Spock, at least in the beginning, but it felt different somehow, and there had been no titillation with Spock.
After finishing the arm, he eyed the rest of the robe and blanket and felt like such a fool. But something had changed since he last looked. He frowned as he noticed the slight lift of the robe and blanket-another erection. He groaned softly and realized he deserved this extra bonus, and tried to see the humorous side of it. He was thankful that Jane was not given this duty, then a chuckle erupted-very thankful! He peered around the house, which was unusually quiet and pulled the rest of the blanket away, then loosened and pulled the robe from Sarek and tried to ignore the partial erection and wondered how often McCoy had had to deal with such from the many male patients he had treated.
He was determined not to touch the penis, though he couldn't help but stare at it. He had never even seen Spock's but for glances, and the differences made him curious. Though this was not a full erection, the size was impressive. The double ridges added some elegance to the design and reminded him of spoilers on a race car. The color of course was a light bronze with a tint of green which he assumed must darken as it reaches its full width and length. Instead of an oval to round cross-section of a human, it was more oblong, almost a rounded rectangle, giving it an even closer resemblance to a sports car. It was actually quite elegant and attractive and seemed to fit the Vulcan it was attached to.
Awakening from his distraction by another man's penis, he quickly checked all about the areas he could see, besides the groin and was moving back to sit down when his forearm brushed the penis. Kirk jumped from it at the same time Sarek mumbled something that sounded like Ja-. He froze, considering the dark possibilities all over again.
He couldn't stop himself. What if something had really happened between Sarek and Jane. If it were true and Jane saw Kirk go ballistic, she might have lied to protect Sarek from further attack, and to protect his position and reputation, and leave more possibility that they could be together again. It made sense.
He realized this was a dangerous line of thought with Sarek still out cold next to him. His eyes grazed over the nude, injured body beneath him. The utter vulnerability of the ambassador should Kirk learn that not only had he used his niece, but that he had almost gotten away with it as Kirk had been beating himself up and trying to make Sarek feel better. He realized both Sarek and he would be safer if he were to get either McCoy or Spock this minute, before Sarek might mumble anything else that could damn him.
He could have misheard. He couldn't help but wonder if he brushed Sarek's penis again, would he get a similar, if not, predictable response as the name of one's lover. But just because Sarek might say her name, didn't mean they had any sexual contact. It would surely lend evidence he could question Sarek directly on. If Sarek was just interested in Jane, it would at least raise a warning to keep them apart. It would also give him insight into the elder Vulcan; that he might not be someone he would want to associate with, if he could want such a childish and irresponsible 17-year-old at his age.
Kirk felt a lump in his throat at the possibility. For only a difference of one year, there was a world of difference between him and Amanda then, and his possible pursuit of Jane now. She was still such a child in every way but the physical.
He stared at the still half-erect penis, arguments each way battling within him. He was Jane's uncle; he should be made aware of something with the possibility of upending her life. Her parents should know. However, Sarek might be completely innocent and Kirk would live with the doubt, possibly end up alienating him from what might be several important connections at the worst time for the ambassador.
He had to know. He eyed Sarek's penis, feeling incredibly guilty, wishing he hadn't brushed up against it in the first place, but maybe it was fate, maybe there was some point to all of this? But what if Sarek woke up? He closed his eyes as his heart hammered. He was going to do it. He had to do it to settle this. This seemed the linchpin to so much.
He reached past the penis, exactly as he had before. Better to make it look like an accident, in case someone saw, or Sarek woke up. He pulled his arm, his heart thudding in fear of being caught. Of hearing Jane's name. Or hearing nothing more and always wondering. His arm made a light contact with the penis, and Sarek moaned again but said nothing. Kirk cursed under his breath. He reached again.
He let his arm graze the penis for a longer moment, but Sarek only turned his head. Kirk reached his hand close while watching Sarek's face to make sure he wouldn't suddenly be watching back. God, he couldn't imagine what he would say, if he suddenly awakened at this very inopportune moment. Then he suddenly realized what a fool he had been as he noticed the trace of grey on the underside of the penis and realized he had the perfect reason to be touching Sarek so intimately, whether he woke up or someone walked in.
He reached for the salve, relieved to have the excuse, yet tense at the contact he would need to make. At least there were dual purposes to it so he wouldn't wonder if he was exploiting Sarek merely to cop a feel. He moved closer. To spread Sarek's legs so that he could better see the bruising and do it right he pulled a footstool to balance one leg upon and against the back of the couch. Spread the other off the couch to the floor.
Sarek's erection had actually grown so that it almost stood straight up. This would be a very bad time for Jane to walk out, he couldn't help but think, and couldn't keep from smiling. As quickly, he thought of his second objective and felt the churning in his stomach. What if he called out Jane's name as he was laid out for Kirk so? Could he loose it again, even though Sarek may have only had sexual thoughts about Jane and committed no acts?
He pushed the confusion from his head; he might have very limited time and his inner turmoil was only growing. He had to know. Had every reason to do it. He scooped some salve and focused on the darkest bruises on the testicles as his heart pounded. Sarek jerked at the touch and Kirk softened his touch to strokes a lover might give. He had caused this, and it was likely undeserved brutality. The least Kirk could do was try to decrease his pain.
He stroked all over the testicles for good measure and covered the inner thighs. He noticed the testicles tightening and lifting and tried to ignore Sarek's obvious excitement building, it couldn't be helped really, any male would react this way to his testicles being basically fondled. He lastly eyed the now fully erect penis with a mixture of feelings. Started to warm the salve as he focused his thoughts on the dark splotch of where his knee had contacted the penis itself.
He felt torn between guilt if Sarek had been wholly innocent and almost delight if he had taken advantage of Jane, and seemingly every measure in between. He needed to know, desperately now. The ambiguity of how to view Sarek was already confounding him, his mind flip-flopping in his view of him as innocent or threat. It would drive him to distraction, and later perhaps worse. Better to know and deal with it. He would go further than necessary and if he had to explain later he'd figure a way out.
It was as if they were another's hands as they reached for Sarek's penis. He couldn't believe he was doing this and as he rested his hands on the backside of the organ he felt as if an electric shock jolted through him as he felt it jerk in response. He laid his hand still for a moment and resolved to coat the area liberally where it needed it first while he watched Sarek's face. The idea of his eyes trained on him, catching Kirk fondling his penis almost made him stop.
His first thought was that if felt like satin wrapped about steel. Sarek moaned again and gave the slightest thrust, almost a jerk along his hand. Kirk wrapped his salved thumb around the front and Sarek thrust fully now and gasped. Kirk jumped and turned back toward the face, but the eyes were still closed. On the next stroke, Sarek mumbled again, but unintelligibly. Then he groaned and mumbled "James" clearly.
Kirk rocketed to his feet, almost forgetting to let go of Sarek, his eyes wide, his face hot, his heart thudding. He stumbled as he stared at Sarek's face, assuming he'd been caught. But Sarek's eyes were closed.
"Sir?" Kirk said as normally as he could, quietly, to determine if he had awakened to see Kirk masturbating him. But Sarek just moaned and pressed his penis into the air as if in protest of the mysterious hand leaving, then quieted, as if it had only been a dream.
Kirk felt his world flip. Sarek had called out his name, likely twice. Sarek had had erections since he came to visit, not since Jane's arrival. Kirk sat back down, without thinking, between Sarek's spread legs. Next to his full erection-felt quite stupid, shocked, and even guiltier. Could Sarek really be attracted, hell…lusting, after him? So many things fell into place then. Why Sarek came to the cabin, yet reticent about being there. Jane's jealousy. The connection McCoy kept referring to.
Sarek shivered and Kirk realized he'd left him uncovered, which would be quite cold for a Vulcan. He hurriedly retied his robe over his erection and pulled the blanket over him and tucked it about his neck. And realized something he often took for granted, but for the timing. He had a raging hard-on himself! He remembered his masturbation material in the shower, finally connected them and felt blindsided. Could he really want Sarek for more than a lay? Rather, quite a few?
Appreciating another man's attractiveness and sexiness was one thing, but wanting an affair, was quite another! He had wanted to get to know him. Fill a void for him. Felt more concern for Sarek and his well-being than he likely should have. Resented Sarek's attentions to his niece. God, he had been acting like a jealous fool! That had been the intense anger he hadn't been able to control. He stared at the fire, stunned.
God, there was likely no possible positive outcome to this ridiculous situation. They could both want a relationship and there were so many reasons they couldn't or shouldn't. Sarek had a reputation to protect among the Federation and Vulcan, as did Kirk. And Sarek was a conservative man, to put it mildly. The father of his closest friend. He couldn't lose Spock again. Nor could Sarek. Why let his mind even go there?
Sarek had likely thought this through and tried his best to subdue his desires. He had been recovering from such losses, even to be able to meditate. If he had not been grieving, Kirk would not likely have found out the Vulcan's feelings at all. Once Sarek recovered, he would likely hide his interest for the rest of his days. Kirk felt saddened by the circumstances. But as a ship captain, he had suffered many disappointments and had to turn from many things he wanted. He imagined Sarek fighting his way through the layers of consciousness as he shifted and fidgeted. He wondered what the Vulcan's consciousness would bring.