A/N: We have a Youtube account now! Yays! And we posted a video where we write half of this chapter on it! If you want to be freaked out for life, the link to the video is in our profile. It's part one of many, the rest will be posted whenever we feel like it. Most likely before the next chapter is written.
Disclaimer: We have yet to steal the rights from Prince Caspian. We finally own the DVD though! And we also stole stuff from That Guy With The Glasses and Megami33. Yay stealing!
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Miraz and Puffy were playing catch with the newborn baby.
"Hey, Puffy! Go long!" Miraz yelled gleefully, chucking the harmless infant at his wife.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" cried the baby in protest as it sailed through the air.
"ALIEN!!" Puffy screamed as she violently dodged the flying infant, causing it to land on the other side of the mountain.
"What mountain? Where are we?" Miraz cried.
"I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!" Puffy yelled in distress. "WHERE'S MY BABY???"
"Umm…apparently on the other side of the mountain."
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"But…well, remind me why I married you?"
"BECAUSE I AM YOUR FATHER!!"
"That's not true! That's impossible!!"
"SEARCH YOUR FEELINGS! YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE!!"
"Ok, no really…that's impossible…"
"I know I was just messing with you."
"Hey you stopped screaming," Miraz commented.
"REALLY????"
"Umm…never mind."
"WE JUST RIPPED OFF STAR WARS!!"
"Wow, the authors suck," Miraz said.
"I CONCUR!" Puffy agreed. To silence her since she was annoying, Miraz smothered her with a shoe. After she slumped to the ground, he assigned one of his guards to track down his son.
Suddenly, some of his men clambered into the courtyard on their candied yams. Miraz saw that one of them was carrying a candy cane. He immediately teleported himself into the stables where the candied yams were getting settled into their respective stalls. He noticed that Glozelle's candied yam had an extra package attached to its saddle. He began to move toward it but was tackled to the ground by Glozelle.
"Wait, my lord!" he cried.
"Did you really have to make it so dramatic?"
"I just wanted to be lovedddd!" Glozelle cried.
"What is it, then?" Miraz demanded, eyeing the black lump against the yam's back.
"We're not exactly sure," he said in a thick Spanish accent.
"What? I can't understand you! Your thick Spanish accent is very thick!"
"You have the same accent, for crying out loud!"
"What??"
"Beep beep boop ba sheep boo."
"Oh, I see," Miraz remarked. "Wait, are you R2D2 now?"
"WE JUST RIPPED OFF STAR WARS AGAIN!!" Puffy declared.
"How did you get in here?"
"I LIVE HERE!!"
Glozelle gave her an odd look. "Does she always scream like that, my lord?"
"Unfortunately yes. It's a family thing. I have to strangle her ever few hours to contain it."
"THE WORD 'UNFORTUNATELY' HAS THE WORD 'TUNA' IN IT!! I LIKE TUNA!!" Puffy screamed softly.
Miraz then impaled her with a teddy bear. She melted into the floor and disappeared.
"Umm…sir?" Glozelle wondered.
"Just don't ask," Miraz muttered.
"…Okay then. Anyway, if you want another freak, look here on my saddle. Except of course, we're showing it to you off screen, so you can't really see it."
"So what am I looking at then?"
"A picture of me naked."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! HOLY FUCK!!"
"…The tension in the air is killing me. Want to make out?"
"Glozelle, you scare me sometimes."
"I scare myself, sir. Let's just change the scene, shall we?"
All at once, the scene shifted so that viewers got to watch the famous Jedi Council in action.
"YOU RIPPED OFF—" Puffy was shot in the face with a nuclear warhead before she could finish her sentence.
Meanwhile, Lord Sopespian…Soapboxmachine…Saltpepperchin… Ok, how the HELL do you spell his name?? Screw it, let's just call him Sally.
"I WArned this council when it put its TRUst in Lord MIraz there would be CONsequences," Sally yellED.
"Why are you talking like that?" demanded another of the lords, who was a cantaloupe.
"I DOn't KNOw," Sally REplied.
"No, no! We can't accuse the Lord Buttface without any proof," insisted another lord, who was a toaster. A second later his toast popped up. "Who wanted toast?" he asked.
"Ooh I did, I did!" shrieked an indignant sweater. The toaster handed over the toast and the sweater quickly gobbled it up.
"AckHow acklong ackare ackwe ackgoing ackto ackhide beackhind ackthat excuse?" spat the Lord of Phlegm, who was a bowling pin. "Pardon me, my phlegm gland just went dry."
"UntileverychairinthischamberisemptyyyyyyYYYYYYYY???"
Miraz pole-vaulted into the chamber. "Lords of the council, my apologies for being late. I wasn't aware we were EATING PIZZA!"
"Pizza? Where?" demanded the sweater, who was always hungry for little children…or pizza.
"No DOUbt you were OTHERwise ocCUpied," said SalLY.
"My lord?" asked Miraz in mock surprise.
"Ever since the death of Caspian the XXXVII, you have behaved as if you were a squirrel. It's kind of been freaking us out a bit."
"I know, but I can't help it. A rabid squirrel descended from the ceiling and proceeded to nibble on my jugular, turning me into a Vampire Squirrel."
"Ok…so does that mean you're going to bite us and turn us into your minions?"
"Why the heck would I want to have cantaloupes, toasters, couches, bowling pins, sweaters and Sally as minions? How lame is that? Not to mention the fact that said appliances would have difficulty being VAMPIRES!!"
"My DEEPest condolENCES, LoRD MirAZ," Sally said with a sadistic smile. "IMAgine, flyinG thROUGH tHE BaHAMas on The VERy NIGht PuFFY hAS BLESsed yOU wiTH AN ALien!!"
"AHHH!! ALIEN!!" Puffy screamed as she jumped through the window, rolled along the floor and out into the hallway. None of the lords decided to comment on this normal behavior of Puffy's.
"Why thank you, Lord Sally. Your girlishness is a bone in this troubled time."
"So, what, you're a dog now?" demanded one of the lords, who was a couch.
"No, I clearly stated before that I am a Vampire Squirrel. Now I will take over the throne and become absolute ruler of Narnia!! Uh…I mean, let's just talk and have a nice time…eating pickled cucumbers…which are really just pickles."
"Then why didn't you say that in the first place?"
"Because your dentist is a duck."
"That makes no sense," insisted the bowling pin.
"Neither does you being a bowling pin."
Suddenly, the door opened.
Lord Miraz stood while sitting and declared in a small, booming voice: "That is the most disturbing news of all."
"The door opening?" questioned a very confused toaster Lord.
"Our beloved Caspian was turned into a racecar by Narnians."
There was murmuring within the council.
"What's a racecar?" inquired the sweater.
"I don't know, but it's spelled the same forwards as it is backwards!!" Miraz shouted giddily as he performed a Riverdance.
Just then, General Glozelle peeked into the chamber, and exchanging glances with Miraz, nodded briskly. He exited as Miraz made a beautiful speech about turtle doves and the fact that they were a combination of turtles and doves. Like in Avatar.
"You go too farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, Mirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraz" angrily spoke a lord, who was the Eiffel Tower. "You expect us to stand by while you blame such a blatant crime on future plot elements??"
"Lord Miraz may be right about the Narnians," the couch piped up. "I mean, listen to him! He's developing Edmund-itis!"
"What the hell is that?"
"It's an ancient Narnian disease where you reveal your true motives, but somehow the other characters don't notice you giving away the general plot of the movie."
Meanwhile, Lord Miraz raised his tonsils and indicated for Glozelle to enter the chamber bearing a puppy-dog man played by actor Peter Dinklage. As Peter Dinklage came into sight, the lords of the council jumped to their feet…and stands and…do any of them even have feet? Anyways, they stood up and were surprised and stuff.
"We forget, my lords, Narnia was once a McDonalds. Fierce creatures roamed free. Hamburglars were rampant. Much of our Forefather's limbs were sacrificed to clothe Oprah and exterminate these radish monsters!!"
"You really botched up that line, sir," muttered the couch.
"If I wanted your opinion, I would've given it to you," Miraz shot back. "But while we've been stuffing partridges with cheese doodles, they've been throwing parties…and not inviting us to any of them!"
"Gasp!" gasped the other councilmen.
"Growing fatter. Watching pornography. Waiting—to get kicked in the balls!!" Miraz turned to the puppy-dog man and gave him a swift kick in the nuts.
"And you wonder why we don't like you," Peter Dinklage choked out through his tears.
"Huh? Did you not enjoy that or something?"
"No….no, not really…I'm in an awful lot of pain, actually."
"Oh. Sorry 'bout that."
"No, it's fine. I'm gonna…I'm gonna go cry now…"
"Okay! Have fun!"
"I hate you."
A/N: And we're done! Review and check out our video!