Toulonacy 3

Later that same nightmare

Dilemma-- with a capital D.

So far, within the expanse of one hour, I had been zapped by lightning, dropped, soaked, muddied, dragged, shoved, manacled, yanked, pushed, poked and now, last but not least-- interrogated! And I didn't even have to pay for a gym membership. That the last bit was being conducted by a figment of my imagination-- or Victor Hugo's imagination-- just didn't wash with my usual time-dislocation experience. Unless of course, such a man as Javert did exist and served as chief of the guards at Toulon Prison once upon a time.

The fact that (in my humble opinion) Captain Javert was what I would term HOT hardly enters into it. Okay, I lied. It entered in it BIG TIME.

Javert watched me from the top of his eyes, silently over his spidery fingers. One thing for sure-- besides that impulsive kiss being out of the question (he'd probably faint)-- whatever explanation I gave, it had to be good. (In the future, I must remember not to confuse 'good' with 'big') First, the obligatory play for time.

"I hardly know where to begin." That much was on the money. I fussed mindlessly with my soggy attire, and hair. The drowned rat look was not going to score points with anyone. I found myself slowly pacing the length of the table-- maybe I'd run into an idea along the way. "I assure you, sir. Ending up here, in your prison-- in your very office-- was never my intention. It was the furthest thing from my mind, and just hours ago." Okay, the play for time was playing out.

"Just hours ago?"

"Yes-- just hours ago---" At least he wasnt taking notes. "I was with friends, and we were laughing-- celebrating--"

"This play you spoke of?"

"Yes, thats right-- we had just concluded the final performance and were celebrating.. as actors do, you know."

"I have no great respect for acting troupes, beyond the more classical, of course."

"Well, we're not professionals, certainly. Just some friends. And unaccustomed to drinking as I am, I'm...I;m afraid I overindulged."

"Unaccustomed to lying, you mean. You havent had a drop."

Ooooooh, tough audience. Leave it to me to end up with Sherlock Holmes--- no, wait-- thats another author entirely. I looked at him, hurt

"You dont believe me?"

"I have heard drunkards swear they haven't touched a bottle. This is the first time I have heard a woman boast about being drunk. I believe we would smell it, Mademoiselle, on your breath or your clothing, despite the soaking you've had."

"Oh, you are good." I raised a manacled hand-- that is to say both, and pointed at him with a grin. "Well, you see---" back to pacing and looking remorseful. "I only said that to you it pains me to admit---" That I am a complete idiot, awed by your gorgeous face, your air of authority, your trousers-- and unable to tell a decent lie.

"Continue."

"That I was-- drugged!" Good one! I turned and leaned on the desk for emphasis, the chain making a curious though not unpleasant foley sorta noise from a movie. "I am ashamed to admit, sir, that one of my friends--"

"A fellow actor, in this group you mentioned."

"Yes. Someone I trusted. He slipped me a mickey!"

Eyebrows raised, and hands lowered to the desk now.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Put some sort of drug in my drink." I quickly translated.

"The fiend." Javert wasnt buying a word of this, as evidenced in his sarcastic tone, but I got the impression at least he was amused---- or simply willing to give me enough rope to hang myself. "Whatever would possess your friend to do such a thing?"

"Oh, does one ever know?? Back to pacing now, a little hand wringing, more remorse. "Perhaps he was forced to--"

"Bribed?"

"Yes, that's good. Perhaps bribery, perhaps jealousy--" Even Javert couldn't hide his amusement. A lovely little crooked smirk crossed his face, but I was indignant. "I assure you sir, not all of our amateur players are of the same quality. Besides, I dry off and clean up very nicely, thank you very much! No-- no, it wasnt any of those reasons." Lucky for me he was curious enough, entertained enough, or just plain bored enough to keep listening. "Though I can't remember some of it very clearly."

"I'm not surprised."

"Somehow, there were these men."

"Of course."

"I was taken..someplace." and where ever it was, it wasn't any closer to the end of the story, plopped in prison mud. Ewww. Prison mud. I looked at my clothes, wondering now what sort of stains these REALLY were. "A farm-- a field-- and there was this. ...balloon-- "How much Javert knew about the Montgolfier brothers I couldn't guess..

"And you were taken aloft, to be dropped in our yard?"

"Well, they were loosing altitude in the storm."

"Dropped from the sky, and not a mark. Impressive."

"They'd lost a lot of altitude-- and by that time, I was just so much ballast."

Javert put a fist to his mouth suddenly and coughed, though I coulda swore it was almost a laugh. He cleared his throat and then straightened his papers.

"So much ballast, indeed."

He was on his feet so fast it scared the heck out of me.

"Do you think me a fool??" Whoa-- SOMEBODY had hit the Port after dinner! "You must be drunk, mademoiselle, to think anyone would believe such an absurd story!" I winced. That face was so totally within lip reach-- but now was definitely not the time--- or was it? "I want the truth, woman-- unless you wish to spend the night in a cell, as an English agent-- a spy?"

"Don't yell at me!" Okay, yeh, totally lame. Maybe the balloon bit was a little much. "What am I suppose to say??"

"The truth!"

"You can't handle the truth!" What the hell was I doing?? Practically nose to nose and I'm doing movie quotes?? This did not sit well with monsieur Captain at all! Those big eyes got way bigger.

"Mademoiselle, you will mind your tongue or----"

"Oh ,what the hell!!"

(This is one of those wacky impulse moves mentioned earlier.)

Yeh, I grabbed him-- and I promise you, this would NEVER happen in normal life--- but this was too freakin' good to pass up! I latched onto his coat with both hands, practically yanked him off his feet, and planted a big one right on that luscious mouth--- which in itself would be 'assaulting an officer' enough-- but hell, if I was gonna be tossed in a cell, I was gonna damn well make it worthwhile!!

The table lurched, and the Captain made a valiant effort to push me off-- which naturally only made it more interesting from my point of view. He tried to say something, I think. Protest? Scream? I thought he was gonna haul off and punch me, that's for sure, but he pounded the table instead, and finally moaned capitulation. There-- Done!

I let go, he flew backwards, knocked over his chair-- I never did that before-- well, maybe once--- probably never would again, but it felt great to get that out of my system! And the look on his face? Priceless!

"Guard!!"

I opened the door for them and practically passed them on the way out. Javert wiped his mouth, smoothed his clothes and straightened his hair.

"Take her away! Lock her in D!"

Ah, D for Dilemma! Not mine, not anymore!

"Come on, boys. Lock me up, throw away the key, I've been bad. Bet there isn't even a word for it in your criminal code."

Take this as a prime example of what not to do, and a warning! Listen to what they say on Star Trek. Don't mess with the native wildlife, it's libel to mess back. And sooner than you think..