AN: This is the last chapter in this fic, I really hope you enjoyed it. This was the first fic I wrote where I didn't have a specific plan, I just wrote and went for the thing that popped into my head. Usually I write my fics at school (forever alone haha) so this was quite a change. I also really hope that you're happy with the ending. As you probably noticed in my two first chapters, I was quite caught up with Oswin, but HELLO Clara cot converted into a dalek for him for gods sake (if that isn't an "I love you" then I don't know anymore.) Anyways, enough with me just babbling, and….enjoy!
The next Wednesday, when the doctor appeared after seven as usual, Clara couldn't help but be a bit distant from the doctor. He didn't seem to notice, though. It had been a bit busy day as always with the doctor. He also did most of the talking, so Clara just nodded or hmm-ed in reply. She just felt tiered. Tiered of everything. She was starting to lose sleep, she just cried most of the night. All the echoes kept her awake.
If there were many more lives, they would start crashing with each other. "Please", she thought "just stop. Leave me alone."
After four new and exciting adventures, the doctor dropped Clara off five minutes after she left. "See you next Wednesday!" He said when she was about to go out the door. Clara faked a smile "great. I have to wait a week." She thought. "See ya!" Clara waved and closed the TARDIS doors.
"Something's wrong." The doctor thought aloud. She had been so strange, so distant. She had smiled, but it hadn't been real. He knew it wasn't her time of the month because then she nearly spits fire. He sometimes, to his great suffering, found it quite funny that so much anger can exist in such a little human being.
"What's wrong with you, Clara?" He thought.
The next Wednesday, at once Clara had closed the TARDIS doors, he set off to space, just so that they could talk in private. He had taken his time to figure it out, but the clues were there and he was quite good at spying. He knew it wasn't right to spy on her. She needed her privacy after all, but he couldn't pass this off. He had to know.
And now he knew. Sort of. He didn't know why, she did what she did. Clara had to tell that herself. "So," she said "where are we going?" "Nowhere, right now" he answered. The doctor walked slowly towards her and grabbed her hand. Clara looked at him. She had no idea what he was doing, but she realised when he carefully twisted her arm and dragged her sleeves up and revealed fresh cuts that were still bleeding and multiple scars.
She blushed a little bit. She didn't like the thought of him knowing, but apart from the red cheeks, she kept a straight face with nearly any expression on it. "Oh, Clara" he said and kissed her arm, not caring about the blood that stayed on his lips.
The doctor made some tea and sat Clara down. He needed to know. After a while of him staring at Clara and Clara staring down in her cup, she finally opened her mouth. "I've started to remember", she said, "more lives than I even thought I had lived. I even think they've started to crash. This very second, new memories are being poured into my head and I can't stop it. All these deaths and overall bad memories that everybody has are being multiplied by millions." "Clara, why didn't you tell me?" He asked "because", she closed her mouth and looked down at her tea again "I didn't want you to blame yourself. You think the whole thing that happened at Trenzalore was your fault, but it was my choice doctor, and you can't see that. You keep blaming yourself for things that you couldn't stop. You blame yourself for what happens to your friends, but think about it doctor! Amy and Rory are happily married and adopted a baby boy. Rose is with you, Martha is married to Mickey and Donna might not remember you, but she shone and now she is happy too. And so is Sarah and so many others."
The doctor sighed "stop trying to make the subject about me" he said. "You wanted an answer," Clara stated, "that was my answer. I didn't tell you because you'll add more things to the pile of things you feel are your fault."
"Do the memories ever stop?" He asked "no, they're always there and they never stop," Clara was starting to get tears in her eyes "how many lives did I even live?"
"Clara, maybe I can help" said the doctor. Clara looked up from her tea. "Face me", he said. Clara did as he said. He put his index- and middle fingers on her temples and concentrated on her mind and memories "I'm going to stop the flow, some memories might come from time to time, but they won't drive you insane. And I'm also making the lives of your echoes weaker, they're still there, but they won't be of any trouble. Sometimes it can be like dreams you only remember bits and pieces of."
When he let go of her face, Clara immediately felt better. The doctor looked at Clara for a second before pulling his impossible girl into a hug "oh, Clara" he said and kissed the top of her head.
"Doctor," Clara said after about five minutes "do you mind letting me go now?" He was still holding her in his tight hug "yes, I do mind. You're my Clara and I won't ever let go. Ever." "Then neither will I" she said and smiled the first real smile in two weeks.