Lesson one- in which Hank gets mad, Gavin is bored and RK900 plays poker with the resident trash bag.
Gavin cheats because of course he does.

Gavin had pleaded exhaustion that night, both because he had been exhausted and also because he just really didn't want to do it. This whole teaching thing would be a Tomorrow Gavin's problem. Last Night Gavin just wanted to fall asleep on the couch while watching catwalk models try to claw each other's eyes out.

Tomorrow Gavin did not appreciate this decision when he woke up covered in cats with a crick in his already cricked neck and a foul taste in his mouth. He blinked several times, trying to figure out what woke him. By the look of the dim amount of light coming from the balcony window, it was close to the ass crack of dawn. He shifted slightly and Kit and Exie gave soft meowing grumbles at being disturbed. Then a sound started to register, a loud continuous tapping noise- no, a rapping noise coming from his door.

Gavin shifted Kit off but let Exie continue to wrap herself around his neck, wiping her happy dribble into the bristly stubble running down from his chin. She wasn't too heavy and she wasn't hurting him so he saw no point in moving her.

He carefully staggered up and slouched towards the door, absentmindedly lifting his hand to rub at his eyes only to get an eyeful of plaster instead. He stopped and sighed before glaring through the peephole of his front door.

Oh gawd.

It was the android. He was back. For his 'lessons'. What the hell did he expect from Gavin? He wasn't exactly Mr Popularity here.

He didn't move for a few seconds, just staring at the distorted face outside his door, wondering if he just held himself very still, his walking nightmare would just go away.

"I know you're awake, Detective Reed. I can hear you breathing."

Gavin's left eye spasmed and he opened the door.

"Okay, first lesson asshole, don't tell people you can hear them breathing. That's stalker talk."

"Understood, Detective," said RK900, nodding seriously, like he was making a mental note or some shit.

Gavin groaned and rolled his eyes, moving to the side to let the walking computer error in.

"Also, 'tomorrow' doesn't mean 'first thing tomorrow' if I meant that, I would've said it. Come at a more normal time next time."

"What's a normal time?"

"I dunno, nine, maybe ten? Eleven on a weekend."

RK900 considered this, following Gavin to his kitchen. Gavin watched him from the corner of his eye and picked up an apple from Tina's fruit hamper present. He slouched against one of the counters, carefully so as not to dislodge his purring cat scarf, and took a large bite.

"I am most often in at work by seven. That timing would be impractical for improving my efficiency."

"Then come round after work, dipshit," Gavin grumbled. He took another bite of his apple, wincing as the juice ran down the inside of his cast. Shit. That was going to be annoying when it dried.

"… Apologies, Detective. I was simply eager to get started."

Gavin glanced up from his cast at the remarkably unexcited pokerface RK900 was sporting.

"Yeah, I can see that," he drawled. "So, what the fuck do you want to learn from me? I'm not exactly an expert on socialising you know."

"I know."

Gavin's eye twitched again, he didn't say anything to which RK900, unfortunately, took as an invitation to keep talking.

"It is my belief that if I am able to socialise effectively with you, I will be able to do so with almost anyone else."

…The hell with this shit!

"The fuck you say to me?!"

Exie gave a trilling and annoyed meow at his sharp tone, before unwrapping herself and dropping to the floor. Gavin barely even noticed.

"Your heart-rate and perspiration rate have increased. I apologise, Detective, did I say something to upset you?"

Gavin squinted incredulously at RK900, anger fading in the face of his sheer bewilderment.

"Okay, right," Gavin took in a long, slightly calming breath through his clenched teeth. "Add this to lesson one: don't tell people about their own bodies. It's freaky, and I don't want to hear it. Also, you shouldn't tell me that I'm like the worst person to talk to, it's not, uh, 'nice'," he put the apple down in his sling to free his right hand to do air-quotes on the word nice. It wasn't really needed though. The distain in his voice alone was enough to impart his opinion on niceties.

RK900 frowned and tilted his head to the side ever so slightly. "I was simply telling the truth."

"You don't have to- ugh. Then here's today's real lesson: Lie. Go to work and tell one goddamn lie without getting caught."

"… Alright," said RK900, nodding to himself before turning on his heal and walking out of Gavin's flat without a single word.

Gavin stared after him, mouth open.

What a fucking piece of work!

The rest of Gavin's morning was quiet, with the afternoon following much in the same vein. He didn't shave but he managed to wrap his cast up in clingfilm with his teeth and some tender use of his left hand, to have a shower. It was glorious and irritating all at the same time. He did manage to get somewhat clean but he couldn't really wash his hair properly and he kept forgetting about his damaged limbs and bumping them against the shower walls. Damn, he wished he had a bathtub.

After that was done, he checked the clock and realised he'd spent a grand total of forty minutes in there. It was seven-fucking-thirty. He was awake now, and he knew he wasn't getting back to sleep any time soon.

What else was there to do? He couldn't play video games because of the hands. He couldn't cook or clean much because, again, 'hands'.

He ended up texting Tina a bit, asking if she missed him, expecting some silly joke back. Showed him how well he knew her. Instead of a dark joke or a witty one liner, he ended up getting five paragraphs of heartfelt texts telling him he was an idiot, repeating the finer points of the lecture of self-care she gave him at the hospital, and finally staying that of course she missed him.

Good old Tina.

The texting turned to a lighter note after that, with Tina filling him in on the latest gossip and sharing the odd awful joke. This unfortunately only lasted an hour or so before Tina had to put down the phone so not to get in trouble.

It was now nine-thirty. With nothing else coming to mind, Gavin gave into the inevitable. He turned on the television and started the soul crushing search for semi-decent daytime TV.

By the time evening rolled around, Gavin felt like he'd had enough infomercials, talk shows and crappy re-runs to last a lifetime. He wasn't even angry when he heard RK900's stupid continuous rapping echoing through the flat. At least it was something to do.

He opened the door, ready to gleefully smirk and snark to his dark heart's content, only to stop mid-insult at the look of sheer unadulterated misery plastered over the androids face. Gavin wasn't sure how he did it. The face itself was still as straight as a poker but the eyes were maybe a bit wider than usual, and there was perhaps a faint tremor to his lips. The yellow and red LED was the main clue though.

"Jesus. What the fuck happened to you?"

"I failed the mission."

There was a pause, then Gavin stared up at the top of the doorframe and at the crappy artex ceiling beyond it, mentally asking 'why me? Why do I have to deal with this?' He didn't say any of this though, having resigned himself to the fact that yeah, he was gonna have to deal with the sad sack of an android who most likely saved his fucking life.

"Come on in then," he sighed, turning around and leading him to the kitchen counter, waving an arm at the chair on the other side. RK900 slumped after him but immediately straightened up as he sat down, like he had stuck a ruler up his spine or something.

"Right," said Gavin, eyeing him warily as he sat down and pulled over a half empty bottle of sparkling water. It was flat and gross but he drank it anyway. "What happened?"

"I attempted to lie to Lieutenant Anderson. He did not react well."

"No shit," Gavin said, eyebrows raised. "You've got balls to go after Hank."

RK900 tilted his head to the side and Gavin knew, he just knew what he was going to say even before he opened up his mouth.

"Don't you dare tell me anything about your balls," he preempted the lecture, holding up his hand as if to physically hold back the incoming flood of TMI. "Remember what I said. You don't always have to tell the truth. Just tell me what you said to him."

"I told him that I did not dislike the garish colour combination of his undershirts."

Gavin choked on the mouthful of flat water he'd so wisely decided to sip at that moment. It sprayed onto RK900's face who gave him a somewhat disdainful look.

Gavin whacked his chest and ignored the stabbing message from his broken rib to knock it off, in favour of cackling like a hyena. Quite literally. His jaw was thrown open and his head was thrown back and he gave several short barks of loud laughter.

"Oh god, hah, give a guy some warning would ya?"

"Why are you laughing? I did as you instructed and it simply made things worse. The Lieutenant was quite angry at me," the android complained, wiping at his face with the back of his sleeve and frowning down as the mark it made on his douchey white coat.

Gavin's smile faded. "Look moron, of course he'd call you out on such a stupid lie. Haven't you ever had to lie for a case before?"

"Yes."

"And did you get caught out then?"

"No."

"So what's the problem? Just use your god given coding and lie like a pro."

RK900 frowned at that. It seemed to be his second favourite expression, just after resting blank face

"Your god did not give me this coding. Cyberlife's engineers did. Due to their instructions to impede on any potential deviation, I can now only partially access that coding when out on an active case. After Connor, Cyberlife did not want to give me the ability to socialise effectively outside of my missions, let alone lie."

Well. That took the wind from Gavin's sails. Fucking Cyberlife. He could fib and say androids deserved that, that the company was in the right and that really androids weren't suppose to make friends or be able to choose to lie or not… but… yeah.

Cyberlife, what a load of cunts.

Of course, Gavin didn't say any of this. In his mind, he was being friendly enough to the android as it was. He didn't want RK900 to think he could cozy up to him because he felt a shred of sympathy. Instead, Gavin casually itched his nose and shrugged.

"Okay, fine. But don't you have some fancy learning code or something? You could learn to lie."

"Yes. I can learn, detective. That is why I asked for lessons," RK900 slowly explained, as if he were speaking to a dumbass.

"Whatever, Mr Smartiepants," Gavin rolled his eyes, not conceding the fact that RK900 was technically in the right. Yeah, Gavin hadn't really told him how to lie, he just sent him off. And, really, Gavin would've probably tried to palm him off yet again, if it wasn't for the fact that he was so freaking bored.

If he was going to help this moron, he might as well get some entertainment value out of it.

"In the first draw under the microwave, there's some playing cards. Get them out. Oh and grab me a beer while you're there."

"Why?" Asked RK900 not moving and frown back in place. He probably wasn't pleased about being given domestic orders. Gavin got that, it's the only reason he didn't snarl at the question. Instead, he smirked.

"We're gonna work on your poker face."

RK900 was crap at poker. It would be funny if it weren't so pathetic.

Wait, no, it was still funny.

Gavin didn't bother to smother his snickers as he laid down another flush.

"This game does not match any rules I can find online," RK900 stated, staring at the cards before folding. They weren't playing for anything really. Gavin didn't have much in the way of money on him to bet, and RK900 didn't carry any.

"It's the bastardised Reed version of poker, like a mix of Texas Hold'em, Old Maid and fuck knows what else. Played this with the grandparents when I was a kid," said Gavin, too flushed with success to be bothered about how friendly he was acting. "So stop being a shit loser."

(Just because he was acting friendly didn't mean he was acting nice.)

"I am not. I was only stating the discrepancy."

"Uh-huh. You fingered out how I keep winning yet?" Gavin asked, shuffling the new deck.

"… No. It does not make sense. I kept my face completely emotionless the last five rounds. How did you know when to fold?"

Because Gavin was cheating. He wasn't going to say that though. RK900 would have to figure that one out himself. Instead, Gavin went for a half-truth.

"'Emotionless' isn't what you need when you're lying," Gavin grinned, tapping the side of his slightly crooked nose before looking down to share out the cards again. "Cause then it obvious you're lying. Also people don't look just at your face; they look at your body and it's harder to lie with that. What you need to do is distract them, give'm a show."

Gavin paused to look over his cards with a heavy furrow to his brow, clicking his tongue and humming softly.

"You do it enough and they won't know whether your sucking in your teeth for a bad hand, to pretend it's a bad hand or to pretend you're pretending it's a bad hand."

"… This is confusing."

Gavin glanced up from his cards and smirked. "Welcome to the world of lies. You'll get used to it."

Gavin didn't catch the faint upturn to RK900's lips at that, he was too busy rearranging his cards one handedly and spinning out strategies in his head.

This didn't mean Gavin couldn't multitask though. He was enjoying listing out all the ways RK900 has fucked up, it was strangely relaxing, so he kept going.

"See, where you went wrong with Hank is he's a natural born liar. You were too obvious, like you needed to say you like his shirt not that you don't not like it. Instant suspicion there," Gavin pointed a finger at RK900's chest, making him glance down just long enough for Gavin to slip back a bad card onto the top of the deck. He leaned over and pushed the cards towards RK900. "Although that guy is instant suspicion all the fucking time. Kinda comes with the territory being a detective and all. What you need to do is pick someone easier, less grumpy, and match your face to your words. I bet you had the fucking blank face on when you said it."

"Who would you recommend?"

"Hah, didn't deny that, did you? You did have the blank face," Gavin snorted, looking up only to roll his eyes as he saw said blank expression looking back. "Remember, emotion. You need one, the more confusing the better."

RK900 considered this for a moment before abruptly smiling. It was freaky and full of teeth but it was a start so Gavin didn't comment except for averting his eyes with a low whistle.

"Anyway, I reckon Connor would be a safe bet. That guy wants to be liked, he's more likely to believe a lie about him looking good."

"I disagree. RK800 models can implement their lie detectors at will, he would see through anything I said."

"Eh, maybe. Lie detectors aren't that great though. They can be fooled. Courts won't use them you know. Besides, like I said, he wants to be liked, so he's more likely to believe you."

RK900 hummed at that. Gavin looked up at him again. He wasn't smiling any more but he wasn't blank faced either. He had a faint crease between his eyebrows.

He's learning. Still got a way to go though.

Time to amp up the distractions.

"So, RK900 then…"

RK900 tilted his head to the side, still looking at his cards, not Gavin. Newbie.

"You don't have a name, like Connor?"

"My name is Connor, but I decided it would be too confusing to use it in the same work place as the RK800 unit."

Gavin blinked, momentarily distracted by this tidbit of information.

"Huh," he looked back down at his cards, pretending to swap out a card and frowning softly. "You should think about getting a name for yourself then. Makes people see you more as a person and less a program. Even a nickname would do."

"A nickname?"

"Yeah, R K Nine-hundred is a mouthful. Like just go for the letters, like RK, or maybe Nine," Gavin said, putting down his hand for a moment to have a quick swig of his drink.

RK900 looked up from his cards, back down at them then up again. His frown wasn't as heavy as usually was but it was still there. It was a great improvement on the blank expression but he'd have to choose something better if he was going to try to pull the wool over Gavin's eyes. It was clear he was distracted.

"… I believe you are trying to distract me, detective."

"And it's working," Gavin smirked, revealing his cards. RK900 stared them with round eyes then folded. "Another round?"

"… Yes. Please."

In the end, RK900 did manage to win a round, the second to last. Gavin had said it was luck but RK900 just shook his head and grinned.

"Eugh. Okay, lesson two is gonna be smiling. Don't do that again until we've got it sorted."

RK900 smiled again and Gavin rolled his eyes.

It wasn't long after that, that Gavin started yawning a little too wide and a little too long. RK900 stopped the game half-way through a round when he noticed Gavin's hand twitching to his chest after an especially long one.

"Good night, Detective Reed. I will see you tomorrow."

"Not at the ass crack of dawn remember," Gavin said, giving what would have been a pointed glare if it hadn't looked so exhausted.

"No, I remember. It is a Saturday tomorrow. I will see you at eleven. Goodbye for now, detective."

Gavin rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything, simply watching RK900 from his seat as he nodded and left, softly closing the door behind him.

So… that happened.

Gavin had played poker with an android. He would've never thought to see the day. Half a year back he'd probably hit himself round the head. Hell, maybe even a week back he'd have done that. But it had been… okay. Better than he expected really.

Weird.

Next time:

Lesson 2- Smiling