Exclaimer: Sonic and Co. belong to Sega and Sonic Team

Knuckles Theory of Modern Medicine.

A camera came on; revealing Knuckles the Echidna wearing a doctor's heart beat checking thing-a-me-bob around his neck and holding a clipboard. He was in what appeared to be a hospital patents room.

"Hallo George." Knuckles said, seemingly sane for the time being.

"TAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Knuckles shrieked like a banshee that had it testis removed, his voiced shattering the bulletproof glass of the pope-mobile that just happened to be driving past. Several loud gunshots later the pope fell over many odd round holes in him, flopping like a fish out of water. Literally.

Tails entered the room slowly. George the Pretzel cameraman fell over laughing at Tails in a white nurses outfit. A white female nurses outfit. He also wore a nurse hat and a pair of high heel shoes.

"Knuckles-"

"SILENCE YOU FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Knux screamed, his eyes leaning out of their sockets, red veins spreading from his pupils.

Knuckles pulled his willingly (coughtnotcought) cross-dressing slave with him down the street to Sonic's house.

Knuckles pushed Tails at the door to Sonic's house so hard it was ripped open. This gave a view of Sonic bound and gagged, Shadow holding a blank of wood with a nail through it, and Rouge hanging from the ceiling.

The trio stared at Knux and Tails (George was recording through a hole in the roof made by Henry the magic flying giraffe).

"What, new fashion?" Shadow asked Tails.

'SILENCE YOU FORNICATING BABOON !!!!!!!!!!!"

Knux looked over Sonic, Shad and Rouge, then started "giving" them each a proper "check out".

When he was finished he tied them to stretchers and said, "Well, as far as I can see, you are all fine apart from Sonic's 4 broken ribs, a broken arm, a broken leg, a broken ear, another broken leg, a broken nose, a sprained ankle, another broken arm, a broken eyelid or 2 and a tongue so swollen that you can't talk. Better for Shadow, without a sprained ankle and both lids and tongue broken. And, lastly, Rouge with three broken wings, legs and arms, six broken toes, twelve broken fingers, three broken ear and swollen tongue. Nurse, please take these 3 to hospital one at a time on longest possible route there. BEEEEP Good Bye." Knuckles walked away from his "patents" (life signs not included).

When Knux got to the hospital a team of doctors were running to get the pope to a life support system. Unfortunately Knuckles was walking by. Fortunately He quickly made a hole in the floor so that no one would get in the pope's way. You can tell what unfortunately happened next. Several loud, bone-crunching snaps later Knuckles was walking pass the ward where they keep all the people who are going to die, whistling funeral music, when he saw Cream the Rabbit in her death- err, I mean soft, clean, non-deathbed bed.

"TTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hollered the blood crazed madman…err… I mean the respectable, kindly, doctor who was above needing pointless qualifications.

Tails, pulled by the vacuum of air made when Knux drew in his breath to shout again, bounced around until he hit Big, who happened to conversing with Froggy while eating French frogs' legs'. And Froggy, being so much cooler then the fat cat without a hat, hopped away as Big lost an eye to one of Tails' high heels. Hmmm, that's not a sentence you wouldn't expect to find. Anywhere.

Annnnnyway, after trowing the life support machine out the window because 'It was tired and needed a bit of air' Knuckles proceeded to drag Cream to the operating room by her bleeding ears.

Negatively, all the rooms were in use. Dr Madman, AKA NNNNNN-UUUUUU-KKKKKK-LLLLL-SSSSS, solved this problem by kicking some bleeding guy with a big hat off one of the tables. Surely, he reasoned, someone with such a big hat must keep some medicine in there.

Tying the lean mean breeding Cream (she's a rabbit, of course she's a breeder) to the table and using the same scalpel he used to remove the surgeons' third pointer finger, as it were, and beheading them (by the neck, not that other way you foul fools), to extract her eardrums and ovaries.

He then pronounced her healthy, gave her an apple and anthrax lollypop, put from one a hockey puck and sent her the wall.

Turning to George, who had been filming from atop his hovering potato chip named Phil, Knuckles said, "Now, dear viewers, who have witnessed "Knuckles' Theory of Modern Medicine" in practise, you can perform it yourself, with just one last thing. "Knuckles' Theory of Modern Medicine" issss… "Always go with your impulses, not machines, because if they can stand for five seconds when you leave them unsupported, or can swear at you or shout in a loud panicky voice "AHHHH, STOP, I'M DO ANYTHING, AHHHHHHHH! THE PAIN! YOU BLOODY IDIOT, I HATE YOU! AAARRRHHHGGG!" then they are all fixed up."

Smiling, Knuckles threw the scalpel at the window the somehow recovered pope was behind. Fortunately, the window was bullet proof so the Pope survived. Unfortunately, as the Pope left the building, Cream's life support machine finally lost balance from the balcony edge it had landed on when Knux threw it out the window, and crushed the Pope and his hat, what with being a large ten-ton machine built by Tails while where a dress.

And off into the sunset did Knuckles go, riding a watermelon carried by Tails, who still wore the nurse outfit, with George dutifully following.

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Chaotix Dragon: Sorry for not up dating in a while, I just can't seem to get into the mood to write aimless comedy fanfics these days. I only seem able to write ones about war and carnage. Whats strange is I'm eerily good at writing WW1 and WW2 fictional stories Shrugs, ah well, lets just hope I can get back into it. One thing seems to get me in the mood. Dragon Tails, a webcomic by Tim Dawson, a real smart comic maker. Its hilarious, have look.