Chapter 2: Who you love, Who you need

"We'll try, to stay blind, to the hope and fear outside.

Hey, child: Stay wilder than the wind can pull me in, to crime!

Who do you need, who do you love, when you come undone?"

Come Undone

Angie

Somehow during my thoughts I had found my way upstairs to my room, and slid under the sheets. The last thing I remembered before sleep overcame me was a particularly loud howl, and the soft tap of the rain hitting my window.

When I was finally awake I didn't get up, I just closed my eyes and pulled the covers over my head hoping that more sleep would come. When that didn't happen, I took a deep breath, wondering if I was ready to deal with the world yet.

I remembered everything that had happened the previous day with a barely concealed flinch, and an unnecessary punch of fear made my breath hitch. I hated myself for what was happening. I hated that I let Jacob in so closely without realizing it, and I was letting him hurt me so deeply by it. My hatred had nothing to do with him, it centered around him, but the real blame I was putting was on myself. I shouldn't feel this way, it was stupid and reckless of me.

I didn't want to hurt Embry, either. I did honestly like him, it was very real in the way my heart sped up when he was hugging me, and in the way he was usually the one I searched for when I entered a room, just wanting to know he was there and okay. My care for him was very genuine, and I knew Jacob well enough to know the way he looked at Bella was so out of character, so warm and so-

In love.

A jolt of anger swept through me and I choked it down, shocked with myself. Jacob was never an option, he was just my best friend and he would always be my best friend. I just hoped I could trust that Bella would made him happy, when it all came down to it.

The heavy weight that I felt in my chest as I thought about it somehow relieved me. Knowing that Jacob would have Bella only reassured me farther that pursuing something with Embry was fair. I was finally sure that I wouldn't hurt Jacob by making my move.

With those thoughts in mind I threw the blankets from me and stood up. When I peeked in the mirror I found myself blushing slightly just at the thought of confessing to Embry. Would he accept it? Would we be a couple by the end of the day? It was strange to think of myself as a girlfriend. I was always the little sweetheart, the kind small girl who was just one of the boys except with her best girl friends. If I were to rate myself I wasn't really girlfriend material, and Embry was one of the most popular guys at school. I was known, but definitely not the same status. Now that I thought about it, everything about us together felt wrong if we were an image. I felt doubt open up in bloom and blossom through my heart and lungs, making it hard to breathe.

But of course, the feelings were there and everyone could tell he liked me a lot, so I wasn't so scared of not being wanted back so much as I was worried of not being good enough to be with him.

That was the moment that I made a vow that I would become someone who could stand beside Embry and belong.

Carefully I picked out a suit which was a dark gray mickey mouse shirt, light blue skinnies with black flower tights and a beanie after I brushed my hair down into smooth waves. I wasn't one to wear makeup, but I did put on a little eye liner and lip gloss. I wanted to make today as perfect as possible.

After I convinced myself of what I was supposed to be doing taking the healthier, more familiar road, I skipped downstairs with every intention to go find Embry and avoid Jacob.

To my surprise, Embry found my first. There was a soft knock on the door as I headed to the closet to grab my sweater. I peered down through my bedroom window and saw him standing there, with his hair combed down and a serene look in his eyes. My heart thumped in panic as I looked at him while my mind screamed "He's here!". I took a few calming breaths before I took the two necessary steps over and tugged the door open.

When Embry looked down at me his eyes brightened and widened. "Hey, sweetheart. You look... beautiful." He complimented.

I felt blood rush to my cheeks and cursed myself. "Thanks. You don't look that bad yourself. What brings you to my doorstep?"

"Haven't you heard? I'm the modern-day Harry Potter. I am the chosen one." He joked and I rolled my eyes.

"I thought Harry Potter was an infant left at the foot of the Dudley's steps?"

"I was abandoned by Jacob and Quil and wandered here, does that count?" he asked.

I laughed, "You read to many books, you dork."

He smirked, "I know."

After a second of silence my stomach growled and I put my hand over it as if I were stifling the sound. "Someone hasn't eaten." He commented.

"I was in bed thinking, I only just got up." I admitted.

"Lazy ass." He scolded playfully. "Let us cook!" He proclaimed, making his way to the kitchen and grabbing my hand to bring me along with him. I had to work to make my little legs match the length of one of his strides.

"Em I made stuff last night I can eat now." I pointed out and grabbed the container out of the fridge and set it in the microwave. Embry eyes it and looked a little offset, "It doesn't look like you ate any. Was your Dad home last night?"

"No."

He sighed irritatedly. "Just cause Jacob upset you doesn't mean you shouldn't eat. Don't most girls do the opposite anyway?"

I bit my lip. "I'm not most girls, and I don't want to. It's habit-forming to eat when you are upset or bored and I don't wanna get fat." I said the end jokingly but he took it seriously.

Suddenly I was pulled down on his lap with his hands resting on either side of my face. "You are perfect the way you are, and I hope you know that. I do care about these things, y'know."

I grinned. "Thanks."

He gave me a playfully shove so that I was standing "Now eat."

"Yes, sir." I saluted easily but my stomach flipping in anticipation and my heart was making a strange fluttery leap.

I grabbed the food, and Embry and I found ourselves in my living room, seated on the loveseat. The TV played in front of us, but our backs were propped on either arm of the couch so that we were face to face.

"Remember that time in grade three when you tripped over my chair and landed face first into my noodles?" I laughed at the memory my food reminded me of.

"Best damn sauce I ever had." He chuckled. "Well if we are getting into that, remember grade eight graduation when you flipped your slice of cake into your face?"

I blushed and choked, "Hell yah!" My heart and mind weren't going to last much longer, as my resolve was waning and my time was running out. I was thinking against it and that's when I knew I had to confess soon; but this memory was perfect for me to start with. "I remember that night for different reasons, though."

"Really? And what's that?"

I met his eye, setting the bowl of noodles on the coffee table. "When you ignored Avery and danced with me for the last slow song."

Embry went a little red and I couldn't help but think the shade worked well with his skin. "Is that so?" I wondered how his voice could be so steady when he looked so out of his element.

"Yeah." My eyes flickered back up to him but I couldn't look him in the eyes, the thought of his liquid brown eyes making me even more nervous. "You know, Embry, I've always really liked you. And not as a best friend I mean... I genuinely have feelings for you."

"I like you too." He interrupted, his voice surprisingly strong despite my growing discomfort and the shock he must've been in.

"Yeah, I've known that for awhile." I giggled nervously. "Jacob always reminds me. And... I think I really want to actually try this out. I want to be with you."

He laughed a little and reached out to brush mushroom sauce off my face, "One second, you've got a little something-"

I looked up at him in horror, "Was that-?!"

"There the whole time? Yes. But it fit perfectly. All this- the outfit, the makeup, the nervousness- that isn't you. But the unintentional messiness? Definitely you."

He leaned in as he said that, and my heart gave one hard thump before racing like wild horses along a shoreline. My stomach quivered with nerves. My hands moved to rest; one of the back of his neck and the other over his heart. I was pleased to feel it beating over time at my touch.

My eyes fluttered closed as his nose brushed mine and his hot lips were against my soft ones, pressing gently but with an intense meaning coded beneath the simple act. It was hidden yet present, and short but very sweet. When he pulled back he grinned.

"Yup. Still the best damn sauce I've ever had." I blushed and smacked his arm. He laughed.

"Embry... you're really hot." I commented, brushing my hands down his arms, feeling the temperature. He felt like he'd been sitting against a furnace.

"Uh, thank you?"

"No I'm serious, you're running a fever." I brushed my hand along his forehead and his eyes closed.

"Are you sure? I feel fine. I've just been warmer than usual lately."

I nodded, "I know, but I'm worried. Have you seen anyone about it?"

"Tch, stop worrying. I'll be fine." He grumbled and I put my hands on my hips, evaluating that and eventually stood up.

"I want you to stay, just in case. I'm sure your Mom won't be anything but trouble anyway."

He snorted, "Like I give a damn."

I looked at him curiously. This behavior was so unlike him, and against his demand I was still worried. Seeming to realize how upset I was, Embry pulled me in and hugged me. "Okay, okay. I'll stay. I wasn't really wanting to leave anyway. I was here to remind you, though, that there's a bon fire tonight. Are we still allowed to go, ma'am?"

I hugged him back and rested my chin on his shoulder, debating. "Sure, sure."

Authors Note:

And so it begins. If you want to see more, you know what to do! Thanks for giving this a chance.