Tribble's log, Name: Jeffrey

Stardate: That's what he said!

Credit to Jbadjr on for name

One minute I'm flying through the air, stuffed and possibly about to throw up on this weird guy's head, the next, I'm hearing all this stuff about how tribbles did all this bad stuff and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! You know what? I was really hungry and that grain smelled so good. Anyway, the natives are so hospitable. They try to starve us! But, not me. Shortly after fall on that guy's head, -actually, I did vomit a little, but don't tell him- I learned his name is Jim and he's the so called 'Captain' of the enterprise. He smells funny.

So, he's petting me behind his back as this weird guy from something called 'Starfleet' is blabbing about how its his fault that this precious wheat has been consumed by us and he should be ashamed and he needs to go to his room and think about what he had done. Well, maybe not that part.

So he does go to his room, and did I mention this guy called Kirk has anger issues? He throws me on a wall. I stick to it and make a squeaking sound. "Ha sucker." I say.

"Stupid cooing creatures." He puts his face in his hands and starts crying. What did I do? I was hungry, so I ate! It wasn't even cost effective! So what's he wailing about? Well, I feel bad for him so I use my tribble powers and fly – Ok fine. I crawl out on the wall and into the Doctor's office. There I see some tribble in a brief case with it's head sticking out.

"And you are?" I ask.

"Genie." She responds. She's got a nice brown coat of fur. Rawr.

"Ralph quit your damn cooing!" McCoy yelled from the side of the room.

"Ralph?!" I break out into a mad fit of hysterical laughter. Godgleepit! That's hilarious! "He calls you RALPH?! And you're a girl!" I rolled over it hurts so funny.

"Shuddup. Your almost as bad as that stupid greycoat Puck."

"Who that?" I ask.

"Spock's tribble. Some weird humanoid with pointy ears." I then remember why I'm here.

"Do you know where there's some Romulan ale around here?"

"Didn't know tribbles drank."

"Just where is it Ralph?"

"It's genie you idiotic fuzzbutt."

"Whatever. Like you've got a less puffy one."

"You'd be smart to shut up if you want that ale." I let out a sigh.

"SHUDDUP YOU HELLRIDDEN TRIBBLES!" Bones yells.

"It's in the cabinet over there. The drawer's open. Now leave before Bones explodes.

"Thanks." I reply. "By the way, I'm Jeffrey."

"I'll keep that in mind." Genie said, highly uninterested. What a pleasant girl, isn't she? Oh well. I like a little attitude.

So, I remember my mission, grab a to-go sized bottle on my back and slip out before the doctor decides to vaccinate me early. I shiver. I absolutely hate shots and pointy things. Speaking of pointy things, I see the one called 'Spock' in the hallway. Ralph/Genie was right. He's got VERY pointy ears. He sees me and raises his eyebrows. "A tribble carrying ale…" he rubbed his eyes. A redshirt had heard him. By this time I had climbed into an air duct.

"Mr. Spock, possibly you should go to sick bay…"

The Vulcan jumped. "I assure you, I am fit to work. Go to your station, ensign." He shot back. I gleeped a little. That was funny. Now to Kirk.

He hasn't moved and he's sitting on the weirdly designed bed. I could have done a better job with that. That burnt Sienna is so last year. A nice sky blue would do some good for this room. I maneuver my way over to him just as he's in the middle of his rage. "These tribbles ate the grain and I GET IN TROUBLE?! Star fleet needs to work out their tacti-" I let out a GIGANTIC coo. He turns around and has his 'I will strangle you' look on his face.

I coo very softly and let the ale bottle roll off my back. His expression lightens and he smiles a little. "Thanks Jeffrey." He picks me up and strokes me.

"Coo, coo, coooooo." I say. Yes, it is just gibberish but the humans seem to enjoy it. He stuffs me in his pocket and walks out of the room and meets up with the same pointy eared guy.

"Spock, status report on the situation?" Spock looked down at Kirk's pocket and saw me. He raised one eyebrow. This seemed to be a common thing among him.

"Captain, I do believe I saw that tribble in your clothing carrying ale. I do not think I was mistaken." Jim did a good job not showing emotional values, as Spock did.

"You might want to see if you're due for a physical."

"I assure you captain I am well."

"You seem irritated Spock? A human emotion?" A tribble emotion?

"I am a Vulcan captain. That's highly Illogical."

"Whatever you say Spock." They start talking about something and I am still sticking out of the captain's back pocket. I notice in a little shoulder bag is another tribble. Wow, I am meeting all kinds today.

"You see my owner is logical." The tribble says. Oh, this must be puck.

"Puck is it?"

"Yes, if you are referring to my name."

"What's with the ears?"

"Dunno. I'm not a Vulcan." Your not?

"Have you met Genie?"

"I do believe I have made her acquaintance. She appears as a dim-witted tribble, I presume."

"I like her."

"I don't understand you. Your name is…?"

"I'm Jeffrey."

"A pleasure." He says sarcastically. "Ale? You drink the strange substance that makes humans say odd things about an earthen animal called a chicken and other things about pasta or Greek Franchises?"

"What the heck is a fan kize?"

"Franchise…it's not important."

"Oh." Our conversation ended rather abruptly and awkwardly. And then the chair came in to view. Kirk begins to sit down. "AH!" I scream, but it comes out as "!"

The entire crew turns around at Jim. He sits up, takes me out of his back pocket and places me on the handles. Then his face turns a shade of something humans call Hot Pink. So smooth, the captain is. Last thing I'd want is tips for getting Ralph from him.