It took a lot of encouragement from one great reviewer, and a profound conversation I had with a friend today for me to finish this story. (and I just turned 20 two days ago, so... figures. I get older all the time.) I went back and changed the names to their Japanese conventions. I'm sorry. I don't know what made me use the English names in the first place but I've always used original names whenever I could in the past. Well, I hope this is a satisfying end to a pretty long-winded and introspective story. This chapter is definitely... different, both to write and I suspect, to read. I made their interaction like so because even though they probably love each other like brothers, the two have never been able to quite understand the other, and in my premise they haven't had a proper conversation in ages, so it's a little weird for both parties. And if Kouji seems at times a little OOC, that's sort of the point, but I don't know how well I'd conveyed that (and no, I'm not going to tell you what the point is, not in this note at least, because that defeats the purpose).
"Kouji?" A tentative voice interrupted his thoughts. Huh? Kouji was a little startled.
"Kouji! No way!" The voice exclaimed. It was deeper than he remembered, but there was no mistaking that voice.
"Takuya!" He wheeled around. "What the hell are you doing here?" Kouji stared at his old friend. Takuya's expression went from shock at his outburst to indignant.
"What? Am I not allowed to be here? I have as much right as you do!" Takuya said a little defensively.
"Whoa, chill out. I didn't mean it like that!"
"Well, then get it straight! You can't always expect people to read your mind, you know, with manners like yours." Takuya grumbled, crossing his arms. "But anyway, to answer your question, I'm about to turn 20 and I just… had to come back here, I guess. Don't know what that's going to accomplish, but hell, it can't hurt."
"What, like a lame 'final goodbye' kind of thing? Did something happen recently?" Kouji asked, sensing there's more to the story.
"No, not at all! … Well, er- yes. Er, I mean," Takuya started to stutter upon seeing Kouji's raised eyebrows. "I, er… dropped out of school."
"Oh, I see. You've only dropped out of school. Nothing to see here." Kouji cut in sarcastically. As always, he expected a snappy comeback at his jibe, but to his surprise Takuya seemed even more thoughtful, if anything.
"It did feel like nothing, that's the thing! You know what it took for me to do that? Well, a huge argument with my parents, but that's expected." Takuya waved his hands dismissively at that. "But the rest is just… a drop down menu. A DROP DOWN MENU!" Takuya gestured wildly, as though words alone could not convey the absurdity of his predicament. "And a click of the button. Then TA-DA! I withdrew! Hello, world! I'm about to make a major life decision here! Some acknowledgement, please? You'd think dropping out of school warrants at least a tacky flash movie with epic soundtrack telling you all about how your life is going to shit from this point on, or you're giving up your destiny, or something. But no, nothing. And then it hit me, that my life only ever has any significance to me, and no one else. The computer doesn't care. The system administrator of the school portal probably doesn't care. My professors don't care…" He trailed off. Kouji said nothing and thoughtfully considered his words.
"What?" Takuya asked, suddenly uncomfortable with Kouji's silence.
"Once again, nothing. Come off it. You wanted to say something else but you're not saying it. I was just waiting for you to continue."
"I don't know. Sometimes I feel like you're always judging me." Kouji actually chuckled at that.
"You really think I have the energy to judge you all the time? Although… You're right. I do look like that a lot." He admitted.
"So you're not completely socially retarded." Takuya said somewhat lightheartedly.
"No, no. I am, but enough people tell me that and I'm starting to think maybe there's something to it. And stop changing the subject."
"Well, what do you want from me? Why I did it? As if I could tell you anything that isn't going to sound cheesy and new-agey!" Takuya felt like he'd had this conversation hundreds of time before, each time with someone different, but the result is always the same. They applauded his courage, but felt that the decision was irrational and nonsensical. There's always this whole spiel about how everyone felt like this at some point. He would get over it, like every adult on this planet, or he would go through with it and rue the day he dropped out when the bills start to pile up. He did not relish the thought of going through this process again.
"The reason. I don't care if it sounds stupid. A motive's a motive."
"My life's just been very… run of the mill. It was always like that, but after the digital world that wasn't much fun anymore. I just couldn't… go on like this knowing what I'm capable of and what else is out there! I was studying business, of all things! Yeah, I sound very elitist right now, and business is perfectly respectable. But after saving the Digital World with you guys, I just want to be a part of something bigger: bigger than just me, bigger than just holding a stable job, and bigger than just eventually starting a family. I want to make a difference. Doesn't matter what it is. I want my life to be great, if you get my drift. And I really think I can be something great."
"Look, nobody can say your life isn't already great. Look at you! You saved two worlds!" Kouji reminded him.
"Yeah, when I was eleven. My life didn't end there, you know! Being great isn't just a one-time thing, and life isn't a movie where we only need one crowning moment of awesome. I was a better person with you guys in the digital world. I became better than any normal goggle-brained kid like me had a right to be. But when I came back here, I went back to the way I was. I didn't think about anything other than when my next meal's going to be, and didn't consider anything more important than myself. I don't want to be like this anymore… I want to capture who I was when I was with you guys, saving the world, defeating Lucemon… You're going to say everyone who drops out says shit like this, but with me, it's different! Yeah, and then you're going to tell me everyone thinks he's different and unique and going to make it where others have failed, but come on! You and I, and Izumi and Junpei and Tomoki and Kouichi, there's nothing ordinary about what we've been through! Doesn't that count for something, at least? But what do we do with that now?"
"Takuya…" Kouji looked at him, amazed and at a loss for words.
"Kouji?"
"You've really changed from when I first met you. You never used to think."
"Haha. Well. If I still acted like I was eleven after all these years I'd be a pretty pathetic human being." Takuya laughed, breaking the serious mood from before. He went on, "but there were something precious in those days, weren't there? I guess we have to pick and choose which parts of us we want to leave behind."
"You're right. And the good things we want to keep, we have to remember what it was like."
"It occurred to me that the six of us will probably never be a true group again. I want to go back, but then maybe if I'd really gone back it'd end up totally pointless."
"It would be pathetic if you keep going back to the same point in your life!" Kouji seemed amused by this idea. "I think the real trick behind this is what attitude we decide to take with our past, both good and bad. It's time we moved on…"
"But we'll never let them go." Takuya finished. "We'll always remember our adventures and our friends and what they meant, and it wouldn't be all for nothing. It's just so easy to forget where we've been and where we're going when you're in the thick of it."
"Hey, whoever said living the good life is easy?" Kouji elbowed Takuya playfully, grinning widely. Then he grew serious. "This is probably the cheesiest I'll ever be in my life, but I really believe you'll make it, Takuya, school or no. If anyone in the world can do it, you can. You're the Legendary Warrior of Fire. Never forget that."
"Heh. This is also the nicest you've ever been in your life. What happened to you?" Takuya teased, throwing up his arms in mock exasperation.
"You're the one to talk! Look at all your philosophizing! Who'd have thought you could string together half a thought!"
"This is all your fault," Takuya said, shoving him in jest. "Look at what you made me do! Just being around you makes me turn into a surly old codger, like you!" At that, Kouji laughed in earnest, the first time he truly laughed for… as long as he could remember. Maybe someone understood him after all.
"Takuya, were you going to…" Kouji gestured towards the elevator's control panel.
"Huh? NO. You're not doing something that crazy!" Realization dawned.
"What, you scared? You're chickening out on me?" Kouji taunted. "Scared of what you'll find?"
"Are you taunting me? Because you're not getting away with that!"
"Then prove it, Kanbara. Prove you're not a chicken." With that, Kouji punched the button and grabbed Takuya's jacket from the back. The elevator door opened.
"Hey. Wait a minute!" Takuya protested.
"Oh no you're not!" With a determined tug, the two boys were trapped in the elevator. The door slid shut, and with a groan of a waking beast, the elevator began its descent into the abyss…
"But soon I shall leave this town, perhaps for a long time, so we shall part. Let us make a compact here, at Ilusha's stone, that we will never forget Ilusha and one another... You must know that there is nothing higher and stronger and more wholesome and good for life in the future than some good memory, especially a memory of childhood, of home. People talk to you a great deal about your education, but some good, sacred memory, preserved from childhood, is perhaps the best education. If a man carries many such memories with him into life, he is safe to the end of his days, and if one has only one good memory left in one's heart, even that may sometime be the means of saving us." - Alexei Fyodorovich Karamazov, from The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, trans. Constance Garnett