A/N: Everything except my Inquisitor belongs to Bioware.
Sullen faces and downcast eyes lingered amongst the group as they slowly made their way across the drawbridge at the entrance to Skyhold. No one said much, and everyone dreaded the return to this ancient castle since they'd continued their journey to their stronghold not too long before.
Days before…
It was with shock that they watched their Inquisitor, their friend, tumble over the steep cliff side while locked in a power struggle with the deranged Venatori knight. With a slash of her blade, Cassandra dispatched the final enemy around them before then racing to the edge along with the others. All they could see was blood and the body of the formerly alive knight as he smashed to a halt on a rock edge far below.
Dorian crumpled to his knees and stared at the horse he'd temporarily driven mad as it nickered beside them.
"It's my fault…"
Cassandra was having none of his grief, for her denial switched into high gear as she paced.
"We don't know if that's her blood; for all we know it's just the blood of that knight. You didn't see a body. She may have…teleported or something. She's probably safe somewhere at the bottom, shaking her head at us for taking too long to come grab her."
Iron Bull looked at her solemnly.
"Cassandra…"
"There's no body. She's fine."
"You know she can't teleport."
"SHE'S FINE."
Cassandra ignored the dread in her stomach and mounted her horse. "I'm going to go find her. Then you two will feel perfectly silly for thinking such preposterous thoughts."
They'd searched all night and the next day for her, giving up all hope of finding any trace of her by the river at the base of the cliff. With heavy hearts, they set up camp for the night, lighting a fire and saying nothing to each other as they sat around it. Cassandra excused herself from the group, moving into the shadows for a moment of quiet. She felt the sting of tears in her eyes and fought back the urge to cry, succeeding only barely by beginning the Chant of Light.
"Hear now, Andraste, daughter of Brona,
Spear-maid of Alamarr, to valiant hearts sing
Of victory waiting, yet to be claimed from
The steel-bond forgers of barren Tevene."
Cassandra trembled before continuing.
"Great heroes beyond counting raised
Oak and iron 'gainst chains of north-men
And walked the lonely worm-roads evermore.
Might of arm and warmest of heart,
Rendered to dust. Bitter is sorrow,
Ate raw and often, poison that weakens and does not kill."
She felt a tear roll down her cheek when she spotted something glimmering in the distance. Itha's staff. Quickly, she ran to it and felt her heart break. There was blood smeared on its grip. A lot of it. Cassandra sank to her knees and gently took hold of it, cradling it to her chest.
"Why must the Shield of Alamarr shatter
'Neath bond and blade? To the wisest I sang,
To the wing'd cup-bearers of the tall sky-vaulting,
To the wintry halls of strong mountain-kings,
Where in days forgotten, voices there raised
Might be gift'd answer and those seeking find."
"Who's going to tell him?" Cassandra asked, her voice barely a whisper while they proceeded through the castle gates.
"I don't know, but we're running out of time to decide." Dorian remarked sadly, his eyes downcast as he clutched Lavellan's staff.
"They're back!"
A crowd began to gather around them, their faces alight with excitement at their return. However, they soon noticed the glum demeanor and lack of Inquisitor with them.
The door to Cullen's office burst open, scaring him from his intense focus on the documents before him. "They've just returned! Can you stop moping about now?" Josephine asked in a somewhat playful tone.
Cullen jumped to his feet and could not help but smile at the news. She was home. She was finally home. "It took them damn long enough." He moved past her and down the nearest set of stairs on the battlements by his office. It didn't take long to find the crowd surrounding the group, but he did find it rather odd that they remained much quieter than their usual raucous welcome. He moved people aside and looked for her long chocolate colored braid and eyes that drew him in like a siren.
"Oh Maker, he's here." Cassandra's eyes widened when she noticed Cullen pushing through the crowd with such a hopeful look in his eyes that it broke her heart a thousand times worse.
Cullen took a moment to look around, frowning when he saw neither Itha nor her favorite mount accompanying them. "Where is she? Did she get sidetracked by another Elven artifact again?" He joked quietly, his heartbeat quickening when none of their faces shifted to even pity laughter.
"Where is she?"
"Cullen…she-"
"WHERE IS SHE?"
"The Venatori…we didn't see…" Cassandra's eyes watered, her cool demeanor breaking with each word she spoke.
"Cassandra..?"
"S-she fell…and all we found was this…" Dorian finished what Cassandra could not and slowly offered Cullen the bloodied staff that had belonged to Itha.
"No."
"Cullen…"
"Did you find a body?"
"What?"
"Did you find a body? Clothing? Anything other than this?" His eyes nearly glowed in anger.
"We didn't but-"
"Then we must simply find her."
"Cullen, we searched for days. All we found was that." Iron Bull added, walking over to Cullen quietly. "You know she never goes anywhere without it."
"I don't believe it. I won't believe it." Cullen snatched the staff away and shoved through the crowd with reckless abandon. His heart thudded in his chest with each step back to his tower. She couldn't be gone. She was the Inquisitor. She faced down an insane Tevinter would-be god and survived. He opened the door to his office and slammed it closed behind him, locking it quickly. He needed privacy. He needed to think.
Hours passed. The once bright afternoon turned to one of the darkest of nights, the moon even staying hidden in its resting place.
"How do you think he's doing?" Leliana asked softly, her red hair falling into her eyes from beneath her hood.
"He locked himself in there and refuses visitors…how do you think?" Josephine sighed and rubbed her face.
"Ache. Agony. It burns."
Cole suddenly appeared beside them.
"Her light is gone. Emptiness surrounds. She is gone."
Leliana looked at the spirit gravely, her face sullen. "I suppose I don't need to ask who that is…"
"The lyrium might help. Might ease the pain. So much pain!"
"Cole…" Josephine held her hand up to stop him.
"Can't stay when she is gone. Nothing without her."
Cullen gathered his things, his eyes lingering on a wooden box hidden in one of his drawers. Without a second thought, he took hold of it and stuffed it into his bags. He had to get away from here. Away from the memories that now haunted his mind. What once had brought him joy, now only served to plunge dagger after dagger into his heart. Everything about this place was infused with her. Her lilting laugh. Her piercing eyes. It overwhelmed him to the point of near insanity.
'How dare you take her away!? How dare you abandon the one woman who sought to do only good in this world!? HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!?'
Cullen cursed the Maker then and there, wanting to forsake anything that could do this to him. To her. Illuminated by only the stars above, he saddled his horse in the dead of night and rode off into the mountainous valley below, leaving only a short note on his desk.
Without her, my strength has left me. And without said strength, I am nothing but a hindrance to the Inquisition. This is my letter of resignation. I know you will find someone better fit to command than I ever could. I am sorry.
X
Cullen
The horse moved quickly, each movement matching the rhythm of a wildly beating heart. Muscles strained and eyelids heavy, Itha pushed her horse as hard as she could as they raced back towards Skyhold, towards her family.