(french accent) Heelo agin our friendz! How are yoo doo-ingah? lol.. ok, enough of that! Hey, guess what?! It's only been two months since the last update... I think that's one of the fastest updates ever! We're gonna have to get a move on it before the next season begins though... it'll be done! lol
hey, school is OVER!!!! WOOHOO! no more finals or nada! we might actually get something done this summer! imagine that! lol
nightpheonix - lol, you don't count. but the review was funny! lol, thanks for this act!!!
SpaceMonkey0941 - hello! welcome! glad you found us! lol, i think its great that mom "politely asks" you if you're nuts, does this happen a lot? LOL! thanks!!!
flubber - sorry about the ending of Act 1, but did you read Season 2 musical? thats where the wraithopus Stephen comes from! thanks for the review!!!
We love you guys... you reviewers! But... where have they all gone? has the sea monster at Atlantis eaten our reviewers here too? dang it, i thought that was confined to my account as seanait... nuts. But, those who remain, please enjoy the next lovely installment of Stargate Atlantis: The Musical Musical brought to you by your adoring hosts Nightpheonix and Seanait!
And finally (drum roll), let us introduce: Act 2! YAY!
Sheppard steps out in front of the curtain. He stands there…alone…cold…in the dark…
Sheppard: Hello?
Echo: Hello…hello…hello…
Sheppard: Hunh. Where is everyone?
Ronon sticks his head out and sees John.
Ronon: Oh. There you are.
Sheppard: Ronon! What happened? Where is everyone?
Beckett, from under the curtain: Help meeee…
Teyla: Curtain…crushing…my…spine…
Ronon rubs the back of his neck in a sheepish fashion: Yeah…those two kind of got trapped under the curtain.
Sheppard: So get back there and get it off of them!
Ronon laughs nervously: See, funny thing, I kind of knocked out the stage hand in charge of the curtains, and I think I might have broken them. I can't get them to rise.
Sheppard: Great. Well, at least it will be you, me, and our two other leads.
Ronon: Yeah, about that…
Sheppard: What? Well, what happened to Weir?
Ronon: She's off fighting with Stephen the Wraithopus. Probably winning. (whispers) He took her beer.
Sheppard: Ooh, he's a goner.
Ronon: Yep.
Both pause.
Sheppard: Zelenka?
Ronon: Didn't get a part.
Sheppard: Ford?
Ronon: Whacko.
Sheppard: Caldwell.
Ronon: Earth.
Sheppard: Kolya?
Ronon: Dead.
Sheppard: Authors?
Ronon: Crazy, busy, lazy, forgetful, or all of the above.
Sheppard: The audience?
Ronon: Got sick of waiting for an update.
Sheppard: Kavanaugh!
Ronon: Mysteriously written out of the show, probably assassinated.
Sheppard: Good point. What about McKay?
Ronon: Actually, I don't know where he is. As of now, we're the entire cast.
John has a shocking moment of reality. He stares dazed out into the empty theater. A mournful violin begins to play as an expression of intense emotional suffering crosses Sheppard's face. He opens his mouth to sing about his pain in a style only Broadway songs can pull off…
And then begins to cough. Needless to say, it ruins the moment.
Sheppard: Sorry, I was having a moment there.
Ronon: Yeah, the music gave it away.
Sheppard: Don't worry, I'm over it. There will be no singing as long as we're the only cast members.
Ronon: We're too manly to sing songs from sissy musicals!
Sheppard: Right!
They revel in their testosterone for a moment. Then Sheppard turns to Ronon, quite excited.
Sheppard: Hey! If we're the only ones here, that means that there are no Wraith, right?
Ronon: Right!
Sheppard: And you know what that means…
The two look at each other, and then break out into in a joyful tune from the Land of Oz. They link arms and begin to skip around in a circle, singing.
Sheppard and Ronon: Ding-dong! The Wraith are dead!
Which old Wraith? The nasty Wraith!
Ding-dong, the nasty Wraith are dead!
Come out, you scaredycats,
Stop hiding, we don't need that,
Come out, the nasty Wraith are dead!
They're gone 'cause we shot 'em good,
We would- we would - we would,
Shoot more, but we're out of ammo, so reload and sing,
Ding-dong, the merry-oh, shoot up high, shoot down low,
Make damn sure those nasty Wraith are dead!
They continue skipping around in circles, making Munchkin noises of glee and happiness. All of a sudden, McKay, Weir, Teyla and Beckett step out from behind the curtain. Weir is holding an empty bottle, and has stains on her shirt that look suspiciously like wraithopus blood. Teyla and Beckett both look significantly flattened. The four of them stare in shock at the two men frolicking.
Weir: Oh my God, I leave you two alone for ONE MINUTE…
The joyful prancing comes to a screeching halt. Both Ronon and Sheppard attempt to stutter out explanations.
Sheppard: Well, y'see, uh…
Ronon: What we really were doing was…
Sheppard: Uh…whales! Remember those whales?
Weir and Co. nod uneasily.
Sheppard: Well…That wasn't us singing…that was a ritual Ancient battle dance,… performed by people who look remarkably like Ronon and me,… that the whales remembered and are sending back to us to warn us about something!
Ronon: YEAH! Oh, nice cover up!
The two slap each other high fives. Meanwhile, the others walk off to the side to discuss this grave news.
Weir: The whales are back…
McKay: I hate whales.
Teyla: So what are the whales trying to warn us about this time?
Beckett: Well, the image we saw was of an Ancient battle dance…so maybe we're facing another Wraith attack.
Mysterious Offstage Voice: NO! It's something much more sinister!
All cower. Sheppard and Ronon exchange nervous glances. This hadn't been part of their cover up.
M.O.V.: You will be attacked by…
Rod and Jeannie step onstage.
M.O.V.: TWO MORE MCKAYS!
Weir, Teyla, Sheppard, Ronon, Beckett: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
They bolt offstage, leaving McKay alone with his sister and alternate self.
McKay, sarcastically: Oh, thanks, guys! Love you too!
Beckett: We can barely stand one of ye, Rodney. What makes you think we'll stick around for three singing McKays?
Jeannie: Hi Merry.
She waves.
McKay, points emphatically at Rod: What are you doing with him?
Jeannie: Oh, Rod and I are great friends now. He's a better brother than you are!
Rod: Buuuuuuuuurn!
McKay glowers and stews. Rod places a friendly hand on his shoulder.
Rod: Aww, Rodney, don't be angry! Hakuna matata, remember?
McKay: …what?
Rod: Hakuna Matata!
What a wonderful phrase!
Jeannie: Hakuna Matata!
Ain't no passing craze.
Rod: It means no worries
For the rest of your days
Both: It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata!
Rod: Hakuna Matata!
McKay, disbelief: Hakuna Matata?
Rod: Yeah, it's my motto.
McKay: Your motto?
Rod: Yeah. What's-a-motto with that?!
McKay groans.
Jeannie: Those two words will solve all your problems. Learn to be more carefree!
Rod: That'sright. Take Jeannie here…
Why... when she was a young child
Jeannie: When I was a young child!
Rod: spoken Very nice
Jeannie: spoken Thanks.
Rod: She found that her looks lacked a certain appeal
She could clear the café after ev'ry meal
Jeannie: I was a sensitive soul though I seemed controlled
And it hurt that my friends never said anything!
And, oh, the shame
Rod: Oh, the shame!
Jeannie: Thought of changin' my game!
Rod: She thought of changing her game!
Jeannie: And I got downhearted
Rod: How did ya feel?
Jeannie: Ev'rytime that I...
Rod, spoken: Hey, Jeannie! Not in front of the team!
Jeannie: Heh, sorry.
Rod sleekly slides offstage.
Jeannie and Sheppard: Hakuna Matata!
What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata!
Ain't no passing craze
Rod comes out dressed in black leather pants holding a microphone. He puts a little jazz spin on his next line.
Rod: It means no worries for the rest of your days!
All: It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata!
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata!
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata!
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata!
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna –
Rod: It means no worries for the rest of your days
All: It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata! repeat
Jeannie: I say "Hakuna"
Rod: I say "Matata."
Jeannie: Hakuna!
Rod: Matata!
The team cautiously walks back onstage. Finally, the singing was done.
McKay: Okay, okay, we sang, we danced, you laughed, now they can go home and I'm still your favorite McKay, right?
Sheppard: No way.
Ronon: We like her better than you.
Teyla: Heck, we like him better than you.
McKay: Alright, that's it! Rod…I challenge you…to a DUEL!
Rod: Bring it!
McKay: You, me, balcony, dawn!
Rod: I'll be there!
Sheppard: Uh…guys, it's dawn now.
Everyone looks around.
McKay: No it's not…
Weir: This is a matinee show, how can it be dawn?
Sheppard: I'm not staying on stage until frigging dawn. (He yells offstage) BRING 'EM DAWN!
The famed Atlantis trichromatic sunrise backdrop unfolds. Sheppard looks very proud of himself.
Sheppard: It's dawn. Go do your thing, you two.
McKay and Rod: FIGHT TO THE DEATH!
They bolt offstage. The rest of the team stares after them, not sure how to react.
Beckett: I wonder which one of them will win.
Ronon: Maybe they'll both kill each other!
Teyla: Ronon! That was mean! ...and I kind of agree.
Jeannie: Wow…I thought you guys were a team.
Sheppard: Yeah, we're dysfunctional and we don't get along. It's part of our…charm!
Teyla: Actually, it just means we suck at getting stuff done.
A long, awkward pause.
Beckett: So…what now?
Teyla: I dunno, we should probably sing something.
Ronon: Screw that, I'm getting some lunch.
He walks offstage.
Jeannie: He might have the right idea, there. Knowing my brother and, er, my brother, they could be fighting for a while.
She sticks her fingers in her mouth and whistles. The two McKays run onstage, to demonstrate their fighting tactics. McKay pushes Rod a little. Rod leans backwards, regains his balance, and shoves McKay back. The two repeat the process a few more rounds, then bow, and run off to continue their fight on the balcony.
Sheppard: I see.
Teyla: Let us go join Ronon in the commissary and share embarrassing stories about McKay!
Jeannie: Yeah! I got a great one about Merideth getting shoved into a locker…!
They begin to walk offstage. However, Ronon walks back onstage.
Sheppard: Ronon! We were just going to join you and have lunch while telling embarrassing McKay stories.
Ronon: (grins in a silly manner) Wheeeeeee! The world is happy and sunshine and daisies!
All stop. That was bizarre. Where was the real Ronon? The Ronon currently onstage begins to burst into song.
Ronon: I feel pretty,
Oh so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and gaaaaay!
Teyla, clearly surprised: I didn't know you swung that way.
Ronon shrugs and continues: And I pity
Any guy who isn't me today.
I feel charming,
Oh so charming,
It's alarming how charming I feeeeeel!
And so pretty,
That I hardly can believe I'm real.
See the pretty guy in that mirror there?
Who can that attractive man be?
Such a pretty gun,
Such a pretty knife,
Such a pretty scar,
Such a pretty meeeeeeeeeeee!
All stare at Ronon is shock at this sudden display of flamboyant narcissism.
Ronon: I feel stunning
And entrancing
Feel like running
And shooting for jooooooy!
Now I feel
Like finding a Wraith to destroy!
He runs offstage. No one has ANY idea what to say. That pretty much killed the momentum of the act right there.
Sheppard: What was in his sandwich?
No one knows. It is a mystery…which may or may not be solved. Fortunately, one of the two McKay's stomps onstage. He actually looks kinda badass. The other one is not to be found.
Jeannie: Looks like the duel got nasty. Only one of the Rodneys is coming back.
Beckett: Yes, but how do we know if it's our Rodney?
The scientist storms angrily over to the group. Sheppard sticks his leg into the McKay's path. He trips and falls flat on his face.
Sheppard: It's our McKay.
Jeannie: But what happened to Rod?
McKay stands up, shrugs, and makes a noncommittal noise. He points vaguely in the direction of the balcony. No one asks any further questions.
Beckett: Hey, it's the end of Act 2.
Teyla: And you know what that means…
All: INTERMISSION TIME!
Sheppard: C'mon, we'll hit the snack bar, and then go tell embarrassing McKay stories!
McKay: Yeah!
They walk offstage. As the curtain shakily closes, Rodney manages to sneak one last line in.
McKay: Wait…what?
End Act 2
Woohoo!!!! So...? Y'all liked it right???? We really want to know if people want to kill us or throw us a party! So, please review and do tell!
Happy No More School everyone! Have a great summer!