A/N: Wow, okay, so I finished this literally right before I got to posting it - I was up late last night and woke up early to finish this off. *covers face* But, it turned out quite nicely, considering. Thank God I work well under pressure. ...Usually.
Thank you to Kittenanimegirl13, Ryuakilover, Lena-luvs-cats, Dareagon, nayukiamnesia, giselleavellaneda09, Candy Crackpot, InsanityOwl, 3, IncredibleIdiosyncrasies, Neellok, AngelHeartsX, NoToLogins, Emimaa, Serina Park, MsMusicLover, Shadow Spears, and 2 guests for reviewing!
Title: Learning to Breathe
Author: liketolaugh
Rating: T
Pairings: None
Genre: Family/Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: AU, literally. Non-canon ending.
Summary: Allen isn't coping well with the end of the Holy War and the loss of his friends. Neah is frustrated with his brother's carelessness. Their Arks bring them together, and Allen goes into a world where the Holy War doesn't exist and Mana's family - his family - is still alive.
Disclaimer: Like hell I own D. Gray-man.
With all four of them there now, it was a little more awkward, but Katerina seemed determined to push past it, and Allen was more than willing to work with her.
"How long are you planning to stay, Allen?" Katerina asked earnestly, leaning forward slightly. Allen started.
"Oh! I, um…" He frowned. "I don't know. Not long, I suppose."
Neah made a disappointed noise, and Mana glanced at Neah, considered, and then, almost playfully, made the same noise, which made Neah scowl at him.
"At least the night, I hope?" Katerina pressed, and suddenly she seemed a lot more dangerous, even when her wide eyes and hopeful expression hadn't changed much. Allen leaned away slightly, eying her warily.
"I don't know…" he said uncertainly, doubt nipping at his heels even as his heart tugged slightly, urging him to stay. "I couldn't impose."
"You wouldn't be imposing," Katerina insisted. "Please, stay."
"Give up," Neah told Allen.
Allen laughed a little, half-covering his mouth as if to hide his smile. "Okay, okay. Thank you." Color dusted his cheeks, and Katerina gave a satisfied smile.
"No, thank you."
"Don't feel bad," Mana chuckled, misinterpreting Allen's blush. "Mom's very insistent when she wants something."
"Yes, I can see that," Allen smiled, letting his hand drop again. "May I ask, though…" He glanced at his left hand, sitting innocuously on his leg. "Isn't there a particular… problem, with my Innocence?"
"I told you, it's fine," Neah complained, exasperated. "Why are you so set on that?"
Mana apparently hadn't noticed yet, though; his eyes went down to Allen's left hand and widened slightly, filling with worry. Allen swallowed and covered his left hand loosely with his right, hoping that that was more subtle than pulling his gloves on.
Katerina, perhaps more understandably, was surprised and looked concerned as well, but she took a slightly different route. "Why would there be?" she asked, more studious and intent than the innocent question it might have been.
Allen cut his gaze away, flush turning uncomfortable instead of embarrassed. "No reason, I suppose."
That was probably more telling than he would have liked under normal circumstances, but he was too off-balance to come up with anything better at the moment; he knew that he was far from at his best. Mana's gaze finally flicked back up to his face, a small frown on the twin's.
"Innocence may be the only thing that can kill a Noah," Mana said at last, leaning back a little and letting his eyes drift to his brother, headache apparently forgotten in the chaos, "but if Neah trusts you not to use it, then I suppose I will too."
Allen's silver eyes flicked up to Mana, and then to Neah, startled and wary. "Is that… the only problem? With it?" he asked haltingly.
"You're not subtle," Neah told him with a smirk, and Allen smiled apologetically.
"No, I suppose not," he admitted. "But I'd rather not borrow trouble, if you don't mind."
Neah waved his hand dismissively. "Understandable. No, no matter what quarrel Noah and Innocence have where you're from, there's no such thing here. So don't worry."
Allen offered all three of them a bright smile. "That's good," he said honestly, heart racing.
There really wasn't a Holy War here. None at all. There was some tension, for obvious reasons, but no war.
...Was that why nothing had happened? Why Mana and Neah were still both alive and happy and at their childhood home?
"How did we meet?" Mana asked, wary but curious. Allen smiled, but before he could answer, Neah cut in.
"At a circus." While his smile was fond, it was also exasperated, making it clear what Neah thought of Mana's potential life choices. "And while we're at it, dear brother, we have to discuss what is and isn't an acceptable career."
Mana's eyes had lit up at the idea that he would one day work in a circus, and now, he huffed at Neah in clear frustration. "Working at a circus is a perfectly acceptable career path," he said indignantly. Katerina smiled fondly, stifling a giggle.
"It is," Allen agreed, hiding a smile of his own. "It's a perfectly fine job."
"It is not," Neah said mulishly. And then, "Where am I? What am I doing?"
Allen's smile vanished, and his gaze cut away uncomfortably. Neah frowned.
"Allen?"
"I'm sorry," Allen said quietly, and for the first time perhaps ever, he really was sorry that his Neah was dead. Neah was still frowning in confusion, but Katerina's eyes widened in realization and something awfully close to distress.
"He's dead," Katerina breathed, and the twins' eyes widened too. Allen nodded silently.
Mana looked horrified, and Neah had leaned back, mouth falling open slightly.
"No," Mana whispered painfully. Allen swallowed, mouth dry.
"He died before I was born," he told them, and maybe it was selfish, but now that the offer had been extended, he didn't want to leave. That didn't mean he would stay past his welcome, of course, but… He didn't want to. "I don't know what happened to…" He hesitated over what to call Katerina, but rapidly settled on just that. "Katerina. Mana never told me."
"Oh," Neah breathed. Then he shook his head harshly and tried to refocus, clearly wanting a distraction. "And… Mana? How is Mana?"
That… was not the best distraction Neah could have chosen.
Allen's tongue felt heavy in his mouth, and he so, so very much didn't want to think about this - even after eight years, it was painful. Even knowing about everything Mana hadn't told him, it was painful.
"A carriage accident," Allen said around the lump in his throat, eyes fixed on a particularly interesting crack in the aging wall. "Eight years ago."
That was the safe answer, anyway, and a variation on the truth. The truth was so much worse than that.
That strange conglomeration of Adam, Mana, and Neah, he didn't want to tell these people that they would become that, let alone that Allen would kill it.
His heart dropped as if down a bottomless well, and frustrated tears pricked at his eyes, though he refused to let them fall. Oh, God, what am I doing here?
"Eight-" Katerina's voice cracked subtly, a hand coming up to cover her mouth. "Oh, God. Mana-"
Allen looked away while Katerina practically sprang up and hugged first Mana, then Neah, reluctant to let either of them go, as if they would disappear the very moment she did so. And they hugged her back, letting go of dignity for a moment, clearly shaken themselves. And no wonder.
What am I doing here?
Allen took a deep breath while he let the other three settle, forcing himself under control again.
Never stop. Always keep walking. You can do this.
Finally, Katerina forced herself to stop as well, sitting down a little heavily, still pale and shaken, eyes gleaming with tears of her own.
"Ei-" Neah took a deep breath as his voice broke, and plowed through, clearly determined to continue on as if the interlude hadn't happened, as if he hadn't learned what he'd learned. "Eight years? But if you're eighteen, and he adopted you when you were seven-"
Mana's startled eyes found Allen's, and Allen's cheeks burned with shame this time. He suddenly felt very foolish, calling himself Mana's family to these people who had known Mana their whole lives.
"Three years," Allen agreed, eyes fixing abruptly on Mana's, searching for something he knew Mana couldn't give. He shifted uncomfortably, grabbing his left wrist with his right hand, and looked at the floor instead. "The best three years of my life, but still only three years."
The unspoken question 'then what gives you the right?' burned in the air, though perhaps that was Allen's imagination. He hoped it was his imagination.
He changed the subject.
"If it helps," he said haltingly, gaze travelling up to Neah again, because flicking inevitably to Mana and then forcibly to Katerina, "whatever happened to Neah… It should have started by now. I don't think it will happen here."
A clear sigh of relief came from all three of them, and Allen smiled uncertainly.
"You sound like you really loved…" Allen could see the moment where Mana tried to say 'me', failed, and then gave up, clearly uncomfortable. "Him. The other me."
Allen gave Mana what he hoped was a comforting smile. "Yes, I did. Very much."
"...Oh."
Mana looked like he almost didn't know what to do with that information, looking deeply unsettled. Allen offered a discomfited smile of his own and offered, trying to lighten up the mood,
"Cross took me as his apprentice after that." There was no question of what 'that' was, but Neah managed to perk up with interest anyway, a playful wince overtaking his face. "As a favor to…" You. "Mana." Albeit not the sort of favor they would assume it was.
"Harsh," Neah smirked. He frowned. "Unless Cross changed?"
Allen considered, letting most of the tension slip away in the moment. He heard Katerina take a deep, steadying breath, but let it pass unacknowledged. "Is he a drunken layabout already?"
Neah burst out laughing, and Allen managed a smirk.
Mana laughed, too, relaxing with a warm smile. "That's Cross, alright."
Katerina tutted, shaking her head. "That man, I swear," she murmured. "How can he not change in…"
"Almost thirty-five years," Allen provided amiably. "I'm not surprised, honestly."
"Neither am I," Katerina admitted, an amused glint in her eyes. "But maybe a little disappointed."
"So you've met Cross," Neah jumped in eagerly. "Have you met Maria? Or Al?"
"Maria?" Ah, Grave of Maria. Best not to mention that. "In a manner of speaking. Who's Al?"
"Al's that friend I mentioned who you look like," Neah explained, smiling at him as if none of the day's revelations had happened save for the one where Allen was his nephew.
"He does look like Al, doesn't he?" Mana mused, giving Allen a small grin. Allen gave him a warm smile back. "Al's full name is Allen too, actually."
...Oh.
Allen didn't let this second heart-drop show on his face, making a show of interest instead. "No, I haven't met him. What's he like?"
"He's a geek," Mana laughed, slapping a hand on his knee and leaning back slightly to grin at the ceiling. Apparently he was also fond of the idea of pretending that he was immortal. His smile softened. "But he's a good friend. He might like to meet you."
"I might like to meet him too," Allen smiled, eyes on Mana, and then glanced away to grinning Neah.
"That can be arranged," Neah said cheerfully. "And Cross, too, if you can stand his face after being his apprentice."
Allen shuddered. Neah cackled, and Katerina giggled softly.
"Oh, look at the time!" Neah continued, voice a little louder and stranger. Mana picked up on that, too, frowning at his brother quizzically. "Mana, let's talk. We haven't talked in a while, and we have things to talk about."
Neah wasn't subtle, either.
Still, the two twin brothers ran off then, leaving Katerina and Allen, the latter slightly more startled than the former. Katerina smiled and shook her head fondly.
"Those boys…" she murmured. She stood up, stretching lightly, and smiled at Allen. "I suppose it is about time for me to make lunch, though. Do you mind?"
The thought of lunch gave Allen mixed feelings; his stomach lurched nervously - meal invitations of any sort were nerve-wracking because of his appetite, and this was hardly an invitation - but he was hungry. (Part of the problem.) He stood up quickly. "I'll help," he offered.
Katerina gave him a startled look, at once surprised and faintly approving. Still, she said, "I couldn't possibly let you do that. You're a guest."
Allen gave her an embarrassed, but firm smile. "I insist."
Katerina shook her head, laughing. "Okay, fine. Thank you."
*smirk* That all could have gone better, but at least it's over now. Heh. Thanks for reading, and please review!