Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, just this story

Author: BlackRose Petals 17

Summary: Bella and Jane are spending Christmas together when Bella brings up a tense subject

Bella's POV:

Jane and I were walking through the Hoh rainforest to get to the town of Forks. For such a "one horse town" as some might call it, one would never expect Forks to have as many lights as it did strewn across the rooftops of all the stores and the houses that Jane and I saw. I gestured towards the almost glowing lights hanging from several roofs and gutter pipes so Jane would look at them.

"See, Jane?" I said, smiling, "Don't those look cool?" I smirked as I said 'cool.' Jane had lived in the castle of Volterra with Aro and the rest of her coven for so long that she was unaware of most…Well, most modern words like cool. Luckily I had explained to her what the meaning meant and a few other words too like 'awesome,' 'blow this popsicle stand,' and the probably not so wise thing to teach her was the saying, 'bite me' and 'eat me.' Yeah, I probably shouldn't have told her those last two, given how Jane decided to exploit the meaning of them to actual literal and physical levels when we had sex together a few months ago.

Jane nodded a little, though her face still remained somber. She said quietly, too quietly for any human to hear, "Yes it is. I suppose that's the right word for it." She got a little closer to the house, inspecting the lights curiously. I watched her, unable to keep a smile from spreading over my face as I saw her look at the bright red Christmas lights next to the windows of the house. Jane flicked her finger against it, trying to investigate it more and more. To be honest, I was almost more happy to see her like this; to see her genuinely curious than when she and I met tonight. I had never seen her look so childlike, except for when she begged me not to ask her to use her painful powers on me ever again.

Considering what Jane and Alec's childhood and eternity was like, I imagined that they didn't have many opportunities to just relax and actually act like real children.

"Those are Christmas lights," I interjected, "As you can see, they're for decorations. I think I love that the most about Christmas. Even more than the snow."

Jane looked to me and cocked her head. "Why?" She asked, obviously not meaning to sound rude, but genuinely interested.

I laughed a little, looking down at the green ground of the forest that we stepped out of a little, not really restraining the endearing memories of my biological mother, Renee.

"Because," I started, feeling embarrassed, "When I was a kid, my mother would drive me around a neighborhood that had a lot of houses around during Christmas. The houses would have all these really beautiful lights all over them. I looked at her, smiling at her blank look, "I guess I can't really show you what they look like since you're not a mind reader, but I'll tell you this, there were hundreds of different lights, some were even in the forms of animals like rabbits or butterflies. " I added, smirking, "I'm sure this town has a poor excuse of a Christmas light display, but since I don't think you've had much experience seeing the lights, I think you'll appreciate what little this town has."

Jane rolled her eyes, then glancing back to the orange lights all over the sides of the house.

"Well," Jane said, hesitating a little, as if this time she was the one embarrassed, "These lights are indeed….Nice." My eyes widened. Nice? Well there was a word that I'd never thought I'd hear Jane say. Hell, I thought she and I could go through centuries and I'd never hear anything even remotely like what she said just now.

I smiled at how nervous she seemed at saying that. She really could be cute sometimes.

"Well let's see if we can find any other lights," I chuckled, grabbing her hand enthusiastically and starting to lead her towards the rest of the town, ignoring how startled she was at my abrupt action, "This town's lame but some of them can get into the Christmas spirit and have more lights."

I stifled my laughter when I heard her grumble a little and teeter along. Who would imagine it; the great Jane Volturi embarrassed and willingly being hauled around by a much younger vampire that she was in love with?

I suspect many, if they ever witnessed it and Jane allowed them to tell the tale, would never believe it. We got to the middle of the town, my hand still wrapped around Jane's wrist, her walking clumsily behind me. Funny, I'd never put Jane and the word clumsy in the same sentence, but what was I gonna do?

We got to the middle of the town, finally, and Jane came up next to me and we were on one of the streets of Forks. I'm sure that Jane was quite out of place here, bearing a long deep black hooded cloak and a silver medallion around her neck with the Volturi symbol on it, while I was wearing normal clothes. Jane probably stuck out like a sore thumb, as the saying went. Good thing that though it was Christmas, the weather was off and there was no snow, otherwise there would be a lot of questions as to why neither of us were dressed warmly.

I pointed to one of the few impressive decorations adorning the town, which was a big, inflated Santa Claus next to a log cabin that had been built about twenty years ago. There were at least dozens of multi-colored lights wrapped around the house and on its porch.

"Those are most of the impressive designs for this town." I said and adding, "I know this town is pretty damn lame when it comes to decorations, but it's nice isn't it?"

I watched as Jane nodded, her eyes not leaving the Santa balloon.

Our silence was interrupted when Jane said, "You know, there actually was a real Santa Claus many centuries ago. He was just known as St. Nick." "Oh really?" I asked, smiling, "I've heard that, but I never got it confirmed. Do you know what he was like?"

Jane smirked, "Well it wasn't like I ever met the fool. I'm old but my path never crossed with his. I know what he was like from stories," She smirked, "Not like the stories didn't explain who the hell he was anyway." She then lost her amused look and shook her head, "But humans are so materialistic that they've made everything about the legends into disgraceful commercials and everything about objects for presents."

I flinched. Okay, I'd admit that I always found Jane's hate for humans unsettling, but she was right. Humans were just so materialistic. It didn't matter the holiday, humans obsessed about what object they wanted to buy for the said holiday.

I decided to break the tension, chuckling, "Well, there's nothing that can be done about it. I wish there was snow now, though. I loved playing in the snow with my parents. I know that snow's really cold, but I always found snow a weird, magical thing. It was soft, and it was stuff that I could pick up and play with. It just seemed fun to be playing in. And don't get me started about sledding."

I was a vampire, and vampires didn't have that many memories of their human lives, but one of my fondest memories was when both my parents, Charlie and Renee were together and they taught me how to sled for the first time.

The snow had been thrown up from beneath the sled and had hit me right in the face, but I hadn't cared at all. I had loved it unimaginably. At the thought of the parents that I had left behind, I actually whimpered. Jane now had her complete attention on me.

"Bella?" The apprehensive response to the noise I made, bringing me back to present day, "Are you alright?"

I watched the usually murderous ruby eyes change to distressed, and had taken a shockingly yearning look of wanting to comfort me. My sadness and frustration melted. "It's okay, Jane," I responded reassuringly, not wanting to further worry her, "I was just thinking about my biological parents, before I grew up and then became a vampire."

Jane's expression became soft, gentle and understanding. A look that I think no one in a million years would imagine adorning her face. I smiled at her empathy. To be honest, it was hard to decide what appearance Jane took that I found the most beautiful. Even her scowls and angry looks were gorgeous to me.

"Bella," Jane pushed further, and I looked closer at her as she caught my attention fully, "What was your human life like?"

I was stunned. Both that she had asked me that, and at the awkward tone in which she had asked me it. As if she were a nervous teenage boy asking a girl out to prom for the first time. I found myself smiling even wider at this. This, to me was a sign that she really was changing for the better; changing from that cold hearted creature that killed and torture and felt nothing over it.

I shrugged and said carefully, hoping not to disappoint with my fairly boring human life as I started, "Not very interesting. I was born in Forks, but as soon as I was born, my mom took me to Phoenix, Arizona." My voice became a little bitter as I thought about it, "And she took me away from my father."

I saw Jane's eyes widen and then darken as she realized that this had upset me.

I smiled a little and said reassuringly, "Don't worry. As you saw, I moved back to Forks when I was seventeen. So I've gotten to spend more time with my father." I decided to continue, "I spent my whole life in Phoenix. I grew up in the suburbs near the desert. Not exactly what we'd call "vampire friendly weather," but it was home for me for almost seventeen years, when I wasn't visiting my father here. It was a pretty good life. Not much happened there, but I liked it. Most of my time there was spent taking care of Renee, my mother," My smile became loving as I thought about how scatterbrained my mother was, "She tended to not think about things so I usually had to take care of them for her. When I wasn't looking after her, I'd help her garden and went to a pretty boring school. When I moved here I looked after Charlie, my father, and of course, met the Cullens." I stopped there, knowing that that last part wouldn't make Jane too happy.

And of course I was right. At mentioning meeting the Cullens, I could see Jane's eyes narrowing and I decided that I had said enough and should end my life's story there.

"And you know bits and pieces of the rest, right?" I said quietly.

Jane nodded. I decided I wanted to distract her before she went on to how much better off I'd be with the Volturi than with the Cullens. "So," I started, "How have Alec, Felix, Aro and everyone else been since last time we saw each other?"

Jane lifted an eyebrow. I suspected that she knew what I was playing at, but only decided to answer.

"They've been very well," Her eyes became slits as she grumbled, "Felix is being his usual perverted self. He tends to be very lewd about his questions about you and me."

I couldn't prevent my laugh. Felix sounded a lot like Emmett. Emmettwas large, he joked a lot and made a lot of lewd comments and questions to say the least about Edward and my sex life. Sounded like Felix. Oh boy, if only Emmett knew just what exactly my "sex life" consisted of nowadays.

I then recalled Jane mentioning a relationship that was starting to form within the Volturi's castle walls. Demetri and Heidi were together now apparently. She smiled at that thought. Even upon first meeting Demetri, she had had the feeling that the tracker guard had feelings for Heidi. Of course, my suspicions had been sort of unimportant at the time since I had been too busy screaming in terror over the horrific deaths of all those people that the Volturi had fed on as their agonizing screams filled the stone hallways of the vampire coven's castle.

"How are Demetri and Heidi doing?" I asked, wanting to just not think about the slaughter that the Volturi had committed.

Jane grinned, showing off her fangs playfully. "They're overjoyed. It was funny when Demetri started courting Heidi. He always looked so embarrassed. Felix, as I'm sure you can imagine, never stopped teasing him till she finally became his mate."

I smirked. I could just picture the big oaf that reminded me so much of my brother, Emmett.

A thought then came to me, one that brought up my disturbed suspicions about Aro, and the thought that maybe Jane and my future had a chance. Of course, if my theory was right about Aro, then Jane and I would have a lot more to worry about than just the secrets that I kept from my family. "Jane," I said, making my voice firm, though I felt nervous, "Jane, I know you keep saying that I'd be better off with you Volturi than with the Cullens, but have you ever thought about leaving the Volturi and joining my family instead?" I knew what I just asked was extremely risky and I had no idea at all how Jane was going to react, so I braced myself.

Jane's red eyes widened. I had seen Jane shocked before. Had seen her shock before. But now, her eyes almost go as wide as baseballs.

Finally, Jane was able to compose herself again and she stepped back from me, making my heart clench painfully.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "And what?" She hissed, "Join your little family? Have to deal with Edward trying to come between us every day? Having to see that scum of a mutt pant after your daughter? I had no idea you were so sadistic, my Bella. Not only are you allowing yourself to be subjected to these humilities, but you want me to be subjected to them as well? I thought that you were kinder than that."

My whole being was filled with pain, knowing that I had made her this upset. Still, if she wanted to call Edward manipulative, she clearly had never truly tried to get to know Aro as I realized I knew him, even though he and I had only met twice. I understood completely what a controlling psychopath he was, and it was why I was so afraid of Jane remaining with him.

I opened my mouth to apologize, but after a moment Jane cast her eyes down to the ground and she whispered, her voice sounding envious, even though she had been angered before, "I still say what I did before. You should have met us first. You would have been happier with us and not the Cullens."

"Maybe," I chuckled, smiling grimly, "But I don't remember any situation that would have led me to you and the rest of the Volturi before meeting the Cullens." I hesitated a moment, as I wasn't sure if this was the best thing to say to here, even if she did know what my position on feeding from humans was, "And no offence, Jane, but you guys didn't exactly give me the best first impression."

I knew I was right to feel bad about saying that. Jane flinched and glared this time at the ground.

"You know that we regret that, don't you, Bella?" She mumbled, her voice embarrassed, as I'm sure that she had hardly ever apologized to anyone, "I know we were talking about your death, but we had to keep our secrets. And we'd never harm you now. The rest of the Volturi know that you're responsible for me changing. They're happy for us."

I chuckled grimly. She had it all wrong. I understood why they had contemplated killing me. I knew, and I didn't begrudge her family for it. I understood completely that they needed to protect their secret.

I hung my head. "You've got it wrong, Jane. It's not that. I want to be with you forever, Jane," I answered, "I do….but your family-"

"Drinks human blood, I know," Jane interrupted, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, that's right!" I snapped, now lifting my head and anger filling me at how nonchalant she was being over the issue, "This is why I want you to join my family, Jane! I want you to stop killing humans. You kill human beings! You all do! You don't care that you've killed a bunch of humans that will never see their family again. You kill children as they're screaming for their mother!"

My tirade was cut off as Jane met my eyes, her crimson orbs blazing with defiance.

"Is that so, Bella," She asked mockingly, "I hate to butt in on your arrogant stance on this, but you're telling me that you don't kill children and creatures with families?"

I was so startled by her anger that I no idea what she was talking about. That was until Jane so happily decided to enlighten me.

Jane went on, "You're telling me that deer don't have families? How many bears have you killed and as a result have left cubs alone to starve to death without their mother? How many baby elks have you ripped into, taking them from their weeping parents? Just because they're animals doesn't mean that they don't have families or feelings."

I stopped trying to "reason with her" upon hearing that. I hated it when she brought up arguments like that. Jane was always right. Just when I thought I could come up with some sort of way to make her see reason, she would give me a perfectly good answer that completely rebuked my earlier claims.

It was true; just because we fed on animals, didn't make us better. It wasn't like humans had families and animals didn't. And the truth was, I was starting to think about it more and more. Every time I had ripped a wolf apart and drained it dry, did that mean that a bunch of young pups, the wolf's babies would starve? Every time I attacked a bunch of deer, did that mean that their older deer parents would mourn in their own ways over the loss of their children?

"I'm sorry Jane," I amended at last, "It's just that I'm so used to our diet that the thought of feeding on humans is still repulsive to me."

Jane's eyes lost their fire and she shrugged, sighing, "It's alright, my love," I shivered in excitement at that endearment, "I know that the idea of feeding on humans is disturbing to you right now. But give it some time and some thought. You might come around to our way of life," Jane paused for a moment and added, "Or "unlife," anyway."

I smiled, "Thank you, Jane. But I still don't regret being with the Cullens. Besides, if I hadn't met the Cullens first, I wouldn't have had my Renesmee."

Jane smiled at that. "I suppose you're right." She mumbled, "Still, I think you'd like being with us, regardless of our diet. Renesmee would be safe from Jacob, you know that right? And you wouldn't have to be controlled by Edward."

I flinched at almost everything Jane said. The worst was that whenever Jane said these things, she was right. Have I mentioned that Jane was always right? Edward still was really controlling. The only reason why he couldn't control me like he used to was because I was a strong ass vampire. And Jacob still wanted my daughter. Renesmee would reach the physical age of a seventeen or eighteen year old in only a couple of years, but she'd still have the mentality of a little girl, the mentality of a six or seven year old.

It made me sick.

Jacob wanted to be with Renesmee in only a few years, even though I had actually explained to him that she'd still be a child mentally, even though she wouldn't look like it physically, and disturbingly, he still didn't seem to care.

I realized that Jane could tell what was going on in my mind without asking, because I watched her smirk widely.

"You know I'm speaking the truth," She said smugly, "Unlike your Edward," that part came out as a sneer, "I would never lie to you. I'll tell you the truth always, even if you don't like it. You know that you can trust me."

I flinched again. Jane seems to be very good at making me do that. And once again, she was right about this too. I've never recalled when she's lied to me, never.

I lowered my head. Everything she said was true and there was nothing I could do about that. But I was still afraid of one thing when it came to the Volturi. And this was something that I knew for a fact that Jane had no idea of. If I wanted my daughter to be safe, she had to be safe from everything. And that included Aro Volturi.

Here it went; I had to be honest with Jane, even if she hated me for it. I feared Aro if we joined the Volturi, but I feared him as well if Jane and I left. I thought that he did indeed love Jane in a certain "fatherly" manner, but I knew that that manner wouldn't come close to comparing to Aro's lust for power. That was why I was so terrified of him. The story that I had heard about Didyme only made me even more afraid.

The problem was that Edward might be a controlling, manipulative, lying bastard, but Aro was even more so.

"It's not just that!" I protested, glaring, "You don't get it, do you, Jane? I've come to suspect something," I knew I was about to cross a line, and I dreaded doing it, but it needed to be said, "About Aro."

Jane stiffened and immediately lost her smug look. She was now staring at me and I had a feeling that she wasn't going to interrupt me again anytime soon.

I sighed, knowing full well that what I was doing was risky, "Jane, you told me about Didyme, right? Marcus's mate. Who killed her during the Romanian war?"

Jane took on a cautionary look. "She was killed by some random Romanian vampire," She answered, "What are you saying, Bella?"

I shook my head, my suspicions mounting, "But did you actually see the vampire that did it?"

Jane lifted an eyebrow. "Well, no." She said, "She was already burning to ashes when we found her." I watched as she shuddered, her eyes now filled with pain. I now felt like the lowest. I knew how much Jane had loved Didyme. It pained her to ever even speak about her.

Which was why I knew this was going to hurt even more, but it had to be said.

"Jane," I started, being very careful, "Didn't you once tell me that Didyme talked about leaving the Volturi with Marcus and taking you and Alec with them?"

Jane's eyes pierced me. "Yes." Now she was really suspicious of what I was about to say.

I continued, holding a breath, "Jane, Aro would do anything to keep Marcus, you and Alec in his ranks. You and Alec are his top weapons and Marcus can see any connections Aro's enemies have. He would do anything to have you three remain with him. Didyme was going to destroy that.

"I don't think a Romanian killed Didyme. Didyme was going to leave with Marcus and the two of you….so Aro killed her." I finished, awaiting the consequences of my words, "Edward is a liar and master manipulator, but Aro is ten times that."

Even though I had readied myself, I almost jumped as Jane let out a terrifying roar. I would have stumbled back as well, if it weren't for the fact that I had forgotten that my shield was down, leaving me open for an attack from Jane, and the next thing I know, Jane sent her attack of mental currents hard, sending me onto my back, screaming and writhing in pain.

My screams were the only things that broke Jane out of her rage and she stopped using her gift on me.

My head was thrown back in pain as a result of her gift, so I was looking up at the dark sky, not looking at her, but I could easily picture her agony filled face as she said in horror, "Oh, god, Bella….I…I didn't mean to…" She let out another roar and I heard her feet move fast as she left me lying there, I could hear her dry sobs as she ran from me.

I got up and as I did so, I heard several people coming in our direction. What they said, no human would have been able to hear, but as a vampire, I heard them more than easily.

One of them yelled, "I thought I heard someone screaming. Come on, they might be hurt!"

I hissed. I couldn't risk anyone seeing me in this state. I got up and ran into the forest at normal human speed. What was more, I couldn't risk anyone seeing me using my vampire speed. Once I was sure that I was deep in the forest, I made the speed of my running exhilarate I was soon going past trees faster than Warner Brother's roadrunner would.

I sped faster and faster after Jane. I had to catch up with her, even if she used her gift on me a million times. We needed to talk, big time.