Title: Altered States
Chapter 3 – Danger ahead!

"Yo….what's up boss?"

"Old ghosts," Kelly stated with a tense smile as he clapped Newhouse on the shoulder and headed toward his assistants desk. "Michelle I need that report from Boden. Gotta get it all done before Boden retires."

"Still can't believe Wallace is actually done."

Kelly heard the voice of his father and turned to watch Benny Severide walk toward him with a small smile. "What brings you here?"

"Report details from a call when you were in lala land."

"Disney World…not LA," Kelly winked as he snatched the file from his father's grasp while Benny offered his son a chuckle.

"I'd ask if you had a good time but I've seen all the stuff my granddaughter has been posting."

"Yeah I swear if she didn't want to be a doctor she'd be an internet star. What was…oh damn two kids killed?" Kelly questioned as he looked up at his two captains, Rick Newhouse and Tommy Welch.

"Yeah…father was arrested on the scene by CPD but uh…but the bodies were found in the back after the flames were put out," Welch explained with a heavy frown. "Arson huh."

"Confirmed. Just saw Voight and he said they'll press for two counts of first degree murder in addition to the arson."

"Okay," Kelly nodded as he signed off on the report and then looked at his father with a serious nod before he turned and headed back toward his office.

Benny looked at Welch and Newhouse who both shrugged and then turned to follow his son. "Kelly…what's going on? Didn't you have a nice time in Florida?"

"What? Yeah…course…sorry just a bit…distracted," he sighed as he looked out and watched a few dark clouds that started to gather. "Miss the sun," he shook his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"The weather has you distracted?" Benny inquired as Kelly looked at his father with a dry smile. "Did you get the invite to Wallace's retirement?"

"Yeah I answered before we left," Kelly answered somewhat absently as he kept his gaze fixed outside the window. A few seconds of silence started to build as Benny held his position for a few seconds and then advanced.

"I know what date is approaching."

"Yeah…still remember that…moment," he stated in a soft tone as his stomach started to tighten. "So…you still taking Miranda to the cubs game on the weekend?"

"White socks!"

"She's a cubs fan," Kelly tossed back with a small laugh as Benny nodded in agreement. "Jerk…"

"She…." he started only to be interrupted by the overhead paging system. "See you on the weekend."

Kelly gave his father a nod before he dropped the file and hurried toward his truck to follow his teams into the field. Focus on the job…it was nothing…just…focus.

XXXXXXXX

"We know you were with that little girl and we know you gave her the blue teddy to lure her into the bathroom! You knew her mother was distracted! We have your prints and we have…video!"

"Look it wasn't…"

"IT WAS YOU!" Erin's voice boomed as Jay looked at her with pursed lips before he opened the top of the file and produced a few clear pictures.

"See Mr. Masters…that's you and that's…Susie. There's her mother with her back turned and you were what? Not her father so why the hell did you think you needed to take her into a place away from her mother!" Jay hissed; his tone just as disgusted.

"Who…where did you get those!" Their suspect demanded.

"Another one bites the dust," Burgess stated proudly to her partner; as they both looked through the dark one-way glass.

Erin looked up at Burgess who then entered and proceeded to take the protesting man into custody. "This one…damn I wanted to nail him so bad."

"We did…so glad that kid came forward with that video of himself that caught all of Masters moves on camera."

"Kids and their camera's. I can't get Miranda away from hers," Erin mentioned with a small smile.

"Erin?"

"Just thinking…I know you said twins were a lot of work but uh…but I sometimes envy the fact that Heather could have twins you know? Two at once. I miss that for Miranda. Having a sibling," she sighed and then offered him another tense smile. "Listen to me."

"You could….adopt," Jay suggested with hesitation.

"I know," she nodded as she gathered up the file and then looked down at her hands and watched them slightly shake. "You know…one's enough. Trust me."

"Erin…"

"I'm good. Think I'm feeding off Kelly's off mood these days. With the anniversary of Shay's death approaching it just…we go through it every year but uh…but okay so what's next?"

"Erin?"

"No I'm good. Let's move on."

"Okay so…this came in from violent crimes division," Jay started as they slowly headed back toward her office.

XXXXXXXX

"Hey Gabby," Miranda greeted Gabby Casey later the same day as she picked up her daughter Cassie, son Marcus and Miranda Severide.

"Hey sweetie. Your mom got held up on a case so you can come and hang at our place for a few hours."

"We can creep Ian's Instagram," Cassie suggested.

"Okay. Did you see what Shelly posted about her cousin?"

Gabby Casey listened to the banter of the girls in the back as she looked over at her son who just looked up at her with a headshake. "In a few years you'll be interested in what girls think and say."

"No way," Marcus Casey insisted with a defiant expression as Gabby just laughed and continue on toward their home.

XXXXXXXX

"Structure is all clear chief!" Welch called out as he neared Kelly Severide who looked at him with a firm nod and then quickly did a visual eye count of his teams to make sure they all were accounted for.

"Only a few cases of smoke inhalation. Not too bad for a structure this size."

Kelly looked over at Matt as he approached and offered an appreciative smile. "Always like when 51 shows up to help out," he gently jibbed his longtime friend. "All we needed was 42 here and it'd be a real family reunion."

"Except that Herrmann would say his house pulled the most weight and if Mouch was still in the field he'd say of course because you feed them too much," Matt retorted as both laughed. "You okay?"

"Yeah…never like fires in big structures," Kelly sighed heavily as he turned and looked at the now charred building. "Too many bad memories."

"Shay would have been proud of you taking the Chief position. You know that right?"

"Yeah…was just odd without her there…here…just yeah," he sighed as he looked at Matt in wonder. "I think about that day and those responsible for…and I know she wouldn't want me dwelling on it…anything negative."

"She'd be right," Matt reminded him kindly. "So…Boden's retirement."

"Damn huh…think Herrmann will apply for his post?"

"Think he'd let anyone else try to beat him?" Matt tossed back with a laugh as he slapped Kelly on the back.

"Yeah that way he can bring Mouch back as a consultant."

"Oh he'd love that title. Alright…see you later."

Kelly watched his friend go and then offered a friendly wave to Cruz and Stella Kidd before he told his team to pack it up as it was time to go. He thought the most recent call would help force his mind to clear and think on other things but it didn't; the morose mixed with agitated thoughts continued to keep fast hold on his mind and heart.

He reached his house and lingered in place behind the wheel for a few moments.

'Shay! Can you hear us…keep doing…oh God…she's not breathing. SHAY!'

His mind jerked him back to reality when he heard a few of his teams laughing about something and gave himself a silent slap to get his attention back in the game. He got out of the truck and headed for his office, entering just as his phone buzzed in his pocket.

'Was late on a case. Going to pick up Miranda from the Casey's now. See you after shift. Love Erin.'

He couldn't help but smile at the text as he replied and then settled into his chair and got started on his report from their latest call. Just as his mind started to wonder back to that fateful day nearly 15 years ago that claimed the life of his then best friend and the events and person behind it; he quickly looked at a collage of family pictures on his desk from their recent trip and the agitation subsided.

But that wouldn't last for long and the tens emotions would flare up again…in a most inopportune time.

XXXXXXXX

"Thanks Gabby!" Erin waved to her friend as he daughter got into the car and shut the door. "How's Cassie?"

"She's great. Okay so you know who she has a crush on?" Miranda asked enthusiastically.

"Tell me," Erin encouraged with a wide smile as they slowly headed for home and she listened to her daughter's banter about her friend and then how her day at school went. Her mind was half spent from the trying day and being back to dealing with the scum of the earth but as she looked at her beautiful daughter the troubles from earlier in the day seemed to disappear.

"Dad's going to be a bit later tonight. He has meeting with a few other chiefs," Erin told her daughter as she leaned over her shoulder and looked at what she was doing. "Is that…"

"Yeah that's us today…singing…some stupid song," Miranda explained as she pressed the 'play' button for her mom and they listened as the two young girls tried to sing, very off key, and then ended up laughing before they could finish.

"Think you should audition for the next intake of American Idol."

"You hate that show," Miranda groaned as Erin playfully ruffled her daughter's hair and then started to make dinner. After dinner, while Miranda did her homework, Erin sat at the table and worked on some case notes that she didn't get to finish up during the day.

Just before 1030pm, Erin's body, that had started to doze off, jerked itself awake and she quickly caught herself before her head slipped onto the table and she garnered a bruise. She quickly looked around and spied her daughter in the living room but her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She quickly shook herself awake and then texted her husband. But when she didn't get a reply in return, she texted Matt in hopes of getting an answer.

'He had a bit of a blowout at the Chief's meeting when the case about Shay's death was brought up. Thought he went home. Want me to go out looking for him?'

'No I'll go. I have an idea where he might be.' She texted back and then looked at her daughter with a frown. 1030? Can I leave her home alone for about half hour? We're in a secure apartment and…her mind tossed back and forth a few seconds before she berated herself for how many cases she had handled where a child was left home alone for less than 30, sometimes 20 minutes and something went horribly wrong. If something happened to Miranda and I wasn't here…I'd never forgive myself…

"Miranda, we have to get dad."

"Why? Where is he? Is he okay?" Miranda asked as she woke herself fully from her sleepy stupor.

"He's fine. It's coming up to the anniversary of Auntie Shay's death and he's just…a bit out of sorts right now. Won't be long."

"Okay," Miranda agreed as she headed for the door with a small huff, got her jacket and shoes on and then looked at her mom in expectation. "Are you mad at dad?"

"Right now? Just worried he's out so late in his emotionally charged state," Erin answered in truth. "But it usually passes," she added with a smile as they headed into the hallway and then down to the basement via the service elevators. Matt had told her, he thought Kelly could have gone to one of two places, but she knew exactly where he was – the same place he went for the past 14 years. The site of Shay's untimely death.

As she neared the location she thought her husband would be, her mind couldn't help but trail back in time to that moment when she found out from her then fellow Intelligence team members, Kevin Atwater and Antonio Dawson that someone at Firehouse 51 had died in the line of duty but they didn't know who in that moment. She recalled dropping her mug of coffee onto the floor and darting for the door and outside, her partner Jay a few seconds behind. He took the keys and drove while she prayed over and over that it was a misunderstanding or perhaps the information was false and they were all okay – maybe not reported in yet.

"Chief Boden! Who…"

He nodded toward the stretcher that bore a body on it as it rushed past and all she saw was a blond ponytail and Kelly's anguished face and her heart shattered – it was the body of Lesley Shay.

"Dad's here?"

Each time she had found him here, she had come alone; Miranda with the Casey's or at Benny's. Tonight was so last minute that she didn't have a chance to ask anyone to take Miranda for even half hour. She assumed he would have been with Matt the whole time and that would have spared him some of the emotional grief. She was wrong. Erin spied Kelly's figure, slumped by the entrance to the building and then looked at her daughter with a frown. "Wait here."

"Is dad okay?"

"He'll be fine."

"What is this place? Why is he here?"

"It's where Aunt Shay died. Just wait here."

Kelly heard a car door shut and then lifted his weary gaze and watched as his wife approached. "Sorry I'm late. I just…" he started and she instantly saw he was freezing.

"Oh damn you're soaked," she huffed as she started to take her jacket off; the rain at the moment not as bad.

"I'm okay," he insisted as his cold hand rested on her warm one and instantly gave her a shudder. "You alone?"

"No. Miranda is in the backseat. I didn't have time to leave her anywhere and knew it would be a short trip here and back. We should go. What happened today?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary it was…I just…I kept seeing her and then Hadley's face and then Shay blaming me for not saving her and Dawson broken up by it and me just standing there watching as they tried to save her," he rattled on as she helped him slowly stand up.

"Come on…a hot shower and some rest is what you need."

"I feel old."

"You are old," she teased in return as he offered her a small smile.

"Erin…"

"In 15 years I haven't once asked you to apologize for coming here and I'm not about to start. I'm just glad that you didn't drive on your own. But we gotta go; it's late and a school night. Roads are getting a bit slippery with the first rainfall after a number of weeks of dry weather and the car is a bit sluggish."

"It is?"

"Kelly, it's fine."

"What did you tell Miranda?"

"The truth," Erin said simply as they reached the front of the car.

"I can drive."

"You're shivering so hard your damn fillings might come out. Just get into the front and rest," she instructed as he finally listened.

"Hey pumpkin."

"You okay dad?"

"Yeah fine just uh…yeah I'm fine," he replied as he watched her move over to the opposite side behind his wife so she could look at him a bit better. "Your mom told you what this place is and why I uh…come here?"

"Uh uh…and she also said it's not your fault what happened to Auntie Shay."

"She's right," Kelly tried to assure his daughter as he squeezed her hand in his. He put on his seatbelt and then tried to clear his mind as Erin pulled away from the new construction zone and started for home. It was late and she was tired…the roads were slippery and all of them were slightly distracted by the days and evening's events.

"Who's it from?" Erin asked when Kelly's phone buzzed.

"Matt…I'll call him later. He called you right? Erin…"

"No I called him. We'll talk about it when we get home," she replied with a small huff as the rain started to gain momentum.

"No turn right turn...left is a detour…"

"What? There's no sign…"

"That's…okay it's faster," he resigned as she stepped on the gas a bit more but still at a respectable level. "I think that…"

"What the…"

"Erin! Look out!"

"I can't…Kelly the…b…"

"MOM!"

"LOOK OUT!"

"WE'RE GONNA…."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

CRASH!

AIR….

CRASH!

Silence followed. Sickening silence.

The car had run over some construction materials that caused two of the tires to blow, which made the car start to skid on the slick roads and barrel toward some construction debris – namely concrete blocks. She tried to pump the breaks but they were slow to respond and with the two back tires blown out, keeping it straight was almost impossible so that within mere seconds she raced toward disaster. She had lost sight of the fact that her daughter had moved over to her side and so thought that if she were to spin out of control and crash into the cement debris at least her daughter and husband would be safe.

She'd be wrong and that decision would come back to haunt her for the rest of her life.

Silence ensued. Sickening…silence.

A/N: uh oh…oh dear….and now the angsty tension is going to start. Yikes! Guilt? Remorse? Regret? Yup…but how will our family fare after this 'accident'? please do review before you go and thanks so much!