As soon as John's heart rate resumed, it started galloping. Both of his hands made fists on his knee and he sat like a crumbling statue. He was still in the corner of the room where Remy had left him.
She, on the other hand, was all the way across the room, with her mom. With Roxanne.
John shifted his view from one to the other. Easily, both appeared as the most beautiful females he's ever seen. He continued to stare at them, observe them, and watch them as if they were the only people on this earth. It was then that he realized they had different eye colors. Roxanne had brown, while her daughter had blue.
"Mommy!" Remy tugged on Roxanne's hand and pulled her further into the room.
John's mouth was dry and open from total shock; he had to force himself to close it as soon as he realized he lost all words. He just stared.
"Sweetie," Roxanne knelt down beside her daughter. "That's a nice hat but isn't it a little too big for you?"
Remy placed her free hand over the hat and shook her head. "Nuh-uh. It's perfect, mommy! I like it the way it is."
Roxanne smiled. If she was shocked at John being there, she definitely didn't show it. She barely even looked at him. "Okay, suite yourself. Mommy's gonna get food now, would you like some?"
"Nope. I'm still full from breakfast. Maybe later."
"Alright, I'll come back in a little bit, okay?"
"Kay!" Remy kissed her mom on the cheek before she watched her exit the room. Then, she returned to John with a smile on her face. "That was my mommy. Isn't she pretty?"
He nodded.
"Like really, really, reeeeeaaaaaally pretty?" Remy asked, tip toeing as she did.
John, temporarily able to divert from total shock, chuckled. "Yes, your mom is beautiful."
Remy linked her hands behind her back and smiled.
"Just like you," John added. "But can I ask you a question?"
The little girl nodded.
"How old are you?"
"Uhhh…" she brought her right hand to his face. "This much!"
John anticipated for her to drop a finger or two but as he looked on, she kept all five up. "Five? You're five years old?"
She nodded. "Yup! I just turned five last week."
"But…how…" John whispered. He stared at her in disbelief while he reviewed the thousand and one implications of her age.
"Isn't it great, John?" Remy bounced in place and her blue eyes got brighter. "I'm five years old which means…which means…" she brought her other hand to his face. "I'm closer to being ten!"
John forced a laugh. He was still desperately trying to process all of this. How could she be five when the last time he saw Roxanne was barely five years ago? That had to mean she was pregnant even before they parted.
"Hey Remy, I have to do something real quick. I'll be back, okay?"
"Do you need my help? You helped me feel better by giving me your hat."
John smiled. "I'm glad I helped you, but I think I can do this on my own."
"You sure?" She brought her face closer towards him.
His smile grew. This kid sure knew how to tug on his heartstrings. She was just like her mother. "Yeah, I'm sure. But if ever I do, I know where to find you. I'll be back."
"Kay!"
John got up, feeling his vulnerability increase with every step that he took. He panned the restaurant but there were too many people. Earlier, he welcomed the immensity of this company but now that Roxanne was around, he wanted no one else to be.
He spun his head, careful enough to eye each section of the place. He couldn't find her without a luck. "Fuck, where are you?"
Frustrated, he brought a hand to his forehead and looked down. When he brought his face back up, there she was. Smack across the room with an empty plate in her hand.
This was it. This was his chance to speak to her again.
John inched himself closer and closer, oblivious to everything that was in between him and Roxanne. He had tunnel vision and God, Roxanne was beautiful. She was even more beautiful than the last time he saw her.
"Rox."
He saw her chest rise steadily from side view. It appeared as though she was breathing easy, unlike him. He watched her continue to spread cheese over a cracker but when he spoke again, the cracker broke and disintegrated between her fingers.
"Rox," he said for the third time.
Still steady, she settled the broken crumbs on her plate and wiped both of her hands onto the side of her dress. She looked at him as if it were only now that she noticed his presence. Her lips formed a wry smile.
John took a second to catch his breath before he spoke again. "You- you have a daughter?"
When Roxanne quickly averted, John inwardly cursed himself for the way he'd started off the conversation. But who could blame him? He was kept in the dark about Remy for all those years. He deserved answers.
"Roxanne."
"My daughter is none of your business."
"But she has a father."
"Everybody does."
"And she's five years old."
Roxanne narrowed her eyes at John. "How dare you."
John clutched his hand and stepped closer towards her, desperate to keep his voice and frustration low. "What? I can't ask her how old she is?"
"Stay away from her," she said.
"She's five years old!"
Roxanne curled her fingers in. "I know how old my daughter is John, you don't need to remind me. Just stay away from her."
She tried to move but John gripped her arm, placing them at a standstill. They were only inches apart. John could feel her breath on his skin and her sweet smell gave him a feeling more potent than anything. Their hearts were beating a hundred miles per hour, ready to burst any minute.
"I deserve an explanation, Rox."
She jerked her arm away from his grip and backed up without a word.
"I deserve an explanation," he repeated, his voice more firm and strong.
She didn't flinch one bit and she only gave him a brusque shake of her head.
"Damn it, Roxanne!" John ran a shaky hand through his hair and looked at her.
How could she keep Remy a secret for all those years? How could she keep doing so even after discovery? She'd been caught and she seemed more adamant to keep her mouth shut. How dare she!
"Remy is five years old…five years old!"
Roxanne turned her head away from him. Her jaw was tight and when she looked back at him, her eyes were struck with emotion that neither of them could understand. "Stop repeating yourself and-"
"I would if you'd just explain all of this to me."
"This is none of your business."
John sighed. Of all the things he had to worry about, he was glad that they hadn't grabbed attention. Not yet anyway. "We were together around the time she was conceived. I think this is my business."
"Your calculations may be right but that's in the past. Now if you excuse me," Roxanne tried to move away, and this time, he let her.
But he followed.
Neither said a word until they got out of the restaurant.
She turned around, disgusted at the fact that he'd tailed her. "Leave us alone!"
John firmly shook his head, determined to refute her orders. "No. The time we were together may be in the past but Remy's here. She's alive and she has a father. Who is it?"
Roxanne crossed her arms. "How many times do I have to tell you this is none of your damn business?"
"Does Remy even know? Huh, Roxanne? Or is who her father is none of her business too?"
"I'm the mom, okay?"
"That doesn't give you the right to keep her father a mystery. You're not the only damn parent!"
"Don't tell me how to raise my child!" Roxanne spat.
"Her father - whoever he is - deserves the right to raise her just as much as you do."
She shook her head abrasively. "No. No. Not if I know he won't be around as much as he's supposed to."
"And who the hell gave you the right to decide what was enough?" John was practically yelling at her.
Roxanne turned her head again. Her mouth was formed into a hyphen and damn it, she was furious. There were angry tears in her eyes when she turned back to face him.
John felt his heart shatter as he watched her frantically brush the tears away. An unpleasant feeling washed over him and it was damn impossible to keep the guilt from succumbing him. Obviously, he was still broken from finding out Logan was not his son and he managed to take it out on Roxanne.
Poor Roxanne. This wasn't the first time he'd taken things out on her.
"Roxanne I-"
She put her hand up and took a deep breath. "Please, just stop. I understand what may be going on in your head but just trust me when I say back off."
John held back a response as he watched her begin to walk towards the restaurant. Right as she was about to open the door, he spoke up, "You never said she wasn't my child."
The second his words were able to register, Roxanne epitomized a frozen statue. Then, she silently went on with opening the door and continued to walk off, leaving John with more questions and no answers.
Lifeless, John got himself to bed. It'd been a week since the baby shower, a week since he last had alcohol, and a week since he started living in pure hell. It was so sad. The days were getting worse and as they did, he felt himself die a little more. Scratch that, a lot more.
His only defense as of late was to pull himself out of consciousness. He was starting to be robotic now. A prototype, just like in his early career. But this had nothing to do with career or professionalism. All this pain was more personal than that. Too personal. Too sensitive of a matter. But he had no escape. This was what his life had come to.
John Cena was helpless.
He tossed and turned. He was desperate for sleep to finally take him but the tighter he closed his eyes, the more awake he got. Every night was a god damn marathon of this.
He sat up in bed and stared sightlessly into empty space. For the past week, he'd been feeling handicap. He watched Roxanne walk away, then spent the next seven days sulking over the fact that she was gone again. Not only was she gone but Remy was gone with her. Remy who had a nameless father.
And there he was, in some hotel room, with long hours until sunrise.
Roxanne laid immobilized by despair. It was late at night and rather than readmitting defeat to sleep, she stayed restless in bed. At this point, she didn't know what affected her worse: the reoccurring nightmares or the dreams she'd been having of John. Both left her uneasy. Both left her awake for endless hours.
It was two in the morning and she'd woken up some twenty, thirty, forty minutes ago. It was because of the dream this time, not the nightmare. Still, she got up from the bed and checked her windows; making it the third time that night. She went over to Remy's room and checked hers for the fourth time. Then, she walked herself downstairs to check the front door, the back door, and the side door. To anyone watching, it would've looked insane but to her it was nothing but a nightly routine. Especially when she couldn't sleep. That, too, had become a nightly routine. Ever since she crossed paths with John, the John - John Cena, staying up had been inevitable.
Thoughts of him came at a tenfold and she couldn't help but wonder if he too, was thinking of her.
She sat her tired body on the couch and hugged her knees to her chest. The ticking of the clock sounded louder than her thoughts and for as long as she was able to believe that, she held onto it. She couldn't galvanize herself to think of him for more seconds, minutes, and hours than she already had.
Damn it, she had a life of her own now. Her world involved herself and Remy. That was all she needed. Why did he have to reappear again?
She slammed her forehead against her knee and closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath.
She knew seeing John wasn't the problem. He wasn't the reason she'd been so quick to push him back into the past. It wasn't him. It definitely wasn't him.
It was that damn wedding ring he still had.
That was always the problem between them and to her dismay, it still was and it always will be. The only thing that kept her sane was the fact that she was going to do every thing possible to make sure that problem would never reach Remy. To make that happen, she'd keep Remy away from both the problem and the source of the problem.
Whether John Cena was her father, or not.
John Cena wasn't the father.
It'd been a couple weeks since he found out and he still couldn't believe it. He was not Logan's father. Of course, that did nothing to deter his love for the child. But it did deter the already tainted relationship he had with his wife. Their marriage had been broken long since but finding out the deceitfulness of Elizabeth only pushed John to the edge.
They were estranged but they were definitely headed for divorce now.
"Like it should've been five years ago," John muttered to himself. He titled his head back on the headrest of his Hyundai as he stayed stuck in traffic. He'd been on the same highway, in the same vicinity, for the past thirty minutes.
The traffic was no bother to him. It allowed him more time to prepare for arriving at his destination. He had plans, big plans, and they were finally put to work after five years.
A smile appeared on his face as he ran the processes through his head. This was it. He was taking his life back into his hands. His fingers drummed the steering wheel lightly as he inched closer to the car in front of him. He looked to his passenger seat and saw the papers.
His smile grew.
Then finally, the traffic got loose and he started driving at a faster speed. Just when his mind was starting to get put at ease. It left him in a balanced trance.
He kept driving and driving until finally, he reached his destination. It took less time than he anticipated. He reached for the papers and bolted out of his car.
He looked up at the house, feeling no sense of familiarity. Instead, he was met by an overwhelming feeling of relief. He was here. He was here to take the steps he should've taken five years ago.
John took a deep breath and walked himself to the front door. He rang the door bell and while he waited, he looked at the papers in his hands again.
On it was Remy's handwriting of her address.
Why so much hostility between Rox and John, hm? Well no need to fear, Remy is here! Ahaha. Btw, her name is pronounced like REM-E. But I'm pretty sure you guys got that already. Let me know what you think will and should happen! I appreciate all the reviews :)