So many inside jokes. So. Many.
Hours Later
The fire crackled atop the wood, releasing sparks to float up like fireflies into the black sky. It was cold in the dessert that night. The Brigade hadn't been prepared to be out there, so none of them had coats on standby. Rabbit had her long ears wrapped around her torso. Vixen did her best to do the same with her tail, but she still ended up shivering. Kagami and the now conscious JO weren't fortunate enough to have fluffy animal parts (and they never thought they would be) so their best option was to just stay close to the fire. Prof was also sitting near the fire, but warmth did not seem as important to him as it did the others. He would only occasionally rub his hands together as he stared at the fire's bright glow. Ark, Hitch, and Mal, were yet to be found.
"Oh man, it's cold." JO whispered as she rubbed her upper arms.
"No! Seriously?" Kagami retorted, "Wow, I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't told us."
JO turned away from her. "Look, we're all stuck out here. Arguing doesn't help us get any warmer."
"Easy for you to say. You're wearing jeans." Kagami took an arm out to point but tucked it back when feeling the immediate cold.
"That's not my fault! I unconsciously grabbed them this morning! No one forced you to wear spaghetti-straps with a skirt!"
"It gets less stains this way."
"What stains?"
"It happens when I'm doing…enemy business."
"You know what I think?" Prof said, finally speaking up.
"Do we want to?" Vixen asked
"I say you press your warm bodies together while I play Barry Whi-"
"OH, SHUT UP!" All of the girls yelled in unison.
Prof sighed. "It sucks being the only guy."
"Well, maybe if you weren't you would have opened the package before it blew up and we wouldn't be in this mess!" Vixen cried.
"Hey, don't start blaming this on me." Prof yelled. "Tsubake would have taken over the world whether I opened that package of girlytude or not!"
"Yeah, but we wouldn't have gotten blown out of our headquarters!"
The wind picked up, causing their voices to become carried away with it. Prof jumped to his feet.
"I'm not the one who built her!" Prof yelled over the wind, "I didn't program a sentient being to take over the world! I'm not the one who lost track of her! This isn't my fault!"
Vixen sheilded her eyes from the sand. "Yeah, but Mal's not here right now, is he? Who's the leader of the Brigade again?"
"Stop it!" Rabbit cried from underneath her ears, "Everyone just stop yelling at each other! Look, it's over, okay? We can't stop a bomb that's already blown up. We should have different priorities now."
"Like?"asked Prof.
Rabbit's cheeks puffed up from a smile underneath her ears. "Like stopping the robot apocalypse."
"Ooh, sounds badass." said JO, yearning for her sunglasses. And an airboat.
"I don't know how we could do that without HQ." said Prof.
"Hey, a robot apocalypse isn't so bad." said Kagami, "Yeah! It would be a 28 Days Later kind of thing. Only with robots. Like, wake up in the morning, BAM! Fighting robots. What's our schedule for the day? I don't know about you but I'm fighting robots. Robot anarchy!"
"Kagami, that's-"
Prof's answer forever remained a mystery. Without any sort of notice Hitch suddenly descended from the sky and smacked on top of the reviewer below.
"Oh, hey Hitch." Vixen mumbled nonchalantly, "How long have you been falling?"
Hitch checked underneath him, thankful he was not liable for any crushed bones. Prof groaned but seemed physically unharmed for the most part. He turned back to Vixen. "Oh, I don't know, maybe since you THREW ME OUT OF THE WINDOW!"
"YOU WITNESSED MY WIBBLE! THEREFORE YOU MUST BE PUNNISHED!"
"You mean you never hit the ground until now?!" asked JO.
"No! Well, I was close but then there was this explosion, that threw me a few hundred feet into the air, I think I ended up in space at some point, and, well, somehow I ended up here."
"I can think of at least five laws of science that disagree with that story but okay." Prof muttered from underneath Hitch.
"So what's going on?" Hitch asked, walking off of Prof and sitting himself by the fire. His lab coat and completely logical fall from the atmosphere seemingly kept him from being as cold as the others.
"Tsubake took over the world. Now we're trying to stop the robot apocalypse."
"Hm, interesting."
"Any suggestions on how to stop it?"
"Well, we could somehow become immortal and just outlive it like in Baccano!."
"NO!" JO suddenly screamed, "You do not want to be immortal during the apocalypse! Sure, it's fine in the beginning but then before you know it everyone on the planet is gone and you're alone so you just sort of have to wander around until evolution starts all over again!"
There wasn't a single eyebrow around that fire that wasn't raised at JO.
"I watched the ending of the Phoenix anime before I went to bed last night."
"Ohh!" everyone agreed in unison.
No one had a suggestion, so it quickly became quiet. The wind calmed, now only playing with hair and clothes while cooling the temperature further. Everyone's thoughts were back at their D2HQ, where they could be writing more reviews right now. Vixen could be making witty replies to every commenter who wrote "TITS!" in the comment inbox. Kagami had to feed all her boyfriends tied up in her closet, otherwise they'd all start whining when she got home. JO could be finishing any of her stuff. Prof was getting behind as well. None of them had ventured out in the dessert before now, especially at night. They had forgotten how good they had it when they had been together in their warm building.
"Wait!" Vixen's ears perked up, "I hear something!"
Learning their lesson from last time, the Brigade listened. In the distance, too dark for their eyes to see, came a rumbling. It could have been anything, but there weren't that many options for a good outcome. If any of them had a solution there wouldn't be much time to bring it up. Without warning Kagami slipped out a few hidden blades and throwing stars. The rest of them didn't question just how long she's had these, only wished she would share.
"There they are!" someone from the crowd cried.
The best they could muster was to grit their teeth and hoped they appeared threatening. Faster than they predicted, they were surrounded. They expected an attack, but instead the crowd halted, leaving a small open space where the Brigaders backed close together. From what they could see from what light the fire gave off they seemed human enough. None they could see were identical so there was a possibility of them not being a robot army, but perhaps that's what Tsubake wants them to think.
The crowd cleared a path for a sleigh being pulled by a moose with a dead narwhal tied to the back. The sleigh halted in front of the brigade, each of them dumbstruck.
"Ark!" everyone cried.
"He guys! Sorry I'm late. I brought dinner!" He pulled the narwhal up on a fishook.
When he hopped off, each of the Brigade crowded around him.
"Uh, Ark," Hitch said slowly, obviously choosing his words carefully, "where… did you get the moose?"
"And the narwhal?" asked JO.
"And the freaking sleigh?!"asked Prof.
"Oh, I found them." Ark said cheerfully.
"…In the middle of the dessert?" Kagami inquired.
"I dunno. When we got blasted out of HQ and got separated from you guys I just followed this one road and somehow ended up here. This sort of stuff just kind of tends to follow me by now. Ain't life funny that way?" Ark turned to the moose on his side and began scratching his ears. "I think I'll keep this one. What do you guys want to name him? He feels like a 'Samson' to me."
Any of the Brigade could have questioned this further but they shrugged and accepted it. They'd seen weirder that day.
Prof craned his neck to see if anything else was tucked in the back of the sleigh. "You didn't happen to run into Malakye somewhere down that road, did you?"
"Mal? I thought he was with you guys."
"Well he's not." Vixen said, "And I'm already planning methods to get back at him for this."
"You and me both." Kagami said, pocketing her sharp implements.
"Oh c'mon guys, it's Mal." JO said, "Sure he built Tsubake and indirectly caused all of this to occur but he is still a member of the Brigade. And he's human, I think."
Angry glares were thrown her way. Rabbit walked over and placed a hand on JO's shoulder. "JO, evil robots have taken over the world. Meaning Wal-Mart has too. And no one will have time to make any more anime."
JO's eyes grew wide. She leaned over and snatched one of Kagami's knives, raising it into the air. "SLAY THE BASTARD!"
Vixen moved to the sleigh to bring everyone back to the topic at hand. "Ark, who are all of these people?" Vixen asked.
One from the crowd stepped forward. They unzipped their jacket, revealing a Real Men Watch Princess Tutu t-shirt.
Ark looked up from his new pet. "I told you, they're the fans."
"WOO HOO!" the fans cheered back. Their excited screams shattered whatever cold silence there once was in that dessert.
"But doesn't Tsubake rule the world right now?"
"Yeah, and it sucks!" yelled an unseen fan in the crowd.
"I should have never bought that toaster from Wal-Mart!" another cried.
"This is the worst apocalypse ever!"
"SHOW US YOUR TITS!" Shouted a random guy who just sort of came along.
"SCREW YOU!" Vixen cried back.
"Come over here, babe, and you can!"
They all held Vixen back.
The Brigade walked forward, trying to see all of the faces of their fans. The light from Arkada's sleigh eliminated onto the closest ones, most of them bearing cat ears, but the rest were lost in the shadow of the dessert
"All of you guys came out in the dessert for us?
"YEAH!"
"You love us that much?"
"YEAH!"
"Tell us why!" Rabbit cried.
Every fan gave in a different answer.
"YOU'RE REVIEWS ARE AWSOME!"
"YOU'RE FUNNY!"
"YOU'RE NERDESS MIXED WITH YOUR AWESOMENESS MAKES US NERDS FEEL AWSOME!"
"I WOULD HAVE NEVER WATCHED WOLF'S RAIN OR BUSO RENKIN IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU GUYS!"
"YOU EXPLAIN WHY YOU DO OR DON'T LIKE AN ANIME IN CREATIVE WAYS INSTEAD OF JUST MAKING A STUPID POWERPOINT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON YOUTUBE DOES!"
"VIXEN IS HOT!"
"SHOW US YOUR TITS!"
"WILL SOMEONE SHUT THAT GUY UP?"
"YOU HATE NARUTO. THAT'S REASON ENOUGH FOR ME TO LOVE YOU."
"JO IS SMART AND STUFF!"
"CAN I HUG RABBIT?"
"WHERE ELSE CAN YOU FIND EVIL ROBOTS, DEAD CATGIRLS, AND ANIME AWARD SHOWS ON THE SAME SITE? NOWHERE, THAT'S WHERE!"
"PRINCESS TUTU MADE ME 5% MORE MANLY!"
"WE LOVE YOU, D2 BRIGADE!"
And this, watching their fans tell them how much they loved them, made the brigade all warm and fuzzy inside.
Smiling with newfound enthusiasm, Prof hopped onto Samson's back.
"Friends, nerds, she-nerds, lend me your pointy Spock ears!" To which he was pelted by tiny bits of rubber. "Uh, I didn't mean it like that, but thanks. Anyway! You do all know what happens when all of us nerds are gathered into one place, do you not?"
"Star Trek convention?" asked Hitch.
"Uh, no that's not what I meant. Can we lay off the Star Trek jokes please?"
"Argue on My Little Pony forums?" asked JO.
"No! I'm talking about something els-"
"The best damn burrito party evar?" asked Ark.
Prof's face suddenly lit up. He tapped his CHIN. "Actually, that's not a ba-"
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Vixen cried. "Tell us your real plan."
Prof let out quick sigh of disappointment before he cleared his throat to speak. "Uh, right. What are we going to do? I'll tell you!"
A sudden silence fell throughout the dessert. Everyone, especially the fans in the back, had leaned in to hear what he would say. The fans in front knelt down as if the next thing he would say would fulfill some ancient prophecy. Prof smirked before the gust of wind picked up once again.
"We are going to build GIANT FREAKING FIGHTING ROBOTS!"
"HELL YEAH!" everyone hollered back.