His mouth moved quickly against hers and when Reid felt her tongue grazing his lips he thought he was going to sink into the mattress beneath them, but somehow he managed to open his mouth just an inch. The next thing he knew her tongue was on his and he had never been good at dancing but something about their tongues entwined made him think maybe he should learn how to waltz.

Her fingers were gripping tightly to his hair, so tightly, and he wanted to ask her never to let go. Wondered how he had ever stayed grounded before now, couldn't remember how gravity worked but thought maybe it had something to do with her. Her her her. Everything was her, and he thought maybe if he could do this for a little longer he wouldn't need the dilaudid anymore because this felt so much better.

"Spencer." Reid almost didn't register that she had said it, because he had heard the same sound on repeat for the past year, but oh god she had said it and it was so much better than he had remembered. Reid hummed against her mouth, hoped to god that she wouldn't pull away, not yet.

He felt her hands on his shoulders, could feel her pushing him away. But then she was balling the fabric of his shirt into her fists and pulling him closer, closer. And he was leaning further into her, and when had she lain back down? But god that didn't matter because her back was arching and every part of her was pressed against him and Reid thought maybe this was as good as he would ever get.

But then he bit gently on her lip, wanted to know what was so good about it that had her doing it so goddamn often, and she whimpered. Reid immediately retracted his earlier statement because no, that was as good as he would ever get. Her hands were everywhere and he'd never liked it when people had messed up his hair but hoped that she would never pull her hands away.

They parted after a minute – how long had it been? – and Reid could feel her breath against his face as she panted. Dakota's hands were still in his hair, her fingers moving gently against his scalp, and Reid wondered if maybe it was worth being committed if he could stay like this forever.

Gently, ever so gently, Reid lay back down beside her and if he'd thought they were close before than he didn't know how to explain their bodies pressed oh so tightly together now. He wasn't sure how long they lay like that, knew he had the numbers somewhere in his brain, but didn't care to locate them.

"I understand." Reid was pulled from his dreamy thoughts by her voice, timid. He looked towards her, saw her staring intently at the ceiling as she thought. She looked beautiful when she was thinking, Reid thought.

"You think it'll take the pain away but it never will – not for long." Oh. She was talking about that. "And in the end it just makes everything worse, doesn't it?" He could feel himself nodding, wondered if he would have agreed if it had been anyone other than her.

"I don't know how to stop." Reid heard the words, noted that she hadn't said them. Had he said them? He thought he must have. Why did he keep doing that around her?

Dakota reached blindly for Reid's hand and gently laced their fingers together again. She bit down harshly on her lip, wondered why she was so okay with this. Wondered when she had allowed herself to feel so comfortable around another human being and was terrified at what that choice entailed.

This wasn't her. This wasn't how she did things. Yes, she'd had sex before – she'd found it an easy distraction before she'd been institutionalised – but she'd never been so intimate with another person. But his hand was so warm in hers and his body felt so goddamned comforting beside her.

"I need help." Reid spoke again, his voice broke and his words were so full of pain. She squeezed his hand tighter, turned to look at him and immediately regretted it when she saw his wet, red eyes. Was he crying? Reid wasn't sure when that had happened, but he was certainly embarrassed. He quickly reached his free hand up, wiped the moisture away.

Dakota leaned into him, kissed the side of his jaw lightly and Reid let out a sigh. It hurt, oh god it hurt so much to talk about it, but he could feel something moving inside of him and thought that maybe he should talk about his feelings more often. But only to her. Just her.

"I don't know how to help you." Dakota admitted after a long pause. She felt guilty and useless, so useless. One side of Reid's mouth scrunched up as he turned to look at her. He didn't like the look he saw in her eyes. Was that his fault?

"You already are." He told her gently, and Dakota's eyebrows pulled upward and together, her mouth parting ever so slightly. She reached her free hand up and ran it down the side of Reid's face, her thumb gently gliding over his lips. Reid breathed her in, ran his eyes up and down her carefully, tried to remember everything he could about this moment.

He noticed her shirt had ridden up slightly, milky skin of her stomach exposed. He could see the sharp jutting of her hipbone as it protruded violently from her skin and he tried his best not to stare at it. She was so pale, not a blemish to be seen. Except – wait, what was that? Reid sat up slightly so he could get a better look at the purple mark hiding just beneath the fabric.

Dakota tried to push him away when she realised what he was looking at, tried to pull her shirt back down, but Reid had already seen it and they both knew it would be meaningless for her to hide it now. He pulled her shirt up just one inch more – just enough to see the large, dark purple bruise etched into her skin. His eyebrows pulled together and his mouth opened as he studied it, like he was studying a crime scene. Was that what this was? Was he looking at a crime scene?

"Spencer… don't." Dakota gently pushed him away again and this time Reid let her.

"Is someone… Did someone do that to you?" He stumbled over words. He had asked questions like this a million times before, so why did it sound so intrusive now?

"Please, just don't worry." Dakota continued to brush it off. Her fingers were starting to shake again, and Reid watched as she looked at them for a moment before she clenched her hands into fists. Her eyebrows were furrowed again.

"Oh… Oh no, i-it's one of the doctor's… isn't it?" Reid was piecing together the situation quickly, could see her chest heaving with every word that came from his mouth.

"Please… stop." Her voice was shaking when she spoke and Reid could feel himself getting angry, so angry, because how dare someone touch her.

"Tell me who it is. We can have him arrested… h-his practicing license can be revoked." She was shaking her head, shaking it so quickly.

Reid realised her knuckles were going white from the pressure she was using and he quickly reached out, forced her fists apart and wrapped her fingers through his before she could cause anymore damage. Her breathing was uneven and, even with his fingers gripped tightly in hers, he could feel them shaking.

Dakota was panicking.

She quickly unwrapped their hands then, and pushed herself off of the bed in a haste of clumsy limbs. The next moment Reid watched her disappear out into the hallway, the door left wide open behind her. He was frozen in shock for a moment, blinked three times quickly, before he snapped himself out of it and quickly scrambled to his feet.

He rushed into the hallway and looked in both directions but saw no sight of her. Wasn't sure where she would go but thought she had probably needed a cigarette. But no, that wasn't right, because her packet was still lying on the table beside her bed and Reid knew she hadn't taken one with her when she'd left. So where had she gone? He stepped back inside the room for only a second to grab the pack quickly, stuffing it into the pocket of his trousers, before he ran back out into the hallway.

Panic bubbled up inside of him at a rapid pace as the thought of her hurting herself flashed through his mind. He turned in both directions, didn't know where to look. He stumbled back down the way he had walked earlier, stopped when he reached the recreation area. God, where had she gone? Reid was just turning back the other way – needed to find her, needed to make sure she was okay – when he heard his name being called.

"Spencer?" He turned abruptly at the sound but realised no, that was not her voice. And then he saw his mother sitting in the corner of the large room, her eyes squinted and a frown on her face as she tried to look at him. Reid gulped down the bile he could feel forcing its way up his throat and walked slowly towards his mother, knew she would detect the moment she saw his face that something was wrong.

"Hi, mom." Reid forced out, watched his mothers eyebrows pull impossibly closer as she saw the look of utter dread on her son's face.

"What is it? What's wrong?" She asked him and Reid came to a stop in front of her chair, kneeling in front of her so she wouldn't have to strain her neck.

"I, uh… I lost someone." Reid tried to explain without telling her what had really happened. He knew better than to try to hide things from her, but he still tried regardless.

"You're not here to see me." Diana stated, and sometimes Reid wondered if his mother really did have an additional sense he was not aware of. God, how did she always know everything? "It's that girl, isn't it?" Reid gulped again, nodded slowly. His mother nodded as well, in understanding and… approval? "She's nice."

"I've lost her." Reid repeated, his voice sad and concerned all at once.

"That doctor though…" Diana continued, as though she hadn't heard what he had said. Reid's eyes widened at his mother's words and he leaned closer to her, waiting for her to continue. "He isn't nice." She stated definitively, her mouth turning down in disdain.

"Why not?" Reid asked carefully, or maybe he was better off not knowing at all. But he had to know, now.

Diana looked at her son for a long moment, studied the hopeless look on his face, before she nodded her head in gesture to the right. "She'll be there now. With him." That was all Reid had to hear. The next moment he was back on his feet again, walking – or was he running? – in the direction his mother had pointed out.

At the end of another hallway he saw a door marked "Dr. Friedman", which he did not hesitate to open. He felt everything inside of him relax the moment Reid saw her, sitting on a chair with her head in her hands. She looked up at the intrusion and Reid saw that she had been crying. Her nose was red and her cheeks were blotchy and her eyes were swollen and god, she looked beautiful when she cried.

"Spencer…" She whimpered out, the sound so utterly pathetic that Reid was across the room, wrapping his arms around her, the second he heard it. He felt relief was over him when her fingers gripped to his arm tightly, wasn't sure what he'd have done if she'd been angry with him. "I don't know why I came here. I just… I didn't- and-," She kept cutting herself off, nothing in her brain making sense.

"It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You're okay." Reid was muttering against her hair, trying desperately to figure out what he could say that would make her hands stop shaking.

A door opened from the right hand side of the room and Reid immediately stood back up, unconsciously positioning himself in front of Dakota. He eyed the middle-aged man that appeared from behind the door, who looked quite surprised to see Reid inside his office. A quick assessment of this man had Reid deciding that no, he definitely did not like him.

"…And you are?" The doctor asked after a moment, having regained his composure, and Reid reached an arm behind him to shield Dakota even more.

"Dr. Spencer Reid." Reid practically spat the words at the man, pausing for a moment before he added, "Federal agent." He tried not to feel too pleased at the way the man's eye widened, an obvious reaction.

"Spencer." Dakota's whisper had Reid digging his fingers into the skin of her shoulder lightly, wanting to make sure she was still safe. "I'd like to leave."

"Excuse me," The doctor cleared his throat loudly, his voice irritated. "This is a private session." Reid felt the growl leave his mouth before he had registered it. Had he ever made a noise like that before?

Hesitantly, he released his grip on Dakota and took three, precise steps toward the doctor. He stopped inches from the man, where he leaned in slightly and told him, "If you ever lay a hand on her again, the last thing you'll ever see will be the inside of a prison cell. I'll make sure you rot." Reid said the words carefully and deliberately, made sure he got his message across.

He had turned his back on the doctor before the man was given a chance to make any sort of retaliation. This man was not worth the time of day and Reid felt an increasing anxiety at leaving Dakota's side, so he hurriedly returned to her. Dakota let him take hold of her hand gently, followed silently in his shadow as Reid led her back out of the cramped office. He wanted to get her away, far away, from that man. He led her back to the front of the building and outside, where he knew she liked to smoke.

When Reid pulled her cigarette pack from his pocket and handed it to her gently, Dakota immediately remembered that her hands were shaking and she had that sick, sinking feeling in her stomach. She lit up quickly and inhaled long and deep, tried to calm her frazzled mind. She could feel moisture on her cheek again and she wiped it away roughly, an angry mark left in her wake.

Everything was spinning, spinning so fast in her too-small mind and she couldn't make sense of what she was thinking. She just knew that when she looked at Reid and saw that look in his eye, so goddamned sad, she felt an indescribable anger at herself because she knew she was the one who had caused it.

She exhaled the smoke shakily and waited only a second before she inhaled again, her fingers so unsteady she hard a hard time getting the cigarette between her lips. She blew the smoke out again and then took a deep breath as she looked back up at Reid. He looked so unsure, so out of place as he stood there and watched her.

"Do you get it now?" Dakota asked, breaking the silence with a wavering voice. God, why was everything about her so unsteady?

"What are you talking about?" Reid asked carefully, had to fight the urge to reach out and stop her when she raked her nails up the side of one of her arms in frustration. She lowered her hand again a moment later, looking down at the tremble in her fingers before she ran her hand through her hair quickly.

"I'm talking about me. About- about why I'm here. A simple psych evaluation – was that what you said?" Her words were coming out rushed, spilling past her lips faster than either of them could keep track of. "But I'm fucked up, Spencer. I'm here for a reason… God." She was biting her lip but now it was just making the feeling in Reid's chest ache more because why was she so intent on hurting herself?

"I don't-," Reid swallowed harshly, when had his mouth gotten so dry again? "I don't understand." He was shaking his head and he did understand, he had an IQ of 187 and of course he understood, but he thought maybe if he shook his head hard enough all the thoughts would just fall out.

"Anxiety disorder." He was still shaking his head. Harder, harder. "Anorexia Nervosa." No, no, no. Why was she doing this? "Insomnia." She was crying again. Was he crying? "Fuck, Spencer. Manic Depression." Was she yelling or whispering? Reid couldn't tell, couldn't see properly. Oh, so he was crying.

"Stop. Please, stop." Reid was whispering, definitely. He was holding her head between his hands though he wasn't sure when he had gotten so close to her. "Stop."

"This is where I belong. I can't leave this place… Spencer, if I tell anyone what he does to me… I'll have nothing." No, no, but that wasn't right. Reid knew that wasn't right. Why wasn't it right?

Him. She'd have him. Reid wondered if telling her that would make things better or worse, but he couldn't make a decision because suddenly she was reaching towards him and then her lips were against his again, and he knew that doing this was a bad idea but he couldn't bring himself to care.

She was biting his bottom lip, hard, and he wanted to tell her that she could hurt him as much as she wanted as long as she stopped hurting herself. Her body was pressing against his and Reid could feel his blood rushing as his body responded to her. But he could taste the salt from her tears mixed in to their kiss and god, this was so wrong. So, so wrong.

He pulled his head away, almost changed his mind when she tried to follow his movement, but stayed strong as he gripped one hand against her waist to steady her. Dakota looked up at him in confusion and Reid tried to smile but couldn't bring himself to, could only tighten his jaw as he looked at her pathetic expression. God, she looked so beautiful all the time.

"I don't want you to leave." She whispered suddenly, and Reid felt like his chest was going to collapse in on itself.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, his subconscious told him that she was changing the subject again and yes, he did know why she did that. It was a symptom of manic depression – or bipolar disorder – whatever the fuck she wanted to call it. He knew that. He'd always known that. God, why did he have to know so much?

"Then I won't. Not tonight." He said slowly, watched her face carefully because was that okay to say? But then Dakota was nodding and biting her lip in that nervous way again and Reid felt like he could pretend the last hour had never happened. God, he wished the last hour had never happened.

They walked back inside, hand in hand. Reid stopped at the reception desk, told the lady that he was staying the night. She tried to argue but Reid pulled his wallet from his pocket and flashed his FBI credentials at her, told her it was "serious business, but please don't be alarmed."

The nurse looked at him, then at Dakota for a long moment before she reluctantly nodded her head. Reid knew better than to use his job as an excuse for something so trivial (as if anything about Dakota could be described as such), but all he could see was Dakota's empty eyes and Reid knew there was no way in hell he would leave her alone.

When they arrived back at her room Reid offered to sleep on the floor, mentioned something about pushing boundaries, and Dakota scoffed. "Don't be such an idiot," she'd said, before she reached for the button on her jeans, popping it open.

Reid gulped, tried to look away, tried to look anywhere but at her but god, she was everywhere and suddenly her jeans were gone and he was looking at her bare thighs and she was looking at him and when Reid looked back up at her face again, he realised she looked terrified.

And then he realised that of course she was scared because the gap between her thighs was three times bigger than anything that could have been healthy and the bones of her knees were so much larger than any other part of her legs. But that was okay. Reid didn't mind. He hugged her tightly, tried to show her that he knew she wouldn't break in his arms, that he knew she was anything but fragile.

He turned off the light on the wall beside the door as he watched her slip under the covers and once the room was sheathed in darkness, he walked slowly towards the bed. He paused before he got in, hands fidgeting at the hem of his shirt. In a snap decision he pulled the material up and over his head because if she trusted him then he wanted to show her the same respect.

He was so skinny and lanky and god, the marks on his arm itched like hell. But when he laid his body next to hers under the covers, she did not hesitate to press herself against him, pulling his arms around her tightly. Reid felt his chest swelling and he couldn't understand this feeling she kept drawing from him, only knew it was better than anything he'd ever felt. And come to think of it, when was the last time he'd had a hit?

Reid felt her nuzzle her head into the pillow slightly and he inhaled deeply, the scent from her hair growing familiar and pleasant to him. Her fingers entwined lightly with his and one of her legs drifted back to tangle with his, her breathing gradually becoming even and steady.

He thought she had fallen asleep, but a moment later she whispered, "Thank you," and Reid decided that no, he had been wrong earlier. This was as good as he would ever get.

a/n

Hello my lovely readers! So I've read through this chapter about 50 times and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not as far as the plot is concerned but I decided I'd post it anyway... So please let me know if you like it!

Also, a very important question: how does everyone feel about smut and would you be comfortable if I included smut in this story? Let me know!

There was a problem with the website before and it didn't tell me how many people had viewed my story... It's been fixed now but unfortunately the views for my story for the past two weeks were lost which is a shame so I don't really have much indication of how many people are actually reading this story at the moment... But I'll keep writing because the lovely reviews you've left me are enough for me to know that at least a few people are enjoying it!

Thank you so much to everyone who left a review they really motivate me to keep writing and I appreciate them so much! Again, hope you liked the chapter! xx