Chapter Three

With light-hearted spirits, Hijikata strolled to Okita's room. Not wanting to appear clingy, Hijikata paused outside the room trying to come up with an excuse for his visit. This seemed to be quite a troublesome task as Okita was not out of action and neither did Hijikata want to hurt his feelings by saying that he was worried about the captain's health, nor did he want to be too honest about his feelings. As a result, he took almost ten whole minutes pacing outside the room, mumbling to himself and shaking off weird ideas before he finally knocked on the door and entered. After that much thinking, one would have thought the great Vice-Commander would have crafted an excellent excuse. Alas, it turned out to be a cheesy,

"Hey Okita. My legs were stiff and needed some stretching. I also need a massage!" Hijikata declared too deliberately in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

There lay Okita on his side, head propped up on one hand, with a great big grin on his face. Okita had obviously sensed Hijikata pacing outside his room and had been waiting for him to make his entrance.

Busted...Hijikata thought and flushed a shade of red. "Ah-h! Wipe that grin of your face!" he snapped as he strutted over to Okita's side. Okita continued grinning from ear to ear, amused that the usually stern Vice-Commander was showing such self-consciousness.

Kneeling behind the taller man, Okita proceeded to work on his stiff shoulders, kneading mechanically as if it were built in his system to do so. Gently, he loosened Hijikata's kimono to obtain more contact with his shoulder muscles to achieve greater effect. However, the only effect was not only on his shoulders but somewhere else heated up as well. Somewhere lower.

To prevent his thoughts from running wild, Hijikata distracted himself by drawing out the small packet of assorted candies and waved it in front of Okita's face over his shoulder.

"In the morning, I- I was taking a walk down the streets this morning and I- a kid begged me to buy it. You know I don't fancy sweet stuff and erm, yeah! So there! You can have it!" Hijikata explained incoherently.

Okita looked at the packet of candies and recognised immediately that it was no courtesy purchase from any random kids along the streets but they were from his favourite candy stall. His face blushed pink and he wrapped his arms around his beloved, resting his chin upon the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. Hijikata sucked in a deep breath, taken aback by Okita's response.

He had already been feeling it and now with this bit of invitation, Hijikata's self-control was nearing his limit. Turning to face Okita, Hijikata pulled the younger, frailer man into his arms, pulling him to lie on his lap. He looked at his lovely face, stared deeply into his eyes and saw the same burning desire he had for the other. Why did I wait so long to realise how much I love him? This perfect being...Hijikata stroked his face, shifted a tuft of hair behind his ears. "Souji..."

Okita tried to raise himself, hand reaching out to Hijikata's face. There was an air of serenity around him, as if time had slowed down and a fraction of a second was a minute. Hijikata clutched his hand tightly and leaned in for a kiss. The first was a brief contact of lips but that was hardly enough. They locked their lips once more in a deeper kiss, a kiss more passionate than the first, a kiss which entailed more tongues. As those tongues entwined, hands scanned frantically over the other's body as if searching for the right place to rest. Hijikata shifted and positioned himself over Okita and breathed into his ear,

"Souji... I love you"

He felt Okita draw in a deep breath of air as he said that. Right now, Okita had an expression of bliss. It was the first time Hijikata had said those three words outright. Pools of tears welled up in his eyes and this killed Hijikata.

Isn't this something only the girls can do?Hijikata thought quietly as he felt his heart clenching up. He proceeded to unrobe his lover, exposing his bear chest, caressing the pale, satin-like skin under the moonlight.

The next morning was like spring all over again, though it was very well right in the middle of summer already. Hijikata left Okita, who was still sleeping, to rest while he quietly slipped out of the room. He paused to look at his lovers sleeping face before he slid the doors shut.

What an angelic face... A beautiful existence. Hijikata thought to himself. And with an afterthought, he sniggered, "Mine..."

As he was about to move off, he felt a gaze on him from the root adjacently behind. Swiftly, he turned to look for the voyeur, but the presence had disappeared. Creases formed between his brows as he glared at the empty rooftop. They had better step up on security.

When Hijikata entered the training hall, the members scurried to act busy, training their sword skills or polishing their equipment. This was all normal, except that today, something was different. There were muffled discussions whenever he turned his back on them and even their expressions seemed different. Something was wrong. Just as he was about to demand for an explanation, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"A moment please, if you may." Saitou requested seriously.

Taking one last look at the members, Hijikata grunted and left with Saitou who had already taken off.

"What is it, Saitou?" Hijikata asked. They were in his room, which basically meant it was serious business which they couldn't risk other people eavesdropping. No one dared to come near his quarters unless he called for them. Well, except Okita, Saitou and Kondo. But he could trust these people even if he had to lay down his life for them.

Saitou didn't reply immediately. Instead, he shifted his gaze up to meet Hijikata's and took a deep breath. This isn't like Saitou to be so hesistant, Hijikata thought to himself. The Saitou he knew was straightforward and spoke whatever was on his mind. Since he was especially critical, more often than not, his comments were spot-on.

"Hijikata, you have been visiting Okita's room rather frequently lately, haven't you?"

Hijikata's eyes widened. He hadn't expected this conversation to be about this. He took a few moments to regain his composure and in a his usual stoic manner, while sucking in a breath from his pipe, he said,

"Yes, so what about that."

Saitou paused again at that response, once again looking troubled as if he didn't know how to continue the conversation.

"You... you shouldn't be going to his room so much anymore..." he continued, looking away.

"And why is that? I haven't announced it to the rest of the members yet but Okita and I are now a couple."

"What! You can't!" Saitout shot out.

"What? Do you have the same feelings for Okita as well? So much so you don't want me to lay hands on him?" Hijikata retaliated.

"What? That's ridiculous! The one I'm worried about is obviously you Hijikata!" Saitou blurted out in a state of fury.

Hijikata froze at that. "What do you mean..."

Saitou kept quiet and turned away. "Nothing... I'm not sure how I should tell you either... Just- forget it, for now..."

Hijikata was concerned yet unsure if he wanted to know, but still he said, "Hey! If there's something I should know, tell me!"

Saitou looked at him painfully for a moment and turned away once again, unable to face him. "No, it's nothing. Sorry for taking up your time" and with that, he promptly escaped the scene.

I just can't do it. I can't bring myself to reveal it...even though this can't continue. But, how can I?