"Their tears are filling up their glasses,

No expression, no expression.

Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow,

No tomorrow, no tomorrow."

Mad World – Gary Jules

Chapter 2

I woke, feeling as though I had been run over by a truck. It took me a few minutes to remember what had happened- the golden man, the pain, the blood.

I still couldn't remember what had happened to me. The last thing I remembered before waking up in the hospital was getting ready to leave for college at the end of summer. I wonder how much time has passed, and whether I'll still be able to go for my first semester. I suppose it's not really something I should be worried about now.

I'm really glad they took that crazy gold man away. I look down at my left hand. The gold band is still around my fourth finger. It looks weird, and I wonder how it got there. It makes my hand feel slightly heavier than it normally does. I wonder why I didn't notice the ring before it was put in my face. It makes my entire body feel off-balance.

I also wonder how it got there. I think I would remember if I got married. Hell, I think I'd remember if I had a boyfriend!

I was debating with myself as to whether I should pull it off and chuck it away when someone came into my room.

"Clary,"

I looked up.

"Mom," I said softly. I felt tears burn in my eyes, and I tears blatantly ran down my mother's face. She came to my side, and gently gathered me into a hug.

"I'm so glad you're all right," she whispered, holding me tightly. I could tell she was being extra careful, and gentle, as if I was going to break.

"I'm okay mom. I'm just glad you're here," I told her, and she pulled back to look at me. She sat down on the edge of my bed, her eyes scanning my face. I grabbed one of her hands as more tears ran silently down her face.

"I was so worried that I was going to lose you," she said, touching my face with her other hand. I held her hand tightly.

"I didn't mean to scare you mom." I replied softly. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore.

"Mom, I was so scared. I woke up here all alone, and I didn't know where I was or what happened to me," she gathered me into her arms again, shushing me softly.

"And then there was that crazy golden guy who was in here, he scared me so much mom. Why weren't you here?" She stiffened a bit at the mention of the gold man. I guess she didn't like him either.

Maybe he really had escaped from another ward.

"I'm so sorry baby. I was here earlier but I had to go and get some coffee. But I won't leave you alone now." She pulled back and looked me in the eye. "And the doctor will be here soon."

I wanted to wipe the tears off her face, wipe the sad, broken expression off her face. I tried to smile for her, and she smiled a little for me.

"Mom," I started. "What happened to me?"

She sighed, and put her hand back on my face.

"You were in a car accident. And we're all so worried about you Clary. That you don't remember. But the doctor will be here soon to explain it all to you."

I rested my head back on my pillows and sighed.

"And where is Simon?" My mom recoiled at the mention of Simon's name.

"What?" I asked her. Simon is my best friend, and it was so unlike him to not just barge into my room and yell at me for giving him a scare, before going on to tell me about his gaming, or his new band name. Had we gotten in to a fight?

"Let's just wait until the doctor gets here, and then we'll talk about other things." She looked at the clock. "She'll be here any minute now.

I didn't like how she blatantly ignored my question. She knows how important Simon is to me.

Unless…he was in the accident with me? My eyes widened and I turned to her to ask when the doctor arrived.

She looked like she was in her mid-thirties. She had short brown hair, and dark eyes. She smiled at me. She had a nice smile. It made me feel safe and reassured. She had a blue stethoscope around her neck, and blue glasses tucked into the pocket of her shirt. I still wondered about Simon, but I knew it could wait. I'd find out soon enough. I still didn't know what had happened to me. I could be just overreacting and dramatizing the whole thing. I sucked in a breath.

"Good morning Clary," the doctor started, "my name is Dr. Branwell. How are you feeling today?"

"I feel fine. Just confused." I answered.

"Sometimes after accidents such as these, people are a little confused. I'm just going to ask you a few questions and then we'll go from there, okay?" I nodded.

"So can you tell me your full name?"

"Clarissa Adele Fray," The doctor looked at me for a split second before making a note and continuing.

"And what is your date of birth?"

"23 May 1988"

"And do you know where you are?"

"Um, the hospital? Sorry, I'm a little disoriented. There's quiet a few hospitals near where we live…"

Dr. Branwell nodded, before making a note on her clipboard.

"Yes, I can understand that Clary. As long as you know you're in hospital, that's just fine. Are you okay to keep going?"

I nodded. She continued with her questions.

"Do you know what today's date is?"

What kind of a stupid question is that? Of course I don't, I've been sleeping for God knows how long. I decided to guess.

"Um, I'm not sure of the specific date, but it's August 2005,"

I heard my mother suck in a breath, and I looked over at her. She smiled at me, but it didn't reach her eyes, and seemed a little forced. I guess I must have been out longer than I thought.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how long I was sleeping – or in a coma for,"

"That's fine Clary," the doctor responded, smiling at me. I felt a bit better, and let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in.

"Do you know what happened to you?" Dr. Branwell continued. Finally, I thought.

"All I know is that I was in a car accident. I only know that because my mom just told me. I don't even remember it." I told the doctor, who nodded.

"It's perfectly normal for a person to not remember a traumatic incident, such as a car accident, when it caused extensive injuries as yours did." I looked over to my mother. She was clasping her hands together, her knuckles white showing how hard she was gripping, her eyes wide open and crazed looking. She didn't seem to be able to see me looking at her. I thought about the gold band weighing my left hand down, and started to feel the panic seeping into my chest.

"Can you tell me what happened?" I asked Dr. Branwell. She looked at me, as if assessing as to whether I could handle what she was going to say. She must have thought I could, because she went on. I squished down the panic I could feel in my chest, focusing on listening to what Dr. Branwell was saying.

"You were driving home one night, and stopped at a red light. Unfortunately, the person behind you wasn't paying attention, and didn't stop in time. Your car was forced out into traffic, where another car hit yours."

"Wow." I didn't really know how to respond to this, because I had obviously survived, and I honestly didn't remember any of it. I didn't feel traumatized, or stressed. I wasn't reliving the accident. I honestly felt fine. The only thing that was scaring me was my mother's obvious distress.

"Sounds intense" I finished lamely. Dr. Branwell nodded. She was about to go on, when I felt someone staring at me. I looked out the door and saw him. The crazy gold man. He was watching me from outside, standing next to a very beautiful woman. She had black hair piled on her head in a bun, and had obviously been crying. Her eyes were puffy and red, and there were remnants of mascara stains on her cheeks. I wondered why she had been crying.

I wondered why they were both staring at me.

"He's back," I said, interrupting Dr. Branwell who had been saying something else. I turned to my mother.

"Please don't let him hurt me,"

Dr. Branwell sighed.

"Clary, I really need you to listen to me," she said, shutting the door to my room so that I could no longer see the crazy gold man staring at me with his sad eyes.

"As I was saying, you actually received a very bad head injury. At first, we were very worried that you might not recover any cognition, or recover to a conscious state. Your family was very relieved when our tests came back showing your mind was still functioning, and important areas of your brain were still intact. We did have to wait until you woke up before we could be sure of anything though," she finished. I didn't really see what the point of this was. Yes, I was fine. I already knew that. She went to go on, but then I remembered about Simon.

"Was anyone else in the accident with me?" I asked her before she started her next statement.

"No Clary, you were the sole passenger in your car." I breathed a sigh of relief.

At least Simon is all right. I think.

"The other drivers had injuries, but were all fine. You, however, had a serious head injury, and serious internal bleeding. We have a few things we need to discuss about your injuries, and your recovery. Which brings me back to what we were talking about."

She took a deep breath. She looked so uncertain. This put me on edge, as it was the first time she hadn't made me feel safe in her presence.

"Clary, we think you have amnesia." My breath came out fast, and I laughed a little.

"Oh, Dr. Branwell. I thought you were going to say I was going to die. You had me worried for a second there! Amnesia?" I said. Amnesia isn't that bad. She had just said that it was normal for a person to not remember if they're in a traumatic accident!

"It's a bit more serious than that Clary," Dr. Branwell said.

Whatever, I thought. So I never remember the stupid car accident. So what.

"Sweetheart, listen to what Dr. Branwell is telling you. You need to understand." My mom said. She sounded really worried. Her eyes were still huge, and still had that wild glint.

"Sorry Dr. Branwell," I said, "please continue."

"Clary, that man out there, the one with the blonde hair who was in your room yesterday?" I nodded in understanding. "You know him. You just don't remember him,"

Oh. I thought. I felt a little bit bad about how I'd screamed at him, but really, how did he expect me to react? He was a strange man, in my room. Wait a second-

"But he said he was my husband. I don't have a husband. And when did I meet him? And-" It hit me. I had amnesia.

I couldn't breathe.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. He is your husband. You just don't remember-"

"No." I answered. "No. I'm only eighteen mom, I'm far too young to be married. And I would never marry someone on a whim, you know that mom. What's happening?"

I looked at her for consolation, but she just stared sadly back at me. I turned to Dr. Branwell.

"Clary, you think it's 2005. And you're eighteen. But in actual fact it's 2012, and you're twenty-four years old."

I was struck dumb.

Six years. Six years of my life amnesia had taken from me?

It was just so ridiculous, and impossible. And it was what is happening to me.

"Are you sure?" I asked quietly. Dr. Branwell nodded.

"I am so sorry Clary. The type of amnesia you appear to have is called retrograde amnesia. This means you are able to make new memories, as seen by your recognizing Jace – the blonde man – from yesterday, but you are unable to remember some of your past memories."

"Will I ever get my memories back?" I asked her. I didn't really want the answer to that question. What if I didn't want those memories back? What if I'm a completely different person now, someone who I don't even like?

"It's possible. But only time will tell. I don't want to give you false hope, but I don't want to make you feel like you have nothing to gain. Clary, people do live through this, and you will too. But we'll just start with some baby steps for now, how does that sound?"

I nodded, and looked at my lap. To my surprise, tears fell into my lap. I was crying.

I scrubbed hastily at my face.

"Clary?" I snapped my head up to my mother's voice. "Jace – the guy outside – he really wants to see you. It's okay if you don't want him to come in, but if you're up to it…" she trailed off.

I thought about it. I didn't really want to see him, or talk to him. The idea of a husband made my skin crawl. The idea of me going from being eighteen, to twenty-four seemingly overnight made an unpleasant shiver run up my spine. I didn't want to meet my husband – Jace. I didn't want to meet him, or get to know him, not yet. I just wanted familiarity; I wanted my home, my bed. I wanted Simon. I wanted Luke, my mom's boyfriend. Another unpleasant thought ran through my mind – it had been six years. Were my mother and Luke still together? Did they get married? What else has changed? Am I still an artist? Are Simon and I even friends anymore?

Who am I?

This brought me back to my husband. Jace. If anyone was going to be able to answer my questions, I hoped it would be him. After all, I did marry the guy. It'd be strange if he didn't know me. And if I married him, I suppose he couldn't be that bad.

I nodded to my mother, who stood.

"No!" I said, clasping her hand in mine. "Please, don't go,"

She smiled at me.

"I'm not going anywhere Clary. I'm just going to get him,"

"I'll get him if you like Jocelyn," Dr. Branwell said. "I'll make sure he fully understands the situation before he comes in, and takes it nice and slow for Clary. He is a complete stranger to her," she finished. "I'll see you later Clary, let me know if you need anything."

I nodded at her, and she left the room.

I sighed.

"I don't know what's more scary. The fact that I have amnesia, or the fact that I have a husband," I said, trying to lighten the mood. My mom smiled at me.

"I never had any doubt that you would find a husband baby. But the fact that you have amnesia scares me so much. You're so brave, Clary, so much more than I am. And I am so proud of you. You're going to get your memories back, don't you worry. Even if I have to take you through all of them myself."

I bit my lip. I know she was only trying to be helpful, but she didn't really understand. I guess I understand that she wants me to regain my memories, because that's who she knows me as now. Future Clary. But I don't know who that person is. What if they aren't me?

Do I really want my memories back if it means that the person I am now is going to be washed away?

I decided not to say anything to my mom. She'd only get upset.

"So," I started, brushing some of my red hair off my face. "Tell me all about future Clary. What am I like? What do I do?"

My mom smiled, and smoothed the hair I'd just pushed back down.

"I'll let Jace tell you all about "future Clary". But I will tell you, that future Clary loves Jace very much." She kissed my forehead, just as the door opened again.

I guess I can't call him crazy gold man anymore.

This man is my husband, I thought, and suppressed a shudder. It's strange to be married to someone you don't know at all. I don't understand how people can do arranged marriages.

"Hi Clary," he said softly.

"Hi," I said back to him. He walked over a sat next to my bed, on the opposite side of my mom. I looked at her, but she just nodded encouragingly.

"So, I'm Jace," he said. I just nodded. I didn't know what to say to this guy. He knew a different me, and that wasn't who I am now. It's just so confusing, and I'm still waiting for someone to jump out at say that this is all a joke.

And believe me, I really want to punch that person in the face.

But no dice. Apparently, this is real life.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I love you. I really love reviews, so I appreciate any time you take out to review this chapter.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Hopefully the next one won't take as long as this one did!

Take it easy,

amayj

Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments, and unfortunately am not affiliated with any of the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.