The Meaning of Family
Chapter Three
Naruto Uzumaki was having a great day.
His family had come to visit him during the school hours for the 'teacher-parent' meetings.
Iruka had aptly decided he needed a break two minutes after the start of the bell.
He wasn't paid enough to speak of Naruto's progresses with the Yami of Shinobi, two Anbu, a legendary Sannin, the Hokage and an hyperactive teenager with purple hair being manhandled roughly by another teenager with a sweet smile.
The way they stood in the back of the classroom, watching over Naruto and Sasuke's backs as they did their best impression of paying attention…it made Iruka feel as if he was the one being under scrutiny. It was only five minutes past eight soon…and he wanted a stiff drink.
"So," the teacher said, "Anyone can tell me what the first Hokage's special ability was?" The question was easy —made specifically to make the children look 'good' in the eyes of their parents.
Naruto's hand shot up first.
Iruka decided, just to 'pull the teeth out of the way', to let him go first.
He shouldn't have.
"The first Hokage could do the laundry better than his wife!"
Iruka's lips twitched —rather than in a smile, in a pale mockery of a grimace mixed with a 'I am going to bodily harm you, and I would throw this chalk at you if it weren't for your security entourage'.
"I mean as a ninja, Naruto. He had a special ability, the one for which he is the most famous…"
"Uh…Oh! Right! Grandma said he made the wickedest of salads!"
"Naruto!" Tsunade exclaimed.
"What?" Naruto turned, blinking. "That's what you said!"
"Yes, but how did you come to believe that was a ninja ability!?" Tsunade continued.
"You said his salads were so sick and filled with splinters they were a ninja weapon!" Naruto continued, "How cool was he to make vegetables into a weapon!? I can barely make a tomato into a weap—"
"SO IT WAS YOU!" Sasuke roared, gripping onto Naruto's neck. "You're the one who took my precious tomatoes!"
"I wanted to make a salad like great-grandpa!" Naruto replied, trying to free himself from Sasuke's attempts at choking the daylights out of him.
Danzo took that moment to cough politely. "Is that why I am missing a walking stick?"
"Duh! Splinters and all, right!?" Naruto shot back. "How else can you make the salad crunchy anyway?"
"By not adding wood splinters to it!" Tsunade barked.
"So, brat," Anko said offhandedly. "Who did you give the salad to?"
Naruto blinked.
He looked sideways and nervously chuckled.
"A guy I know," he said with a grin. It was such a kind-hearted smile that…nobody really bought it.
Mizuki never received visits while imprisoned. Of course, there were the exceptions. This time around, someone had presented him with a nice and crunchy salad —at least, judging by the message that said that a 'secret admirer' was very impressed with how he had tried to get the Uchiha heir to steal a forbidden scroll for him.
There even had been the three 'X' for kisses on the corner of the message.
He smiled brightly. Surely, Orochimaru-sama would soon set him free and had sent him a salad to tell him to be ready. Maybe it was a secret message of sorts; how shinobi-like to send messages with a salad!
The first bite was crunchy.
The blood and the screams of pain as the splinters carved their way through his mouth made him agonize as tears of blood fell down from his eyes. This wasn't a secret message; it wasn't a message at all.
The cell-guards shuddered, and looked to one another.
"Ibiki's tortures are inhuman," one whispered.
"Thank god we're not in there," the other said, holding his body tightly. "Only a monster could do something like that."
"He's screaming so high," the first one whimpered. "It scares me."
"It's all right. He's not torturing us," the second said. "Anko must have given Ibiki a few suggestions. That's it…"
The first guard nodded meekly, and then tried to silence the screams of pain with both hands to her ears.
The second soon followed.
Who were they, to claim 'inhuman' the torture methods of the T&I department?
Meanwhile, class at the Academy soon reached the bell signaling the lunch break. Apart from a general distrust of everyone for whatever lunch they had that included salads —and triple checking them for splinters— there were no important accidents worthy of notice.
If anything, the other students were even more in awe about the fact Naruto had the galls to sit on Danzo's lap in the courtyard where they were having their lunch —parents included.
The fact Shimura Danzo was a puce color of pure hatred and loathing meant absolutely nothing to the blond-haired blue-eyed kid, who grinned brightly at his gramps.
"And that over there is Sakura-chan! She has a very pretty forehead and her hair is really shiny!" Naruto nodded to himself as he spoke.
Sasuke shuddered as he kept his back against the tree trunk, eying warily around him as he took out his lunch-box.
He carefully moved a piece of rice towards his mouth, before swiftly flickering out of sight as a raving horde of fanatical fan-girls shot their way to the spot he had been a moment prior.
"Now Shizune-san, Anko-san!" Sasuke barked, and the two older kunoichi grinned as they managed a nigh-perfect rendition —with metal cable— of a 'squirming ball of raving fan-girls'.
With a wide grin, Anko kicked the ball away —letting it roll across the courtyard and into the helpless grasp of the girls' parents, who tried their best to disentangle their spawns.
For once, Sasuke could eat in peace.
He was very glad for this 'family' thing.
Hiruzen laughed good-heartedly, while giving a worried glance towards Kakashi who simply shrugged it off, his hand flipping through the pages of Icha-Icha School Days.
"Heh-Heh…you're very naughty, Makoto-kun," Kakashi giggled to himself as he read on.
Yamato slowly inched away from his perverted Senpai.
Tsunade chugged down another bottle of Sakè, before giving a frown to a sparkling-eyed girl with buns on the back of her hair.
"You're Tsunade of the Sannin! You're Tsunade of the Sannin! I'm your greatest fan and can you please sign me an autograph pretty please!" Tenten gushed out, squirming from excitement.
"Sure, brat," Tsunade rolled her eyes as she was given…a kunai.
"Please! Carve it on my body, Tsunade-sama!" Tenten exclaimed giving her arm.
"Wouldn't…a piece of paper be better?" Tsunade said softly.
Tenten just smiled brighter. "Why? I get autographed and healed by the sannin at the same time! Please! Please!"
"You know what brat, where are your parents?" Tsunade asked.
Tenten gushed even more. "They're off working! They said it was stupid of me to try the shinobi academy, but I want to become a kunoichi like you so please sign my arm, please!"
"How about I give you a written autograph, and you can hang that on the wall, uh?" Tsunade tried next.
Tenten sharply took air in. "You would do that?"
"Yes, of course," Tsunade replied with a kind smile.
"You're the bestest of the sannin! I knew it! I'm going to be just like you when I grow up!"
"Haha! Glad to hear that, kid!"
Still…Tsunade felt a very cold shiver rush down her spine.
And she didn't know why.
Author's notes.
I'm going to keep this as fluff-filled as possible.
And at the same time I'm going to be playing a game with you readers.
It's called the 'Puella Magica Madoka Game'.
You know how the game is played? No? I'll give you a hint. It's the same as the 'School Days' game.
Still no clue?
Uhm…then, read on.