We Go Down Together

Disclaimer: I own nothing…except Emerald, I guess.

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Chapter 3: Experiments

I woke up in an unfamiliar bedroom and closed my eyes again. A rustling came from the other side of the bed and I shifted to see her. Messy, platinum blonde hair appeared from under a pillow along with a groan as she stretched her limbs.

I cleared my throat and raised my arms above my head, feeling the muscles tug on each other. "Hey."

"How you feeling this morning?" She propped herself up on her elbows and slowly pushed herself into a sitting position.

"I've got a headache and my eyes hurt." I laughed and popped my neck and fingers.

She grabbed a bottle of aspirin from her desk and tossed it onto the end of the bed. I sat up and reached for it as she walked out of the room. "I'll be right back with a cup of water."

I got two pills out of the bottle and then dropped it back onto the navy blue sheets. Looking around her room, I found my shoes lying near the door and all kinds of clothing scattered across her floor. A few posters hung on the walls, but mostly she had paintings that I assumed she may have done herself.

"Here you go," she said, appearing in the doorway. She walked towards me and handed the cup to me, dropping onto the edge of the bed. "Sorry my room's such a mess, I wasn't expecting company anytime soon." She laughed. "It's kind of funny how easy it is to make friends."

I downed the pills and finished off the rest of the water. "Thanks for letting me stay here last night." After my sobfest on the curb, she'd suggested that we leave. I didn't want Alex to see me all wrecked anyway, because I'm sure she'd be determined to get answers out of me, so I didn't have a problem with Emerald's suggestion.

She shrugged. "No problem. You're the first person who seems cool around here, really."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, the popular kids at school would disagree with you, that's for sure."

She shook her head, smiling. "Fuck them."

My phone vibrated and I groaned. I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the screen. Alex. "Shit."

Emerald frowned and held her hand out. I showed her the phone. "Want me to take the call?"

I bit my lip and nodded. "Tell her I'm sleeping."

She answered the call and I rolled away, not wanting to watch. "Hi, I'm Emerald. Mitchie's sleeping right now. But do you want me to wake her?"

Silence as Alex replied.

"Okay, well, I'm shaking her, but she doesn't seem to be budging. Do you want me to just tell her you called?"

Another pause.

"Okay, sorry! I'll tell her as soon as she wakes up." After goodbyes, she hung up and dropped the phone on top of my blanket-covered legs. "Alex says you need to call as soon as you wake up and that it's important."

I sighed and sat up. "So, is Emerald your real name?"

"Nah," she said as she stood up and grabbed a different pair of black, tight jeans off the ground. "My real name is Christina, but nobody's called me that in such a long time. Well, other than my parents." She kicked the tiny shorts she'd slept in off and slid the jeans up her legs. "What's Mitchie short for?"

"Michelle." I got up, grabbed my shoes and shoved my feet into them.

"Cool. So…" She stared at me, squinting her eyes a little. "I know you have a thing for Alex, but you're clearly not ready to deal with that…are you not ready to deal with being gay or are you specifically not ready to deal with your crush on Alex? Because if you're available, would you, maybe, want to go on a date some time?"

My mouth fell open and I stared at her at a loss for words. "Oh, wow, uh, I don't know."

"I know it's probably weird, since we just met and everything, but I figure, there's no harm in asking, right? If you're not into me like that, I understand. I'd still like to just be friends. Whatever you're comfortable with."

I cocked my head to the side as she stopped. She tugged at her tank top, and looked away. She looked…cute, despite her thick, smeared eye make-up. She still looked like a raccoon, but she was a fucking adorable raccoon. "Sure. We could go on a date."

She grinned. "Cool. Well, I'll walk you out since you look like you're trying to leave with your shoes on and stuff."

I laughed. "Sorry. I just feel kind of gross wearing the same clothes as I did last night."

She nodded and led the way down to her front door. "Fair enough."

"Well." I stood awkwardly on the ledge of her front door. "I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah, text me later…we could hang out." She grabbed my wrist as I started to step out the door. "Hey, are you sure you're okay with the date? I wasn't trying to corner you or anything. I want to be friends first."

I nodded. "Yeah, no, it's not a big deal. I want to try this…as long as you realize I really don't know what I want." There wasn't harm in trying to figure my feelings out with her, maybe we'd go on this date and I'd realize these dreams about Alex were just some fucked up stress outlet.

She winked. "Okay, but seriously, if you change your mind, just say so."

#

I rang Alex's doorbell and paced in front of her door, waiting for the wrath to roll out.

The door groaned as it opened and I turned to look at Alex. "Mitchie." She sounded surprised.

"Hey. Sorry about last night, I just…I ran into this new girl and I was tired and drunk and ready to leave and so, we left…I'm sorry for leaving you there."

"Mitch," she said, pulling me into the house. "We need to have a really serious talk."

I swallowed and tried to keep my cool. "Okay." I shut the door to her bedroom and sat down at her desk. "What's up?"

She looked like she was ready to cry. She stood in front of me with watery eyes, without speaking.

"Alex, what's wrong?" I reached out and laced our fingers together on both hands, pulling her to me. Easing her into my lap, I wrapped my arms around her. "Talk to me, it's okay."

She buried her face in my shoulder. "Ihadsexwithdean."

I knew what she'd said. "Oh? Are you okay?"

"No! I don't know what to do. I don't want to date him, but I think he thinks we're dating now…but I don't want to." She wound her arms around my neck and sighed.

I swallowed and tried not to be upset that she'd lost her virginity to him instead of me. "Can I ask why you don't want to be with him?"

She lifted her head and looked at a spot behind me. "I don't know. He's just…he's not who I want to date."

I bit my lip and nodded. "Oh, I see."

She sighed and dipped her head back down, resting her head against mine. "I don't think you do, but thanks."

Frowning, I pulled away from her a little. "What does that mean?"

She shook her head and stood up. "Don't worry about it. So, what are you doing here?"

I felt the color leaving my face. "Oh. I—uh, I just thought…Emerald said you'd called and said it was important, so I figured I'd just come over, instead of just calling you back."

"Oh," she said. "That reminds me, who the hell is Emerald and what kind of name is that?"

I giggled, watching as she gently dropped the Slinky her younger brother Max had given her from hand to hand. "Emerald just moved here from Ohio. She's going to be in a senior with us at school. Emerald is some kind of nickname, her real name is Christina."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "What a freak."

"She's not a freak…she's really cool." I bit my lip and took a deep breath. "In fact, I…I have plans to hang out with her later."

"Cool, I guess. But Emerald is such a weird name, though!"

I shook my head. "Don't be mean. She was really helpful last night."

"Helpful?" She looked up, pausing with the Slinky.

I froze for a second. "Yeah. She helped me…find the rum at one point. And then she let me stay at her house since I couldn't drive."

"Oh, cool." She resumed the back and forth with the Slinky.

She dropped the Slinky onto the floor and sat up on her bed. "Mitch?"

"Alex?" My phone vibrated and I glanced at it: Emerald.

"Are we okay?"

I looked up and smiled. "Yeah. Of course. Why do you ask?"

She shrugged and looked down. "We didn't leave together last night…I just feel, like, I don't know, something's going on and you're not telling me and it's killing me."

We'd already gone over this. "Just leave it, Lex. I'll talk to you about it when I'm ready, okay?"

She sighed and threw her hands up. "Fine."

"I should go." I stood and let myself out.

Three hours later, Emerald and I were walking in the park. She'd taken my hand in hers and I hadn't objected. Her hand felt nice: soft and warm, like I imagined Alex's might.

Knocking our hands against my side gently, she smiled. "So, what do you want to do on our date?"

"I don't know. Dinner and a movie? Movie and a dinner?"

She led us to a patch of grass in the shade of a big tree and we sank down onto the ground. "How about laser tag, mini-golf and then dinner? Then maybe a sleepover?"

"Sure. I haven't done those things since grade school! Well, I've eaten dinner since then, but I meant the other two. It sounds like a lot of fun." I played with her fingers. Her nail polish was chipping.

"Sweet. So, the next question is: when do you want to have this date?" She leaned back against the trunk of the tree and crossed her legs. "Tomorrow? Next week?"

I shrugged and leaned back next to her, our shoulders touching. "How about Tuesday night? I get off at eight."

"Awesome. I can pick you up from work if you want."

I tried to remember if Alex worked that day, but couldn't remember. Deciding it wasn't important if she was there when Emerald showed up to get me, I said, "If you want. I work at the record store, Webbed. Do you know where that is yet or not?"

"Yeah, it's the only place I've actually tried to remember." She laughed and fished her pack of cigarettes out of her back pocket.

I scrunched up my nose and shifted away from her slightly, trying not to be a jerk about the fact that cigarette smoke wasn't my favorite.

She blew a stream of smoke from her lips. "Do you have a problem with smoking?"

I shrugged and tried to stay noncommittal about it.

She took another deep hit from it and then smashed it in the grass. "I'll quit if you want."

Unsure of how to respond, I stayed quiet.

"Hey, seriously, would that make you happier?" Her brow was furrowed as she stared at me. "Watch." She stood and walked across the grass to a trashcan on the paved path. She tossed her lighter and her pack of cigarettes into it and walked back. She kissed my forehead and smiled as she sat in front of me. "Do you have any gum?"

I laughed and shook my head. "Sorry."

"No big." She took my hand again in both of hers. I watched her lip ring wiggle as she ran her tongue over it from the inside of her mouth. "Can I ask you something?"

"What is it?" I moved my eyes from her lips to our hands and felt my mouth going dry.

"You can say no if you want, so no pressure…but um, could I kiss you?" She looked up and blinked as our eyes met.

My eyes widened, staring at her. "O-okay." I hoped she didn't hear the nerves in my voice.

She leaned in and placed her lips on mine, lightly.

I freed my hand from hers and immediately tangled all ten of my fingers in her short hair. I pressed my lips to hers harder, not wanting her to stop. She opened her mouth a little and I matched her pace. Her fingers worked their way through my dark hair and she gently held on to a couple handfuls.

I pulled away, panting. The ache that I thought I only got from my Alex-related dreams had made an appearance. I tried to regain control of my eyes, but they were stuck on staring, large as vinyl records.

The way her laugh wavered, I could tell she was nervous. She licked her lips and touched her index finger to her lip ring, a small smile forming. "Sorry."

I shook my head. "No. I—I liked that. A lot." I touched my tingling lips and held her gaze, a small laugh escaped.

"Cool," she said, looking down at her lap. "Cool." She bobbed her head up and down slightly.

"I should probably go eat dinner with my family, though. Thursday nights are family dinner nights, even though it's summer." I rolled my eyes and stood up.

She stood and dusted off her backside. "That's cool."

I swiped at the back of my jeans, deciding that was good enough. I doubted any grass was there anyway. "You can eat with us if you want."

She held her hand up over her eyes to shield them from the setting sun. "As your friend or your girlfriend?"

I shoved her playfully. "Come on! I've barely told you that I'm not straight, do you really think I've told my family?"

She laughed and grabbed my hand. "I know. I haven't really told my parents either, honestly. I just haven't dated anyone since I was 'allowed to date'." She rolled her eyes and I raised an eyebrow at her air quotes around the last part of her sentence.

"What does that even mean?"

"I wasn't allowed to start dating until I was sixteen. But I'd played Spin the Bottle a lot when I was thirteen or so; I kissed several girls and several boys that way. And I had 'dated' a few people when I was fourteen and fifteen, but by dated, I mean, we went to the movies together and then walked across the street and hung out in the parking lot of a gas station until our parents came to pick us up." She laughed and rolled her eyes again. "God, I probably sound like a dork."

Grinning, I shook my head. "Being a dork isn't a bad thing."

"Well, glad you like it, because under this hardcore exterior, I'm ridiculously not hardcore."

I tilted my head to the side. "Why do you dress like that then?"

She shrugged. "I like it; it keeps away the people I don't want to talk to. I'd rather be unapproachable, because that way the people who have the balls to approach may actually be worth my time."

#

"Hey, M., get up. We're going to be late."

I groaned and shifted from my stomach to my back, untangling my legs from the blankets and sheets along the way.

Emerald sat on the end of my bed, working her foot into her boot. "We're going to miss the previews."

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I crawled out of the bed and grabbed a change of clothes before heading to the bathroom. I glanced at my phone before setting it down on the counter: two messages from Alex.

I hadn't heard from her in a few weeks, so I was surprised to see her name on my phone. I immediately read what she had to say. The first read, "I miss you. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you lately." The second said, "Mitchie, can we please hang out tomorrow?"

I bit my lip and glanced over my shoulder. I had been spending a lot of time with Emerald, but Alex really hadn't talked to me since our last conversation in her bedroom. I sighed and ran my hand through my head.

I walked out of the bathroom in the outfit for today and flopped down on the bed. "Do we have to go to the early show?" I shoved my phone back into my pocket.

"Yes, movies before noon are cheaper." She pulled me up by the hand and wrapped her arm around my waist. "Come on, I'm paying, all you have to do is show up."

I laughed and leaned my head on her shoulder. "Okay, but after the movie, I think I'm going to meet up with Alex. She messaged me last night and it made me realize I really haven't seen her in a while."

She gave my body a gentle squeeze and kissed the side of my head. "That's cool. I'll probably meet up with my mom and see if she needs help shopping."

After the movie, I walked to Alex's and found her using sidewalk chalk with Max. I snuck up behind her and pounced on her. She lost the balance she was keeping on the balls of her feet and fell forward with a small scream. She dropped the nub of blue chalk she'd been using and turned to face me.

"Mitchie!"

I helped her up as I said, "Sorry. I didn't realize you would fall. What are you doing?"

"Max wanted me to help him write chalk advertisements for the sub shop. What are you doing here?"

I shoved my hands in my pockets as she brushed herself off. "I got your messages. I'm sorry I haven't been around a lot lately. I've just…been busy." I closed my eyes, hearing how lame that sounded.

She rolled her eyes and led the way out of Max's earshot. "Busy with your new friend, Emerald?" She folded her arms over her chest and looked away.

I frowned and shook my head. "Hey, you don't have to be hateful about it. I can have more than one friend. She's…helping me." I bit my lip and tried to decide how to tell her what the problem was.

She threw her hands up. "Helping you with what? Why can't I help you?"

I stepped back as she got in my face. Looking around, I noticed a few people giving us second glances. "Alex, can we not do this here…in the middle of a crowd."

"Where would you like to do this? In my room or yours—but only if it's daytime."

I sighed and hung my head. "Stop."

"Why don't you stop shutting me out? Maybe then I wouldn't feel the need to get upset when you start hanging around some other girl and share all your secrets with her." Her eyes looked red-rimmed and I started to notice how tired she looked.

"Alex, have you been…crying?" As soon as the question was out of my mouth, I clamped my hands over my mouth.

She let out an exasperated rush of air and looked upward. "What would you do if your best friend stopped talking to you for no reason, Mitch?" She looked me in the eye and I just stared back, waiting for her to say something else. She didn't.

I slowly lowered my hands and swallowed the lump in my throat. "It's not what you think. I promise. I'm not…replacing you, or shutting you out, or leaving you out on purpose." My voice was barely above a whisper, and I wished we weren't on a crowded sidewalk. I grabbed her hands and squeezed.

"Then what, Mitchie? What on earth is it?" Her voice was still loud, but she hadn't thrown my hands off hers.

I blinked rapidly and let go of her hands. "I—I can't." I turned to walk away and hoped she wouldn't come after me.

She didn't shout or try to stop me.

I walked down the sidewalk, wiping the tears away. Standing in front of her was harder than I thought it would be. Her lips still called my name, and I felt guilty. I turned into a coffee shop and sat down on a couch in there.

I bit down on my thumb nail, watching the people stand in line for coffee, sit at tables, or typing away on laptops. I pulled out my phone and called Emerald.

She answered after the second ring. "Hey! I thought you were hanging with Alex. What's up? Did it go okay?"

"I'll explain when I see you. Could you meet me at The Pour House, please? Or wait, did you go to the store, do you want me to meet you there?" I picked at the sofa cushion and kept my head bowed.

"No, no, it's cool! I'll head over there right now."

We hung up and I sat there, unsure of what I wanted to say to her. Did I want to break up? Did I want to just be friends? Was I going to tell her about what happened at Alex's? I wasn't sure what I was going to do.

"Hey."

I looked up and found a disheveled, out-of-breath Emerald standing over me. I raised an eyebrow, silently asking what that was about.

"Sorry," she said, sitting across from me on the other couch. "I ran here from my house."

"What happened to going with your mom?"

Her panting turned into a yawn. "She decided not to go today. So, what's up? Are you okay?"

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my heart rate. "I—I don't know. I feel really…bad."

She frowned and reached out for my hand over the small table sitting between us. "Hey, babe, what's wrong? You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

I nodded and licked my lips. "Well, that's the problem. I don't even know what I'm trying to tell you right now. I went to Alex's and she was really upset that we haven't hung out and she seemed really upset and I think she'd been crying and I—I don't know. I wanted to comfort her, kiss her, tell her everything would be okay, and then I felt bad because I'm dating you. And I don't—I don't know. I left after she yelled at me for asking if she'd been crying." I tried to catch my breath, realizing I'd spoken without taking any.

Emerald squeezed my hand and looked at me with a small, sad smile. "Hey, it's okay. I mean, I get it…the first night I met you, you were hung up on her. I was wrong to think that maybe I could get you over that, but you can't blame me for trying. You're really cute and intelligent. That's hard to find." She laughed, giving me a wink. "We can just be friends if you need and want that."

I frowned and gripped her hand. "But I like kissing you, too…I just…I don't know…Maybe I should just stay away from Alex."

"I don't want you to feel like you need to stop being friends with Alex to date me. If you have to shut others out for a relationship to work, then it's not really working." Her foot jiggled up and down. "I dated a guy once and we both lost all of our friends while dating each other…he's part of the reason why I moved with my parents. They gave me the option to stay with my grandparents since it would be my senior year." She slowly let go of my hand.

I stared at her, my eyebrows elevated. "Oh. Wow."

She laughed and rubbed her hands over her knees. "Yeah, I don't want to ever do that to anyone or have anyone do that to me ever again." Her right foot was still shaking her leg. "So, we can just be friends, it'll be okay. And you can bring all your Alex issues to me, no pressure to leave it somewhere else, okay?"

I nodded, relieved that she understood what I needed better than I did. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees and putting my head in my hands. "Thank you, Em."

She ruffled my hair and then straightened the mess. "No problem, M." I listened to her get up and watched her feet as she walked around the small table and sat down next to me. "But now that you've dated a girl, I think you need to tell Alex. Maybe not about your crush on her, but she needs to know this part of you." She draped her arm around my shoulders. "You know what I mean, jelly bean?"

I laughed and nodded, wiping my eyes. I hadn't realized, but I'd been crying. I lifted my head and looked at her. She was wearing less eye make-up today and her hair had turquoise patches in it now. "Hey, you dyed your hair."

She gave me a sheepish smile. "Yeah, that's what I decided to do since my mom didn't want to go to the store." She ran her fingers through it. "Do you like it? Does it look okay?"

I nodded and reached up to run my fingers through it. "It looks really great."