iii: sax rohmer #1
and i am coming home to you/with my own blood in my mouth

"No, no, I don't want -"

"No, John, listen - listen to me."

"You told me that Harper had gotten pregnant. You told me you were worried about her, and that you didn't think your nomadic lifestyle, whatever the hell that means, was good for a teenage girl. You know - Shut up, John, you know what you didn't tell me? That she has a drinking problem. Or that she's seriously depressed. Or that she's not used to eating three square meals a day, or, you know, not having to steal money or food to survive. Jesus fuck, John, have you been sleeping under bridges for the last twelve years?"

"Oh, in motels. Because that is exactly what two motherless children need."

"Yes, you did do a shitty job, and it's a miracle they've both survived this long!"

"No. No, no, no. I'm not trying to give her back; I'm telling you I wouldn't let you take her back. I'm telling you right now that if you try to drag her back into that shitstorm you call a life, I'm calling the cops. And you know what; I should, because I don't even want to think what it's going to be like for Sam without her looking out for him."

"Bobby Singer - that's okay. I mean, he's a crotchety old drunk, but at least he has a goddamned house. And you know, a regular job."

"No, fuck you, John. I trusted you. I remember the man you were when you married my sister. I don't know who the fuck you are now. If you try to take out your guilt and your obsession on her kids, I swear to God I will flay you alive, do you hear me?"

And then he hung up the phone, and I stood there in the doorway and watched. I couldn't see his face but I could see the slump of his shoulders and the tremor in his hands as he passed them over his eyes. He turned then and I almost jumped when he made eye contact with me. "Harper. How long have you been there?"

I tried to say something witty, or at least full of curse words, but mostly what came out was "Long enough."

He gestured to the chair next to him, and I sat down. And I waited.

"How are you feeling?" James asked.

Confused. "Better."

He laughed, something short and hoarse. "Well, that's good." After a long moment, he said, "Okay, we need to talk."

This was it. If I wasn't going back to Dad, where was I going? Rehab? Although I doubted he'd spend that much money on me. Probably Bobby's. That was good. Sam might be there too. If I was back with him, I wouldn't even mind about school or anything.

"Harper?" Oh god he was talking to me.

"Um, sorry, I didn't - could you repeat that?"

"I asked if you were all right."

"I - I'm fine. I'm okay."

He looked so tired, but a smile crept onto his face. "I'm sure. Okay then, here's what's going on. You're staying with me."

"Wait, what?" This was definitely not what I expected. "What about Bobby's?"

James shook his head. "Nope. Sam is staying there for a while. Until your dad straightens himself out, or I bring Sam here."

I could feel the tears welling up and it just made me feel angry and humiliated. "What - why are you doing this? Why do you even care?"

"Because you're family."

"I don't -"

"I mean it. Think about Sam. I bet you'd do just about anything for him."

And I thought about it, and I thought about sharing a bed in a series of dingy motels for twelve years, and I thought about what I said at the airport when I was leaving. And I nodded my head.

"If Sam had kids, and he couldn't take care of them anymore, don't you think he'd want you to look out for them? Don't you think he'd want you to do the best job you could?"

And I could only nod, and think about Mom. She was a person, and somebody's sister. I bet she looked after James like I looked after Sammy.

"So I'm going to right by you. And I should have done this years ago, but I was too wrapped up in my own grief after your mom died, and then Sean died just when everything was getting, I don't know, easier, and I trusted - " His voice became thick, and I looked up to see that his eyes were too bright, too shiny for him to be okay. "I trusted your dad. When he married your mother, he was my best friend. He was a good man. And when she died, I think part of him died too. And the John that I knew, the honest, responsible, hardworking man - I think it was easier for him to forget that, than to be a good man without her in the world."

I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't. I didn't want to. I wanted to run away and I wanted to stay right here and I wanted Sammy and I wanted my dad, I wanted my daddy to hug me or my mom, but she was dead and he was as good as dead so I just cried. And then James hugged me and told me I'd be okay. And when I stopped crying he got me some tissues and I blew my nose, and when I looked at him his face was puffy and red, and I realized he'd been crying too.

"You look like shit," I said, and we both laughed, because we really needed a laugh.

He stole a tissue from me and blew his nose. "Ditto. It's a Campbell thing. Your mom was the most beautiful woman in the world, but when she cried, she looked like a swamp beast." I laughed again.

"Now," he said, seriously. "We do have some stuff to talk about." I nodded. "Drinking is not okay. I mean it. We can deal with dating and boys and that stuff on a case by case basis, but there is no alcohol allowed in this house." I grimaced, but nodded. As soon as I got a new ID, I could drink somewhere else. "And I don't want you sneaking out to do it. You have a drinking problem, Harper. I work in an ER; I see this stuff more often than you'd think. And you're going to see a psychiatrist, and probably a psychologist too."

My mouth went dry. "I don't - I don't think -"

"No," James said firmly. "It's a shrink or AA meetings. Actually, there are meetings at the hospital for children and relatives of alcoholics. Those may help too."

"A shrink is fine," I said. Lying to one person was easier than lying to a whole group.

"Good," he said. "And we should find something for you to do this summer, to keep you busy. Have you ever had a job before?"

"Ah," I started. "Hustling pool probably doesn't count, huh?"

James dropped his face into his hands and I shrunk back. Christ, good timing Harper, I thought. "No," he said, as he looked up and saw my stricken expression. "I'm not mad at you. Mostly mad at myself. And your dad," he amended.

"Join the club," I muttered, and all was right again.

"Would you want a job?" he asked. "I'm not sure if anywhere is hiring right now. The Newtons always need people at their store, if you don't mind working retail."

"I have no idea," I said honestly. "Can I -"

"Oh sure," he said. "Think about it. We'll keep you occupied one way or another. If nothing else, I bet I could find something for you to do at the hospital."

Now that did sound interesting. Blood and gore - all right! "Actually -"

He looked up, a little surprised. "Really?" I grinned. "That's very good. I'll see if there's anything suitable. Even if there are no jobs, I'm sure there's a volunteer position or something."

And then we talked some more, and then he made omelets. I hadn't had goat cheese before but it was pretty fucking tasty. He said if I liked that, he'd pick up jetost next week, which was Norwegian and apparently delicious. After that I went upstairs and took a nap, and then I checked my email again. And then I had dinner, and then I watched TV, and then I went to sleep, and I could feel the whole summer stretching out before me like a cat in the sun.

Sunday was pretty much the same, except without the crying or yelling. I still wanted a drink. James said that I should probably ignore that urge, and then he took me in the garage and let me take his bike out for a spin. I hadn't been on a bike in ages. I'd had one the year we lived in San Antonio, when I was twelve, but it got broken in a fight when I took on these little pricks who'd been hassling Sammy. They had older siblings too. It got a little hairy, but no one messed with my brother after that.

Monday morning he woke me up at eight with a knock on my door. "I'm leaving for work," he said. "Could you come by the hospital around one? I made you an appointment with one of the psychiatrists on staff. I think she'd be good for you."

My mouth tasted like death and bacteria, and I was pretty groggy. "Um. Okay."

James smirked. "I'll call you at eleven thirty. Make sure you're up."

"Got it." I mumbled. My face was already smushed back into the pillow.

But he called me at eleven, and I cursed and called him an awful liar. And he just laughed and told me to get out of bed, because I needed to catch the twelve o'clock bus next to the drugstore. So I rolled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, and I reflected idly that this could actually be a pretty okay life.

And Sammy. I'd have Sammy here soon. There were like, four fucking bedrooms in this house, not counting the study. Was James really okay with bringing Sammy here? Actually, he'd probably get along great with Sammy. Sammy was the good kid - everyone liked him. He did great in school, and at sports, and was always polite. I couldn't be trusted within fifty yards of a fancy party, but I made damn sure that Sammy said his pleases and thank yous, and knew how to act like a civilized person.

This could work, I thought. And when Sammy was here, James wouldn't be able to hover quite so much. I could probably get away for a drink or a hookup or a good old fashioned brawl. Once I obtained a new ID, I amended. And it would probably be better if I wasn't jonesing so bad that I tried to fuck up my cushy new life. I'd just get everything under control first, and then I could do as I pleased.

And so I showered, and had a bowl of granola. Jesus Christ, some of this healthy food was tasty, and some of it made me want to burn Trader Joes to the ground. First thing after this goddamned appointment, I decided, I was getting some fucking Captain Crunch.

It was July, and the sky was overcast, a light gray sheet drawn across the horizon. It felt wrong. I felt wrong. And on the fifteen minute walk from James' house to the bus stop, I privately vowed to get out of Forks as soon as possible. James was nice, but I didn't want to spend my life with trees and mountains and clouds hovering over my head. I could go back to Phoenix, I thought. Work as a mechanic. That wouldn't be too bad. Shit, if I actually got some college under my belt, that would be even better.

The bus was smelly and five minutes late, and did nothing to change my opinion of public transit in general. The route took us down the main street of Forks - just a stretch of highway with stoplights and stores on either side. I looked out for the landmarks James had pointed out to me previously - more bus stops, and the high school, and a general store - a fucking general store. This was worse than Sioux Falls. And then we stopped in front of the hospital, and I was off.

The hospital was short but sprawling, all white cement and glass. Very modern, or something. There was a red sign pointing the way to the ER on one side, but I figured I might want to go in the proper entrance. I looked haggard enough that I didn't want some over vigilant ER nurse to mistake me for a junkie. That actually had happened to Dad in L.A. once. Granted, I think he was actually looking for drugs, but still, I didn't want to deal with any attitude.

So I went in the front door, and was assaulted by the scent of antiseptic. I could smell something sweet and cloying underneath it, and made an effort not to breathe through my nose for the duration. A young man at the front desk looked up at me expectantly.

"Hi, welcome to Forks Community Hospital," he said cheerily. His nametag said Jared. "Can I help you find anything?"

"Um." I didn't actually know where James wanted me to meet him. "I'm supposed to meet -" And I probably couldn't just ask for 'James' either. "-Doctor Campbell."

"Do you have an appointment?" Jared asked, eyes flicking down to his computer.

"Sort of a lunch meeting," I hazarded. "I'm not sure where -"

"Harper!" I turned. James was striding down the hall.

"Hey, um - " I blinked. "You've got something on -"

He looked down at the stain on his scrubs. "It's not blood," he said, laughing. "For once. Listen, I just have to change really quick and then we can grab something to eat before your appointment."

"Fine by me."

"Actually -" he looked at his watch, and then pulled a wallet out of his lab coat. "Take twenty. The cafeteria's down that way. I'll be there in ten."

He was there in seven. I hadn't even made it through the line at the register.

"That's all you're getting?" he asked, gesturing at my meal - two nutrition bars and a strawberry smoothie.

I shrugged. "Lunch of champions. I had a bowl of granola before I left."

James pulled a salad out for himself and was back in line to pay for the whole bunch. I started to give him back the twenty. "Keep it," he said. "We'll call it your allowance."

I shoved the twenty back in my pocket. It'd be good not to have to dip into Dad's- into the money I had liberated from Dad.

And so I scarfed down the nutrition bars while James ate his salad. They weren't very good, but they were filling. Halfway through the second one, I realized he was eyeballing me weirdly. "What?" I asked. "I got something on my face?"

"Oh no," he said idly. Too idly. My eyes narrowed. "You can get something else, if you're still hungry."

I deliberately, slowly finished my nutrition bar. "I'm good," I said. Sort of. I don't think I could've held down any food at that point, not when I was looking forward to my appointment.

James simply shrugged. A nurse came by to ask him something, and suddenly I was an object of great attention. Apparently he'd been talking about me - his "favorite niece". Dammit, I was his only niece. I said as much, and the small group of people who'd gathered laughed in unison. There was Becky, the nurse, and Donny and Lila, nurses' aides, and Jill was an EMT, and Chuck was a medical scribe, and they all worked in the ER, and they all had heard about me. I stayed quiet, mostly, but I shook hands, and smiled, and when they asked how I liked Forks, I said that the weather was definitely a change from Phoenix, and I was enjoying myself very much.

And then James said we had to be going, and I waved back at the gaggle as we left.

"Well, they seem friendly," I said dryly

James laughed. "You're big news. There hasn't been this much excitement since Dr. Cullen moved here two years ago."

"Christ, small towns. I don't know how you deal."

We approached a sign announcing the entrance to the psychiatry department. I felt my hands start to shake and my shoulders tensed automatically.

"You all right?" James asked.

"Fine," I muttered distractedly. "Let's do this."

It was probably a good thing that I'd declared my intent before stepping into the psychiatry waiting room, because the place was so fucking cheery I wanted to barf. I could feel the blind panic sweeping out from my gut, and I froze in place. The receptionist looked up, and smiled at James.

"Hey, Jessica," he said, guiding me forward. Fortunately there was no one else in the waiting room. "One o'clock for Dr. Stone?"

There was a brief clicking of her keyboard. "Harper Winchester. Do you have - " James pulled a credit card out of his wallet, and I felt a sudden sinking in my stomach. "Thank you." She swiped the card and I did my best not to look at the receipt. "The doctor will be with you in a moment. Just have a seat."

James started to nudge me towards an empty chair. I shook his hand off. "I don't - I don't think - Maybe I should just skip this." He looked at me with such concern and I hated it. "Yeah, I should definitely -"

"Harper?" The door had opened. Doctor Stone was a short African-American woman with a soft smile and soft voice.

My mouth went dry. "I can't-"

"Harper," James said firmly. "Let's go."

And he nudged me forwards again into the doctor's office.

A/N: Okay, a little business to clear up.

This is a Supernatural/Twilight story, and more than anything else it is a fusion of the two. It will be primarily focused on the Supernatural side of things, but I couldn't in good conscience use the setting, half the plot, and several characters from Twilight without giving it due credit. Yes, the Twilight characters will be around, they will be making more appearances later, and I'm considering a future plot where they are more integral BUT:

This is not a story about Edward and Bella, or Jacob and Bella (though they will PROBABLY all show up at some point). The story will be about Harper and Sam and the Supernatural characters, or at least Anno Mundi's version of them (also yes, Harper is a female reworkingof Dean).

And IF the Twilight kids do show up, I don't know yet who will be whose true love. These things are complicated, only to be decided when I get drunk and write the requisite chapters. Maybe Edward and the Cullens won't be around at all. Maybe it'll just be Jacob and Bella and Leah, and they'll be some horribly happy polyamorous threesome who show Harper the importance of stable personal relationships.

To the people I haven't alienated yet: Thanks for sticking around. If you wrote asking about Twilight pairings, sorry if you've been disappointed. I hope you find something in the story to interest you, because I do appreciate you reading this far. And thanks to everyone else reading, because you might be the only people I have left after this note.

Much love (despite all the snarkiness) 3. Next update on Friday, 8/12/11.