Dracula, Alucard and Death drove over to the Palmyra/Cinnaminson area of Riverton, New Jersey, using the Deathmobile of course. After they got out of the car, Death inexplicably made it disappear.

The three of them paid their fee and boarded the train.
"We're just wearing our Halloween costumes." was their paper-thin excuse for looking the way that they did.

A FEW MINUTES LATER...

"Okay, we did it." Death proclaimed as the three of them disembarked the train and climbed up the stairs which led out of the subway tunnel. "We're in Philadelphia."

Approaching a nearby curb, Death summoned the Deathmobile and all three of them jumped in.

"Can I take the wheel?" Dracula asked.

"You forgot to say please." Alucard pointed out.

"Also, you don't even know how to drive a stick shift." Death pointed out additionally.

"Oh, THE HORROR..." Dracula moaned to himself, reminiscing over the humiliating memories of his days in driving school.

"Anyway, there's always a shitload of traffic in urban Philadelphia, so it'll take a hell of a long time to get through all the madness. Let's listen to some badass music in the meantime." Death explained, turning on the radio to play some classic golden-age Metallica songs back to back.

"I remember the last time I fought you, Dracula..." Alucard thought out loud. "The world didn't really look anything quite like this. Don't you find it strangely interesting how much the world has changed since then?"

"Looks like my type of world if you ask me." Dracula replied. "Guns, strippers, money, cars, Internet, TV, radically evil governments and booze. What more could you ask for?"

"Cuntface..." Death and Alucard thought to themselves, rolling their eyes.

MEANWHILE, AT STEPHANIE MEYER'S HIDEOUT...

"Hahaha!" Stephanie Meyer chuckled to herself menacingly, holed up in her favorite bedroom on the top floor of her converted church dormhouse hideout. "My evil plan is going swimmingly! Soon the entire world will be under the spell of my soul-suckingly shitty writing and laughably bland characters! MUHUHAHAHA!"

"Umm...Stephie, dear?" Stephanie's assistant asked her in a very sluttish voice.

"What is it, Cock Succubus?" Stephanie asked.

"Could you please give me a raise, if you don't mind?" Cock Succubus the succubus requested, wiggling her tits, toes and ass all at the same time while wearing an amazingly skimpy outfit. "Being this sexy ought to be illegal, if you know what I mean."

"Being a filthy disgusting STD-infested whore doesn't pay much. I'm sorry, bitch." Stephanie replied.

"Fine. Fucking BE that way! See if I give a rat's ass about you later on!" Succubus yelled at her, storming out of the room.

Stephanie began her favorite evil laugh routine. "Muhuhahaha! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-"

"WOULD YOU KINDLY SHUT THE HELL UP!? I'M TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP!" one of the next-door neighbors yelled at her.

"FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL!" Stephanie yelled back at him.

"I can live with that." the neighbor said flatly.

A HALF HOUR LATER, AT ABOUT 1:00 AM ON OCTOBER 31st OF 2015...

"Alright. Here we are. Manayunk. Whatever the hell that means. Must be some old Indian mumbo-jumbo or some shit." Death rambled.

"Alright, so, right here at the intersection of Gay Street, I turn left and then right onto this creepy-ass sloped road which I actually don't know the name of." Death explained, following the GPS.

"Okay, we're here." Death said. "Are you ready, boys?"

"READY?" Dracula ridiculed. "Ready! Doesn't! EVEN! FUCKING! DESCRIBE IT!"

And with that, Alucard and Dracula finally gave each other a high five.

"We're going in."

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THEM NOW? WHAT FREAKISH HORRORS AWAIT INSIDE? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!