A Priest, A Rabbi, and Their Kids Walk Into A Bar…
Chapter 3: Here comes the sun…
By: Seuss Fan
(Note: these characters are not mine. Please do not sue me. I do not accept or disagree with any of the subject matter described in this fanfic. I am merely a storyteller telling a story, so please; judge the artwork not the artist.)
Hello there. Brian here. It's been one month since we've spoken and believe me things are crazier than usual. I won't take up too much more of your time. So, let us begin…
Anna
"Honey, Honey.."
Hello. Hope with all the fuss about the kids you didn't forget about poor little old me. Yeah, I'm still here. Doing what I've always done, rush around from New York to L.A. and back again. It's a hectic life but someone's got to do it. Anyhow, I'm currently sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to take off. Luckily, it's delayed a half-hour, which gives me plenty of time to call Jake and hassle him for whatever he's forgotten to do now. It's ringing. Here we go.
"Hello"
"Hi, honey. My plane's delayed so I'm just checking in. How are the kids?"
"Uh-huh."
"Any homework problems, fights, or death threats?
"Uh-huh."
"Did something break?"
" Uh-huh."
"Are you listening to me?"
" Uh-huh."
"Please don't tell me you waited till the last minute to write your sermon for tomorrow so now your rushing to get it done while pretending to talk to me?"
"Uh-huh."
" Well then since your not paying attention, this might not be the best time to tell you this but I'm pregnant."
"What!!!!!! You are, wait, what!!!!!!!!! No, you can't be serious. I mean it's not necessarily the worst thing in the world but we already have three rowdy kids! Adding another one would just create more chaos."
"Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! Baby, I'm kidding! But, at least I got your attention."
"Yea, you did. So, what did you want to talk about?"
"Well, I was hoping to find out what the kids have been up to since I've been away.
"Nothing much. Erica's continuing to do well in school. No surprise there. Jeff is busy with the spring play, which is coming along great, according to him. And, Jon has just gotten back from his fourth straight date with Karena."
"His fourth date! Really?"
" Yea, he seems to really like this girl."
"Awwwwwwww. Is there any chance that I could possibly speak with my little Don Juan?"
"C'mon Anna, leave the kid alone."
"Alright. Guess I'll talk to you when I get home. I love you."
"I love you, too. Have a flight."
"Thanks. Bye."
Jon
"I've just seen a face..."
Karena Steinman. No matter what I can't get her off my mind. Everything I do reminds me of her. We've just celebrated our 1 month anniversary and hopefully there will be plenty more anniversaries to come. Now, before we go any further I don't want you to think that I'm in love with her. I'm not. Trust me. I'm not even falling in love with her. But, I'm pretty sure that that's the direction I'm headed in. That makes me think how we met.
It was just a normal January day back in freshman year. I was sitting in advisory, bored out of my mind when, all of a sudden, this beautiful brunette goddess walked through the door. My advisory teacher, Mrs. Patterson introduced her as Karena Steinman. Instantly, every guy's mouth hit the floor. She was so beautiful it was almost painful to look at her. I knew just from her looks that there was no way that I'd ever have a chance with her but that still didn't prevent me from developing a crush.
This crush continued to expand as the days moved forward. I tried several times to talk to her, (strike up a conversation, become friends, ask her out, I didn't really care much about what came out of my mouth), but sadly I was unable to get her attention. To put it simply I was not the only guy who liked her. I swear the minute she walked into school she was like the shiny new toy. Every guy wanted her. However, the interesting thing is that she always seemed surprised when someone would approach her. It was as if she was completely oblivious to how attractive she was. This only made me want to be with her even more.
So, needless to say last year was a bust. I never got the chance to speak to Karena. I decided that this year would be my chance. No matter how many other guys followed her from class to class I was going to get my shot with her. God must have heard my prayers because Karena and I were both chosen as class reps. for the sophomore student council.
Through going to meetings and planning dances we were finally able to establish some form of a friendship. We never hung out or anything like that but we did talk to each other. And believe me that was good enough. I was perfectly content with the way things were going until my wonderful friends decided to get on my case. You see each of my friends had already gone through the humiliation of asking Karena out and getting rejected. Since Karena and I had developed some type of a relationship they decided that it was now my turn to get embarrassed.
My considerate friends turned this simple act into a major Broadway production. They told me what to say, when to do it, what to wear while doing it, and even how to style my hair. Most people in my position would have told them to back off but I decided to go along with it. After all, if my fate was to get rejected I should at least look good. Finally, the big day arrived. Take it from me the act itself was much less embarrassing than what I had to go through during the day. First, my brother played "This is the Moment" from Jekyll and Hyde over and over until I left the apartment. Then, my best friends Bret and Aaron (the ones who had been rejected the most) kept giving me little pep talks every two minutes. And to top it all off my friend Van made me a good luck cake in his culinary class. By the time I got to the soph hop preparation meeting I didn't even want to go through with it. And then I saw her walk through the door. At that instant a new wave of confidence rushed through me. I knew that even though there was a lot of hype surrounding it that this was what I had wanted to do for quite some time and I could not let the opportunity pass me by.
I walked up to her after the meeting ended, pulled her aside and casually asked her to the dance. As I was bracing myself for the impending rejection she instead gave me a different response.
"Maybe, but I have a weird rule. In order for me to go to a dance with someone I have to have an actual date with them first."
"So, are you asking me out?" I responded.
"Well, I guess I am. So, Schram… you except or not?"
"Uh, sure. Next Friday at 7 cool with you?"
"Completely. I'll call you later with a place. Bye, Jon!"
"Bye, K." I replied still in awe over the events that had just taken place.
And so here we are 1 month later with the soph hop next week. I can't believe our relationship has made it to this point. Now, that does not imply that I'm not good in relationships. I mean I'm not the greatest boyfriend in the world but I am certainly not the worst. The reason why I'm amazed is because a girl like her wants to be with a dork like me. It's just.. Wow. Oh, great. Who could that be knocking?
"Karena!! My brother just ended his date with Karena!!!!!!!! And suddenly that name can never be the…Owwwwwww!!!!!! Jon what was that for?"
"Gee, Erica I don't know what you're talking about?"
"You threw a textbook in my face!"
"Yea, maybe it'll stop you from reading those stupid girly books."
"Excuse me but are you referring to the Twilight saga?"
"Yes."
"Well, look. I know that they are not the greatest books to have earned the title 'classic romance series' however, I think they are worth wasting my time on."
" Whatever. Can you just leave me alone?"
"Why? So, you can think more about your 'Bella'."
"Yes. And for the love of all things good will you please stop making references to that God damned teen love crap!"
"Fine."
Oy. I told you my family was weird, right?
Jeff
"I'm a hazard to myself…don't let me get me"
You can't always get what you want. A.k.a the story of my life. Allow me to explain.
First, I struggle and fight to do my pre-algebra 1 assignment, turn it in, told I have to make corrections. Ok, fine. Get it back, even more corrections. This process has been going on for almost 4 days. It's ridiculous! I'm going to be a performer of some sort. What do I need to know math for! Now, if you, lovely reader, are a math teacher or some other educator then you could probably be able to come up with some bull crap answer about how math helps your ability to problem solve. Guess what? I've heard it all before and nothing helps!!!!!!!
Second, I'm in the spring show. It's Sweeney Todd and I'm the judge. That part is pratically the only good thing about the whole experience. You see, besides play practice I also take guitar lessons, voice lessons, acting classes, and art classes. Our drama teacher has just informed me that since people are not taking the show seriously next year she's going to change the rehearsal schedule. This schedule change would get in the way of my guitar lessons. So, I have to make a decision. Give up guitar or do the play. Even though I've told my parents that I'm choosing guitar I'm still grappling with the decision. I have been playing guitar longer than I've been acting but acting seems like an overall better career choice.
Due to these two major predicaments today after practice I threw my books down on the floor and went straight to work. I told you about my work, right? How I only used to do it when I was upset and how it's transitioned into an everyday occurrence? Well, when I'm in a good mood I work because it's instinct. But, when I'm angry I work because it's a release. And because I was so irritated today I worked twice as hard. Even though my arms hurt now it was totally worth it. While I worked I thought about everything. About why math was really important. If it was just some hidden agenda by my teacher to make me feel like I had no intelligence or if it really had a bearing on my knowledge. About which was better the school show or my guitar lessons. Why I wanted to do each of them. Why I wanted to be an actor. For fame? For a chance to perform? Both?
While I was working I also started to think about what I'm afraid of. I know what you're thinking. You don't even need to say the quote. I know it by heart. "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Really? There is nothing in this world that can naturally cause someone to be afraid. It's really just all in your head. Yea, I beg to differ. You want to know what I'm afraid of, what prevents me from being out going in class and raising my hand. It's not because I'm not awake yet or because I'm stupid or I don't know the answer; it's because I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid that I'll get whatever answer it is wrong and then I'll just attack myself with the guilt until the day I die. You know what I'm also afraid of I'm afraid of what people think of me. I know it may sound childish but I don't care. Parents, friends, teachers; it doesn't matter. I'm afraid of all their opinions. I'm even afraid of heights, vampires, bugs, failure, dying, and most importantly success. Afraid of achieving and of never achieving it. So, in response to that quote I mentioned, "there is nothing to fear but fear itself", I have one word to say. Bullshit. There are plenty of things in this world that can cause fear. And I'm affected by all of them.
I spent so much time working I almost didn't have enough time to clean up before dinner. As a matter of fact I'm still working on getting all the remnants off my clothes. Stubborn stains. And I just ran out of Oxyclean. Perfect. And now an interruption. How delightful.
"Jeff! I need to talk to you."
"Hey, Erica. Are you okay? Your lip has dried blood on it."
"Jon threw a book at my face."
"Why'd he do that?"
"I don't know. I was just singing about him and Karena."
"Thought I heard something."
"So, what have you been up to, brother?"
"Nothing sister."
"Hm. Hey, what's that red splotch on your sleeve from?
"I was doing some test designs for the mural on my wall."
"You're redoing it again?"
"I was thinking about it."
"Well, if you want my opinion I think it looks good the way it is, but it's your room after all."
"Thanks for the input. And put something on your lip so it doesn't get infected."
"Ok, bye."
Now, back to the grind…
Erica
"I'm just a girl in the world…"
What a day! Now, how do I describe it to you so you'll understand it? Hmmmm…
Well, I guess I should start with my thoughts about Jeff. He seems to be spending a lot of time by himself lately. Not that he's a very social person to begin with. He only invited 15 people to his bar mitzvah and most of them were family. Maybe I'm just working myself up over nothing. There's probably nothing wrong.
So, on to my next order of business. Today my friend Chad Daniels asked me to go with him to the 8th grade graduation dance. Now I know what you're thinking, that Chad and I are making the transition from friendship to a bf/gf relationship. Well, you're wrong. Chad and I are just friends. And, no I am not just saying that because I'm trying to avoid the truth. I'm being serious.
You see, when I first came to my new school I was completely alone. Ok, so maybe it was just at lunch. Anyway, I was sitting by myself at an empty table when all of a sudden this guy came up to me.
"Want some company?" he asked.
"Uh, sure," I responded.
"Name's Chad. 8th grader."
"I'm Erica. 6th grader."
"So, made any friends yet?"
"Well, I have friends from my elementary school but sadly they don't have my lunch."
"Ah. What a coincidence. Same here."
"Hm. So, since we both don't die from loneliness why don't we sit together every day from now on until you graduate?"
"Sounds good."
Ever since then Chad and I have become pretty close. But not close enough that I want to date him. So don't even think it.
Rose
"Something there that wasn't there before…"
"Okay, bye." OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe I just… oh, great Brian's at my door. Now what?
"Come in!"
"So, what's up?"
"Nothing, just finalizing my plans for next week."
"What are you doing next week?"
" I'm going to the soph hop with this guy Isaac."
" Oh. So, is this a 'we're just friends' type of deal or a date?"
" A date."
"Really? That's great. So, maybe we should…"
"Brian, I've already been briefed on dating rules and other 'things'. Don't worry I know how to handle myself."
"Okay. What time is he picking you up?"
"Seven-fifteen."
"Do you need money for a dress or do you have something already?"
"Don't worry your pretty little head, Brian. I'm going to wear the dress I wore to Jeff's bar mitzvah."
"Good. All my questions are answered. Get some sleep, it's late."
"I will. Night, Brian."
"Night."
So, now that he's left I'll tell you what's going on. You see, this guy Isaac is a recent transfer student. And I mean recent. He just transferred two weeks ago! Anyway, ever since he came to my school girls have been attacking him. Well, not literally but he has been getting a lot of attention. To put it simply, he's the male version of Karena Steinman. As you can imagine I am not immune to his looks or his charm. Not to sound like a fangirl but he really is a walking dream. Never did I think that a guy like him would have been interested in me. But apparently, just as I've noticed how attractive he is he's noticed how good I look. Ah, teenage relationships. Nothing like them.
Besides Isaac I have other things on my mind. Particularly my sister. She's been acting really weird lately. Well, weirder than usual. She's been talking on the phone late at night to some person who neither Brian nor I know. My first guess was she had a boyfriend that she didn't want anyone to know about. To find out whether it was true or not I asked to Brian to have a little talk with her. To be polite let's just say that idea did not go well. So, I thought about the situation a little more and then decided to find out the location of the person who she was calling. I snuck into her room one day and went through the 'most recently called' list on her cell phone. Every single call in her log was to someone living in Arizona. Why was my sister calling someone in Arizona? She had never in her entire life seen any other states than New York and New Jersey! How could she know someone who lived in Arizona? Maybe she just was having way too much fun with random dialing. Or maybe she had a friend who moved away and she just wanted to keep in touch. To end the mystery I decided to call the number. The person on the other line picked up right away.
"Hello, Adam Thatcher here. Oh, Brianna. Sorry, I didn't recognize your number for a minute. Marie's out picking the kids up from school. I'll tell her you called, bye."
I hung up the phone almost as abruptly as Adam did. Marie Thatcher? Who in the name of all things good was Marie Thatcher? Whoever she was or rather is I still haven't figured it out. And this problem definitely needs to stop. She's been calling this person for only a month and already our cell phone bill has skyrocketed through the roof. I told Brian to talk to her again. Hopefully, he can get to the bottom of this.
Brianna
"Somewhere far away or maybe real nearby…"
So, I bet my sister has already brought you up to speed on what I've been doing during the past month. Sadly for you, she doesn't know the full story. All she knows is that I've been calling someone named Marie Thatcher. What she doesn't know is that Marie is our mother. Remember I told you that I finally tracked her number? Well, I did and I've been putting it to good use.
Honestly, all I've been doing for the past month is talking to my mother and thinking about our conversations. I haven't spoken to my friends or my sister at all. I know that that's not necessarily a good thing but I haven't spoken to my mother in nine years. I think my friends and my sister could use a little break from me.
Anyway, I learned a lot of interesting things about Marie. I already knew that she had been a heroine addict, which is how my sister and I got taken away from her. But, what's even more interesting is how she became addicted. You see her parents always treated her as if she was sub-human. Nothing she did was ever good enough for them. They always made her stay behind when they went out to family parties and whenever a family member or close friend would ask where she was her parents would tell them that Marie was at some boarding school in New Hampshire.
So, one day while she was at college her and her friends decided to go a party. Little did the girls know that some of the kids at this party were doing heroine. Marie, like the rest of her friends just wanted to try the drug. Needless to say none of them liked the experience that followed. Marie had never planned on telling her parents about her little drug trip. However, the wound from the needle never healed right and somehow her parents figured it out. As you can probably guess her parents were not very happy about this. Since her parents gave her such a hard time Marie decided to continually take heroine. Now this might not make sense to you but let me explain my mother's reasoning. After her parents little episode she was so fed up with her parents and the way they had treated her throughout her life that she just exploded. She had reached her wits end and would to anything to piss off her folks.
Marie became a full-blown heroine addict by the end of her freshman year and failed out halfway through her sophomore year. She then took a turn for the worst. She not only was doing heroine but she also started to drink excessively. Every single night she was at a different club boozing it up and getting high. That's how she conceived my sister. One night she was at a club, dancing with some random guy. She followed him into the bathroom, and well you can figure out the rest.
During the time that she was pregnant with my sister and for a short time after she was clean. The way she saw things she finally had someone who she could love and that loved her back. But, of course her need for heroine eventually caught back up with her. So, she started using again. However, another bombshell was just on the horizon.
As my mother was getting ready to celebrate Rose's second birthday her drug dealer, Juan, informed her that he was preparing to clean up and leave the business. My mother was devastated. Where was she going to get her drugs from now? So, she formulated a plan. She decided that she was going seduce her drug dealer and convince him to stay in the business. Well, her seduction worked in two ways. She got Juan to stay in business and she also conceived me.
Now I know what your thinking. The drug dealer find out about me and flew the coop. Well, he did eventually leave my mother, but not right away. On the contrary, Juan was actually excited about becoming a father. He decided that instead of selling drugs to addicts he was going to open up an independent pharmacy and buy a big house for my mother and their children. However, as my mother's due date got closer Juan started to feel the pressure and like I said he flew the coop.
Without a boyfriend or anyone else supporting her my mother took up a part-time job as a waitress to support herself, Rose, me, and her addiction. Once again, she had tried to give it up but it caught up with her. Her demons were just too powerful for her to control.
Surprisingly she was able to keep her habit a secret. None of her co-workers or friends had any clue. That is until one day when Rose had a play date. My sister had invited her best friend from pre-school, Lizzie, over to spend the day with her. My mother said that this was okay as long as Lizzie's mother, Julie, stayed over and watched the kids while my mother was at work. Well, while the kids were playing they happened to stumble upon a pile of used syringes. Rose and Lizzie showed their discovery to Julie who proceeded to call the authorities and well I'm pretty sure you know the rest of the story.
Anyway, so that's just a summary of what Marie has told me. I can't you all the information because some of it is really personal. But, I promise I'll tell you more later. It's getting late and I need sleep. TTYL!
It's Brian again. I hope you've enjoyed this little update. I'm currently off to check on Brianna. She's become quite a troublemaker lately. And I'm sounding more and more like my father. Great, just what I've always wanted. Anyway, talk to you soon. Catch ya later.