Chapter TWO- we are ourselves

"I love you for who you are."

"Wake up, Italia!"
"Come on, it's morning!"

Feliciano slowly opened his eyes and lifted his head from the cushion on the windowsill. Italy had started sleeping by the windowsill now, it was the closest place in the house to Holy Rome. In Austria and Hungary's eyes, it only seemed to make a dismal time worse... they had to find a way to make Italy happy again, despite their low confidence.

Hungary decided to come in and check on the small nation.
"Italy... You really need to stop sitting there..." she said and sat next to him on the windowsill, gently patting his hair. "I know you miss him, but what will he think if he saw you like this?" she asked.

All Feliciano could do was just shrug, he couldn't manage to say one word. He just stared dreamily out the window, pretending Holy Rome was outside in the meadow, picking flowers for his beloved. Feliciano just sat there in silence, his face seemingly emotionless, without any life in it.

After a few minutes of silence, Feliciano finally turned to face Hungary and spoke, still trying to get used to his new voice. "Breakfast. Bread and butter, please."

Feliciano turned back to the window again. He didn't remember who he once was anymore- only that he used to be happy.

The Hungarian sighed and nodded. "Okay, sweety. Just promise me you will try to eat something more later on..." she said before hugging him tightly and kissing his forehead.
Austria had left to go find some new clothes for the Italian, the change in the Italian's change in voice had startled him greatly, so Hungary was in charge of the house for a little while. She fetched the desired breakfast and a glass of milk for him.
She returned and sat next to him before gently rubbing his back.
"He will come back, don't worry.. He's a descendant of your Grandfather's friend.. It will take a lot to take him down.." she said, though she wasn't sure who she was trying to convince.

"Even... if he does come back, he won't know who I am anymore..." Feliciano stated as he placed his head against the window. He could feel tears forming again; they transferred from his soft face to the window.

"All the waiting won't mean anything..." he said worriedly, pain evident in his soft, cracked voice.
"Hmm... I know. I will draw something." And with that, he stood up, leaving the bread and butter behind, uneaten, to find a pen and paper somewhere in the house.

Elizaveta sighed and covered the bread and butter in case he did decide to eat.
"He will always recognize you.. Even if it is not at first, he will know it's you..." she thought as she helped him find something to draw with.

Feliciano finally found Austria's study, noticing little jars of ink with pens inside. Now being thirteen, he could finally reach the art supplies. He took a few pens and paper and brought them back to the windowsill, dipping the pen inside the ink while gazing at the blank "canvas". It was so inviting, to finally draw something. And now he had a purpose. His true feelings, all his desires, could be communicated through art... to no one but himself.

Hungary twisted a lock of her hair in her fingers and watched him, glad to see he had something productive to do.
After a few minutes, the door to the house was opened and Austria walked up to the Italian's room
"Italy? Can I interrupt you for a few minutes?" Austria asked, holding a couple bags filled with clothes.

"Hmm." Feliciano was silent as he placed the pen back in the jar of ink. He reluctantly slid off the windowsill and walked slowly over to Roderich, standing straight to show his obedience.

Italy examined the bags for a bit, remembering that Austria said he would return with boys' clothes. He nodded in understanding, before relaxing his stance.

"I would like you to try these on. Any ones that seem to be loose, I am sure Hungary will help you with," he said and walked away to deal with some work... Or to compose a piece of music.

Elizaveta sighed and turned to Feliciano. "Are you ready?"

"Mmhm." Feliciano let out a soft mumble, nodding as he turned his head to the window again. "We can stay here," he said, his voice losing its emotion as he pointed to the windowsill. His tone suggested a demand rather than a mere suggestion.
"I like this place. I want to stay here."

The Hungarian sighed. "Alright, I guess we can do that. Want some help getting out of your dress?"

Feliciano didn't respond, only attempting to take the dress off himself. It had definitely grown much tighter on him since he hit his growth spurt, so he wound up shuffling a lot to try and get the dress off. Feliciano still couldn't manage to even get it to slip down one inch, no matter how much he tried.

"Yes. You can help," he finally said after much effort to do the job himself.

Elizaveta nodded and helped him pull the dress off carefully before hugging him. "Italy... Will you be alright...?" she asked worriedly, her motherly instincts going into overdrive.
"Mmhm..." Feliciano mumbled, blushing softly as he felt Elizaveta's arms around him. "I'll be okay. Everyone's happy, so I'll be okay."

"Everyone but you..." she said worriedly before she put the dress down on the seat and handed him a white shirt.

Feliciano slid on the white shirt fairly easily, until he realized the sleeves were slightly too long. But it didn't matter much to Feliciano anyway. He smiled a bit as he shook his wrists, flapping the sleeves playfully, which made Elizaveta giggle. "Okay, let us try on the pants now~" she said and held the maroon colored pants up to him. "After that, I will see what I can do to make your clothes fit a bit better.." she trailed off in thought.

"Hmm..." Feliciano slipped on the pants rather easily, thinking they would be loose on him. The pants were a bit loose but fit perfectly around the waist. He looked down at his new clothes and smiled a bit, before averting his gaze to the old dress on the floor. Feliciano picked it up, only Holy Rome in his mind as he wondered what his lover would think of him.

"We have to buy new dresses too, for when Holy Rome comes back..." he simply stated, knowing he had changed so quickly in a short amount of time. Originally, he thought this change was for the better, but he was starting to doubt that now. Feliciano looked so different...

"...Ludwig, if I was actually a girl, would you love me the same?" Feliciano asked, interrupting the story- he had to know what Ludwig thought. Holy Rome never found out, maybe he could at least resolve the age-old question in his mind.

"I mean, I know I'm not a girl..." Feliciano knew he didn't need to remind himself or Ludwig, but he slid off his shirt anyway. "...I'd probably act the same, I'd just look different."

Ludwig blushed a bit as Feliciano took his shirt off and rubbed the back of his head a bit in thought.
"Well, I love you for who you are as a person.. I do not think it would have made a difference unless your whole personality changed.." he said and leaned his head to the side a bit.

Feliciano gave a soft smile, knowing he wouldn't be changing drastically anytime soon. Looking back at his past made him analyze his current relationship with Ludwig, even giving him the desire to deepen their relationship. Ever since he started talking to Ludwig after many years, this desire to become closer was prevalent in his mind.

"Ludwig... it makes me really happy to hear that from you. I hear stories of people who only love for one's appearance... and I feel sad whenever I listen to it," Feliciano said, holding Ludwig's hands in his lap gently. "People like them never see the true side of a person. I feel grateful to have found someone like you, who loves me for who I really am."

Ludwig blushed a bit and gently brushed his thumbs over the Italian's soft hands.
"I am glad I can make you feel that way," he said softly and gazed into his amber eyes.

"...even so, I still feel like there's so many things left unresolved... I still have so many questions that haven't been answered," Feliciano admitted, gently lifting one of Ludwig's hands and caressing it.
"But I know we'll be able to understand each other a little more someday. I'll keep telling you stories so we can build our trust. And then when we've finally fallen deeper in love with one another... there will be no limits, Ludwig. Imagine that..."
Feliciano smiled warmly and nuzzled Ludwig's palm. "Ah, I'm wondering what story to tell next. Maybe I can tell the story when Francis visited, and then..." He suddenly became silent, his smile wavering as the memory floated into his head.

Ludwig gently took his free hand and stroked Feliciano's hair. "If it is too painful.. You don't have to..." He said softly. "I know some stories hurt more than heal..."

"Ludwig, my promise, remember? I abandoned it shortly after we fell in love," Feliciano reminded Ludwig, regaining his sweet smile as he rubbed noses with his lover. "Because of you, I've been able to move on. And I think telling the stories helps me leave the past behind."

Ludwig blushed once more and nuzzled back a bit. "R-right.." He said and held him close. "Well, do you want to take a small break for some breakfast?" He asked.

"Sure! I'll let you cook this time, you know, that hearty German breakfast you always talk about~" Feliciano giggled at the thought, but remembered Ludwig's breakfast actually did taste wonderful.
"It's because you're better at making breakfast than me. And your sausage tastes nice." Ludwig chuckled a bit, "Okay, I will go start breakfast then."

"Yay! Thank you, Ludwig!" Feliciano rushed downstairs, not even bothering to wait for Ludwig. He was sure that letting his lover cook was one of the best decisions he had made today.

end chapter TWO