A/N: Okay, so I don't usually put these at the beginning, but I just want to address this one problem: a startling number of people have favorited this story/put it on alert and not reviewed (well, obviously they didn't review; I have no reviews). I just find that so completely rude. I mean, if you liked it enough to put it on alert, you ought to have liked it enough to just drop a short line. You're logged in and pressing the purply blue button anyway; it would just be polite to leave a short review, just so I know that someone's reading. Thanks for bearing with my rant.

Peter Pan and Tinkerbell
Which way to Never-Neverland?
Emerald City's gone to hell
Since the wizard blew off his command

In the streets you hear the voices
Lost Children, crocodiles
But you're not into

Making choices
Wicked witches
Poppy fields and men behind the curtain
Tiger Lilies, ruby slippers
Clock is ticking, that's for certain!

-Jonathan Larson's "tick, tick...BOOM!"

He knew from the start that it would be different this time.

He had not really wanted it to be the same, in all honesty, but he knew that it could not be the same, whatever he wanted. They were different, all of them.

Noriko was softer, more sentimental. She still had her fire, her bite, but it was blunted now. Maybe it was being a mother, maybe it was the time away from the band, Tohma honestly did not know, but it was true. She was just...less.

Ryuichi was even less happy. He had always been much more dangerous, much more desperate than he seemed, Tohma had always known, but he was more now. Before, Ryu had thought that no one noticed his shadows, now...he could not honestly think that. He could not possibly imagine that...or maybe he could.

Because they were little changes, almost imperceptible. A little tightness here, a laugh that would not have been a few years ago there...if he had not known his bandmates so well, he probably would not have picked up on them. They were like one person; they knew everything about each other...no, that was not true. That was how he had changed.

Once upon a time (nine years ago!), Seguchi Tohma had been another aspiring musician, along with the two most important people in the world to him. At that point, they were like one person and knew everything about each other. However, he had changed, had started changing, in fact, before Nittle Grasper had broken up. That, he thought, was what had really led up to the...incident that broke them up. He had become distant again.

Long before that time (repeat, nine years ago!) when they got their first record deal, when he did not even know Noriko and Ryuichi, he had been so cool, so untouchable. He had never been particularly unpleasant, but he was shy and bland. Then he met Noriko...was it even possible to be quiet or boring in her presence? She was just so...exuberant. He had changed then, surprisingly quickly, but then he started looking back, a little bit after New York. He became a bit more closed off, a bit more silent, and his walls had just kept flying up, faster and faster, getting even faster in the three years since the break up...now he was a virtual fortress. He had tried to take down his walls for them, but that had not worked so well.

He knew why that was. He had built on a hill. That poor, aspiring musician...that man, no, boy was about as far away from Seguchi-san, president of NG Studios as it was possible to get. The new Tohma was not nearly as far removed from his new bandmates, but he was still above them. He was in charge. He could drop them, if he wanted to, and no matter how much they tried to pretend that that made no difference, they all knew that it did.

And no matter how much they tried to pretend that their personal differences had no effect on the music, they all knew that that just was not the way that it was. Noriko did not exactly lack focus, but music was not the most important thing in her world anymore, and that was perceptible, well, Tohma mused, probably imperceptible to most people, in her playing. Ryuichi's growing insanity made his singing darker than ever before, almost frightening, although, he thought sadly, what is really frightening is Ryuichi himself, what his darkness has turned him into. As for him...he had just looked completely clinically on his two best friends, if, he supposed, he could still call them that. He had become cold again, cold and distant. He had lost his passion, his spark. He was still technically wonderful, but he was not longer the best.

His mind flashed back to that time, nine years (nine years!) ago, when they were just starting out, again. In actuality, they had not been amazing, not as much as they were now. They were attractive; they were different; they were fairly good, so they quickly became popular. They would have fizzled out if they had not capitalized on that first wave of success, not come out with new material, better material. Now they were good, really good, but they would never be as popular, or at least, Tohma thought wryly, we shouldn't be. They had lost something, they had gained something...right.

He was lying to himself, he knew that. Frankly, most fans were pretty...not musically inclined (stupid). They probably, no, almost certainly did not notice the change in them, not really. They heard the same sort of sound and assumed that they were "geniuses" (probably about two of them knew the word "genii") because they had longevity. The slightly worse sound of their music had absolutely no effect. They were less popular, if only a little, because they were older and, truthfully, less likeable. They had been young, attractive, and absolutely adorable, according to all of the magazines. Now...they, and especially he, were less sweet and innocent and pure. He had a reputation and he knew it: he was cutthroat and a bit ruthless. He was not at all a bubbly, enthusiastic boy in his early twenties. He even looked worse: shallowly, he looked about 16, but he had a frozen, constantly calm look that ruined it, one he had never had before.

All of them were more adult now, and it worsened their product; and Tohma-kun had become Seguchi-san, who used words like "product" when referring to bands, to Noriko and Ryuichi.

He sighed. What can you do?

THE END

A/N: Well...that did not turn out at all like I wanted. This is definitely my least favorite, which is a shame because I love Tohma (he's probably my favorite character) and wish that he had more fan love. Please review, if you read. Bye!