CHAPTER ONE

WE ALL FALL DOWN

We pulled into the driveway in the limo. Jacob and Renesmee were somewhere down the road behind us. I rushed into the house trying to find a safe place to think. Edward found me in the library, pacing, glancing out the wall of windows and then staring back at the ground. The humming in my head was unbearable. For a while now it had invaded my mind, making it hard to think straight.

This strange invasion made it almost impossible to control my shield. My shield would drop, slipping from the imaginary grip in my mind, leaving me exposed. After what happened in the cemetery, those awful women saying awful things, I was barely hanging on to it.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. He's in a better place now. He's no longer in pain." Edward said. I was pacing and agitated. When he tried to touch me, I pulled away. What was he talking about? No longer in pain. Charlie. Talking about Charlie. Wait, better place? What?

"In a better place?! Are you serious right now, Edward? How is wherever he is better than being here with his family?" I demanded. I couldn't believe Edward couldn't see how ridiculous his statement was. Why would he even say that right now?

"You knew this was going to happen, Bella. Even without the cancer it would have happened someday." Edward said matter-of-factly.

I was floored by such a heartless response. It was like being slapped in the face. Why was he being so cruel? Couldn't he see I was hanging by a thread? "Yeah, some day, Edward!" I spat. "But I thought I would have more time! I should have had more time! First my mom, and now Charlie too? It's not fair! It's not fair!" I raged, slamming my fist down on the small console behind the sofa and shattering it. I didn't know how much longer I could keep going like this. The vibration in my mind was consuming everything.

"Bella, please…" Edward cooed, trying to soothe me, but it just infuriated me even more. How could he be so calm? I shook with the devastation and exhaustion of someone that has had almost their entire life ripped from them in a short period of time. And here he was, acting like I was a toddler having a tantrum in the grocery store!

I felt in my head the nauseating vibration like the one I had experience at the ceremony for Charlie's burial at the cemetery. I could picture the women a few rows over from me at the ceremony, staring at me, judging me.

After I had said my piece about Charlie and sat down, one of them said to the other, "Look at her. She's not even crying. Does she even care?"

"What a miserable excuse for a human being." the other had said.

A miserable excuse for a human being. Miserable excuse, yes. Human being, no. Not now, not ever again.

As our family rushed into the room from the noise of the crashing table, every ounce of pain from the last few months found its way into my chest, a deafening roar exploded from deep within me. Glass was shattering from every corner of the library. Even the windows fell victim to my vocalized agony. There were screams, and everyone tried to brace themselves from the glass.

In the following dead silence, Edward looked into my eyes and the terror on his face broke me. I would lose him too, and Renesmee, and everyone I loved. They would all leave me some day and I would be forced to walk alone with my immortality. This thing I just had to have, gave up everything for…in the end, it would be all I had left.

The roar that destroyed the glass in the room was nothing compared to what next came from my mind. The vibration that had unsettled me all day became a blinding reverberation like bass on a stereo turned up so high it would implode your eardrums and blur your vision. Only there was no sound, only force.

Edward fell to his knees in an instant. He grabbed his head and screamed. I was vaguely aware of Jasper collapsing as well with Alice going down right beside him. Jacob managed to grab Renesmee as she collapsed with her hands at her temples and an ear splitting scream. Whatever was going on with me was affecting them too. What was happening? I was hurting them! Killing them! No! No! No! No!

Edward struggled to glance up. My hands were gripping my hair in handfuls as if to tear it out. I looked around, wild with panic and fury. It was as if my shield was taking physical shape, lashing out at Edward and the others.

This can't be happening! This can't be happening! I raged on in my head.

I was struggling to bring my shield up. I was struggling to gain control of myself. And I was losing. The harder I struggled, the more I panicked when I could not succeed, and the more I lost my grip. I could feel my sanity slipping with every passing moment.

"Bella! Please! Let me help you!" Edward urged as Carlisle stood over him trying to determine the source of his pain. But I knew the source of Edward's pain: it was me. I was killing him. I was killing all of them, on the ground screaming in pain. I didn't know how or why it was happening, but I knew I had to leave. I had to get away from them before my shield tore them apart.

"Stay away from me!" I screamed as I bolted from the room.

"No!" Edward screamed as I ran through the forest as fast as I could to get away from him.

*******************CHAPTER END*************