WARNING: this chapter contains sickeningly cute yoshis, a mention of Jim Carrey, and playstation 3 bashing. If these things make you want to flame, turn back NOW.
A few things I'd like to inform you about:
1: if Link sounds like he's a bit thick, remember that most of the stuff he asks about hasn't been invented yet. There's a reason why he asks these questions all the time, you know.
2: I hate, hate, HATE the "crazy girls". At the time I wrote the previous chapter, it seemed a good idea to add fangirl humour, because everyone else was doing it. But now… it just feels so god damm fucking noobish! They're so damm annoying… but they'll still get mentioned in the story, seeing as I've gone to the trouble of introducing them. (Punches wall.) GODDAMMIT!
3: I'm a slow writer. When I joined, I had two and a half chapters written down. So sadly, you'll have to wait longer for updates. Much longer. Though if you review me enough, I might feel like writing faster so I update before you lynch me!
Anyways, read, the disclaimers are in chapter 2, and don't moan about the PS3 joke!
CHAPTER 3- BACK TO THE FUTURE WITH A DINOSUAR
A smash ball, in actual fact, is a side effect of inter dimensional travel. When you create a vortex from one dimension to another, a lot of space is condensed into one point, and therefore, a lot of energy. This results in an explosion if the portal is not formed properly.
To get round this problem, Mr Miyamoto tweaked the portal generator to turn this energy into smash balls, an object both designed to contain the spare energy and give that energy to the smashers for their own ends. Mario had used the energy he received to produce the giant fireball. A move known as his final smash.
There is one small problem with smash balls- because they contain the essence of time and space itself; they can come into existence in any dimension, at any time after an inter-dimensional portal is created. They can also be hard to obtain, partly as only the smashers can break them, partly because they move randomly (though they are attracted to chaos.), and partly because they can pass through walls and solid objects.
Brawl and co. were now back in the smash mansion.
"So what's my final smash?" said Kirby inquisitively.
"Ah! That for me to know and for you to find out!" chuckled Brawl.
"Aw! Come on! Tell us!" winged Pikachu.
"How will we know what to do with this smash ball if you don't tell us?" smirked Link, trying to outsmart Brawl.
"Oh, EVERYONE knows what to do when they get their first smash ball. After all, how else did Mario know what to do with the smash ball?" replied Brawl.
Everyone turned to look at Mario.
"He's-a right, you know-a." said Mario.
Smash came in the room. "Ah! You've come back with Kirby! What you guys talking about?" he chirped.
"He was just explaining about smash balls." Replied Kirby.
"Why's that? There's no need to explain what a smash ball is- unless you've encountered the sub-"
"We did." Brawl cut him off.
"Really? Marvellous! Anything interesting happen?" Smash looked like he had won a million dollars.
"Well, Mario did his final smash-"
"Excellent!"
"- And I was caught unarmed." admitted Brawl shamfully.
Silence.
"GOOD LORD, BOY! What were you thinking? Do you want to get yourself killed? You're going to worry your mother to death!" Brawl looked at the ground and shuffled his feet.
"You're lucky the smashers saved you aren't you?"
Brawl nodded.
"Yes. If you weren't saving all existence, I'd have a good mind to ground you for weeks!"
Silence.
"I'm very disappointed in you son. Now go upstairs and get your weapons. AND DON'T COME BACK TILL YOU'VE GOT MORE WEAPONARY THAN A ARMY SURPLUS!" shouted Smash. Brawl ran up the stairs, guilty and embarrassed.
Smash turned to the four heroes. "I'm sorry for that interruption. He's a little overconfident some times, and he always forgets stuff."
"Oh, no problemao." Said Mario. "As long as our friend's safe, that's all that matter's."
"True. Thanks for saving him, by the way." Nodded Smash.
"There's no need for thanks, Smash. We probably can do these kind of things with our eyes shut." Said Link.
"True! Well, anyway, Brawl will take a while with his weapons, so why don't get yourselves a drink in the bar? I'm sure your thirsty." He gestured for them to follow him.
"Sounds good to me." Said Pikachu as they followed him.
Mario, Link, Pikachu and Kirby hadn't spent too much time at the mansion, but by now they had realised what a strange place it was. It was a normal mansion, but the architect had obviously been told of the smashers identities, and tried to make everyone feel at home by using bits of architecture from their homes. Unfornutly this meant the techno stuff collided with the castle stuff, the colour with the bland, the switches with the levers. It was a melting pot of architecture from all dimensions, but it did not blend together. Where there was a stone column, you could bet there would be an elevator right next to it.
A brilliant example of this was the stairs. Some were wooden, some were made out of stone, and some were metal. There was elevators, ladders, teleporters, even gaps in the railing were you just jumped into a trampoline to get up or down. Mario even swore he saw a warp pipe somewhere.
The bar was no different. It looked like it was carved out of wood, but had golden railings and the like. The shelf with the drinks on looked futuristic and had neon lights. They sat down on the barstools.
"Hey! Ambler! Where are you?" called Smash.
CLUNK! Ambler had been cleaning the under side of the bar. He pulled himself up, muttering, "OW! Owowowow. No, I'm okay, thank you very much…"
Ambler was dressed completely in green and had a traditional messy Irish hairstyle. He looked like a bottle himself.
"Well, bonk me over the head with a broken bottle and call me Shaun Connery! It's the four smashers! And at my bar, of all places! I thought I'd never see the day! What brings you lot here?" he said happily.
"I sent Brawl to get his weapons. He forgot to take them with him, and nearly got caught by the subspace army. Kids today…" mumbled Smash.
"Aye! Trust Brawl to rush in all confidant, only to slip up in the face of fire! That lad's got think things through more." He turned to the four smashers. "Anyway, what ya want to drink? Have anything you want! I can serve anything!" he exclaimed.
"I'll have milk." Said Link.
"Ummm… lemonade please." Said Pikachu.
"Shroom shake for me-a." said Mario.
"SHROOM SHAKE??" cried Link.
Mario turned to Link, who had a look of disgust. "What? What's wrong-a with that?"
"You're drinking liquidised mushrooms COLD??" cried Link again, not knowing that mushrooms from Mario's dimension taste sweet and milky, rather than salty and meaty.
"I better explain. Link, Mario's mushrooms taste different from the mushrooms you're thinking of. His taste more like sweets." Informed Ambler.
"Ohh. Right. Sounds like you have pretty odd mushrooms pal." Said Link, not really believing that Mario's drink tasted like anything other than cold mushroom soup.
"And you sir?" said Ambler to Kirby.
"Oh! Tomato juice for me." Replied Kirby.
"Tomato juice? That's a weird-a drink-a, Kirby!" said Mario.
Link, Kirby, and Ambler rolled their eyes…
"AAARRRGGGHHH!!"
Brawl fell face-first down the stairs and landed on the floor with a thud. He had some kind of bazooka on his back that had obviously caused him to lose his balance.
"Why, oh why, do heavy-duty weapons have to be so heavy?" he moaned as he got back up again.
"You screamed, Brawl?" said Pikachu cheekily. The four smashers had heard the cry of horror and hurried to see what the fuss was about.
"I wouldn't joke if I were you. I'm heavily armed and prone to violence, especially after falling down stairs." Muttered Brawl heavily.
Brawl looked like he had just come back from Vietnam. He was armed, along with the bazooka, what appeared to be a mine, two different guns, a lightsaber, a ball of jelly, something that looked like a white ball, a baseball bat, and a paper fan.
"Nice kit." Said Link.
"Thanks. Now can we get back to work? I'm hoping for another fight with the subspace army, and this time, I'll be trashing them…" he started typing in the co-ordinates for the next destination.
"Whoa… WAY too much primary colours." Said Link.
They were on an island that looked like it was a child's drawing. The plants and rocks looked like they were drawn with crayons.
"Even Kirby's place looked less crazy than this." Commented Pikachu.
"I don't know… it kind-a looks like-a my dimension…" muttered Mario.
Brawl smiled. He knew what came next…
"HEY! This IS my dimension! This is Yoshi's island!" cried Mario.
"Well done Mario! Ten points for you!" said Brawl cheerfully.
"Yoshi's island?" quizzed Kirby.
"It's an island populated by yoshis. They're dinosaurs." Replied Mario.
"Dinosaurs? What are they?" asked Link.
"Kinda like dragons without wings." Said Brawl.
Link imaged a yoshi as a 30-foot tall reptilian with scales.
"So are we here to pick Yoshi the yoshi?" asked Mario.
"Man! Mario! You're reading my mind! I swear!" Brawl chuckled.
"Yoshi the yoshi? That's an original name. Not." Said Pikachu with sarcasm.
"So what? You're Pikachu the pikachu!" laughed Kirby.
Pikachu promptly shut up.
"Yahoo!"
The yoshis celebrated as Mario entered the village. It had been a long time since Mario had visited and they were surrounding him, wanting to hear about his latest adventures. Mario took his fame like a good-hearted celebrity. "Hey! How you doing! How's the wife and kids? You look great! Nice to see you again! Thank you! I'm fine thanks! So nice to be here!"
Link however was surprised by the yoshi's… cuteness. They looked completely different from what he expected. In his mind, they looked more like a cross between a horse and a baby seal.
Brawl waved his hands. "Err, thanks for the attention, but we really need to find someone. Anyone seen Yoshi the yoshi?"
"YOSHI!"A cry came from a hut nearby. Yoshi himself had come to see what all the fuss about, and was delighted to see that his best mate Mario had arrived. He rushed out to greet him.
"Yoshi! Good to see ya, buddy!"
"YAHOO! Nice to see you too, Mario! WOOHOO!"
As you can see, Yoshi was somewhat excited about seeing Mario again. After all, he had helped him out three times, twice when he was just a baby. He looked forward to another adventure with him, and little did he know that his wish was about to be granted…
"Mr Yoshi! If we could have a little talk inside your hut…"
There was much excitement in the village, as all the yoshis wondered what Mario and his strange new friends had came to see Yoshi for. The guy in the hat and the green tunic man were okay, but they had never seen anything like the yellow mouse and the pink… thing. Many pondered what lands they came from, and the children joked they were aliens. Either way, all yoshis have child-like curiosity, and as a result, they were all huddled round Yoshi's hut trying to listen to their conversation.
Brawl had just finished talking about some Miyamoto guy and giant hands.
"Anyway, you are one of them." explained
"Me?"
"Yep. And you, my friend, have to come with us on an adventure to save all existence!"
"REALLY?"
"Yep."
"REALLYREALLY?"
"That's-a right, old pal." Replied Mario.
"YIBERTYABERTYHOO!!" cried Yoshi, jumping so high he bust a hole in his own hut. He immediately dashed out and started giving high fives to all the other yoshis, who had also heard the news and started celebrating.
"YAHOO!! Yoshi's on an adventure again! YAYY!!" he shouted.
"Well someone's eager to go." Smirked Link.
"It's been 5 years since his last adventure. He's probably very very very very very very very very very very bored. Times twenty." Replied Brawl casually.
He and the group walked out of the hut and approached Yoshi and the crowd.
"Well, there's no time to waste. What say we skip the overly long farewell scene and get to were the action is?" suggested Brawl.
"Yeah! All right! Let go! Yeah!" said Yoshi excitedly.
He rushed over to Mario and used his head to lift him onto his saddle. Everyone couldn't help but laugh at this display of eagerness.
Yoshi looked at Mario. "Just like old times, huh?"
"Just like the good old days." Mario nodded. And with he held on to Yoshi's neck with one hand, waved his hat in the air with another, and cried "hi ho, Yoshi! Away!"
"YOSHI!"
And with that, Mario, Yoshi, Brawl and company left the yoshi village, cheerfully waving to the other yoshis.
"Good luck, Yoshi! You too, Mario!"
"Kick some butt!"
"Egg those bad guys! Eat them for breakfast!"
"Ow…"
Yoshi was rubbing his saddle area. He just had the translation chip fitted, and Brawl had opted to put it on his back, rather than his head, as his head looked a little too soft to be hit by a hammer.
"Brawl, isn't there an easier way to fit these chips?" moaned Yoshi.
"Yep. But a lot of people are scared of electric drills." Replied Brawl dully.
Yoshi decided that was something he didn't want to know about.
"I wonder what tenty and co are up to…" pondered Brawl.
As if Brawl's pondering was a covenant plot device inserted by the author, the ancient minister was reporting back to the hands on the recent encounter with the smashers.
"Err… master? Sir?" said he nervously, as he looked around the long, rectangular platform that was floating in purple space. It was strange- he didn't know why, but if you wanted to speak to the hands, you had to go to that particular platform- the one that was perilously high over all the others in this surreal place. But he had a pretty good idea- if you fell off, you would definitely die. It was a precaution against officers that disobeyed orders.
"Yes?" said Master hand, as he appeared from the purple space.
"We encountered the enemy exactly as you requested, sir." Said the AM gravely.
"Ooh! There was a fight? Were there any explosions? Death? Action movie clichés?" said a mad giggling voice. Crazy hand had appeared to join his brother.
"Crazy, that is irrelevant. What matters is- what was the result of the conflict?" asked Master hand.
"We lost."
"WHAT!? YOU FOOL!! YOU HAVE FAILED US!! NOW YOU MUST DIEEE!!" cried Crazy, charging up a fist.
Slap!
"CRAZY! STOP MESSING AROUND! You know as well as I do that the skirmish was just a test of the smasher's strength!" shouted Master.
"Oh. Really?"
"(Groan) Crazy, I explained it to you a few minutes ago. 64 times!"
"Oh yeah. Something about estimates and plots and stuff. I get ya, bro!"
Master hand turned back to the Ancient minister. "Anyway… how long did take for them to deplete our regiment?"
The AM winced. He had been dreading this, as he knew the hands wouldn't like it.
"Umm… six and a half minutes, sir." He braced himself.
The hands froze.
"WWWHHHAAATTT??"
Master grabbed the AM, and the two hands started playing catch.
"SIX AND A HALF MINUTES? THAT'S RIDICULOUS!" cried Master hand.
"YEAH! EVEN I KNOW THAT LOW-LEVEL WIMPS LIKE PRIMID CAN SURVIVE LONGER THAN THAT!" yelled Crazy.
"THEY SHOULD HAVE LASTED TEN MINUTES MINIMUM!"
"WHAT DID YOU DO – SEND THEM OFF A CLIFF??"
"SIRS! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! They (ow) got an accursed smash ball…"
The hands stopped playing catch.
"And?"
"Mario's final smash took out 500 primid…"
There was a pause as Master hand did some mental calculations. Crazy did some aggressive pointing at the AM, but otherwise waited for his verdict.
"Hmm. I suppose if a final smash was involved, that would shorten their survival by three and a half minutes… so we'll let you off." Muttered Master.
"Lucky old you." Grumbled Crazy, who had looked forward to beating something up.
"So the smashers are as strong as they said they were. I think we better take appropriate action. Minister?" said Master.
"Your orders sir?" replied the AM.
"Prepare our next attack. Arm the primid this time. Let's see if we can get to that bounty hunter before they do…" surprisingly, Master hand then burst into maniacal laughter.
"Umm… bro? You didn't specify which bounty hunter." Said Crazy with a surprising amount of common sense.
Master snarled. He hated it when Crazy was smart, as he did at the most inappropriate of times.
"THE FEMALE ONE! HAPPY NOW?" he roared.
"Yes." Said Crazy, rather pleased with himself.
The AM shook his head. He decided to get on with the job in hand, for the sake of Master's sanity…
Back at the smash mansion, Brawl had looked at the next name on the list and come to a happy conclusion.
"Good news guys! You can take a break. I can get the next smasher on my own." He reported cheerfully.
Link raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? What if the primid get involved?"
"Don't worry, I'll cover for him." Everyone looked round to see Melee at the controls. "If the Primid show up, then I'll just send a portal to his co-ordinates." He said.
"And then I'll go back with you lot to send them packing!" continued Brawl.
"Well, if you're sure, go ahead." Said Kirby matter-of-factly.
"Don't worry. I'm a better typer than my brother!" said Melee.
"HEY! I'm not that bad!"
On a planet, there is a bar.
It was futuristic, but exactly colourful. It was all grey, it had sliding doors, and it was the epitome of clichéd futuristic bars.
There was one thing that one thing that would hit you right when entered the bar. That is, if you were completely blind to the rest of Corneia.
Every single person looked like an animal. They weren't human look-a-likes. If one looked like a bird, he would have feathers and a beak. If one looked like a fox, he would have fur and a fox's tail.
Speaking of foxes, there was one person in that was the living definition of fox. He was smart, fast, agile, and contrary to all good dictionaries, an expert at flying arwings. He was even called Fox.
Fox Mcloud, to be precise.
Fox was on "stress leave." This is mercenary speak for "I can't be arsed to work for a while. See you in two weeks, suckers." So now he was doing the one thing he could never do in an arwing- have a drink in one hand and watch the world go by. For once, the twitch-and-get-you'll-be-shot reactions of his could finally settle down, and his trigger finger could keep still. All was well. Fox was relaxed and nothing would change that for two weeks, he hoped.
Sadly, he had not counted on a new species to walk in through the door.
Literally.
The new species was actually Brawl, who had just become the first human to enter the Lyat system. Thankfully, in any age of space exploration, any new species will only cause long periods of staring at worst, as long as their activities are civilised and justified.
In Fox's mind, however, new species meant new planets, new planets meant new treaties, which meant in turn some stupid militarist would spill his coffee in rage, and next thing you know, it's another case of "we need your help, starfox!" His mind was already slowly dragging the trigger finger out of bed.
The bartender- who looked like a terrier- looked at Brawl curiously for a while, then asked, "you a new species?"
Brawl nodded.
"What's its name then? Your species?" the bartender continued.
"Oh," Brawl replied, "I'm only human."
There was a moment's silence, and then Brawl continued- "is Fox Mcloud in here?"
Alarm bells went off in Fox's head. Goddammit, how did he not see this coming? He should have known that this would happen. There was almost certainly a war on, so now someone had been sent to drag him back to the great fox to fire some lasers. Jeez, he could already hear Peppy telling him to "do a barrel roll!" for Christ's sake. Didn't they know he was on the brink of insanity?
Oh, sod it. His brain chided him. The quicker it's done, the sooner it's done, and the less of Slippy you hear the better. Besides, it's your job, not to mention your responsibility to the lyat system… and your farther.
"I'm right here." He said, standing up.
Brawl turned to face him with a smile, and at that moment Fox realised that the stranger had a gun. Two guns. A sword. And a bazooka, for crying out loud.
His trigger finger jerked awake as if it just had an electric shock.
Everyone else had noticed this, and figured new species with gun + fox mcloud assassination attempt. People were slowly heading towards the exit. The bartender slowly walked into the back room, mumbling "oh dear…"
"Ah! Fox! There you are! Taking a break from flying, I take it?"
Then again, he seemed nice enough. Perhaps he just wanted an autograph and accidentally presumed it was perfectly ordinary to walk into a bar fully armed. He looked a bit young for a murderer, anyway. He didn't even look old enough to drink, but that just disturbed Fox. Why come into a bar with a gun if you're not going to get totally smashed?
"Well, that was the plan." Chuckled Fox. Who was currently thanking his lucky stars he had taken his blaster and reflector along with him.
"Well, sorry for interrupting your holiday." Brawl smiled. "But I've got a private matter I need to talk to about. Could you meet me outside in the back alley?"
Crap. This guy certainly did not want an autograph. Back to work for him. Or if he was lucky, just a street fight. He had no problem with that. If anyone thought he was useless outside an arwing, now was the time to prove them wrong.
"Okay."
He followed him out of the bar and into the alleyway.
"Alright, what's the problem? Who's attacking whom? Don't you know that I have the right to have his holiday? If you take me back to the great fox, you'll be validating my rights! Falco can handle the mission just as well as me!" Fox growled in annoyance.
Brawl just smiled. "I see you're eager to go back to work. But this is not a matter of war or arwings, mr Mcloud."
"In that case, drop the guns."
"Hmm?"
"Oh come on! You think I'm blind and stupid? This is obviously an assassination attempt?"
The smile fell off Brawl's face as Fox aimed his blaster at him.
"You want the guns? Here! Have them! And my cracker launcher! And my beam sword! And my shield! What else do you want, my wallet?" he cried, handing over all his weaponry.
Fox thought for a moment, then said "yes."
"WHAT!?"
"Just making sure you don't run away. Do it."
"Urrgh… fine. Just give it back afterwards." Brawl groaned as he handed it over.
"Sweet. See ya."
"HEY!"
"Heh. Just kidding."
Brawl sighed. This one was a little tricky.
"Look. I know it's hard to believe, but I need you for your fighting skills outside an arwing. Sooner or later, weird purple things from another dimension will appear to kill you and turn everyone else in existence into trophies, and the only way you can stop them is if you come with me. You got to believe me, man! And give me my wallet back!" he wailed.
"Weird purple things from another dimension? Right. And I'm Jim Carrey." Snorted Fox.
The smile remerged on Brawl's face. "Oh, really?"
He turned around and reopened the portal he had used to get there. Fox's jaw dropped.
"Jim Carrey? Meet interdimensional portal. Interdimensional portal, meet Jim Carrey."
Five minutes later…
"So do you get what we're saying now?"
"Well… I didn't expect giant hands to be behind the end of the world, that's for sure. But otherwise, I can't find any reason to not save the world, so yeah, I'll help you." replied Fox.
Brawl gestured for Fox to follow him into the next room. "Good-o. Now I suppose I'd better introduce you to the other smashers." Said Brawl, quietly adding, "Brace yourself."
The door was opened, and after getting over the fact that, joys of joys, there was a bar in this god-damm house, Fox's mind focused on the five faces that were to help him save the universe.
He was unimpressed with Mario to say the least. The guy looked like he had no exercise for six months. The guy wore overalls, meaning he did dirty work, so maybe he was tougher than his stomach suggested.
For Link, Fox had to stifle a chuckle – he looked like some kind of final fantasy nerd. He had a tunic and a shield and even a daft floppy hat, for goodness sake. But still, he had a sword. He meant business. Fox decided to rely on Link if in need of backup.
Yoshi he recognised as a dinosaur. He had fought with a dinosaur on his side before, so at least that was something he was familiar with. But this one was a little too cute for his liking. I mean, he could have grown tusks or something. Jeez.
Pikachu raised an eyebrow for Fox. After all, a small yellow mouse with an odd tail didn't particularly scream "vicious hunter." But those cheek pouches contained something, he could tell, and rats can be pretty nasty, of course. He was an odd choice for a fighter…
Which was more than could be said for Kirby. Fox's jaw at this point gave up all hope and dropped. How in the name of Corneia was that thing supposed to fight? It looked like a pink marshmallow, for crying out loud! The fact he had no idea what it was just confused Fox even more.
The other smashers had their own reactions to this newcomer as well.
Mario didn't blink an eyelid- not surprising for the man who talks to mushroom people everyday. Yoshi reacted likewise.
Link's mouth dropped for a second, then turned back into a friendly smile again. After all, he had talked to zoras and gorons, so a fox-person was not much different.
Pikachu, however, was amazed. Here was a pokemon (at least, it looked like one.) dressed and walking like a human. To him, that was the holy grail of cool, and his mind immediately started hero worship of this "super-pokemon."
Kirby stood on his tiptoes to get a good look at the stranger, and recognized it was a fox. He noted that fox's don't usually stand on two feet, but his innocent little mind let that slip by.
"People, this is Fox Mcloud, the best pilot in the Lyat system." Said Brawl, finally getting round to introductions.
"Hey."
"Hi."
"Ello."
"What's a pilot?" asked Link.
Brawl groaned. He had completely forgotten that aircraft had not been invented yet in Hyrule.
"A pilot is a person who can operate flying machines, Link."
"Oh! Like the sky city of the occoa!"
"Yeah. Like that. Anyway- Fox, this is Mario, Yoshi, Link, Pikachu and Kirby." Brawl announced.
"And these guys are great fighters? Link, maybe, but the rest aren't exactly promising, pal." Fox shook his head.
"Oh, really?"
"Yes, really. I mean, how does the yellow rat…"
"PIKA!"
5000 volts later, Fox learned to never call Pikachu a rat.
"Urggh… guess that answers my question." Groaned Fox as he got back up again.
"That's for calling me a rat. And besides, what makes you so special? I somehow doubt you'll be using a spaceship thing to attack primid." Complained Pikachu, switching out of hero-worship mode.
"What makes me so special? … THIS!"
Quick as a flash, Fox scooped up five empty glasses, threw them into the air and shot them all before they even considered obeying the law of gravity.
There was "ooh"s, "ahh"s, and a lone cry of "hey! I paid good money for those!"
Pikachu was silent for a second, before he bowed down to Fox and cried, "all is forgiven!"
"Hey! I can do that as well!" cried Link, chucking another glass into the air, then quickly pulling his bow out. With pinpoint precision, Link repeated Fox's trick with a bow and arrow.
"All right!"
"Nice!"
"You've got skills, Link!"
"Stop doing that!"
"My turn!" cried Yoshi, clearly getting excited. He too threw a bottle, and then smashed it with an egg in midair.
"YAHHOO! PERFECTION!"
"STOP WRECKING MY GLASSWARE!"
"Think that's impressive? Watch this!" exclaimed Mario.
Mario threw another glass into the air, but then in one impressive jump that nearly hit the ceiling, caught up with the bottle and punched it back to earth again.
"Whoa!"
"Ace!"
"NOOO! MY LIMITED EDITION COCA-COLA GLASS! I COLLECTED FIVE TOKENS FOR THAT!"
Fox gawped. Who knew that a fat guy could jump so high? That guy was like superman!
"Come on, Kirby! It should be your turn now!" said Brawl to Kirby, still ignoring the rants of Ambler.
Kirby looked at a bottle, then at Fox.
"I think I can do it… but first, prepare yourself, Fox!" said Kirby with an evil smile.
"Yeah, I'm watching, kid! Go ahead!" replied Fox, not realising the fate he was about to receive.
However, Brawl did. "KIRBY! NO!"
SHOOOP!
"AAHHH!!"
Too late. Kirby sucked up Fox, appeared to chew him a little, them spat him out.
PLOP-PERWING!
"Are you alright, Fox?" said Brawl, running to his side.
"Jesus, that little blob is lethal… what the hell?"
Kirby now had fox-like ears, a replica of Fox's headset, and was now using a replica of Fox's gun to take down the bottle pyramid Ambler made in his spare time, much to Ambler's annoyance. Fox's hand shot straight to his head, and was relived to discover he had not been scalped.
"Yeah! I'm firing my laser! This thing is awesome!" shouted a happy Kirby.
"STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! I PAYED FOR ALL OF THIS! I DIDN'T PAY FOR IT SO YOU COULD JUST SHOOT IT!"
"Kirby, you could have warned Fox you were about to use your copy ability!" Chided Brawl.
"Well, I told him to brace himself, didn't I?" said Kirby with an innocent smile.
"That's not what I mea-"
"BRAWL! EMERGANCY!!"
"What the hell?"
Brawl and co. quickly rushed into the portal room.
"What's going out there, Melee?" said Brawl, ready for action, and clearly wanting it.
"They've set up a ambush! They're using a radio message to lure her into a abandoned satellite!" replied a panicked Melee.
"Her? You mean-"
"They're setting up Samus Aran!"
Samus was sleeping.
Of course, the correct term is cryogenically frozen, but the results are pretty much similar. And it was a good thing that Samus was asleep, as she would have gone insane with boredom if she was awake.
The main problem with Chozo ships, Samus reckoned, was the total lack of space. If you wanted to do anything entertaining while on a journey to clichéd planet no. 6, a Chozo ship was not a good idea at all. And while cryogenics adding a few years to your lifespan is rather nice, she would definitely give it away just so she could move around while travelling.
She would stop at one of the galactic federation's space stations, but after the infamous fusion mission, she wouldn't be surprised if the federation didn't exactly give a warm welcome. So now she was cruising through space, looking for somewhere to stay without the federation holding something nasty over her head.
She was bored, mind. So she would probably accept anything just to get out of the ship she was cooped up in. like a SOS signal from that old abandoned spaceship just over there…
Blipblipblipbeepbeepbeepblipblipblip.
Blipblipblipbeepbeepbeepblipblipblip.
"Time to wake up, Samus…" sniggered the AM as the Morse code signal was sent out…
Samus calmly walked into the spaceship with her power suit on. And she had every reason to be calm. She had scanned the whole thing with her ship's computer, and could find nothing suspicious about it. The SOS signal wasn't a thousand years old. There were no federation troopers nearby to jump out and scold her for disobeying her orders to let them investigate the SA-X virus. And best of all, there wasn't a single trace of metroid, so it definitely was not a space pirate ambush. It was probably the same old story: salvagers board abandoned ship looking for treasure, find something dangerous, get scared shitless and call for help. Easy.
Run through corridor, shoot open a door, run through corridor, shoot open a door, run through corridor, shoot open doorway… huh?
Samus peered ahead. Through the doorway she could see some kind of green and red fabric, shaped like a tepee, but her scanners could detect some kind of robot underneath. She pointed her gun arm at it just in case.
The tepee thing suddenly turned round, and Samus could see two yellow eyes peep out of the fabric. "Oh, thank goodness! Thank you for coming, Samus! I was so worried you weren't going to show up! Oh, please come in!" it said.
Samus was surprised for sure. She wasn't expecting to be rescuing robots. But nevertheless, she walked into the circular room, curious of this robot. She hadn't encountered one like it…
"Thank you. May I ask what is the problem?" she said with authority.
"Why, nothing, Samus! All our problems are over, now that you've helped us!" said the thing happily.
A chill went down Samus. Something felt wrong about this room. It reminded her all too much of a coliseum.
"I'm sorry, but I've haven't done anything. How exactly have I helped you?" said a suspicious Samus.
"Can't you work it out Samus? You've helped us ever so much… BY FALLING INTO OUR TRAP!"
Samus reactions kicked in immediately, and she turned round only to see the only door in the room shut with a CLANG! At exactly the same time, her scanners informed her that the "spaceship" had been built yesterday, and the rust was merely spray-on bronze paint. She had walked right into a FAKE spaceship, and she hadn't even noticed.
Bizarre purple fuzz came out of nowhere to form purple puppet men, the tepee thing fly away laughing like the maniac he was, and weird black headed men with cones for ears and wearing bucket trousers handed out weapons to this new enemy. Samus scanned then, but her database had no idea what they were, coming up with a useless "lifeform: unknown."
"Oh, dear." Sighed Samus. Poor old them won't know what hit them.
The primid approached Samus from all sides, armed with boomerangs, swords, and guns. Samus readied a charge shot…
And a sudden BANG! Filled the air, followed by a CLANG! When a rather large grate landed on the floor. The primid up looked up with a surprised expression and a general grunt of "huh?"
In hindsight, that wasn't exactly the best course of action to take.
Not only did Samus wisely use the distraction to take out five primid with a charge shot, but six lifeforms Samus did not recognise dropped right on top of six primid as well.
Now Samus was completely confused. First a ambush by this unknown enemy, now two humans wearing clothing that went obsolete and four things that she didn't even know what they were. What on Zebes was going on here?
Link turned to Mario and asked, "Where's Brawl?"
As a matter of fact, Brawl was in the large airshaft the six smashers had come out of, and was now trying to muster his courage to jump out of it. Melee monitored his progress on the large TV screen.
"Hey, Brawl? Would you mind jumping out of the damm grate sometime this month? You trembling at the knees isn't exactly entertaining telly." Melee's voice came over on Brawl's earphone.
"Err… isn't there some way to just climb down from here?" asked Brawl hoping for a positive answer.
"What, you afraid of heights or something?" chuckled Melee.
"No. I am afraid of falling from great heights, having all my bones break when I hit the ground, and promptly dieing from extreme blood loss. Why'd you ask?" growled Brawl.
Melee laughed at this. "Oh, stop exaggerating, bro! If the smashers can land safely so can you!"
"You think so?"
"Yes I do. Just close your eyes…"
Brawl closed his eyes.
"Take a deep breath…"
Brawl took a deep breath.
"Now pretend if you don't jump out of that shaft RIGHT NOW, you have to buy a playstation 3!" cried Melee.
Brawl jumped. The last thing he wanted was a 450-dollar hole in his wallet and a games console that was to games what a chocolate teapot was to common sense.
Brawl promptly landed below, surrounded by primid. He unsheathed a weapon, spun in a circle, and sliced the surrounding primid's head's off.
At least, that's what he tried to do. After all, it is hard to decapitate someone with a paper fan.
Realising his mistake, Brawl promptly switched to his beam sword and repeated the manuvere, this time successfully killing the primid.
Brawl was about to join Mario and co. in battle when Samus called out, "who the hell are you?"
Brawl turned to Samus. "We're super smash bros, madam," he said, tipping his hat to her, "and this is what we do."
And that's when the battle really kicked off.
I'll say it again just in case you didn't hear me: DO NOT FLAME ME ABOUT THE PS3 JOKE. Okay?
Ooh, a cliffhanger! Just the thing to make a long wait fell longer! Facepalms self. By the way, if you haven't realise the order I'm introducing characters, I'm doing the original twelve first, then the eight from melee, then the rest from brawl. The unlockables always come after the automatically selectable characters. Sadly, this means that Sonic and Snake enter last, okay? Just be patient and enjoy the story as it unfolds. And if you think it ends when all 35 are found, WRONG! There'll a lot more stuff to do for our heroes! But that'll be something you can look forward to.
Anyway, give some constructive criticism, and for god's sake get over the PS3 joke already!
(Adopts mr Resetti voice.) now… SCRAM!