He can't sleep.
Jim Beckett's room is a warm space, comfortable, and he should be able to find relaxation with ease, should be able to find sleep even easier. It's been so long since he's managed a full night of rest and he was so sure it would be an effortless task tonight when the source of his nightmares, the victim of their tragic ends, is sleeping in the next room.
But Castle lies awake in the bed, intermittently staring between the ceiling and the framed photos of the Beckett family on Jim's nightstand.
He can't stop thinking about the final rays of sunlight tangled in her hair before the dusk of evening claimed the sky, the heat of her breath so close to his mouth, and the words that stained his skin.
I'm ready to swim.
She pulled back shyly after that, allowed him the chance to say more, but all he could do was nod. He's trying really hard to be good, to be what's good for her, but Kate could have told him she wanted to dive in headfirst tonight and he doesn't think he would have been able to deny her.
But he also thinks that this fragile thing between them means more to her than he would have imagined. She wants to handle his heart with just as much care as he does hers, doesn't want to break it with hasty hands.
She survived a bullet to her heart, he survived the blow to his; they have a second chance, he'll do whatever it takes to do this right.
Castle's phone buzzes on the unoccupied pillow next to him and he has to blink before he grabs the device, reminds himself that he's not back in his own bed, anticipating a text from Kate.
It's his daughter, letting him know that she and Paige made it home safely from the concert. She's staying the night at her best friend's, has no idea that he's not at the loft where she left him, and he's decided to hold off on telling her until tomorrow. No need to upset her while she's out having a good time.
He honestly doesn't want to tell Alexis, is tempted to lie and say he drove up to the Hamptons instead and that he'll be back in a couple of days. But if he meant what he said to Kate just a few hours ago, if he's serious about pursuing anything with her, that means involving the most important person in his life.
Doesn't mean his daughter will make it easy.
Castle sighs, tells Alexis he loves her and that he'll see her soon. He may even arrive home before she does tomorrow, depending on what time he leaves here.
The thought of leaving causes his chest to tighten. He just got here, has made so much progress with Kate in just one day; he doesn't want it to disappear in his absence, doesn't want to leave her alone.
He drops the phone back to the pillow and scrubs a hand over his eyes. He doesn't want to overwhelm her with so many serious conversations in such a short period of time, but he'll have to ask Kate about this tomorrow, express his concerns to some extent and-
He feels her before he hears her. Her bare feet are silent on the wooden floors, her fingers deft on the door handle, but Castle's gaze flicks to the door anyway, cracked ever so slightly and exposing her peeking in from the other side.
She pushes it the rest of the way open when she realizes she's been caught.
"What are you doing up?" she whispers, wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts. Her hair is loose but strands are wet and clinging to her neck, her forehead, and her skin glistens in the darkness.
"Kate?" he murmurs, sitting up in the bed. "What's wrong?"
She slips inside the room, shaking her head. "Nothing, I just - wanted to check on you."
"Did you have a nightmare?" But he already knows the answer, already recognizes that wild look in her eyes. He's seen it inhabit his own many times in the past few weeks. "Come here."
"Castle, I'm-"
"If you don't, I'm just going to come to you," he points out, his lips quirking with victory as she huffs, shuffles the rest of the way towards him.
Kate takes a seat on the edge of her father's bed, next to his hip. Her eyes roam his face, stray to his chest, linger there, and he knows what she must have dreamt about.
"We've talked about this," he reminds her softly, still clearly able to recall her recounting of a nightmare, how vivid and real they still felt. "Nothing to be embarrassed about."
"I'm not embarrassed, I just…" He flips his palm up atop his thigh and she sighs, stares at it before she places her hand in the embrace of his. "It's not always flashbacks, not always me taking the bullet in the dreams. But I didn't think I'd see you die tonight when you're actually here."
"Subconsciouses are unpredictable. And pretty cruel."
The corner of her mouth twitches. "Why are you awake? It's two a.m."
"Alexis was out with a friend tonight. I was waiting to hear from her to know they made it back safe," he explains, not a lie. Not the whole truth.
"Alexis," Kate murmurs, as if testing his daughter's name out for the first time despite speaking it on the phone multiple times. "Do I… I should talk to her. I want to see her in person, but I'm not cleared to drive yet. Maybe we could meet somewhere between-"
"You want to talk to her? About... us?" he whispers, feeling his heart accelerate even as Kate's brow falls into a crease.
"Kinda have to," she grimaces, quickly covering it with an apologetic glance. "I know she's not happy with me, Castle. She watched you dive in front of a bullet for me, then watched me ignore you for a month, and I'm guessing she doesn't know you're here, does she?"
He hesitates, but she narrows her gaze on him. "Well, no-"
"If we're going to be anything, I can't have your kid hating me."
"She doesn't hate you," he argues, ignoring her baleful look. But it's true. Alexis used to admire Kate, he thinks she still does beneath the anger that is really directed at both of them, the upset and the fear. "More than anything, I think she's just afraid. She doesn't want me to die, doesn't want you to die either."
Kate nods, staring down at their clasped hands. "She doesn't want you to get your heart broken."
He doesn't respond to that, doesn't have anything to say to refute it. But he knows Kate isn't seeking his disagreement or his reassurance.
"You could just call her," he finally says, earning the hesitant rise of her gaze. "Might be a better way to ease into this."
"I'm going to be doing a lot of wading with you Castles, huh?"
He chokes on a laugh, watches her lips spread with a grin.
"It's looking that way," he chuckles, but she's still smiling, pulling her other leg up onto the bed to shift closer to him. "It'll be worth it. You're worth it."
"Shh, don't get sappy on me just because it's late, Castle," she murmurs, hiding that lovely smile from him by ducking her head to rest on his shoulder.
He almost startles, has to remind himself to remain still, relaxed. But it's the first time he's ever experienced the simple touch from her and it has his heart-
"Beating too fast," she finishes the thought, squeezing his hand, brushing her thumb over his racing pulse. "This too much?"
"No," he answers too quickly, but he doesn't want her to drift away. "Stay like this."
She curls into his side, arranging herself carefully, and he wraps an arm around her shoulders. He doesn't dare let his hand too close to her ribs, where he assumes her incision scars lie, but he cups the round bone of her shoulder in his palm, strokes his thumb to the edge of her clavicle, and it's enough for tonight.
She wakes up plastered to Castle's side, a thin layer of sweat forming between her breasts, at the back of her neck, where the heat of his body burns through her.
Her scar is throbbing from the pressure, the excess warmth, her body stiff from lack of movement. Kate peels her eyes open, assesses the damage. He's propped up against the headboard like he was in the night when they fell asleep, slouched a little with his arm heavy around her shoulders. But she's rotated further into him, fit herself like a puzzle piece against his side with too many pieces aligning too perfectly. Her thigh is curled around his, their ribs slotted into place, and her cheek rests in the middle of his chest. His heartbeat is calm beneath her ear, almost enough to lull her back to sleep.
She wishes it would.
It's early, the light bleeding through her father's curtains still tentative, but her scars refuse to quiet.
She attempts to untangle from him, but Castle grunts, tightens the arm at her shoulders.
"Mm, Kate," he mumbles, sinking further down into the bed and taking her with him. "Stay in bed."
She huffs even though the husk in his voice causes her heart to stumble and skip, yearn for more. "Can't."
His eyebrows knit together and he turns his head towards her. She watches his eyes fight to open, squinting up at her.
"Why?"
"Because I'm - my scars hurt too much to stay like this," she admits, snagging her bottom lip between her teeth. She doesn't want to guilt him into letting her up, but she doesn't know how else to explain-
"Oh, 'kay," he yawns, withdrawing his arm from around her. She gingerly pushes up on her better side, watches in amusement as he rolls away from her and buries his face in his pillow.
It takes a few moments to brace herself, her rebelling body, to rise from bed each morning. She finds the appeal in witnessing him sleep while she waits for the knots in her chest to unfurl, extending her hand to brush her fingers through his hair. He rumbles at the sensation, purrs, and her lips curl into a smirk.
"Sleep well, Kitten," she whispers with one last scratch of her nails to his scalp.
"Yeah, love you."
Kate pauses, stalled out at the edge of the bed with her toes barely touching the floor.
It isn't the first time he's said it to her, not even in the last twenty-four hours, but the words still make her breath catch without fail.
She has to wait an extra minute for her heart to settle once more and then she leans over him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. She will eventually say it back to him, not just yet, but soon and while he's awake. In the meantime, she mouths the words against his skin.
"I love you too."