Prologue: Introductions II

As I exit the cafeteria, I look up and down the corridor, my eyes searching for Hikari, but there's no sign of her. Across the corridor, I spot another room, and my instinct tells me I should check it just in case. I open it up and find a room full of washing machines, with a long washing line strewn across the ceiling. On top of each washing machine is an empty laundry basket, and propped up against the far wall is a set of ironing boards. This is an odd place to have a laundry room.

In the far right corner, there's a gaudy yellow surveillance camera. A monitor of the same colour sits not far from it. Come to think of it, I think I saw something like that in the cafeteria when talking to Alicia. Guess they're tightening up the security in this place.

There's no sign of Hikari in here, but stood next to one of the washing machines is a barrel-chested guy with a grey sleeveless shirt and brown trousers talking to a pale Gothic-looking girl. Her aqua-blue hair is tied in a braid and her clothing is elegant, comprised of a black shirtwaist complemented by a red tartan tie and skirt and black knee-high boots. I don't have much choice but to interrupt and introduce myself, since there's a chance they know where Hikari went.

"Oi, have either of you seen a girl round here? Tall, crazy hair, can't sit still, likes explosives…" Both students have a look of complete bewilderment on their faces, as well they might, given the circumstances of my arrival. "Oh yeah, suppose neither of you have any idea who I am, do you? Name's Shinji Yoshida, the Ultimate Insomniac."

"Well, howdy there!" the girl says, stepping forward. "The name's Zange Kishima! Nice to meet ya!"Her name is obviously Japanese, and she definitely looks Japanese, but that's an odd dialect. Sounds like Kansai, but at the same time, it somehow doesn't. I'm left little time to ponder this as my handy tablet thing provides me with some extra information on Zange, the Ultimate Burglar. Now that this has been brought to my attention, she totally looks the type who'd sneak into a museum in the dead of night and make off with a load of priceless gemstones.

"Interesting talent, that," I say. Wonder how she discovered that?

"Yeah, I was kinda born into it," she replies. "Now, they call me the Burglar of Justice!"

"Who does?"

"News reporters, silly! And of course, myself! Y'all better know that I only steal from those who deserve it!" That totally reminds me of a news article I saw a couple of months back. Guess there's no harm in enquiring.

"Hold on, are you the one that stole that painting from the Kuzuryuu mansion?" The police have been vigorously searching for a suspect for months, probably fearing for their lives. If a yakuza boss tells you he wants his painting back, you better damn well hope you find it.

"Well shucks, how'd you guess?" She starts giggling, seemingly happy that she's been recognised. "Yeah, that was my biggest job yet. Kinda lucky Hope's Peak were willin' to lend a hand and give the Burglar of Justice a chance to truly shine!" Wait, so the academy was in on that? The way it's been worded certainly implies it, although it could simply refer to them giving her refuge as a student of theirs, which pretty much grants her immunity to arrest. Either way, Hope's Peak have involved themselves in something shady taking this girl on. She seems nice enough though, and from what she's said, probably won't try and pinch any of my stuff.

The big guy must have got bored with our conversation, as he's sat in a corner next to a pile of sheets whittling away at something grey and round with a pocket knife. I'd try and guess his talent, but of course, it's better to get the answer from the horse's mouth. He sees my approach and puts the knife away in one of the massive pouches on the thigh of his trousers.

"So you wanna know who I am, huh?" His voice is almost as gravelly as the rock he's holding. "I'm Eizou Nojima, the Ultimate Mariner. Truth be told, I'd rather be known as the Ultimate Geologist." I consult the device once more, and sure enough, his list of interests consists of geology and not much else.

"How come you're the Ultimate Mariner then?" I ask. Usually, Hope's Peak Academy students are recognised for talents they've devoted their lives to, which shines through and sets them apart from the rest of the crowd. It's unusual to find someone whose primary passion is overlooked in favour of something totally different.

"All the rocks you find on the mainland, anyone can find," he explains. "Sailing was just a means to an end, but nobody else has battled such rough seas alone in pursuit of their hobby. I set out trying to become a geologist, came back to find out I'm more famous for my sailing. Major bummer, man!" In a way I suppose I can draw comparisons with myself here. Both of us are here because of something that's simply second nature to us. The big difference is that he's been and done some extraordinary stuff, while I just stayed up really late.

"Well, what matters is you made it in," I say, hoping that might provide a crumb of comfort. It would be ill-advised to start a fight with this guy, that's for sure. Just look at those arms; they're like boughs of sturdy oak. Imagine having those wrapped around you. But never mind that, I've been distracted from finding Hikari. Who knows what manner of chaos she's causing right now?

"Even so, I'd prefer to be the Ultimate Geologist. That's just how it is. My passion lies in geology, not sailing. I mean, how do you feel about being labelled as the Ultimate Insomniac? You're basically the best at not sleeping. That can't be any fun."

"I came to terms with my insomnia a long time ago," I tell Eizou. "Sometimes it does suck, yes, but I don't really have much choice in the matter."

"You could try sleeping pills," Eizou suggests, as though that's not something I've already heard a hundred times before. I've had them prescribed to me before, and it just never works out. Either I don't stick with it for long enough or I start getting all the horrid side-effects.

"I'd rather not." I turn to leave, thinking we're done, but he yells for me to stop. I spin back round slowly and he has the most terrifying expression on his face, his brow creased and his teeth clenched as though he's massively constipated and is giving it a massive push.

"I just remembered… that girl you were talking about, does she speak English?" Sounds like Hikari alright.

"Well, I don't know if she speaks it, but she sings it rather well." I'm lying, of course; her singing is terribly off-key, unless those songs are meant to be deliberately bad.

"She went off back down the corridor. There's a path to the other side of the hospital there. Further up from here is a ward, but it's completely empty. Where the hell is everyone?" That's the big question on everybody's minds today. How can a hospital, especially one of this size, be completely devoid of patients and staff? From what I know, hospitals are chaotic even at the best of times, so there should definitely be traffic moving up and down those corridors. Even weirder is the totally empty ward Eizou mentioned. Even if there were no patients, you'd at least expect the cleaners to be in there making sure everything was spotless.

Never mind all that now, though. If I don't find Hikari, there might not even be a hospital left soon. I thank Eizou for the information and set off, leaving him with the Burglar of Justice. He said to turn back so that's what I do, ignoring the empty ward for the time being. The corridor splits off to the left in between two dorm rooms, and since this would presumably be far quicker than going all the way round, I don't hesitate to take the shortcut. It's a very bare corridor, with just a unisex bathroom and some offices dotted along it. I start getting this weird feeling that someone's watching me, so I decide not to stick around in this corridor for long.

I emerge in another waiting room, and along with another one of those cameras with a matching monitor, there's a big sign indicating this is the emergency ward. The entrance on the far side has been shut, with a huge metal bar wedged between the double doors and secured in place with a large padlocked chain. Now that is odd. Is this a quarantine zone or something? Was there some kind of outbreak at Hope's Peak that's led to us being locked in here for our own safety? Come to think of it, we did all collapse at the entrance, apparently, so that sure seems to be the case.

I hear voices shouting about something, and I know for a fact my mind's not playing any tricks on me right now, so I follow the sound to its source, an operating theatre. It's not a particularly large one, but it's big enough to get a team of surgeons in to work on a patient. I crack open the door and spy three people through the gap. I decide to listen in for a short while to see what's going on in there.

"The very concept of some omnipotent, omniscient and benevolent deity watching over the entirety of the Multiverse is simply preposterous!" one very upper-class voice declares.

"I agree," a calmer and more measured voice concurs. "But the denizens of the third moon of Xandyth may beg to differ. Their almighty King Zaphod the Seven-Hundredth is as close to a god as any being in this universe!"

"But guys, the Green Ram is the one true god," a quieter, higher-pitched voice interjects.

"Be quiet! I don't have time for weak arguments," says the first voice once more. I open the door fully at this point and finally get a good look at the three students taking part in this debate. One of the guys is wearing a tuxedo with a silver tie, black-rimmed glasses and shiny dark hair like obsidian. The other guy has a smart uniform on with a grey blazer and a dark blue tie, and he has some sort of weird charm hanging from the left side of his hair made of feathers. There's also an assortment of coloured pens hanging from his pocket.

"A messenger from the Green Ram!" squeals a girl who has a passion for the colour green. Her hair is exactly the same shade as the jacket she's wearing, which incidentally is several sizes too big. Just look at those sleeves, they're hanging halfway down to her knees! Beneath the jacket is a green shirt, ripped jeans and black boots.

"All I see is a dishevelled high school student," the posh twat in the tuxedo remarks. "Speak, boy! Or have you been rendered mute by my very presence?"

"I'm Shinji. Shinji Yoshida. Ultimate Insomniac. And I have no idea what this green ram thing is…" The girl looks down at the floor downheartedly, while I see a smirk working its way across the posh guy's face.

"Very well. I am Daisuke Kobayashi. Engrave that name into your memory!" That name seems awfully familiar. Looks like this is a task for the tablet. As soon as his title pops up, the Ultimate Critic, I realise I know exactly who I'm dealing with here. Born from a line of geniuses, he's quite possibly the smartest of them all, but instead of going into the sciences, he decided to sit back and dismantle the works of his peers.

"I feel you've wasted enough of my precious time, annelids. Now, if you'll excuse me, I shall be leaving!" Daisuke doesn't wait around for much longer, pushing past me and taking his leave from the operating theatre. I spent hardly any time around him and already I can tell the guy's a dick.

"That man is a complete and utter prick," says the guy with the pens in his pocket, echoing my thoughts perfectly. "Ah, but we haven't been introduced, have we? I am Zygoth! May your spirit be forever clean!" Zygoth? The hell kind of name is that? I check my device to see if that's actually his real name, and unsurprisingly, it's not. His real name is Hatoyama Saburo, and he's the Ultimate Conspiracy Theorist. No wonder everything he says sounds crazy.

"Says here your name's different," I say, pointing out the discrepancy.

"Don't allow the government and their technology to bewitch you! I am Zygoth, and I shall hear no more of this 'real name' nonsense!" Zygoth reaches into a pocket that isn't full of pens and his hand comes out in a pincer shape. With a flick of his wrist, he throws some sort of fine white powder at me that shows up extremely clearly on my black blazer.

"Oi, what was that for?" I ask, brushing the stuff off.

"Salt is an effective deterrent of evil," Zygoth declares. "You should keep it on you at all times." It's weird, he sounds like a politician or something, but the actual words coming out of his mouth are just utterly stupid. Maybe he really is a politician?

"But the Green Ram protects us all anyway!" protests the small voice of the girl with the massive green jacket. "Welcome, Shinji! I am Eiko Uno, leader of the Order of the Green Ram! Join us, and together… we'll all live nice and happily! Yay!" When she throws her arms up in the air, the ends of her sleeves wave about in the air of their own accord, giving the whole movement an unintentionally comic effect. My tablet pings, and this time, I literally get no new information other than official confirmation of her title being Ultimate Cult Leader. Gee, who'd have thought? It's not like she ever brings it up or anything…

"I'd be cautious if I were you, Shinji," Zygoth warns. "A terrible fate could befall you if you accept her offer!" Well, thanks for the tip, but I wasn't exactly intending to join in the first place. I just happened to walk in here looking for someone.

"Look, have either of you seen a girl round here? She's kind of crazy and doesn't wear shoes." Both of them appear deep in thought, and Eiko rubs her chin with the middle of her sleeve. That jacket is definitely way too big.

"No, I haven't, I'm afraid," Zygoth replies. "If I had, I would have given her my own shoes. Eschewing footwear is a cardinal sin!"

"Nope, me neither," says Eiko. With that established, I can leave these two nutters to their own devices and find my own mad girl. I turn back on myself, checking out the emergency ward first of all. Again, like the rest of the hospital thus far, and matching up with what Eizou told me earlier, this ward is totally empty. All of the beds are arranged in precise rows, but none of them are occupied. Everything is untouched: none of the noticeboards have so much as a smudge of ink on them, the curtains around the beds look like they're brand new, the bedside tables are all bare, there's not even so much as a molecule of dust anywhere. Of course, right over on the far side, that same surveillance camera and monitor combo have been installed. Is someone watching us?

It's obvious Hikari isn't on the ward, so I go back the way I came, again passing that locked door and then the operating theatre. This hallway's pretty much the same as the one I was in before, just full of random doctor's offices. I guess if nobody else is around, there's nothing stopping me having a look in them and searching for clues. I try the door of the closest one, apparently the office of a Dr. V. Rossi, but it refuses to open. Must be locked. I try the next one, belonging to a Dr. A. Hiru, and get the same result. Oh well, guess they don't want us snooping through their stuff after all.

I move over to the other side of the wall, and there's a door here that's actually wide open. Plus, there's absolutely no mistaking that voice as Hikari's.

"And I! Will always loooooooooooooooove yoooooooooooou!" Where did she even learn all these songs? And, more importantly, who told her she could sing? If Haruki ever heard any of this, he'd probably pop a blood vessel. Since I've now located my target, I enter the room and find her spinning around a very small space in an office chair, clutching a telephone receiver to her chest. This has reached a whole new level of weirdness. She opens her eyes and upon seeing me almost immediately launches herself off the chair towards me, dropping the receiver on the floor. I guess love doesn't last forever.

"Nice to see you too, Hikari," I say as she sweeps me up in a big hug. I'm just glad she's not found any explosives, if I'm honest, because as much as she seems to like me, I half-suspect she'd be equally willing to blow me up. Just as I'm starting to feel the air being squeezed out of my lungs, she lets go quite abruptly and my feet hit the floor. She's definitely stronger than she looks, that's for certain. The expression on her face is like nothing I've ever seen from her before, and her complexion has gone a ghostly white. What's got into her all of a sudden?

"Shinji… who's that behind you?"

A.N.: Once again, thank you to all the lovely people following and reviewing, you're all awesome! Also apologies to the people whose names I got wrong in the last set of author's notes, that's all been fixed now.

Also a slight update regarding the schedule for chapters. Right now I'm between jobs and have quite a bit of time on my hands to write, but of course that's not going to be the case forever. I'm still taking on various bits of work experience and stuff, which of course takes up a lot of the time I'd be spending coming up with ideas, so things will most likely slow down soon. Nonetheless, I will endeavour to ensure that this story doesn't die a premature death (unlike the characters in it of course :P) and aim for an update at least once every two weeks. But don't worry, I'll try and ensure the final set of introductions is done some time this week.