Ed's Game Room
The Eds Play Pokémon Blue Version [Part Three]
"Zapdos as a Starter Pokémon" (#06)
Written by thebestkindofstupid/Reginald Konga
Author's Notes: Despite being sick since yesterday morning, I still managed to get this story out today.
Story Thus Far: EDDY received his first Pokémon: the Water-type Squirtle.
EDDY walked towards the door to exit Professor Oak's lab, but then he turned around.
"What are you doing?" asked Dave.
"I want to see if that last Pokémon is still there," Eddy said.
EDDY looked at the last Pokéball on the table. "That's Prof Oak's last Pokémon!"
"I guess Charmander will just have to sit there forever," Dave said.
"Aw, poor Charmander. Oh, well, he had a good run," said Ed.
EDDY walked out of Professor Oak's lab and then barged into Kevin's house. Kevin's sister gave EDDY the Town Map, which is actually a map of the entire Kanto Region.
EDDY looked in his PokéDex to see what it did. He saw that his Squirtle was one foot eight inches tall.
"Yeah, this was back when Pokémon sizes make sense. I still refuse to believe my Mudkip was the size of a frog."
"What's a Mudkip?" Eddy asked.
"The developers started putting new Pokémon in the sequels, and to answer your question more accurately, it's the best evolutionary line of Pokémon ever created."
EDDY walked into the tall grass north of Pallet Town, and encountered a wild Pokémon. "Oh, great, another Rattata," said Dave. "You know, you can run from wild encounters, right?"
"Really?' Eddy asked. EDDY got away from the Rattata safely.
"You won't get any experience points though," Dave said.
"What are experience points?" Ed asked.
Dave said, "You stupid!"
"No, I'm not," said Ed.
"What's nine plus ten?"
"Twenty-One?" Ed answered immediately.
"You stupid!" said Dave. "All right, Internet memes aside, if you get enough experience points, you'll level up. When you level up, your Pokémon's stats go up, and when your Pokémon's stats go up, your Pokémon becomes stronger."
EDDY fought another Pidgey on the way to the Viridian City Pokémon center. After healing his Pokémon, EDDY made his way to the Poké Mart. "You should probably get like seven Pokéballs. You're going to need them to catch your first Pokémon, cuz we're gonna catch Pikachu." He looked at the camera and said, "That's right, ladies and gentlemen, we're catching a Pikachu in Viridian Forest."
"Actually, Dave, there's only a 5% chance of running into a Pikachu."
"Yeah, but we're gonna have to train to beat Brock anyway. Might as well catch one. Besides, that's only like twenty bugs we'll have to fight. Thirty at the most."
"Actually, that doesn't mean we'll find one Pikachu every twenty wild encounters. That's a fallacy that needs to be broken. It could take us 60 or more wild encounters before––"
"It can't be that bad. I found one without even trying, and catching it wasn't even that hard."
"Listen, I don't want to waste any more time looking for rare Pokémon that we probably don't even need," Eddy yelled.
"Wait a second. Yep there it goes." Ed's brain then made a startling connection. "Pikachu's the mascot." Ed then started jumping on top of Eddy. "Oh, please, Eddy, can we have a Pikachu? Oh, please, Eddy, I want a Pikachu." He stopped jumping and said, "I LOVE Pikachus Eddy!"
"I believe the plural for any species of Pokémon is the same as the singular, but I am glad to have another one on board for Pikachu."
"Actually, Eddy, now that I think about it, a Pikachu would make Misty's gym a lot easier."
"All right, all right, fine we can get a Pikachu." EDDY then talked to the clerk at the Poké Mart. "Sheesh, 1400 dollars?! Wait, what's that P for?"
"I think the money system in Pokémon is based on the Japanese currency of Yen, so instead of spending two hundred dollars on a Pokéball, you're actually spending about two dollars. Actually the exchange rate according to a Yu-Gi-Oh! manga volume was once $1700 to 200,000 Yen. You're probably right though. You probably don't need to spend that much right now. Just get five Pokéballs and avoid capturing any of the other worthless bug-type Pokémon. You could get a Mankey if you want, but it's probably easier just to stick with Squirtle."
EDDY purchased the five Pokéballs for 1000 Pokédollaresabobs. EDDY headed west and talked to some boring guy who tells us what we already know about Pokéballs. EDDY then heads North and talks to a girl who's probably related to that old man who's physically addicted to coffee. EDDY talked to the old codger, but Dave said, "No, you want to tell him that, yes, you are in a hurry. Otherwise, he'll give us a lame tutorial on catching Pokémon."
"Whew, thanks, Dave," Eddy said.
EDDY tried to get into the Viridian City gym, but it was locked. EDDY jumped down the ledge and headed North.
After Eddy walked into the building just before the forest, a kid told him that "Rattata may be small, but its bite is wicked. Did you get one?"
"I mean, we could get a Rattata," said Dave, "but I could also sell my soul to the ghost of Walt Disney. That doesn't mean it's logical."
EDDY talked to a girl who warned him that Viridian Forest is "a natural maze." EDDY walked into Viridian Forest anyway. Jonny learned Bubble after fighting a wild Caterpie. "Finally, a somewhat useful attack besides Tackle," said Dave. EDDY then picked up a Pokéball, which was right in front of just before the wild battle occurred.
A short while later, EDDY ran into his first Bug Catcher. Jonny used Bubble, but Weedle used Poison Sting, which poisoned Jonny. "Oh, darnit, now we're gonna have to waste a couple of Potions. I knew we should've bought some Antidote."
After the fight, the bug catcher with mental issues said, "You'll scare the bugs away." Man, what an idiot! EDDY started walking back to the Pokémon center when the screen flashed.
"What the heck was that?!" Eddy said.
"Yeah, that's what happens when you get poisoned in this game. It'll keep flashing until the Pokémon is cured of poison. It also happens with burns, I think."
EDDY walked out of Viridian Forest. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen the character black out because his one Pokémon fainted at the beginning of the game." EDDY walked a little ways, then he looked at his Pokémon with seven HP. Dave then said, "Let the screen flash two more times, then use the stupid Potion."
EDDY did so. Jonny went back to 25 HP. EDDY eventually made it to the Pokémon Center. EDDY then bought one Potion and one Antidote at the Poké Mart. EDDY went back to Viridian Forest.
"Yo!" said another Bug Catcher. "You can't jam out if you're a Pokémon trainer."
"Wow, what a weird thing to say," said Dave.
"Do they always have stupid things to say?" asked Eddy.
"Oh, yeah, just you wait," said Dave.
After defeating another Weedle, EDDY saw that the Bug Catcher sent out a Kakuna.
"Now, Eddy, Pokémon evolve after leveling up a certain degree. For example, that Kakuna evolved from a Weedle. You can catch evolved Pokémon, but it's generally better to catch them sooner than later because trainer Pokémon are stronger than wild Pokémon. Now, that Kakuna was probably caught as a Kakuna because it doesn't know Tackle. It can only use Harden, which increases its defenses."
"That's some improvement," Eddy said.
"Well, most Pokémon evolutions are upgrades, but this was just supposed to be an tutorial on Evolution. You got a Caterpie evolving into a Metapod, which is almost exactly like a Kakuna, then it evolved into a Butterfree."
"That is remarkably lame," said Eddy. Dave sighed.
Jonny was at Level 10 after the fight.
A short while later, after Jonny had grown to Level 11 and EDDY had found a potion, EDDY spoke to another bug catcher, who sent out only one Level 9 Weedle. EDDY headed north and read a sign that said, "Now leaving Viridian Forest."
"Hold on," Dave said, "We can't leave just yet. We still need to catch our Pikachu."
"All right, fine," Eddy said.
"Just walk in the grass until a Pikachu shows up. You might want to start running away from battles soon because that Pikachu is only around Level 3."
"Is this going to take forever," Eddy asked.
"Tell you what. If we run into sixty Pokémon with no Pikachu in sight, you may leave Viridian Forest.
The video went into fast forward, and an 8-bit version of "Yakety Sax" could be heard.
"Oh, my gosh, you actually found one," said Double D.
"Yeah, and it only took 16 wild encounters," Ed proudly added.
"Are we recording this?" asked Double D.
"Uh, yeah, that's the whole point, sockhead," barked Eddy.
"All right, Tackle's probably best for this situation, so use that," Dave said.
"Don't baby me like that," Eddy said. Jonny tackled Pikachu, and Pikahu used Thundershock.
"Now what?" Eddy asked.
"Go to your items and select the Pokéball," Dave said, holding back his insults.
"EDDY used Pokéball."
After being thrown by EDDY, the Pokéball absorbed the Pokémon before falling to the ground. It wiggled once, twice, and thrice. Pikachu had indeed been caught.
"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about," said Dave.
A new PokéDex entry was recorded for Pikachu. "One foot four inches and 13.0 lbs," it said. Dave read the PokéDex entry out loud, "When several of these POKéMON gather, their electricity could build and cause lightning storms."
"Cool," said Ed.
"I would love to see that in action," said Dave.
The game then asked, "Do you want to give a Nickname to Pikachu?"
"Since this generation makes it unclear which gender your Pokémon is, how about you name it Nazz?" said Dave.
"Why would I want to do that?!" Eddy asked.
"You won't. You have a crush on her," Dave teased.
"No, I don't," Eddy said.
"Yes, you do," Dave said.
"No, I don't," Eddy said.
"Prove it then. Name it Nazz," Dave taunted.
"Fine," Eddy said.
"You'd better not spell her name in all caps," Dave said.
"I won't," said Eddy.
EDDY named the Pikachu Nazz. He walked out of the grass, paused the game and took a look at his current team. EDDY then walked through the tall grass towards the exit.
Thus, our heroes caught their first non-starter Pokémon. Will Nazz the Pikachu help them beat the Indigo Plateau? Only time will tell. Yep, that's pretty much how most episodes of Pokémon end.