The Kanker Sisters Chronicles
The Kanker Sisters Chronicles
Chapter 3: Secret Agent Ed
Setting: Between "Pop Goes the Ed" and "Over Your Ed"
Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd and Eddy. All copyrights belong to Cartoon Network, A.K.A. Cartoon, and Danny Antonnuci. No copyright infringement is intended.
It was a dark and cool summer night. After Nazz's pool party, the Eds were running from a swarm of bees, naked except for a kiddie-pool covering the area below their waist. The Eds saw Eddy's house up ahead.
"My house is open! Hurry!" Eddy yelled. The Eds ran into the house and shut the door on the swarm of bees.
"That was a close call" Double D said in shock.
"I can't believe how close Nazz got to us when we were in the pool" Eddy said.
"Guys, I still can't find my third nipple" Ed said. Eddy gave him an annoyed look.
"Ed, come here for a minute" Eddy said while motioning towards himself. Ed grinned and walked up to Eddy. Eddy smacked Ed on the head, so hard that he went flying into the wall. His head was stuck, so Eddy spun him around and he came out like a screw.
"You don't have a third nipple! It was a joke!" Eddy said.
"Oh, few. I was getting worried" Ed said.
"Eddy, do you have clothes we can borrow" Double D asked him.
"No, I already gave you guys spares the other day" Eddy said.
"Oh my. How can we get out of here without being seen?" Double D asked him.
"Relax. Just wear these robes, and go to your houses to change" Eddy said. Double D and Ed put on the robes. They walked off towards their houses.
"Good night, Eddy" Double D said.
"Don't let the bed bugs bite!" Ed added and then laughed.
Meanwhile, the other kids were sleeping in Nazz's yard. The Kanker sisters were walking towards her house.
"Are you sure that they were having a party?" May asked Lee.
"I'm positive" Lee replied.
"I don't know why we weren't invited" May said.
"Probably because of your hairy knuckles" Marie teased her. May narrowed her eyes at her.
"How about a knuckle sandwich?" May asked her while forming a fist. Lee pulled them apart.
"Girls, quiet!" Lee ordered. She looked over the fence, and saw the kids sleeping. Lee smiled, and took out a marker, as did May and Marie. They hopped the fence, and snuck over to where the kids were sleeping. They drew on all of their faces, and walked up to each other when they finished.
"I didn't find the Eds, did you?" Lee asked her sisters. Marie and May shook their heads. Lee noticed a trail of water leading out of the yard, and towards Eddy's house.
"Looks like they left early" Lee said.
"Well, we don't want them to get blamed, do we?" Marie asked her sisters.
"We don't want the kids to know we did this" May said. Lee shook her head.
"No, we do. If the kids know we did this, then we'd have a chance to see if they'd unite and try to stand up to us" Lee explained. Marie and May nodded.
"How do we make sure the kids know we did this?" May asked them. Lee thought about it, and had an idea. She took out a marker and wrote on Nazz's wall. It read: Hope you kids enjoy the new looks. From, the Kanker sisters.
"That should be clear" Lee said.
The next morning, Eddy saw the kids talking in the middle of the cul-de-sac. He ran over to Double D and Ed.
"What's going on?" Eddy asked them.
"Apparently, the Kankers drew on their faces with marker, so they're trying to figure out what to do next" Double D explained. Suddenly, Jimmy came running up to them.
"Guys, has anybody seen Polly-Poo?" Jimmy asked nervously. They shook their heads.
"Oh no! I brought Polly-Poo with me to the party, but I can't find him now!" Jimmy said in fear.
"The Kankers must have taken him!" Kevin said.
"They've been a pain since we met them" Sarah said.
"Plank says we should have them arrested!" Johnny shouted. The others looked at Johnny.
"Johnny, drawing with marker isn't enough to get arrested" Double D said.
"Maybe we should fight them!" Eddy said.
"Dorky, they took on me and Rolf pretty well, so that wouldn't go very well" Kevin said.
"Wait, they hate everyone but the Eds, right?" Nazz asked them. The kids nodded.
"So, why not have the Eds go there?" Nazz suggested. The Eds' hairs stood straight up.
"No! There's no way we're going to their trailer!" Eddy said.
"What's wrong, Dorky? Afraid of girls?" Kevin asked him in a teasing tone.
"I just don't like those girls" Eddy said.
"None of us do, stupid!" Sarah said.
"Even if we did go, what are we supposed to do?" Double D asked them.
"Search the trailer for Polly-Poo" Sarah said.
"Please, Eddy" Jimmy begged.
"Fine, but we expect to be paid" Eddy said with a smile. Sarah frowned at Eddy.
"What?! That's ridiculous!" Sarah said. Eddy shrugged indifferently.
"Okay, then one of you kids can go get the doll" Eddy said. Sarah and Jimmy exchanged glances.
"Alright, Eddy. If you can get the doll back, we'll pay you" Sarah promised him.
"How much?" Eddy asked her. Jimmy and Sarah searched their pockets.
"Okay, we'll give you two dollars" Sarah said.
"Only two dollars?" Eddy asked them.
"Fine, two dollars and forty-seven cents" Sarah said. The Eds shook hands with Jimmy and Sarah.
Kevin walked up to Double D.
"Hey, Double D, got a second?" he asked him. Double D and Kevin walked away from the other kids.
"What's on your mind, Kevin?" Double D asked him.
"Well, to be honest, I think you're the only Ed I can trust, and the least of a dork" Kevin said.
"If that's so, why do you even call me a dork?" Double D asked him.
"You're always helping Eddy with his scams, and you help him rip off the kids and me" Kevin explained.
"That is true" Double D admitted. "But what is it that you want?" Double D asked him.
"Those girls really hurt me, and Rolf said they beat him up too. I don't want you to get hurt. Eddy and Ed I could care less, but the cul-de-sac needs your smarts" Kevin explained.
"Kevin, I assure you, the Kankers won't hurt us. They like us, and I think we can handle this" Double D said.
"I hope so" Kevin said. Double D walked off with Eddy and Ed into the woods.
"Do you think they can get the dolls, Kevin?" Nazz asked him.
"Maybe, but even if they don't, one of our problems might go away" Kevin said with a smirk. Nazz frowned at him.
"That's cruel, Kevin" Nazz said.
"Nazz, wait! I was kidding!" Kevin said.
In the woods, the Eds were determining how to get the doll.
"Alright, how are we gonna do this?" Eddy asked them.
"What if we ask them for it?" Ed suggested. Double D and Eddy looked at Ed.
"Ed, that's stupid! If they took it, they're not gonna just give it back!" Eddy told him.
"Perhaps there's a way to sneak into their house" Double D said.
"Oh, and how would we do that?" Eddy asked him.
"Well, we could go inside while they're not there" Double D said.
"Alright, let's look at their trailer from a safe distance" Eddy said. The Eds crawled up behind a tree, and saw nobody standing near the trailer. They saw the backs of the Kankers in the window, however.
"They're inside! There goes my idea!" Double D said in disappointment.
"Okay, I'll ring the doorbell to distract them. Then, while they're answering the door, we climb through the window before they come back inside" Eddy explained. Double D and Ed nodded, and they ran over to the window. Eddy knocked on the Kankers' door, and sprinted over to the window. The girls heard the door bell ring, and answered the door.
"Hey, what gives?" May asked them.
"Probably some kid pranking us" Lee said.
"Well, if he tries that again, we'll be ready" Marie said. Meanwhile, the Eds had opened the window and jumped onto the couch inside of the trailer. They saw the Kankers shut the door, so they bolted upstairs.
"Strange that this trailer seems so small on the outside" Double D whispered. The Eds went inside of the Kankers' bedroom. They started to search through the drawers. Eddy opened a drawer, and his hair stood straight up because he saw a bra in the drawer. He immediately stopped looking in that drawer, and decided to look in boxes in their closet.
Downstairs, the Kankers were watching TV. "Fishbowl 2" was on, and they were starting to get bored of the movie.
"This is pretty boring" May whined.
"Everything's boring to you, May" Marie said. May narrowed her eyes at her.
"That's not true. Ed's not boring to me" May said.
"Yeah, but you might be boring to him" Marie replied.
"I doubt it. He thinks I'm wonderful" May told her.
"He probably does" Marie admitted.
"Hey, Marie, go upstairs and get my swimsuit out of the closet. I'm gonna go swim in the creek" Lee said.
"Get it yourself" Marie replied.
"Marie!!" Lee yelled.
"Alright, shut your trap" Marie told her. Marie smiled and looked at May.
"You heard her May, get the swimsuit" Marie said.
"No way! She can do it!" May replied. May thought of something.
"Actually, I also wanna go swimming in the creek too" May said.
"Same here" Marie said. Lee had an idea.
"Okay, girls, since we all need to get our swimsuits and go swimming, let's all go upstairs and get them together" Lee suggested.
"Fine" Marie said. The girls turned off the TV, and went towards the stairs.
The Eds finished searching the last drawer of the room, and still no sign of Polly-Poo.
"Where the heck is that doll?" Eddy asked them. Before anyone could answer, the Eds heard footsteps approaching the room.
"Kankers!" Eddy said nervously. The Eds jumped into the closet, and shut the door. The Kankers opened the door, and went inside the room. They noticed all their drawers were open.
"Hey, what happened?" May asked in confusion. Lee noticed that her underwear drawer was open.
"Looks like someone went on a panty-raid" Lee said.
"Where could they have run?" Marie asked. "There's no way they could have gotten out or we would have heard them."
Lee shrugged, and tried to figure what to do. Finally, she determined what the sisters should do.
"First we'll get our swimsuits, then we'll track those burglars" Lee said. They opened the closet and saw the Eds standing inside.
"Ed!" May said in shock.
"Double D!" Marie said in a stunned state.
"Eddy!" Lee said in surprise.
"Run for it!" Eddy screamed. The Eds dashed for the door. The Kankers snapped out of it, and pulled their boyfriends inside by their legs. Lee locked the exits, and shut the closet. The Kankers looked angrily at the Eds.
"What were you guys doing?" Lee asked them.
"Admit it! You took Jimmy's doll at the party last night!" Eddy said.
"We didn't take his stupid doll. What we want to know is what you were doing in our underwear drawer!" Marie said furiously.
"Don't deny it! You drew on everyone's faces last night, and this morning, Jimmy couldn't find his doll!" Double D said.
"We never even saw a doll!" May said.
"Cruel liars!" Ed said.
"Alright, we did draw on people's faces at the party" Lee said.
"You guys are lucky we didn't frame you! If we didn't leave a message, they would have thought that you did it!" Marie said.
"Oh, well thanks a lot!" Eddy said sarcastically.
"You guys are so dense!" May said.
"Eddy, I think they're telling the truth" Double D said, noticing the anger in their eyes.
"What? No way!" Eddy said. Ed also noticed that they were truly angry.
"Uh, Eddy, Double D's right" Ed said.
"See, I told you so" Double D said.
"Oh, I'm supposed to believe Ed?" Eddy said. Eddy then started to realize that they really were furious.
"You girls don't have the doll, do you?" Eddy asked them.
"No!" the Kankers screamed. Eddy opened his eyes wide in shock.
"Oh, well, I guess we came for nothing" Eddy said.
"Well, we should get going now" Double D said.
"Hold it!" Lee said. The Kankers encircled the Eds.
"You boys still have to be punished for looking at our, our" May said.
"Our unmentionables" Lee said, while interrupting May.
"What kind of punishment?" Eddy asked them.
"Make them kiss us!" May said in excitement. The boys started to shiver in fear.
"No, stupid! That's not a punishment!" Marie said.
"Hold up, I have an idea!" Lee said. The others looked at Lee.
"You boys go in the closet, take off your clothes, and put on your shirts and pants, but not your underwear" Lee said.
"What?" Eddy said in horror.
"Hey, you were the ones looking at our underwear first!" Marie said.
"And if we refuse?" Eddy asked them.
"Then we'll beat you up in here, and never let you out of this trailer" Lee said. The Eds didn't like the sound of that punishment. They rushed in the closet, did as they were told, and came back out in just pants and shirts.
"Okay, now we're even" Lee said. The Kankers unlocked the door, and the Eds ran downstairs. They ran outside and towards the cul-de-sac.
They got back to the cul-de-sac and saw Jimmy playing with Polly-Poo.
"What's the big idea?" Eddy asked angrily.
"Oh, it turns out that Jimmy accidentally left his doll in my house. Kevin found it just a few minutes ago" Nazz said.
"Jimmy paid Kevin the reward money" Sarah added. Kevin walked by Eddy with a jar of cash.
"See you around, Dorky" Kevin said.
"Oh, come on!" Eddy screamed.
"Sorry about sending you guys there" Nazz apologized.
"It's fine" Eddy said.
"So, did they do anything to you?" Nazz asked in a worried voice.
"Actually" Double D began, but was interrupted by Eddy.
"Actually, they didn't do anything. Nothing at all" Eddy assured her.
"Well, that's good. I didn't want anything to happen to you guys" Nazz said. Nazz walked off, and the Eds walked towards their houses.
"This stinks. The Kankers have our underwear, I have no cash, Kevin got the money, and the kids are happy as can be!" Eddy complained. Double D put a hand on his shoulder.
"Cheer up Eddy" Double D said. Ed walked over to his house.
"See you later, alligators!" Ed said happy as can be. The Eds walked to their separate houses.
In the trailer park, the Kankers were painting their nails in their room.
"I can't believe what the Eds did!" Marie said.
"Yeah, they were going through our unmentionables" May added.
"Do you know what that means, girls?" Lee asked them.
"That our boyfriends are creeps?" Marie asked her.
"No, that they like us" Lee said. The other girls gave her confused looks.
"What do you mean?" May asked.
"Well, I bet they knew we didn't have that doll, and just came here to see our unmentionables" Lee said. The other girls thought about it, and realized it made sense.
"I can't believe we didn't see this earlier" Marie said.
"Our boyfriends must think we're beautiful!" May said happily. The Kankers smiled happily, and hugged their dolls of the Eds.