Chapter Three
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Eight days. I still can't believe it. Actually, make that nine now. And my chances of being found out here? Make that none. It's been too long and if I was going to be rescued from this god forsaken island it would have happened already and I wouldn't be waking up to strange noises and muffled voices of the men who pulled my sorry ass ashore. I'd be at home by now, kicking back with some ale and my fiancé on my knee. Nothing sexual though, Samantha wants to wait until we're married to share intimacy but even so I'd much rather be fighting my desires with her than lying here where I've realized just how incredibly fucked I really am.
I slept through the night. But I'm awake now, laying here utterly frozen and holding my breath. It's still dark in the hut but I can feel the heat of the sun warming the air. I just wish that was what had woken me. And I pray the heavy breathing, muffled moans and gasps are just my imagination and that I'm just stuck in an incredibly convincing dream that will end at any moment when my eyes open and reveal the horrible trick my mind is playing on me.
But you see that's the thing, my eyes ARE open. And they have been for several minutes now.
I'm still on my side on the far edge of the bed, my back stiff, aching, begging me to move although I won't. My stomach doesn't feel right but that comes and goes and I've chalked it up to nerves about the noises I'm hearing but somehow I don't think that's really what it is. Because it's not just a heavy feeling or the fluttering in my gut, there's a strange ache there too. But for what, am I hungry? I don't think so.
"I want it." I hear Justin moan in a breathy tone and it's not the first time. "Oh Cody, please let me have it I promise I'll do it so good for you."
I swallow hard, fighting against the need to tremble at the same time. Shit. Shit. Shit. I can't believe they're doing this. I woke up to playful laughter and soft moans. But that's sure as hell not what I'm hearing now.
"No." Cody whispers sternly between soft, rapid breaths, his voice strained with arousal. "We can't."
"But, he's asleep…if-if we're quiet-"
"You never stay quiet when I fuck you, Justin. Look at you, you won't even stay quiet now and I've barely touched you."
My eyes widen in horror. Oh god. I knew it. I can hear them kissing, the wet squishing of their tongues and labored breathing, the soft sucking of one good hard kiss after another. They're going to fuck. Exactly where they've chosen to do this I don't know because I can't see them but its close enough to wake me up.
Shit. They must have set up another bed in here. But, why would they do that, to fuck in front of me? Is this one of those weird sex games people play and they're getting off on me being in the same room? I…I don't know what I'll do if it is. I mean I can't sit up now and tell them to stop because then they'll know I was listening.
"Aw, come on we don't have to fuck, Cody." Another shuddery moan, "I-I just want to suck your cock."
"No you don't. You'll suck me and then beg me to fuck you like you always do."
"I won't this time, I promise!"
"That's what you said last time and if I remember correctly that night ended with us fucking not once but twice."
"Yeah, so what? It would have been more if you had stopped acting like such a chicken shit-"
"Hey! I was not afraid! Don't start with me!" I hear Cody hiss then a sharp slap of skin on skin and Justin gasp. "You know I can't stand your bratty mouth."
"Aw, yes you can!" Justin snickers. "You love my bratty mouth and you know it."
"Sure. I love it when it's not moving."
"Ugh, liar. You love my mouth on your dick so don't even try to deny it."
"Mm, doesn't matter what I like. Zak said no."
"But, it's not fair! You-ohh" Justin groans and it's muffled, but I can still hear him.
"Shh."
"No! Please! I want it so bad, Cody. I need it!"
"I said SHH!"
Justin whimpers in dismay but again it's muffled and again despite what I assume are his best efforts I can still hear him and their kissing and something else that sounds a lot like skin hitting skin that's suddenly just loud enough to reach my ears. They'd grinding, undulating, thrusting, making out like two teens bursting with pent up lust and passion and I don't have to see it to know it. I know those sounds. I've made them plenty of times myself, but never with an audience.
Cody moans loud and I tense hard as my stomach flutters. My jaw aches as I grind my teeth. God damnit. Why are they doing this? Don't they have another hut they can do this shit in?
I think about sighing but stuff it down at the last second. I shouldn't let them know that I'm awake because now I've waited too long right? I should have thought of that the moment I woke up and overheard them kissing but for reason I didn't and now here I am, on the verge of having to listen to them fuck and if I let them know I'm awake now they'll know that I've been listening. Which is totally fucked right?
Damnit. What do I do? I already did my part because I tried to block them out but they're only getting louder and if I don't speak up soon I just might hear them actually fuck. Oh hell, I WILL hear them fuck.
I clench my jaw tighter. This isn't right. I thought Justin said he and Cody had the same preferences? So what in the HELL are they doing?
"Damnit I want to FUCK, Cody." Justin lets out a frustrated growl. "This isn't fair!"
"We can't. You fucking know that shit, Justin. If Zak comes around and finds that I've been at your ass again he's going to send you back to the village. He already warned us about that! "
"I know and it's such bullshit, Cody. If we want to fuck we should be able to god damnit! He sticks us out here for weeks at a time and expects us to sit here and do nothing! Like we don't have feelings or-or wants or needs! He's such a bastard!"
"Shh!" Cody scolds. "Don't you think I feel that way too? This isn't fun for me either but at least we have each other for company and I'd like to keep it that way. We just have to make the best of this like we have been and once the merchant is gone we'll go to Zak and ask him to reconsider keeping us out here, alright? Can you hold off until then?"
"I don't really have a choice." Justin mutters. "Since, you're acting like a yellow belly and won't fuck me."
"Shhh! Bitch! I'm not fucking scared. I'm TIRED. I don't want to listen to another lecture about loyalty and respect just because YOU couldn't hold out for a few more weeks. Zak said NO MORE. And he meant it!"
"FINE." Justin huffs. "Maybe the merchant will wake up and fuck me?"
Oh no he won't. I scowl into the darkness, clutching the blankets hard. I'm not going to fuck Justin or Cody or anyone else on this fucking island. For once I'm going to keep it in my pants.
"You wish." Cody hisses and I detect a hint of jealousy in his tone.
"Fuck yeah I do." Justin says. He lets out soft, excited gasp. "Oh god I bet he'd fuck me so good, Cody! Doesn't he look like a good fuck? I bet he's fucking wild. Mmm. It would be so hard and deep. Mmm, yeah, just the way I like."
"Justin, stop." Cody growls. "Don't talk about him when you're with me."
"Hmm, jealous. Don't worry. I'll let you watch-"
"Fuck you." Cody sneers and Justin snickers.
"Okay, okay, I'll stop if you let me suck your dick..."
"Yeah? Get to it then. At least it will shut you the fuck up!"
Wow. Cody caved. I really thought he wouldn't. I'm both relieved and horrified that he did.
I draw my lip between my teeth, worrying it hard enough to hurt. Oh god. They're going to do it. Justin is going to suck Cody off right here and now and there's nothing I can do to stop them unless I say something which I can't because then they'll know that I've been awake long enough to listen! Fuck!
Okay. Don't panic. I clench my eyes shut tight, desperately trying to block the libinous moans and whimpers behind me as I beg my body to go back to sleep even though I know it's useless. But I have to try. I can't just lay here and listen to them fuck, god damnit. This shit is none of my fucking business and I wish these two were a bit more considerate of the fact that I'm RIGHT HERE. But I guess I can't rightfully blame them seeing as how this is their hut, their bed, their island. And I have no right to tell them to stop. I just hope they put their bed far enough away from mine that I won't you know, get anything ON me…
"Mmm, you're so big, Cody."
"Shhh."
"Stop shushing me! He's not going to wake up!" Justin whispers sharply and Cody lets out a soft moan right after.
The room grows quiet for a moment, the silence ringing in my ears. But I know they're not finished, not even close. I bite my lip harder, pressing my face into the pillow. Please oh god please let me fall back to sleep so I can escape them. Please! Please! PLEASE! I don't want to hear this!
A soft sucking noise fills the air, Cody's breath quickens. Oh god.
The sound turns wet, like a sloppy slurping with too much spit. It stops and starts, a soft squish taking its place every few seconds in a steady, pleasurable rhythm that increases more and more as Cody moans and praises Justin with strained, heated words of encouragement.
Justin chokes. The noise stops. Justin's labored breathing fills the air.
"Mmm, fuck." Cody moans softly. "Such a tight little mouth…"
"Fuck you're so hard, Cody." Justin pants. " You choke me, baby."
"Mmm fuck! Do it, Justin. Choke on my shit."
Woah. I can't help it, my eyes dart back and forth rapidly. Wow that was dirty. Choke on my shit? Heh. I-I used to say that. Do all guys say that? Or just those of us who have a big dick?... I wonder what Samantha would do if I told her that?
"Mmm, yeah, just like that." Cody groans and Justin chokes, gasping for air around Cody's cock again and again, whimpering between breaths...Lucky bastards.
I hate this. I do. But I admit I'm just a tad bit jealous because it's been ages since I was intimate with someone. And I haven't even had a blowjob in over two years or more either because Samantha won't do it. No matter how much I beg she won't go down on me because it's "immoral" and "degrading". Or something ridiculous like that. Thruthfully though? I think she's afraid of my dick and she hides behind her church and quotes scriptures to me on how we can fight our evil needs with the words of God as if that will actually make me change my mind. It never does.
She's just afraid of my body and I could still go for a blowjob and Samantha doesn't have to be such a prude. And I don't say that just because I want to get what I want but because Samantha and I haven't even had sex yet and it would be considerate of her to give me SOMETHING to tide me over, you know? She could at least take the edge off for me with a hand-job or some ball sucking but, nope. She sticks her nose up at all of that and has demanded numerous times that we wait until we're married to consummate our union. Which of course, I don't care for nor do I like the sound of it because she makes it seem more like a business arrangement than a marriage with all her rules and do's and don'ts. But whatever, I love her and eventually we'll be married and I can fuck her as much as I want. I hope. I think I'll go mad if she holds out on me because I can handle going without oral sex but anything else will make my head explode.
Sometimes my whole body aches for attention and release and although I've explained that to her time and time again she continues to fail to see my point or do anything to help me. She just calls me impatient and forces us to wait and that's what we do. We fucking wait.
It helped being sent overseas though. The intense, barbaric training I endured took my mind off of sex for a while because I was too exhausted to even think about it but that was short lived. I mean I held out for as long as I could but I'm a guy and it's impossible not to think about sex, even when you're around a bunch of other men because let's face at the end of the day it we ALL want the same thing: a tight, hot hole to sink ourselves into. So yeah, I tried. But eventually I turned into a perverted horn-dog like all the rest of them and was more than happy to help as we passed around as many naked pictures of women we could get our hands on.
But none of us ever did something like what Cody and Justin are doing to each other. We wouldn't dare. Well, okay, I would have dared when I was younger but I have Samantha now and yeah, you know the rest. I gave my word and I haven't thought about it since. Not purposely anyway… I mean some nights when I lay there with an erection I do but fuck I NEVER get any attention from Samantha so it's not my fault.
It's not like I do it on purpose and when I do find myself thinking about that I chalk it up to being human because I have needs, and because I'm a "sexual deviant".
See, I didn't wait until I was married to try sex and now I need it all of the time because I let the devil get a hold of me and bring these ugly lusts into my life. Or so Samantha says to me when she's pushing me away for the millionth time. And I guess she's right. Because I was a deviant and back then when I was too young to know better I enjoyed every second of it. I'd take a blowjob from a man or woman and not think twice about it. And the sex? Fuck I had some great sex and I'm talking toe curling, intense, primal fucking that yes, okay, I THINK ABOUT IT. I don't remember the guy's name or really what he looked like but the rest? Oh yes. I relive every moment of it during one of my slip ups.
Maybe I'm still a deviant, I'll admit that. But I'm repentant and I've seen the errors of my youth-
"Mmm, fuck, Justin. Right there, mmm, yeah, that's it."
I swallow hard. Oh god. They're getting louder, I-I can't hear myself think. I clench my eyes tight and try to think of a song to hum in my head. Anything's better than listening to them!
"You like it when I deep throat you dick, don't you Codes?" Justin asks and despite my best efforts I can clearly hear the sound of his mouth cover Cody's dick with a wet squish. I shiver. Shit shit shit. I can't think of a song!
Okay. Um. Uhhh…
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you-
"Mmm, fuck yeah." Cody moans. "That feels so good, Justin. Fuck your throat is so tight!"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ….HAPPY BIRTH-
"Fuck! Justin!" Cody cries deep as a soft, wet choking fills the air. I hear the spit, the squish of Cody's dick plunging down Justin's throat over and over.
Oh god! This isn't working!
My eyes open on their own as Cody let's out another elicit moan and praises Justin for his lovely throat. Fuck singing. I wish Samantha would choke on me like that. Or make me feel wanted. Well, okay, it's not that Samantha doesn't want me but she doesn't seem to want me like that. At least, not the same way I want her. But, I'm a guy and we're always horny and want sex so the comparison probably isn't fair, right?
Still, right or not I could go for a blowjob…A really long one that leaves my dick feeling raw and overstimulated and aching but in a good way. Like the last blowjob I received before I was introduced to Samantha.
The mouth was willing and hot, the tongue skillful and precise as it toyed with my balls, drawing them in, suckling on them, nibbling the hot flesh in all the right places. I remember holding their head while they sucked my dick down their throat, my fingers guiding them smoothly along my shaft. God it was incredible. They swallowed and choked and the vibration was intense. Fuck that made my stomach tighten and stole my breath so hard. They weren't the only one choking. But it was so good. They let me ram myself between their soft lips as hard as I wanted, their strong fingers wrapped firmly around my shaft, denying me over and over until I was dizzy and finally they let me come and I shot my load-
Wait. Fuck. What in the hell am I doing?
I tense hard, glaring into the darkness as I take a very careful deep breath and let it out slowly. Why am I even thinking about that shit right now? It's not helping. In fact it's doing the exact opposite because I'm starting to get hard.
I roll my eyes. Jesus. Of course I am. Because it's only the exact thing I don't need right now but of course I'd fuck myself over like this. Of course I'd make this just that much harder for myself because I'm desperately trying to avoid the fact that I'm fucking stuck here and instead of facing that I'm focusing on the islanders and my past sexual experience that in the end lead me to nowhere. I should be thinking about a plan to get my sorry ass the hell out of here but the chances are so slim that I haven't even tried to think of anything. It's like I've already given up.
"Shhhit! Ah fuck!" Cody suddenly groans loud. Too loud. Too CLOSE.
"Cody, shh!" Justin whispers and a moment later Cody lets out a muffle moan.
What the f-that's too close! I frown hard, searching the darkness rapidly. Are they getting closer to me?-!
Why would they do that? Don't they-oh fuck! The blankets are moving! They're being pulled out from under me but I'm too heavy-the perfect leverage?-!
Cody's muffled voice fills the air with obscenities and moans that rumble from his chest entirely too close. I want to look to see where they are but I've waited too long and as I feel the blankets continue to move behind me my stomach tightens. They-they must be-
The blankets grow still. What the fuck?
My heart is racing in my ears, a cold sweat breaking out over my brow. I don't know how much more of this I can take-Shit! Something's touching me! On my side! What the fuck! It's warm, soft yet firm-fuck it's not a something. It's a someone. A hand!
I bite my tongue, holding my breath to stop a gasp as the wide, warm hand on my side slowly slides to a rest just above my hip. It stays there.
My eyes widen. Fuck fuck fuck! Not good! NOT GOOD!-!
The hand squeezes me, its strong fingers curling into my naked flesh, digging deeper and deeper as if telling me to turn over. Oh god! I can't take this anymore!
I start shaking my head and the hand tightens before the fingers sensually glide their way up my ribcage, touching every dip and curve with a purpose. NO! I jerk away before I can stop myself and have no choice but to sit up so I do, twisting around to find the body attached to the hand that fell away but still lets it's mark on my skin.
"What are you doing!" I shout into the darkness of the hut, my eyes struggling to adjust as they make out the silhouettes of the islanders beside me on the bed. My blood turns cold as I scan the scene. Cody's glaring up at me, panting, shaking his head on the pillow that's right beside mine. He's on his back, a hand wrapped around the back of his head while the other swipes at the sweat trickling down his forehead. Justin is almost too hidden to be seen but his head popped out from beneath the blanket, his brown eyes staring up at me in shock from deep between Cody's thick thighs.
Oh GOD! They've been there the whole time!
"What the fuck!" I blurt out in surprise as jerk around and scramble blindly in the darkness to get off the bed, kicking the blankets from my legs and slip backwards onto the ground. "What are you doing!" I say again and can feel my eyes widening with horror as Justin rushes to cover Cody up. He fails and I see everything I shouldn't and jerk my head up hard two seconds too late.
"What does it look like we're doing?" Cody sneers down at me. "Or don't you know what a blowjob is?"
My stomach tightens. Oh god! "Right next to me?-!" I still can't believe this! They were right behind me, just inches away the entire fucking time! And not to mention, "You touched me!"
"It-it was an accident." Justin stutters slightly but his eyes tell me it's not out of fear but shame. He's actually ashamed after being caught. Which is more I can stay for Cody who is silent with his glare so icy and hard it makes me want to shiver.
But I don't. Because that's what he wants.
"Accident? You grabbed my side!" I shake my head rapidly. "Why were you even behind me? What is this to you, some sick game!"
"No. This is our bed too, you know." Justin starts gliding his hands down Cody's thighs as he sits up onto his knees, sighing heavily. "And we thought you were sleeping."
What the fuck did I just hear? Their bed too? I thought this was Cody's bed? I thought Justin had his own-but he just said our bed. Not Cody's bed or his bed but OUR bed.
I shake my head. God damnit how could I have been so stupid? I should have known. "I WAS sleeping." I say breathlessly and without thinking and the look on Cody's face turns dark, or dangerous even.
I break eye contact, looking down at myself as a quick distraction.
Shit. I'm naked.
My head snaps back up as my hand flies out, snatching a lose blanket from the edge of the bed before either of them has a chance to see my shit, my hands shaking as I struggle to get my groin completely covered. Damnit I need my fucking clothes.
"Where else did you think we slept?" Cody suddenly asks angrily with a glare and turns onto his side, propping his head onto his hand, watching me hard. "I told you that this was my bed-"
"Yes but you didn't mention that you two were screwing in it while I'm fucking SLEEPING!" God how does he not see how wrong that is?
"You could always just sleep on the floor." Cody offers and Justin scowls at him before lightly smacking Cody's chest. They exchange a quick look only this time Justin's face is crinkled in a frown, his brown eyes glaring daggers at his friend. "Stop it. You're being a dick."
Cody rolls his eyes. "Whatever." He looks at me again, "It's up to you about how you want to deal with this, merchant. There's only one bed and Justin and I are already sacrificing and risking a lot keeping you here so if you want to complain about the sleeping arrangements, save it. Because we need a place to sleep too and we're not going to divide what little bedding we have just because you're uncomfortable with a little fellatio."
"Cody!"
"No." I stop Justin in a firm tone. Damnit I don't need to cause any trouble between these two or my ass will be out the door quicker than I can spit. "He's right. I shouldn't have acted like that." I say even though I'm still glaring at Cody and wishing I could smack that look off his face. But, fellatio? Awfully big word for someone who doesn't know what a doctor is. Looks like I'm not the only liar around here.
"I'm the one invading your privacy, I get it." I say and look at Justin again. It just feels safer.
I'm right. Justin's eyes are much softer and understanding than Cody's.
"Sure you do." Cody reacts to my looking away with sarcasm that's so obvious he might as well have just come right out and said what he was implying.
Justin's face falls, his brown eyes filling with sadness as if to say he was sorry. I don't know what to say so I look away and I'm glad I did because now I can find my bag. I-I should really just get dressed and get out of here. If I'm lucky I'll have at least one pair of pants and maybe a pair of boots in my bag...If I'm lucky.
"Why are you being so rude to him? What's he done to you?" Justin whispers to Cody but I hear him and reach for my bag. I don't remember if I stuffed any of my pants in it before I went overboard but it's worth a shot because weak legs or not I obviously have to get the fuck out of here.
"We can't just accept him into our home as if he isn't a complete stranger to us, Justin. Don't be so naive."
"I'm not saying we have to let our guard down but you're being a dick to him and it's uncalled for." He slides back a little further with a resentful expression that darkens his already deep brown eyes. "And I'm not naive just because I'm being nice."
"It's okay." I interrupt as I position the bag between my legs. I find the draw string and hastily follow the length of it to the knot keeping everything tightly contained within. I hate having to kiss ass but I can't let myself ruin this, I'd have no place to go. "Please don't argue on my account. I should just learn when to keep my damn mouth shut."
"Here here."
"Cody!" Justin scoffs as he gives Cody's thigh another slap. "Knock it off!"
"No, it's alright, I get it. I'll be out of here as quick as I can so you don't have to treat me like shit just to make me want to leave." I can't believe I have to defend myself about being here. I didn't wash up on this fucking island on purpose. "I don't mean to impose-"
"You're not imposing." Justin says with a reassuring, warm tone. "Cody's just being rude because he's weary of strangers. That's all."
"Yeah," Cody agrees but his tone isn't friendly, not even close. "Especially strangers who claim to be something they're not."
My head snaps up. Our eyes lock in a suspicious, heated stare. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."
"I think you do." Cody sneers.
Cody stares me down, his eyes so clear yet so full of hate. But beneath it, lying hidden within his anger is something else that doesn't belong: misery. Cody is sad. Is it living out here that;s killing him? Is that why he has such a chip on his shoulder? Or did he lose someone or something close to him that took a piece of him away? That would be my guess. He's lost something or someone and it left such a huge void in his soul that even when he tries to hide it he'll never seem truly complete...I feel sorry for him.
I soften my gaze and Cody blinks in surprise, confusion drawing his brow into a deeper frown. He wants me to be angry. He wants me to yell and fight back but I won't. Because whatever it is that he's missing or agonizing over must be eating at him and I'll be damned if I'm going to give him any more of an excuse to lash out at me. I simply just won't make it that easy for him. Besides I think he has enough to hate me for after I just freaked out on them. Stupid.
Justin lets out a heavy sigh. "That's enough, Cody-"
"Fine." Cody looks away, glaring angrily at the smaller man still sitting between his legs.
Justin starts to lean back, sliding his legs out from under himself and quickly glides his small body to the edge of the bed, his feet emerging from the blankets and finding the floor. He looks irritated and yet still apologetic as he props his chin against his hand like before. "Sorry…"
I nod slowly and dare to glance at Cody's who instantly narrows his eyes at me, scowling at me as if I were the worst person he's ever laid eyes upon.
Cody's antagonizing me. But, why? Is he testing me? Does he need to see just how far he can push me before I snap on him and tell him to shut the fuck up? Because he's pretty fucking close to going too far and if I don't get my damn bag open and my pants on I'm going to say something really stupid. Like get my ass kicked out of the hut for good kind of stupid. Only I'm sure Cody will punch the shit out of me first.
I fumble anxiously with the string, almost trembling under Cody's anger glare. What the fuck is his problem anyway? I don't think it's my little freak out that's brought this on because he wasn't exactly warm yesterday either...I'm confused. He saves my life only to treat me like shit? Fuck it's not like he didn't know what he was risking when he pulled me out of the water, he made that choice. I shouldn't be punished because of it.
"What are you doing?" Justin asks.
"I'm just looking for pants. I don't see my clothes anywhere. " I say without taking my eyes off the knot I'm struggling with. I tied it so hastily before jumping from the ship that it's taking me a minute. But I'm almost there, just one more knot.
"We had to tear your shirt off of you," Justin explains. "and your pants were all tattered and torn. Well, what was left of them anyway…"
I nod and keep going, my hands still trembling as I feel Cody continue to stare me down. Asshole.
It's awkward and quiet but after a long moment I finally free the string and the pry my bag open slowly, remembering to pretend like I've never seen it before as I reach inside. I feel around, shoving my arm half way into the bag before I feel the familiar thick fabric of a pair of jeans. Yes!
"If there's nothing in there I think Cody has a pair of pants you can borrow." Justin offers.
I nod again as I start to empty the bag, drawing out a few dark blue cotton shirts until finally reaching my jeans and yank them out.
I unfold them, holding them up as if to check the waist size. This might be stupid at this point but I can't just say fuck it and blow my cover just because I think Cody knows I'm a soldier. I'm foolish but not that foolish.
"Do you need any help?" Justin picks his head up with a smile.
I shake my head quickly, already brining my knees up as I struggle to slip the jeans beneath the blanket.
"Ha." Cody laughs. "He doesn't want you to touch him, Justin. He's afraid you're going to like it!"
"Oh shut up, Cody!" Justin stomps his foot. "I mean it!"
Whatever. Let them argue. I'm out of here.
I ignore them, finally blocking them out as I yank my jeans up my legs, wiggling about until their past my ass and around my hips. Good enough. But I don't know if my shoulder will hold so I plant my other hand onto the ground and tuck my other arm against my body as I bring my knees up and around so I can roll sideways onto them and get up. Fuck I hope my legs are ready.
I come up, unsteady but I stand and force myself to take a step. It's a success. I don't fall. I take another one, and another one, still good. Now where's the fucking door.
I turn, finding the light streaming in through the cracks around the door and all but throw myself against it. I'm not angry anymore. I'm lost. Feeling desperate.
The door swings open, the sun light bursting over me like a warm, humid slap in the face. I start to sway and throw my arm up, shielding my eyes from the sun as a small hand suddenly wraps around my bicep. It stops me. Justin keeps me from falling.
"Hey, take it easy." Justin says in a gentle voice. "You're going to make yourself fall."
"I'm fine." I tell him, yanking my arm away and stumble forward and almost trip as my feet get caught up in warm, soft sand.
Damnit. I need to slow down or I'm going to fall on my face. I wrap my arm around my stomach, prying an eye open and then another and find Justin standing directly in front of me, gazing, his brown pupils bright with in the light of the sun.
"I thought you said you guys had the same preferences!" I snap.
"We do! It's just," He pauses as he glances shamefully towards the hut and then back up at me as if he were just a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar and I'm the authority figure who's going to bust his ass.
"We get lonely out here, you know? We're out here like this for weeks at a time with no human contact but each other and as hard as we try not to let it the need for more can become maddening. So, sometimes we help each other and do what we can." His voice softens as his eyes return to the hut, staying there with that same sad, nervous expression drawing his face into a frown. "We didn't mean to offend you or make you feel uncomfortable. We thought you would sleep through it again."
"Then why did you touch me?"
"I didn't. That was Cody. And it was an accident."
My eyes widen briefly. It was Cody? Shit no wonder he was so defensive. He must have thought I was repulsed by him when he touched me, like I rejected him instantly. Which I did!
"Really, it was an accident. Cody just got carried away and must have forgotten you were there."
Bullshit Cody forgot I was there. The way he touched me-no, the way he GRABBED me was no accident and a part of me thinks Cody wanted me to wake up and catch them. He WANTED me to see them like that. But why he would want that I don't know. Perhaps it's just a sick desire to fuck with me, since he's obviously not my number one fan.
I shake my head. I let it go. I have to.
"Is there another hut-" I turn slowly and take my first look around and it answers my question because beautiful as it is, there's also a whole lot of nothing here too.
The sand is soft, white, and painfully reflecting the sun into my eyes even through tight squinting. I keep going, scanning beyond the hut to the vast ocean. The water is much calmer than it has been, the waves crashing soft and slow and steady against the shore. And it matches the sky, so clear, so beautifully blue and pure. A bright contrast to the already vibrant greenery of the many palm trees and various purple, pink and yellow flowers lining the edges of a sharp tree-line that curves and dips with the shore. The scene is very calming.
But I'm not calm. I take a slow deep breath but it does nothing to relax me. But how can I relax when I see nothing but ocean and trees? And sand. Lots and LOTS of sand.
I shake my head. I'm so screwed. "Is there no other place for me to sleep?"
"No. I'm sorry, there's isn't. This is all we have." Justin says softly. "Cody and I used to sleep on our own blankets but over time that became too painful lying on the ground and we couldn't take it anymore so we piled all of them together and that seems to work enough to get us through. And we didn't think about it until it was too late but we did have the thought to give you your own pile. We just didn't."
I nod silently as I bring my hand up, wrapping my fingers around my mouth and drag them down my rough skin that's more hair now than skin. I could use a shave. And a shower. And a tall drink.
"We could try separating the blankets but I doubt any of us would be very comfortable sleeping on the ground. That is, more than we already are. I mean we don't have much but we might be able to manage." Justin's voice trails off in a shameful, almost embarrassed sigh. He looks away as he draws his bottom lip between his teeth.
Damnit. I can't do that. I couldn't in good conscience take from them what little they have. And I can't put them out any more than I have already. Cody will surely tell my sorry ass to split and I'm in no condition to fight him and after how I just acted I'm in no position to ask anything of him again either. Good job, stupid.
Fuck I could really use a drink.
I turn, slowly, forcing a forgiving smile that somehow I just know Justin needs to see. Something about him tells me he needs the visual reassurance. "That's okay-"
"No. We can fix it if we're making you uncomfortable."
I shake my head. They don't need to change anything, they've done that enough and if I push them anymore Cody's going to throw my ass out.
"No, look. I'm sorry. It's not that I have anything against what you two were doing but," I'm nervous and I find myself wanting to chuckle so I do as I slap a hand around the back of my neck. "You surprised me. I wasn't expecting to wake up to-to…you know, that." I admit I've had better moments. And that's why I can't let Justin move the blankets. I can't stand to let him suffer just because I acted like a complete jackass.
"I understand. It was shocking." Justin says. "We can split the blankets-"
"No, please. Don't do that. I don't want to impose any more than I have already. I can tune the two of you out now that I know to expect…that." I hesitate because it's awkward and a lie but for some reason I can't tell him any different. As freaked out as I still am I can feel my anger fading fast. Actually I'm starting to feel quite foolish.
No. I feel awful. I shouldn't have reacted how I did; like a scared, prude ignoramus who's never been around sex before. And damn could I be anymore ungrateful? I'm lucky just to be here, alive, and let's face it I would be dead if it wasn't for Cody and Justin. And this is how I repay them? Jesus it was just a fucking blowjob.
"...I'm not a bigot." I add. "And I'm sorry."
Justin's head jerk back and he looks up at me with shock widening his brown eyes. It passes in a flash and he smiles as his eyes go back to staring at the crashing waves. "…Thank you."
I nod again and feel myself start to relax. At least one of them is easy to talk to and willing to accept my apology.
"Looks like you're feeling better." Justin says and I'm glad he's changing the subject. "How do your legs feel?"
"Good, good. Thank you. I think I'll be okay to walk now." I say.
Actually I feel a lot better today, even my shoulder and my ribcage. They still ache, slightly. But I can move my arm and take a breath without wanting to cringe because of the pain. I do so and make myself take a step, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips when I don't sway or stumble. Oh yes, this is definitely an improvement. Go me.
"Are you hungry, or-or thirsty?" Justin asks but his eyes are on the hut, his attention obviously focused elsewhere. Fine with me. I need to scope out the area anyway.
I shake my head. "Thank you but if you want to go back inside with Cody I can take a walk. You don't have to stay out here with me-"
"It's fine." Cody suddenly emerges from the hut with a calmer tone and a blank expression as passes us without a single glance in our direction. "We're going to go catch breakfast anyway."
We're doing what? Catching breakfast? What now he's being nice to me again? I frown but Justin nods and smiles, taking a few seconds before stepping aside to follow Cody down the beach.
"You can tag along if you're up to it." Justin keeps smiling, looking back at me over his shoulder with a playful, troublesome gleam in his young brown eyes. "Come on, we'll give you the tour."
My mouth opens to object because the less I'm around Cody the better. But the words don't come out as Justin gives up and jogs ahead a few steps to catch up with Cody.
I guess we're going to go catch breakfast.
TBC